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Recent Entries
Latest Entry
A lot has happened and I know I haven't posted. :,)
Hello, Anime Loves and Otakus, I did not fall off the face of the earth but a lot has happened since January. I love this community but I was not doing well and am still in the middle of it so I'll try to explain and maybe tell you guys the good things about what's happening right now.
So After the winter holiday, it was okay, for some reason my mother was like no you're not going to get your driver's license, and since you talked back to me I'm going to make your life a living hell. I don't like to mention her because she's horrible. She first put me on house arrest like no joke I'm not joking I'm only allowed to go to school and they bring me wherever they go like I'm a little dog. No, it wasn't enough she chose to take away all of my privileges that she thinks is "earned".
Here's a list, they hopefully last until 02/23 but she said she can do what she wants:
No conversing or hanging out with your friends
No devices or tv
No phone calls
No being home alone
There is some more but I forget. Keep in mind these all started because she felt like it. My parents have been divorced since I was 2 but they are on really bad terms mainly due to my father's mistakes and my mother's manipulative tendencies. This causes some friction between all 3 of us mainly because my mother treats me the same way she treated my dad. I'm not saying my mother is bad all the time just most of the time which has given me a complex and some anger issues. She likes to play favorites a lot by favoring my little sister and bidding my stepfather against me when she doesn't like what I'm doing.
The funny thing is they don't have anything planned for me only my father does he set me up for a good future while my mother wants me to stay with her and do house projects, run errands, and watch my little sister. All saying I'll let you live here for free and if you go to school (not saying she will pay for it) I'll pay your car bills. While on the other hand, my dad has everything set up teaching skills and helping me study to make sure I leave this place and have a good life.
On that note, I have not been doing well and my mother seems to think for some reason it's not an issue for she's pretending to ignore it. She keeps egging me on by doing little things that she knows piss me off. All she's doing is "trying" to fix my other health issues which is not even an issue in my opinion. I have a skin condition and I have since I was little. We are doing a treatment that works but she wants me on all these natural supplements that don't even work.
Okay now on to the good!
I might be able to obtain a girlfriend but I don't know, how to navigate that. You see I've always been shy with girls and I have had bad past experiences. I'm kinda enjoying paling around with my friends but I'm also spontaneous and like to do things on a whim. What if she wants more than I can give? I don't want to make banana bread! What if we have to hold hands and be all kissy? Okay, I know I sound like a child but I'm all so dFDFGDFGDfgfdGDFgdffg, you know?
On another note, I've got into punk and have been listening to the Sex Pistols for about a year now, of recent I got into Dead Kennedys, Vicous White Kids, Dead Boys, and Sham 69. I'm also watching documentaries on the Sex Pistols and Sid Vicous.
I went to a couple more conventions and got some cool stuff like DVDs and manga. I recently got into reading High School DxD on one of my friend's recommendations its pretty good.
Thanks for reading see you guys in the next one. I promise to try to get back online more its a bit hard right now.
I'M BACK FOR REALl!!!!!!!!!!!
- 13
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Latest Entry
Sunsets & Sadness
I've had a strange last week-ish when it comes to emotions. I don't really know why I can't get mine in check lately. I feel like I'm going from one moment of extreme happiness to the next moment an hour later to extreme sadness. I probably actually have a good idea why, which confuses me even more, but I don't think I'll get it under control until I figure out this situation. I've spent the last few years not having any type of real feelings for anyone else, and honestly I was fine with that. There was 1 person, and this 1 person only, who I haven't seen in awhile & he never knew how I felt to begin with, but I'm not going to get into all that here lol ~ and then I went and caught feelings for someone, ew.
I was debating telling them until they called me and started telling me about some girl they had just started dating. I don't think I've really felt "okay" since that happened last week. While that hurt I also felt kinda.. glad? After I really thought about it. Mostly because I feel like I'm getting feelings for someone else and those bother me even more because I can't figure out if I really am or not. Also that person lived in Brazil and while we've met once before IRL I always felt like he was just using me for various things and as if I was just someone to talk to when there was nothing better going on. When I look back on it all though I realized I never said *anything* to him at all about anything I felt and basically was just living out whatever I thought we were/could be in my head. May have been a good thing though.
As far as the other person goes, I haven't figured that out yet either, and I feel nothing but extreme confusion with whatever I'm feeling there. I mostly just want to go out into the woods and scream at a tree about it. I don't know how I went from years of being content with just me and understanding that was all it was ever going to be, to being hurt by some idiot and absolutely losing my mind about another guy at the same time. Though neither of them know/knew and odds are I won't tell this other person either. I never know how to confess that to someone so instead I just put up cryptic Discord messages and try to hope they are psychic or something lmaoo
All that aside though I went up to the roof today to think about all this and there was the most magnificent sunset I've seen in a long time
I sat up there watching it until all the colors had gone from the sky. That's what I have pictures of today for this, so I hope you enjoy looking at them and sorry about the rambling.
Piccys below vvv
SpoilerThere is also a short video I took of it:
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