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As I get more and more into anime, I am sure I'll start lampooning something with anime. Right now I could go on and on about how tacky I thought Soul Eater's ending was, how gut wrenching Chrono Crusade's ending was, or how I really despite Hetalia despite the fact it's supposed to be a historical concoction. However, until that time comes - I figured I'd let people get a glimpse of my day-to-day, and my thought process therein.
A historian, that is a Federal Historian (read: Golf-Sierra 0-1-7-0) is rarely "just" a historian. They have functions that reach far beyond that of what you would associate with a historian. It is not my intent nor duty to tell you about those things. However, different historians in different commands or agencies get tasked with different responsibilities. In my case, I fulfill the role as a (as in one of a few) installation historian. In of itself, as a historian in a senior command on any post, that means you get tasked to give tours to the public and to other agencies on the post. That's right, one of your tasks is to be a glorified tour guide.
In my case, that could mean a number of things. Whether you're running people through the post museum, the officer's living quarters, or packed on a bus and blabbering on about the post as you drive around it, you're going to be talking with hopes that they might get ten percent of what you're saying. I've found children to be the most difficult audience. Why? Short attention spans, poor self-discipline, no respect, and lack of understanding. Trying to explain force projection or materiel integration to a 9 year old probably makes about as much sense as explaining geography to a flamingo. The next hardest group is the elderly. This becomes especially trying when all they want to talk about is how "awful war is." I get that ma'am, and I agree, but I don't sign the deployment orders - someone else does, and they also sign mine.
Bus tours can be whirlwinds, and today was no exception - thus the reason I write this pilot entry. Today we bused around twenty-eight Rosie the Riveter's and their families and talked about the role of women workers during the World Wars.
Rosie the Riveter became an American icon in 1942, and has remained an icon for female industrial workers ever since. Originally, "Rosie" was attributed to Women Ordnance Workers or "WOWs." In 1942, this term applied exclusively to women who were working in U.S. Army depots, but by the time the nation had fully mobilized in the middle of 1942 into the beginning of 1943, this term expanded to include any women in the defense industry. That included women working in private foundries, factories, and production lines. As companies such as Ford, Chrysler, and General Motors revamped their production lines to produce more and more war materiel, the number of men leaving their factory jobs for the front lines increased. The result is that many women had to step in to fill the shoes of the men who were deploying.
My grandmother and grandfather were examples of ordnance workers in the private sector. In 1942, my grandmother worked at Indiana Steel Works in Valparaiso, Indiana. My grandfather was too old to deploy - so he too got a job in manufacturing. Indiana Steel produced metal slabs for use in aircraft, tanks, and armored cars. The role of a steel grinder, my grandmother's role, was to grind down smaller and misshapen steel for melting so that it could be molded to a usable shape or form.
For the tour, the Rosie's were packed on buses, and away we went. On our installation, WOW's were employed to manufacture belt links, assemble machine guns, rifle M1903 Springfield's (in World War I) and M1 Garand's (in World War II), aid with the transport of materiel, and even load ammunition. The installation was able to claim many progressive firsts, including the first use of WOW's outside of the office, the first woman to be authorized to drive heavy machinery, and the first installation to hire minority women employees.
The catch for this tour however: it was to be no more than 15 minutes. Sadly, when you have as much history and content to discuss as this, such a tour is nearly impossible. While it was enjoyable to be in their company, I am truly glad to be done with it. Hopefully they at least got a few bits of information about themselves, or others who had not worked at this site in the past. Such is the challenge of all tours...
A character HAS to be relatable to be a “good” character, right? That’s what everyone refers to when they’re criticizing something they don’t like. Conversely, when a show features a relatable character, the show is often praised. This is likely why many isekai characters are average japanese men; moreso, these characters may also turn out to be the “otaku” stereotype, such as Natsuki Subaru from Re:Zero.
Personally, I have much more fun with characters that are only partially relatable. For example, Kazuma from KonoSuba is relatable because of his social incorrectness. Many people would also feel annoyed by Aqua’s condescending nature, but would not banter with her because of her status as a goddess.
Scenes like this from KonoSuba are funny because Kazuma expresses his relatable emotions in an unrelatable way.
Personally, my favorite is the “literally me” archetype. I’m not sure if there’s a solid title or description for these types of characters, but I would describe them as anti-social, quiet characters that solve their problems in unconventional ways. Examples of this include (but are not limited to): Hikigaya Hachiman from OreGairu, Ayanokouji Kiyotaka from Classroom of the Elite, Naofumi Iwatani from The Rising of the Shield Hero, Keima Katsuragi from The World God Only Knows, Kobayashi from Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid, Shiroe from Log Horizon, and Araragi Koyomi from Kizumonogatari. I have also been told that Sakuta Azusagawa from Bunny Girl Senpai and Hotaro Oreki from Hyouka fall in the same vein.
If your anime’s protagonist falls under this category, it’s very easy for me to watch your show. This is most likely why I favor anime over other shows, since this archetype seems to be pretty rare for main characters in western shows. The only character I can think of that fits in this vein is Sherlock from BBC's adaptation of Sherlock Holmes.
My favorites from the above are Hikigaya Hachiman, Ayanokouji Kiyotaka, and Koyomi Araragi. Shoutout to @Muco for suggesting Classroom of the Elite to me; it was an extremely enjoyable show.
Bonus points if your character has angry/bored eyes.
On the other hand, I find it very hard to watch shows with timid main characters. For example, I still haven’t finished Neon Genesis Evangelion or Future Diary, and it was hard for me to watch two seasons of My Hero Academia. I find it fine when the main character develops, such as in Parasyte: the maxim, but even then, these characters are hard to stomach.
Now, I need to clarify: I am not attacking you if you like these types of character. I don’t think that these characters are bad writing, either. Characters that go from zero to hero are satisfying to watch and easy to write and develop.
My liking of "literally me" characters is just that: a preference. What about you? What do you like in an anime’s main character?
Do you like the hothead, like Asta from Black Clover? This type of character is pretty common in shounen, like Naruto Uzumaki and Shoyo Hinata.
Or do you like the bantering type, like Fuutarou Uesugi from Quintessential Quintuplets? This is a fun archetype, more common in comedy anime, but also exists in shows like Clannad.
Maybe you prefer the vengeful type, like Tanya Degurechaff from Youjo Senki.
There's also the A-hole characters, like Jotaro Kujo from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders.
Another character could be the silent and/or mysterious type, like Afro Samurai's main character.
Or maybe you have a complete opposite opinion of me, and like timid main characters, like Deku from My Hero Academia.
Thanks for reading!
About 3 months ago, I posted here in AF asking feedback for a story idea I had. If you haven't yet, I recommend checking it out so this will make sense:
So I went through with it and I finished chapter 1. I followed Archie-kun's advice of starting with a webcomic because it's the easiest. Compared to an animated short.
It's a huge milestone for me as I've never finished making a colored webcomic before. Farthest I got was about 2-3 pages.
It's also the first time I made a webtoon (like a webcomic but different)
I think it's good but it can still be better. There are some mistakes I noticed but it was too late to fix. I will fix them comes chapter 2.
If you have free time and want to check it out (it's a very short read) you can find it at:
Or Tapas: https://tapas.io/series/Founders
How about you? Any creative projects you're working on? Whether it's a webcomic, webtoon, or whatever.
So, it seems for the past 2 years I have been trying to land my dream job (not just preparing for it but applying too). This has been a very very long and painful process, and at this point, I can confess... I have rewritten my resume likely over 150 times in two years...and my cover letters...I have around 120 or so. That's a lot of writing. I remember the Dean of my school once saying "Anyone who claims to enjoy writing is a liar" and I raised my hand and said, "I actually like writing....sir....." Haha! Didn't earn me any points with that guy but ah well. I do love writing stories. I'm still working on my short (the one I meant to be around 15 pages long that has turned into 120 pages and counting) story on the side but writing all of these resumes and cover letters has given me a different perspective to writing. I've even written resumes and cover letters for my friends (I tell all my friends they must expect to spend a minimum of 4-8 hours with me for a resume, and another 8-16 hours for a cover letter - the information you have to drag out of people to write these is insane) and darn....I make those things look great! One of my friends worked as a cleaning lady for around 8 years, and in fast food for another 4 years and I made her resume sound very professional and geared it towards her dream warehouse job with the terminology I used to describe her work responsibilities. Sometimes I wonder though, why it takes so long for me to comb through and improve my own work. I likely turn a blind eye towards my own resume's flaws.
In the past, I relegated updating my resume to a yearly task that I set for myself on my whiteboard in my office on New Years Day (along with all my other goals (you know, save X amount of money in savings, attain this or that certification, pay off that loan) things that I wanted to get done that year that I would mark off as I accomplished them). I'm now realizing that doing this yearly, I probably missed some major additions I could've added before that now are just out of my grasp....not to mention...if you don't use it, you lose it (the magic resume touch that is). Well, I've got the touch now. Maybe I should open up a resume/cover letter writing service, charge people by the hour to do it. At least I'd make money from it. So far I've been just giving it away! I'm also a lot happier with my resume than I can say I was two years ago. It is full of interesting information, not just generic stuff, that exemplifies my abilities and leads to enhancing others. It's all building on itself. I seem to be getting better at displaying pertinent information. It isn't enough to just list the robots I've worked with. Now I'm listing what their functions were as well as the software components. Give the random HR representative a shred of information to understand what it means (HR rep must be the strangest job in the world - they get to pick people who get to see the hiring manager, and most of the time they have no understanding of what the person does or how they get the job done). I'm still at a disadvantage. Studies have shown ambitious men get three times the interviews that ambitious women do, but at least this resume is written proof of my abilities.
~sighs~ Well, back to applying for the dream. Some day I'll get there. Not sure when. If I keep trying though, my ticket's eventually got to be pulled. This cat's not giving up the hunt that easily!
So, I've been listening to a lot of music lately . . . and I've been pretty invested in this one group called, FAKE TYPE. These guys are legit, and their music is actually pretty good . . . no, its freaking epic! I highly reccommend anyone that enjoys J-Pop and wants something to get addicted to to listened to the on Youtube: CLICK THIS FOR THEIR PAGE
Fake Type even has some lore behind their characters, and trust me when I tell you that the Lore between Topham Hatt Kyo and Iwasaki Dyes is beautiful and mischievious, I ain't calling no bull bull!
I also reccommend Yoh Kamiyama's Yellow and Mafumafu's cover of "Snobbism" . . . those two are pretty epic too!
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Today I ran into some pricks that pissed me off so much I wanted to roll up and jaw check them.
Sometimes when your really struggling and keep your struggle to yourself you'll run into a few of these particular people who believe because you struggle or live in poverty your at fault or you made poor choices. They believe they can say whatever they want. Be held to a different standard then working folk.
It's never that simple though.
While its true many people can drag themselves out of the worse situations and when many put their mind to it they can overcome, every circumstance is different. You can't paint one entire brush on a whole canvas. You're not gonna get a different color.
I'm not one for excuses. If I did something wrong I can admit it. I'm the type of guy that won't ask for help if I can avoid it. When I do ask for help-and it isn't often- its a hand up. Not a hand out.
But then you have these group of people who undermine the very meaning of struggle. They're so blessed with people in their life that CARRIED them or could use money carelessly without any repercussions. They'll utilize nepotism and explain to you your faults are the reason you failed in life. Nevermind they have 5 or 7 people in their life to lean on. Those of us that have to brave and endure alone when we have no one. Or someone who needs to lean on US. And when we do take the risk-the chance to reach out- we're looked at as indolent. We working people who barely make ends meet.
I'm really tired of running into these sort of people. Entitled shits who think they own everyone. Or everything.
Quite a few people have to adapt a survival-like mentality just to survive... but i've been told countless times by countless people people are good. You can't adapt a survival mentality and leave room for morality. That's bullshit. Only people who can do that are people who never got their hands dirty.
These people I ran into today. Hell I swear. Their shit must gold.
Once the lymph node in my neck decides to calm it's crap I'll officially be back to my healthy old self. The swelling appears to be going down since I don't have those painful episodes to where I feel like my eardrum is about to explode. The only time I really notice it now is whenever I tilt my head a certain way or lay down, then it wants to scream "Hey, I'm still here!!". Ugh, just go away already, will ya? Doctors told me that they can't do anything for it and all I can honestly do is sleep and take ibuprofen as well as a steady intake of water (Yuck, water??). It doesn't help that my dog and cat want to be a pain in the butt so I have to yell and chase them in order to prevent them from literally destroying the house while my fiance is away at work. I tried kenneling my dog while I sleep but quickly discovered he's an expert escape artist and literally nothing stops him **cries**; even as I type this I have to chase them down. I'm going nuts here, lol. I can tell you for sure that I cannot wait until this weekend because I have a full weekend off. Yes I said it, a full weekend off and guess what? I'm getting the hell out of my house and doing some shopping as well as getting away from work and the animals. Haha, take that you evil doers (And no, I didn't mean to literally call them evil but they are crazy which is driving me insane **exhales**). To be truthful though, I love all of my pets with everything in me and I wouldn't give them up for nothing. They've helped me get through the roughest of times and never let me down; more than any person has done. It doesn't mean however that they don't drive me up the wall occasionally, lol.
Happy New Year hope this new year brings everyone happiness.
Okay so I wanted to talk about an anime called Megalo Box it's the 50th anniversary of a manga and anime called Ashita no Joe. Its a sports anime involving boxing with a twist they use gear to enhance one's ability. I wasn't sure if I would like this sports anime but it was actually really good one of my favorite sports anime's. The world in which they live in only the rich can have citizenship the rest fight to survive. The main protagonist in the story is poor and doesn't have a name but box's underground with his trainer were the throw matches to pay off a debt. Soon though a top notch fighter shows up to challenge and from there the story really takes off. I feel like if I tell anymore it will spoil. The anime really shows the struggle of wanting to show your worth and fighting for something bigger than one's self. It is a definitely must watch with only 12 or 13 episodes.
As the new year begins, what do people tend to say as they strive to accomplish their resolutions?
"New year, new me!"
But in reality, does that ever happen?
Most people give up after a month or two. Or sometimes, people quit within a week. But who can blame them?
Besides, you have to work for the 'new you'. It doesn't happen as soon as the new year starts.
So really, why is there such a saying if no one ever accomplishes it?
People may accomplish their goals/resolutions, but it seems that no one ever actually becomes the way they want to.
Let's say this year you want to improve your attitude or personality. It will take some time, but it's not impossible.
Let's say you accomplish this. Congrats! But do you feel like a new you? Or do you just feel better about yourself?
Maybe it's just me, but the whole "new year, new me" thing is ridiculous.
Let me know what you guys think about the whole thing.
Do you guys believe in the "new year, new me" saying?
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Oh boy. This is going to be hard to talk about...
...or that's what I thought at the beginning, before I watched the first five seconds of this episode. It pretty much spoiled the main gimmick of what made this episode 'special'. In short: it's an interactive movie.
That being said, it's a nice gimmick that's sure to get thousands, perhaps millions of people to finally subscribe to Netflix, right?
Whoopsie! One month free trial. Whoopsie! Cancelled immediately after finishing watching the episode. Whoopsie! So much for the piracy-aversion countermeasure, AKA PAC(man) [an acronym that's surely going to be important during the interactive episode]. Whoopsie!
But jokes aside, it's not a bad story. However, you could definitely feel that Black Mirror has lost its shine ever since season 3, especially when they had to incorporate such a "socially relevant" gimmick to get with the times, when games with choices are all the rage. Being an interactive movie, its central theme is naturally... can anyone guess? That's right - fate and destiny! Definitely wouldn't have seen that coming!
But to be fair, aside from one ending focusing on such a theme (and feeling like something outta that mediocre "Butterfly Effect" movie, a guilty pleasure of mine), it's also mixed with a few other themes as well. Because of our ability to control the actions of the protagonist, the story even goes meta a little bit and delve into parallel realities, and even delusion and insanity. So there's quite a bit of a mash-up of themes here that can feel oddly unsatisfying depending on the ending you reach. Personally, the most satisfying "ending" I reached was the aforementioned one that deals with fate. In the terms of a visual novel, you could even call it "the true ending" since it feels like it's the one that bears the most "closure". Furthermore, it's also the ending that feels the most like an ordinary Black Mirror cynical ending.
So what's my verdict on this? 7/10. Nice gimmick, and a good attempt to improve on the future of streaming services. I do feel tempted to encourage more interactive movies like this in the future, but at the same time, I can also see that it's a very problematic way of writing a story, and can leave the viewer unsatisfied depending on the kind of ending they reached, or the amount of time they spent to reach it. I spent at least four hours just rewinding the episode, hoping to get a happier ending.
Alas, such is not the nature of the twisted world that is Black Mirror.
Footnote: Hype for season 5 regardless! I'm still excited for the new episodes!
*Has nothing to do with anime but i was just bored, feedback is appreciated *
I'll call this "Series A" incase i decide to continue the story at a later date.
Somehow it happened, on a cold day, in a warm room, where the blinds hid any sign that there was more to life than the school i was sitting in. I was sleeping peacefully on my desk, blissfully unaware of whatever my teacher was talking about... things were perfect. I was dreaming of colors. There was no plot, no characters, no setting... just feeling. It was the type of nap that only comes around once or twice a year. The type where you question if your even sleeping.
I awoke with a jolt like a soldier with ptsd... then i scanned the room as i waited for my breathing to slow down. The room is empty, but i could have sworn that somebody tapped my shoulder. Its as if i can still feel their hand there, as if they only moved away a moment ago... i guess stranger things have happened. I pinned it on my overactive imagination and made my way into the hallway. It was empty and in the simplest terms creepy. The red lockers flashed in and out of my vision due to the light at the end of the hall that was having a spaz attack... that was normal though, me and my friends had even nicknamed it the murder corridor because we figured if there was ever i killer on the loose, he'd want to set the scene....Everything was still blurry from my tired eyes and although i kept rubbing them i couldn't seem to get them out of their murky fog. I've never regretted not bringing my glasses to school more than i have in this moment. Then i heard something shatter... glass? I wonder what broke? I start walking down the hallway somewhat frantically, checking the classrooms as i went by... what time was it? Where was everyone? All the blinds were shut so there was no telling what time of day it was, and there was no way i was going to open them to find out. I don't know why... something just seemed off about the whole thing.
Finally, I'm at the main stairs. Its a big spiral staircase in the center of the school and if you look down you can see the lobby four floors away. I feel stupid, like a little kid who's running form their own shadow....whoever is monitoring the security cameras must be having a blast right now. I shake my head at the idea, causing my long braided pigtails to slap me back into reality... I really hope that i don't get killed... its not that I'm not ready to die, i just really don't want to die with smudges mascara and the same hairstyle i wore on my first day of kindergarten... I realize I'm getting side tracked and start running down the stairs, the pitter-patter of my shoes echoing through each floor as i pass it. 3....2....1
I'm in the lobby. I slow to a walk as a catch my breath and make my way toward the door. The sun looks as though I've been looking for it for an eternity. I cant help but kind of smile at myself, at the stupid idea of there actually being a killer on the loose, at the fact that i fell asleep in class and nobody bothered to wake me up. I open the door and feel the rush or fresh air. It feels so crisp and clean, as if I'm taking my first breath after almost drowning. I take my first step outside only to find the earth crumbling beneath me.
The breeze is now hot with flaming embers in its grasp. I'm trying to cover my eyes.... i cant help but look down... I wish i hadn't looked. The earth has cracked and i can see every layer, the most distinct being the lava below me. The heat is unbearable. The air smells stale and brings the suffocating feeling of claustrophobia to my lungs and suddenly i widen my eyes and realize that these are the colors of destruction... suddenly everything slows and the heat subsides to the point where its tolerable. I look up to see the embers, falling like snowflakes, turning to ash before they hit the ground... suddenly i feel like I'm in grade school again. I'm happy and playful and smiling. The crack has almost closed up and i jump over it as if i were jumping over a puddle. I'm on the other side now, frolicking in the ash... I've forgotten it was ash thou, by now I'm convinced it is snow. It peppers my hair in a way that is gentle and kind... its been so long since I've felt so childish, so free. I look up again and as i do so i stick out my tongue to catch a snowflake...it lands... it burns. I feel the fire creeping down my throat and dropping down to my stomach, I'm being burned from the inside out. I open my mouth, only to release black smoke like a chimney and then begin coughing uncontrollably from the flames inside me. In the distance i see a shadowy figure in the window of the school, their watching me burn... i cant see their face but somehow i know their smiling, i cant feel it. I gasp for air in an effort to save myself and suddenly i wake up...
I wake up coughing like crazy in the middle of class. People are looking at me funny. There's a movie on about the civil war and the teacher has stepped out for a minute. Once i finally get my cough under control my best friend leans in to tell me that I've been talking in my sleep for about 10 minutes, and that they didn't wake me because apparently its bad luck to wake someone up during a nightmare... some best friend... at least I'm not dead though. that's always a plus.... This is the story of my first day of high school... this is how i became branded a weirdo for the next 4 years..
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It's been a long time since I've written here in my blog. I really write writing and somehow it's my way of venting out my feelings, emotions and especially my frustrations. Speaking of frustrations let's talk about my frustration about cooking. So if you knew me for like quite some time maybe way back December 18 or something I've written this blog about living on my own in college and so here I am today still unable to cook a single grain of rice for dinner. We all have that feeling heroic moments when you just suddenly woke up from an 8-hour slumber induced by no sleep late last night due to a long quiz that never happened caused by your teacher feeling like, "Oh, I'm not gonna give a quiz today just cause I don't want to." and think that you could do everything you want to do cause you think you're the most capable being on earth. So here you were, washing some rice, readying for your first ever cooking show and humming to yourself while putting it over your rice cooker. You take out your phone taking the most epic picture possible just cause it's your first time cooking rice and its expected in your country to know how to cook rice at the age of 10 and you're already 18 and ambitious enough. You take this little stroll in insta until you smell something burning and this time it's not your hair. It's your nonexistent work of art. You forgot to add in some water and all you had to do was wait for that rice cooker to just say keep warm!
So College life is going well for me aside from the fact that I had to buy my Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner from the Cafeteria. Good job self! You're going to survive it all so come at me life! *notice the potato sarcasm* So if you're having a bad day out there cause you're crush can't notice you, or your being bullied by someone who doesn't really know your true self at school, or you're bored all the time just cause you have all the time in the world and time is your slave or you're just plain frustrated with life's problems and hurdles remember there's a girl out there that is supposedly expected to capable of cooking rice at the age of 10 and is now 18 but still can't have dinner due to her own clumsiness, negligence plain old stupidity. Don't be too harsh on yourself. We learn from mistakes but for me I think I'm going to learn from youtube since Mum's not here. 😛
So, lately bad luck just seems to be stalking me...like a yandere nipping at my heels. Well, now my car won't start. I suppose the silver lining is that I wasn't 400 miles away. Doesn't make the cost to fix it any easier to swallow. This seems to be one thing after another for me. What could happen next?
Guess I am home bound until my husband is done teaching class. At least the kittens are loving this turn of events.
It’s been some time since I wrote here, four months? My presence is fading a bit on AF. But, believe me, it’s been some busy times. There’s been some frustrations, excitements, and of course, some big changes coming my way. I thought it might be fun to share some of that, in case anyone happened to be curious about me (not that I expect anybody to be, but damn, I’d be flattered!) I'm sad to report that all attempts at putting a baby in me have been yet unsuccessful, but heck I’m still trying. I can’t wait to be able to actually break that news for real.
Instead, my latest involvement has been concerning my career, and where I’m taking things from here. Guys, I don’t want to be a dietician anymore. It wasn’t what I signed up for, I just ended up doing it. And although it’s not the worst occupation, it isn’t what I want to do. And I’ve been mulling it over all summer, but I think I owe myself better. I want to take the plunge and shoot for something I love. I need to try and be happy, and I’m feeling good enough lately to put my big girl pants on and do something about it. A few months back, I was offered a job at a dental office, but I ended up not taking it. I just couldn’t see myself back in that position.
I quit my second job. I’m worn out from the unpredictability and I just want to focus on other things. That said, for the first time in like, eight years, I’ll get to work a consistent schedule. And, wouldn’t you know it, I’ve got something lined up. It’s a year or so out, but I am so excited about it I just can’t keep it to myself any longer. I’ve been in talks with one of my brothers (10+ years older than me, grows medicinal cannabis for a living,) and he’s been in the process of marketing himself to some investors. Once he gets enough money together, he’s moving south to start a supply business of his own, and he asked me to come work with him. He’ll even teach me the trade.
Well-paying career? YESS
Something I LOVE? YYYEEEESSSSS
Am I banking a lot on this working out? Possibly. But what the hell, maybe this can be life-changing. What’s not to be excited about? I’ll take the slight pay cut for now. I think I know what’s more important, and that’s my mental wellbeing. Feels good to feel loved. And damn does it feel amazing to break away of my depression for once.
In other news, riding on my good spirits lately, I entered an in-person LoL tournament this weekend, and my team actually placed second. Not. Bad. Not bad at all. The prizes were pretty swell for placing top three, so I’m quite content with the results. I won a new Razer Trinity mouse, Kraken headset (which I’ll probably sell tbh,) some in-game digital goodies, and a cash prize. I even won a raffle prize, which was a TV (ummmm holy sh*t?) More importantly, I met some really awesome people there. Everyone was super cool to each other, and no matter who won or lost, everyone usually came together after their games and gave constructive feedback on their plays. I ended up adding everybody I played against and felt like I made some new friends. Overall, it was an exceptionally fun experience and I’m so glad I got to compete, even if I was the only woman playing.
And now, for the… bad news…
It’s getting cold here again.
So here we are, Panic! at the disco's High hopes MV. Lets get into it, shall we?
Okay, so the video starts off with Brendon stepping out of a car (0:07), well-dressed as usual. His exit from the car is timed perfectly with the music and is the perfect time for his reveal. When first the words "High, high hopes" are sung we can see the camera moves upward and focuses on the sky-scrapers; this makes us think of how high sky-scraper's are immediately and prepares us for the rest of the MV very well, a great start.
The on-screen text fades but not before we see it pass behind Brendon (0:23), this serves better for the camera angle chosen seeing as otherwise we would merely see the tree behind Brendon; simply, it is more aesthetically pleasing. While Brendon sings "High, high hopes" we can see that he is looking upward, again, its the small things that make all the difference, this was very well choreographed.
As Brendon sing the line "I was gonna be that one in a million" (0:32) the shot is just perfect, with the people passing him by right in front of him and the cars and numerous people in the background it really shows how many people their are, yet he is still the main focus of the shot standing precisely in the middle of the shot; perfect.
As Brendon walks down the side-walk we can see him getting shouldered by many people (0:37); we can attribute this to the many hard-ships he has faced (many of which we can see in "Hey look ma, I made it") such as losing his other band members and many more hardships. We can see he is distressed as he turns around because it is written all over his face yet as he continues walking he takes yet another shoulder, this time however he does not look back at all and yet continues walking forward confidently; this shows us that he has taken control, he doesn't care what people say or what hard-ships get in the way, he is doing this. As the lyrics state in "Emperor's new clothes", "I see it, I want it, I take it" and as Brendon said in an interview on said song: "I wanted a song that says, 'this is mine. I do what I do because I feel that its my right. I own this, and I've earned it, and I deserve every bit that I put into this work". This is the kind of transformation I feel like we are witnessing in the music video for High hopes.
At 1:03 when Brendon sings the words, "Momma said, don't give up" he looks upward at the towering building before him, obviously symbolizing the challenges he would have to face in his career; Brendon looks intimidated at first but immediately gets down to it and begins scaling the building just as the Chorus breaks in again, simply fantastic!
The entire scene of Brendon's walk up the building is fantastic, this MV fits perfectly with the Lyrics and is just really beautiful to watch. As Brendon nears the end of the climb he slips and nearly falls (2:13) just as he start's singing "They say its all been done but they haven't seen the best of me", he then conquers the climb and makes it to the top of the building, solidifying his victory and new beginning. Again, just wanted to point out how wonderfully choreographed and performed this MV was, Brendon could honestly be an actor.
After he has reached the top of the tall building till the end of the video (just as the whole video was) is perfect. We can see his logo stapled atop the building, I believe this tells us he was always destined to make it to the top, like his momma said "Fulfill the prophecy" he has done it and accomplished his destiny.
Okay guys, so that was a rather quick and to the point review, I hope you liked it! Feel free to comment below and be sure to appreciate the beauty around you so you will realize just how beautiful your day truly is! ~♥
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Hi to all! Ever heard of the game Black Desert Online? It's one of the most visually stunning MMOs that came out. Recently the remastered update was released wherein the game has been improved on once again.
This MMO is a buy to play game; it means you need to buy one of their "packages" so you can have full access. I had bought the most affordable (read cheapest lol) package they have and so far I am enjoying myself. I hope you get to try it too. I encourage you to give it a try. It's free to access right now until the 5th of September.
Now while I am gushing about this game, like all else, there is no perfect game and there are also flaws that I would be discussing on. If you have some insight, please feel free to share it to me, too.
So here we go. I'll keep it short and sweet. 🤩
Graphics: 3.5 out of 5 stars
As I said above, it is visually stunning, especially now that the remastered update was released. The world (and Black Desert Online is an open world game so you can expect it to be quite wide) is lovingly rendered that you can waste time just admiring the scenery. The characters and costumes are well detailed too. In fact, you can design your character to look like a famous character. This may eat up your time when you're designing your ideal husbando or waifu. Lol
With that said, the remastered graphics will only work with high-end PCs. So if you're using a potato PC (I find that expression cute 😂) then you might want to think twice about upgrading. The graphics can be intense at times too and I find my eyes watering from time to time. 😎
Audio: 4 out of 5
The soundtrack is simply amazing; sometimes I just close my eyes and listen. Depending on the situation it can be relaxing (during peacetime) or adrenaline-pumping (during battles).
Gameplay: 3 out of 5
Battles are dynamic; skills can be done by pressing a combination of keys (shift + right click for example) or you can be assigned to a skill slot (press 1 to throw a bolt of lightning).
Grinding exists here too! Yes, there is no escaping the grind, no matter what MMO you are playing. The good thing about Black Desert is there are a lot of things to do: I go AFK fishing while reading a manga or watching an anime at times. I can go on a joyride on my horse or boat, I can stay at home and cook food.
Quick warning: in-game currency has weight. So your character cannot be a walking storage with a hundred or more silver coins inside the pocket. You have to store everything in the warehouse which is available in every town.
Cash shop: 3 out of 5
Yes, there is a cash shop too. Games need to generate revenue too or else it will close. While Black Desert Online is not blatantly "pay to win" (there is no uber powerful weapon in the cash shop that I can buy with a swipe of the card) there are items, pets, and costumes that can make life easier. Not necessary as you can go by without it (like I do) but yeah who wants to tough it out?
Enhancement system: 2.5 out of 5
Like every MMO game, you need to enhance your equipment. While Black Desert Online is forgiving (your armor and weapons won't go bye-bye if you fail to enhance, but the durability drops) it's still a pain to enhance your gear to the level that you want. Like all games, you have to farm for the materials. Keep a pad of Stresstabs near you.
Story: 3 out of 5
Very linear, rarely any plot twists, can be skipped if you just want to grind but not recommended as completing a certain storyline or mission will give good rewards.
Overall: 4 out of 5
While not flawless, I would still recommend this to all my friends. You can get satisfaction just about everywhere, whether if you like battling against monsters, engage other players in duels, or just admiring the overall scenery and ambiance.
Haha, wow. That was both extremely embarrassing and extremely relieving. Sorry for all of that emotional stuff. I just didn't know where else to put all of that stuff, you know? And I'd rather not delete them since they're a part of me. But now that I'm all cleared up, less emotional, but still kinda there, I feel like I can come back to this. Think things rationally, you know?
And you guys guessed what I'm most likely gonna talk about! And you're right. It's the break up. Big surprise, right? Hehe, just kidding. I guess I should've seen it coming.
After being a total mess for the past week, today marking the day I was dumped, I can say it got better. Just today is not one of my days, you know? Today really took its toll. Its not that I feel like, completely emotional, just ah, well, completely numb. Or half numb. Like you can still feel the pain, but it's fuzzy. Kind of like looking through sea glass.
And the reason he broke up with me was well, because he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. Said he wasn't mature enough to make every decision rationally. And he was right. He can't. and we've been facing that problem since our first fight. It still hurts, though, because I feel like I could have done something differently to change the outcome. Done something more or less of to make him stay. And then I have to remind myself that nothing I could've done would've made him stay, just because he wasn't ready for this. But there's just a part of me that says if I didn't ask him to open up to me, that if I just joked around, things would be different and he would stay. Then I have to tell myself yet again that it would've just terminated the relationship even sooner. I'm not in a good place, and I need to talk to someone. I can't talk to a brick wall constantly.
And you know, that went well for a while. Him opening up. He did that after our first fight, and I thought things would only go well from there. It didn't.
I should've seen all of it coming, but I think I was too goddamn in love with this guy to ever realize that he just wasn't ready, and i couldn't change that. Because I can't just joke around and do nothing. I need to talk to someone. Have deep conversations with people, you know? I just need to talk about feelings with people. And... And I guess that wasn't for him. It wasn't ever for him. And that hurts so much.
But I didn't notice it at the time. I really, really did think things were turning up, and he became what I thought was my best friend. He made me feel so comfortable, so... so special. So safe and secure. I could trust him with just about anything. And I thought he could trust me with anything, tell me everything he wanted and felt like. Especially since I told him to communicate with me, trust me, in the beginning of the relationship, to set a good foundation. So I really did think that he was telling me everything, that he wasn't lying or not telling me stuff that he should be. Turns out I was wrong. And I should have known.
It hurts more because like I said, I trusted him with just about everything. And I felt like that was okay with him, because he always reassured me that he wanted to be there for me. That he wanted me to lean on him for support. And that made me feel so damned secure and safe. But the thing that he said that really sealed the deal was what he said after a fight we had. I don't remember what the fight was about, or what I said, but I remember him saying that, "It's okay. I'd rather have you tell me that you're angry up front than let you build and bottle it up while I stay oblivious." That made me feel like I could really tell him anything. Even the problems I had with our relationship (which, of course, I'm supposed to. It just made me feel even more comfortable). Everything just felt so... so right. He would always say things like, "Hey, I want to help you. Please tell me what's going on," "I'm always here for you," "I don't want you to bottle this all up. It's not healthy." or, "Why didn't you just call me if you're having trouble sleeping?".
That made me feel so happy. It was like someone was there for me after a really long time. Like someone was genuinely there. I didn't feel uncomfortable, i didn't feel like I was pushing myself to tell him anything. And since he told me all those reassurances, I really thought it was okay to lean on him whenever I felt bad, or when my depression had just gone to shit, because no one else was there. I didn't feel like anyone else cared but him. I always asked if it was okay. And he always said it was okay, so I thought it was okay. Big, big surprise: It actually wasn't. And I didn't find out until I asked him about it until after the break up.
He told me he felt like I took advantage of him and his kindness. And that did something to me. I remember hanging up and feeling like such shit, like such a shitty human being. Feeling like I manipulated him without even knowing, feeling like such a piece of shit and wishing I wasn't me, wishing I was anyone but me. I felt pathetic and horrible and crappy. I felt like I hurt him, and that I was the worst person to ever exist. I wished I wasn't so depressed, so needy, so freaking weak, I wished I didn't have to lean on him. I cried for the rest of the time.
I told my mom about it, asked her if i really was capable of taking advantage of someone like that. And... she told me something that stuck with me. She said that he's just manipulating me to make me feel like complete shit because he feels like complete shit. It's silly, right? I don't wanna believe it. I don't want to think that my best friend would do that. Manipulate me to think that. But now, now I'm starting to really think that he did. And that hurts me, scares me. Because now it feels like everything he ever said wasn't true. That he never really cared enough to actually be honest with you, to really want to be there for you, and damn, man. That hurts. Why would you lie to me about caring? About wanting to be there for me?
But that's not the only hurtful thing I found out from that phone call.
There were so many horrible truths - or lies, honestly. Who knows? - that I found out from that phone call.
Another was when I asked him if it was hard, if he still missed me sometimes, he said he didn't know. Damn, that hurt. It hurts when you hear someone you miss so fucking bad, someone you loved so fucking hard, someone you gave so much to hear that they don't even know if they miss you. It's like tearing open your heart with a rusty knife. Goddamn did that fucking hurt. The best part about this? I ask him if it's hard for him to let go, too. If he's scared, just like me. If he's scared to let every single memory of us go. All of the inside jokes, all of the conversations, all of the kisses, all of us, everything that made us, go. Of course, i never said that. I just asked him if he was scared to let go, if it was hard for him, too. And he told me it wasn't He said he was ready to let go of everything. He told me not to be scared, that I should be ready to let go, too. And something about that, man. Something about that just broke me more than everything he said and did. He was so special to me, so fucking amazing and great and awesome and just, God, so amazing. He used to be so good to me. And he would always tell me that he wouldn't know what he'd do without me, and I would say the same thing back to him. And now, now he's just ready to let us go like it wasn't anything. Like we hadn't medicined each other for the past few months.
I guess I should've known that he was ready to let go. That he was just done with us, that he didn't care anymore. He couldn't even face me when he broke it off. He called me. Couldn't even turn on his webcam to show me his face when he broke up with me. I had to ask him to do that for me. I should have known that I wasn't worth that, even though I felt like I was. Especially after everything I went through with him. But I guess I need to just face it - that I wasn't good enough for him. And it hurts to think that.He couldn't even tell me up front. I had to wait a day for him to call it off. And it was because he was tired and didn't want to waste data. I spent data on him all the time so that our calls wouldn't lag out so much (my wifi is absolute shit). God, man. i don't know. I really thought he was my best friend. I shared so much stuff with him. All of my favorite things with him. And I just thought that.. thought i could let every single wall fall down. I felt like we'd be together for a while. Maybe not forever, but a few years. I was that comfortable with him. Everyone thought we would be together for a few years. And.. and again. It's only five months.
Maybe the only thing I'm really good for in relationships is physical pleasure. Maybe that's the thing that I'm built for. My only purpose. Because I clearly can't do the rest right, no matter what I freaking do. Sometimes I feel like my best will never be enough for anyone, because it's just that shit. that I'm just that shit.
I just thought he was really different. But maybe that's because I went to a catholic school, in which I had about 20 other people to choose form that I've known since third grade. But he just felt so damn different. Everything felt so different. And I'm starting to wonder if he's just... not. If he just wasn't.
I feel so broken. More broken than before I met him, more broken that ever. I'm terrified to trust people even more than I already did. I'm more scared that the people I already have in my life will just abandon me. I'm scared of everyone leaving me more, now. More than ever. I feel like no one really cares, or ever cared, except one person. I'm so scared that that one person, that one fucking person will leave me, too, just like everyone else. And I'm just so scared. I'm always so scared nowadays, and it upsets me how scares me - just everything.
I'll continue this some other time. For now, I'm both exhausted and still badly hurting. I'm scared it won't stop, haha. But I have to be strong. gotta be strong for myself. Just gotta be strong.
Hey, so as people may know, if they've read my last (and first post) I have a girlfriend. As such, we have problems that come up and to make it worse, we are a long distance couple and we can't see each other in person much because of transportation issues as of now. For a while, it has kind of been causing both of us stress... and i'm not to sure how to go about this. For me, I want to continue this relationship and all, but it just makes me... stressed. I just don't know how to go about this and such. For whoever reads this shit storm i just typed up, thanks for reading.
I'm back,😄 & this time I will try not to forget about this blog. I do apologize on behalf of my absence for last 2 months, long story short I procrastinated.
So no need to worry I'm still alive, I just want to update you guys on the last two months I've been gone. First, I quit my job, I got a new job as a server at a restaurant. And I'm in summer school for math, I just suck at math in general. And most importantly, I plan on coming back and posting more.
Trust and believe I will be back, Peace. ✌️
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So what I am going to talk about in this blog I think we can all learn something from it. And I don’t really tell people this story but I thought why not as it might be useful for some people. Also this is my first blog so mind the grammar
My life up to midway through high school has just spiralled down to darkness. Yeah high school was very dark times for me. So how did I end up down there I will tell you now. I am not there now so relax
Firstly when I was about 8 I came to England with my family only because most of my Mumzy’s relatives were here also that I could experience better education. I left my country my dad left his parents there and I left my friends there. Of course over time my dad started to loose his temper because he felt bad leaving his parents. But the only reason they allowed us to go so I can get good grades. Yeah that was a lot of pressure I felt throughout my school life. Everyone had high hopes for me.
During my primary school I was the smartest in the class so education didn’t concern me. What really concerned me was I started realising we don’t have much money. Everyone in my school had cool stuff and I felt left out as I didn’t have any. My parents used to say it’s waste of money but I had realised we were on a budget. Towards the end of primary school I realised we live in a council house my dad had troubles with Work and it was low paying. He couldn’t get a good job as they didn’t ‘want to’ accept his foreign degree.
We were pretty poor as our house was squat we didn’t have anything good and etc. This got worse when my Mumzy gave up on Work. There was a time when we were homeless for one day then were given a house.
All this being poor being treated differently and the pressure of getting good grades is what made me switch to the dark side as I started to crave for money. Now I am in first year of high school. This high school was a bad place to be as they were bad people here. This is where I heard about making money through drug dealing. I manage to make friends but not the good ones. They were loyal but they also talk about gangs and drug deal but we were all still ignorant then. This made me peak my interest in gang culture. Overtime us friends started to get our hands on some drugs. Some of my friends were already dealing as they’re brothers was a big shot.
It was year nine when my arrogance was at its peak. Before year nine my parents used to think I was a good boy as I did everything behind their backs. My dad still working hard so I have a comfortable life for good education. But In year nine I started living the thug life. Making Money, looking tough and fame was all I was. Bunking school so I can deal some drugs, smoking in schools field with some of my friends bringing thoes sort of things to school. And one day I went so far to bring a pocket knife to school (don’t ask why). I got caught with the knife and several other things like a vape and liquids and a roll up tobacco. My parents got called into school and this is where I started to realise the things I was doing was bad for me and my parents. In that meeting my Mumzy cried and my dad was dissapointed and upset. I could tell It was in my parents mind that what was my child doing all this time (as they did constantly ask me if I was okay). Also asking themselves How ignorant could we have been. This made me realise the actions I took had a big effect on my parents as they love me enough to give up their own well-being for mine
After that I stoped smoking and dealing and tried to get my grades up as they had fallen below 0. I still hanged out with some of my friends who didn’t smoke or deal but they still were very bad people as they liked to fight and do gang things but they we’re still loyal friends. I still acted like a thug but slowly I had started to mature. I started hanging out with my friends less and less because my uncle gave me soo much knowledge and wisdom I had grown soo mature. I started to see the world differently.
However, The event that completly changed me into a good warm person was in year 10. I was hanging out with my friends In the evening. We were walking in the highstreet and one of my friend saw a homeless guy just smiling at him. Forsome reason that smile of the homeless guy pissed my friend off so he went up to him and started to throw food at him then skittles and encourage the guy to fight him. All the homeless guy did was just smile whilst food and skittles were getting thrown at his face.
I looked at that homeless man and realised how privileged I am. He looked like someone’s dad and he was homeless. This showed me people are in a worse situation then me. I can’t imagine to feel the amount of pain he feels and he shouldn’t get treated like this. I was once homeless for a day and didn’t feel good at all he is homeless for a long time. He is also all alone in the street side not bothering anyone he has nothing nobody he is nothing to the society and he’s just smiling after all that. His face gave a hint of peace something I was not in I have been soo irritated for all my life but I shouldnt have I shouldn’t have hated everything. He is homeless but he is in a better overall mood than me. He does not want to deal drugs make money do other very bad things to smile he is just smiling.
Then my mind had shifted and realised the homeless man was getting treated like an animal by my friend. Is this how we humans behave. Was I really friends with this parasite. That time so much anger and sadness was boiling up within me I just wanted to beat up my friend but i just resisted and just waited for him to leave so after that I sat down next to the homeless man. And we just talked and he was a very nice person. He had more knowledge of everything than me. His life story and his ideals made me cry a little. This also had shifted my perspective of the world dramatically.
After that I was always nice. Giving money to homeless and not in greed with money. I start saying money comes and goes. My dad got a very high paying job though some links and we got a new house. Life In general has improved soo much especially my dark side which, infact I didn’t got into much detail, to a nice person. This also had made me very social. I Made new friends But I don’t think I could ever make as loyal friends as those ones I had. They have also changed a lot but still no to them as they still kind of get in trouble with minor things.
And now I am just trying to keep my parents happy as I have caused them soo much pain in the past. Acctualy everyday I tell my Mumzy sorry and how much i love her. This is because she showed the most sadness and me and my dad don’t talk much.
There was a lot of things I missed out. If this was useful or interesting to you then I might re write it with everything in it and making more sense.
And again sorry for the grammar because I was writing as I was thinking. Soo I don’t forget things.
And yeah this is a conclusion of part of my life. Now I am just living life to the fullest.
Wow, it’s been some time since I made a blog. Things have changed a lot since then, I met new people and made some new friends. And lost some along the way but hey that’s life. Anyway my life has been a bumpy ride, I had a job and got fired. I went to a fan con last year, I had tons of fun!
I also had a crush on someone, we tried it out but it didn’t work. Also someone told me she liked me but I turned her down because I had feelings for someone else. Yeah romance hasn’t been going too good for me. Maybe one day i’ll find someone special.
My mental health has improved greatly since my little incident back in 2017. I nearly died from my own hands but I got help and got better slowly. I still have dark thoughts rarely but I just ignore them. I’m just happy I decided to stay you know. Mental illness effects anyone.
Lastly I just wanted to say i’m happy I found this place, I know i’m not here and don’t post often. I want to work on that since I consider some here friends, I feel they need my time because that’s how friendships can grow.
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