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    Events like that makes me excited even if i have to wait in long line but still worth it just to see cosplayers,watching contest like battle of the bands,eating contest cosplayer competition,buying a few merch and our con tends to get international guest cosplayer but the meet and greet has separate payment ,we also have guest performer too ,mybe someday i will be back to experience it. 

    Some of the anime merch i bought before sorry for my pic bad taking quality17834812_415046095534528_2484815560519260369_o.thumb.jpg.32e7c34cc75678f7e52475245b89e633.jpgIMG_20190822_095337_116.thumb.jpg.79bd8a36324a4775848f652c260e2668.jpg

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    "...Ya know, it's kinda strange to think how they change like we do, sat up there, doing whatever stars do... Kinda poetic, dont'cha think?"

    Silence answered him, accompanied solely by the gentle sway of the wind and the drab tones of the crickets he had grown accustomed to during the long nights of restlessness.

    "Heh, you never were one for talkin. Nor where ya ever really one for ramblin...But I can't help myself, not now. How did ya do it, all these years? Go through all-o-that with nothin but a grunt and the odd evil-eye? Heck, I remember when we faced that big-ass bear when I was little, and it took a massive chunk outa your arm, yet ya still managed to scare it off without so-much as a tear on ya face or a curseword or nu'ing..."

    Trailing off, he gently brushed the short, mangled hair beneath his heavily brimmed hat, leaning back against the wasteland floor to stare up into the night sky.

    "...maybe you were just doin it for oll ma. Maybe for me. Heck if I know...."

    Turning his head, he faced the shallow grave beside him, it's loose dirt darker then the rest of the surrounding landscape. The gentle outline of stones surrounding it's borders only disrupted by a small pistol and hat placed beside it, Allong with a bundle of wild-flowers picked that morning.

    With wet eyes and a small, meek smile, he sighed.

    "...I'ma miss you, Pa..."

  1. Recently, I got approval from my security advisors to begin writing on a 1960s era weapons platform.  It will comprise of a single component of what will eventually be my dissertation.  It isn't so much that the platform is sensitive material, rather than I'm just getting in the habit of working with my security guys.  After all, my career is young, and there may be times down the road when I need a more rapid response to an inquiry than "in a few weeks."  

    This past weekend, I wrote up a short writeup on the project for my other blog.  It's pretty standard for me to want to put out as much information as I can on any subject, and this other blog entry was to be an exercise in the examination of research material that was already out there at large.  However, with any kind of research comes the classic problem: narrowing your search.  Lo and behold, two and a half minutes into this exercise, I have several other search queries with several other search terms input in the fields.  

    "We can't talk about X, without talking about Y, and talking about Y doesn't make sense if you don't know about C, and C is part of project D that was designed to replace platform A which predates project M."  But it gets worse: "Project M has three sister projects that were referenced in X, which didn't make it to production and were instead used in project Z which then went on to be O."

    explain.png.d31c58640d92fb569a6a3055fc544cd7.png

    We all like to joke about how this is a meme.  However, in the world of research it is an absolute fact of life.  A coherent thought is what begins here, though you wouldn't notice it if you aren't accustomed to the process.  Why?  Well, it looks like this.  Which is fine and all to a researcher, but the real world isn't interested in X, Y, C, D, A, M, Z, or O.  They want to know A, B, C and/or X, Y, Z.  How they get there is inconsequential to them and the responsibility of the author or presenter.

    So what is a rabbit hole exactly?

    A rabbit hole is the terminology we use to define the path that leads to a "hairball."  A hairball is essentially what that well known meme is depicting - a bunch of lines connecting topics, thoughts, books, papers, research, theses, and commentaries.  You could think of a rabbit hole as a first-draft, or an early stage annotated bibliography, where the hairball is the collection of the topics assembled into a muddled up mess on paper.

    What is the real world practice of this?

    The project that I am working on is on a key-note weapons platform that eventually did go on and get used in the first stage of a modern-day system.  None of those systems are used anymore, which is why the topic was approved.  However, within that line of thought there are over 35,000 independent systems that went into the project, 14,000 contracts, and over 60 different projects that grew from it encompassing over 150,000 systems and contracts combined.  And no, a security review wasn't done over the rest of those.  Sadly that means that while I have the approval for the one, I still don't have the freedom to move around like I should be able to in order to conduct the research as necessary.  So goes the plight of a researcher.

    So too goes the definition of a rabbit hole.  Lucky you, you just read a blog entry on research (of an ambiguous weapons system) on an anime forum.  Sorry tinfoil hatters, there's nothing groundbreaking that will be in here.

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    Crevanille
    Latest Entry

    I remember the days when all you had to do was worry about going to school and watching cartoons. Your elementary teachers who gave out hugs as much as they gave out candy and good advice. Maybe you had some homework that you threw off for awhile or it was easy and you got it done right away. Your teen celebrities that you had a crush on growing up. That summer camp you went to as a kid. When the only real issues you had to deal with was offline bullies and chores that you didn't really want to do but you did anyway. Friends you'd make. Or didn't make. Authentic people who truly cared about you and you them. 

    Now everything has changed so much. The teen idols you grew with are either on drugs, considered obsolete, or dead. Rent and Bills are your indefinite companions. Bullies are now cyber as well as tangible. People seem either fake or unconcerned. Cartoons you grew up with as a child are considered old school. Music now sounds the same with no variety. Losing so much now than you ever have as a child. And now using nostalgia as a way of coping with a horrid future. 

     

    I miss the way it was.

     

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    Before my friends and I started watching anime we were just people who would play sports everyday talk and so on we didn't do much in our lives really...

     

    Until one day my friends came back with a happy look one their faces different then most days they told me they watched something called "Anime" they began telling me how it was like how amazing and how amazing it was. Later that night I decided to watch anime for myself so I did I watched Totoro once I finished watching the movie it felt like i changed into a whole new person. The next day I told my friends I watched anime from their we found different new amines together such as
     
    Totoro

    Fairy tail

    Naruto

    Boruto

    Angel beats

    Attack on Titan

    Tokyo ghoul

    My hero Academia

    Promised Neverland

    One piece

    Dragon ball z

    Pokemon

    Your lie in April

    Kimi no na wa

    and many more I have to say anime has brought me closer with my friends and has taught me so much like to all ways follow your dreams the life of a human sorrow and much more.

    I'm really glad I started watching anime when I did now I know over 100 anime's. I'll continue to watch anime as there is so much more I still haven't watched yet!

    Anyway that's all bye image.thumb.png.573fed831f0203f64f5ac47a78a5da34.png

  2. In case anyone was coming here hoping to find useful information, turn around, I am not an expert in this subject matter, just thoughtful insights here. If you're looking for someone else's perspective on this subject, well hello! You've come to the right place.

    I wanted to share my thoughts on mute characters in writing, because until recently I hadn't even considered the possibility of a mute character in a story, or even in life for that matter. Not that I'm consciously noninclusive, it's just that I can only recall one instance where there was a mute person I've been exposed to, and it was in a movie that I watched. She was a very beautifully done character with loads of personality and a huge impact on the story, and it was because she went through this huge change, overcoming her struggle with trusting, and being afraid to the point of not speaking, that the story was so beautiful. However, she only did this because of the help of the other characters in this movie. These characters were also given the heroic honor to notice this young character and help her life change for the better when they could have easily left her alone and chosen to ignore her entirely. She was mute, she wasn't a squeaky wheel asking for attention, yet they chose to take the time to get to know her and to help her, and this made their characters better too.

    The point: mute characters take more effort, but they can be worth it.

     

    Since starting the RP "The Harmony of our Hearts" with @Nova who requested that there be a mute character, I have been concerned that I may have bit off a bit more than I could chew. I was thinking, how on earth will I be able to role play this character, when she can't speak.. What will her contribution even be? I'll admit, its been pretty tough to pull this off, and I hope I'm doing okay, and not creating a character that no one wants to be around... But the thing is, if mute characters take effort, then the other characters in the story will just have to take the time to understand and help my character to truly flourish again.

    The premise behind her being mute is pretty rough, but basically it was from an accident that she witnessed or perhaps somehow feels to blame for. At the same time, her best friend Kagura is unhealthy, and is prone to getting injured, being around her makes her remember this accident. So i'm hoping that I can eventually rebuild this characters strength and overcome the anxiety and the fear underlying her condition.

    Communicating with these characters in the story has been challenging, mostly I will be doing facial expressions, body language, and as I recently mentioned in the story, texting other characters. I don't want to add telepathy, because I feel like this story isn't going to include these types of abilities. It's more of a love story, so perhaps Sofias desire for the love interest, or even his future involvement with her will help her to heal and we can see a massive change in the character as the story reaches a climax.

    Anyway, I hope you've gotten something out of this, or considered mute characters for one of your future stories. Let me know in the comments if you've got any creative ideas for Sofia to be interacting with her friends in this RP.. I'll give you the link below. Looking forward to it.

     -Seshi

     

     

      

     

  3. Yanushi-Chan
    Latest Entry

    Greetings and Salutations lovelies,

    After hibernating in the hyperbolic time chamber, I have returned! There is so much going with anime, that I am dumbfounded as to where to start! Tell me what's going on in the anime world, what's new? What's back? What do you like so far? What should I look into?

     

    Your friendly neighborhood Weeb Witch,

    Yanu ❤️

  4. So I have an anime website called Anime Gauge. It basically scores and ranks anime similar to the Billboard Top 100. It's different from other websites like MAL and Ani DB because the score is taken from reviewers all over the internet. Resulting in a more comprehensive score. For example a MAL score is just from MAL users. Ani DB scores are just from Ani DB users. And so on. Also, Anime Gauge takes scores from MAL, Ani DB, IMDB, Anime Planet and pretty much every major anime website. 

    About 2 months ago I started thinking maybe I should add anime recommendations. To help users find new anime to watch that they would really enjoy. So I posted a blog entry and got some awesome feedback. Thank you to the people who commented on that post.

    The biggest issue seemed to be the "recommendation" itself. It seemed that in other anime sites, their recommendations were contributed by users. Now that would not work for my website because the site's focus is not on community but in ranking anime. But I realized I already knew which anime were good and which were not. Because I have the data for it. So I decided to use the rankings in making my generator. Making it a tad different to the anime recommendations of other anime sites.

    And I'm finally done! It took me about a month to make it. haha (I am not a skilled programmer) I actually tested it here in the forums. That would explain me posting a lot in the Recommendations forum.

    If you are interested or bored, feel free to check it out at: www.animegauge.com/anime-suggestions

  5. Attentive

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    The Minnesota Shuffle

    Losing a place to live due to shady landlords, "Minnesota nice" - meaning passive-aggressive, manipulative, shady housemates, or getting the building bought from under you and the new owners taking over your lease, or you're a family getting kicked out with only a month notice which is the legal minimum requirement

    Changing jobs due to management micromanaging, manipulative shady employers, ignorant coworkers.
     

  6. Musuko
    Latest Entry

    Image result for anime screaming

    AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

    Image result for anime screaming

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

    Image result for subaru yelling

    EEEEEEYAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

    68747470733a2f2f73332e616d617a6f6e617773

    HAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

    Image result for parasyte screaming
    AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. So It's been ages seems like since I last posted sorry about that been a roller coaster of business and lulls but for someone reason despite all that I was watching I haven't logged in and write anything. 

    FYI: I try not to give spoilers but there might still be some.

    Okay so I had watched the first 3 episodes and then I kinda just left it for awhile and I just finished it up finally. Well I really like this series but honestly the first and second season of this arc were a little crazy to keep track of as  far has the different for a lack of a better term Parties. There were so many different groups and characters galore I definitely still feel confused about it. At the same time the main plot line seems very clear, to me anyways. I totally feel like there should be a breakdown of everything somewhere online to accompany this season.  It had a nice tidy ending which for this series I think definitely needed that happy ending after all that suffering and craziness. It was definitely worth watching.  

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    So, it seems for the past 2 years I have been trying to land my dream job (not just preparing for it but applying too).  This has been a very very long and painful process, and at this point, I can confess...  I have rewritten my resume likely over 150 times in two years...and my cover letters...I have around 120 or so.  That's a lot of writing.  I remember the Dean of my school once saying "Anyone who claims to enjoy writing is a liar" and I raised my hand and said, "I actually like writing....sir....."  Haha!  Didn't earn me any points with that guy but ah well.  I do love writing stories.  I'm still working on my short (the one I meant to be around 15 pages long that has turned into 120 pages and counting) story on the side but writing all of these resumes and cover letters has given me a different perspective to writing.  I've even written resumes and cover letters for my friends (I tell all my friends they must expect to spend a minimum of 4-8 hours with me for a resume, and another 8-16 hours for a cover letter - the information you have to drag out of people to write these is insane) and darn....I make those things look great!  One of my friends worked as a cleaning lady for around 8 years, and in fast food for another 4 years and I made her resume sound very professional and geared it towards her dream warehouse job with the terminology I used to describe her work responsibilities.  Sometimes I wonder though, why it takes so long for me to comb through and improve my own work.  I likely turn a blind eye towards my own resume's flaws.

     

    In the past, I relegated updating my resume to a yearly task that I set for myself on my whiteboard in my office on New Years Day (along with all my other goals (you know, save X amount of money in savings, attain this or that certification, pay off that loan) things that I wanted to get done that year that I would mark off as I accomplished them).  I'm now realizing that doing this yearly, I probably missed some major additions I could've added before that now are just out of my grasp....not to mention...if you don't use it, you lose it (the magic resume touch that is).  Well, I've got the touch now.  Maybe I should open up a resume/cover letter writing service, charge people by the hour to do it.  :D  At least I'd make money from it.  So far I've been just giving it away!  I'm also a lot happier with my resume than I can say I was two years ago.  It is full of interesting information, not just generic stuff, that exemplifies my abilities and leads to enhancing others.  It's all building on itself.  I seem to be getting better at displaying pertinent information.  It isn't enough to just list the robots I've worked with.  Now I'm listing what their functions were as well as the software components.  Give the random HR representative a shred of information to understand what it means (HR rep must be the strangest job in the world - they get to pick people who get to see the hiring manager, and most of the time they have no understanding of what the person does or how they get the job done).  I'm still at a disadvantage.  Studies have shown ambitious men get three times the interviews that ambitious women do, but at least this resume is written proof of my abilities. 

     

    ~sighs~  Well, back to applying for the dream.  Some day I'll get there.  Not sure when.  If I keep trying though, my ticket's eventually got to be pulled.  This cat's not giving up the hunt that easily!

  8. Heartache.gif.fea1f73275abf70965427ea8975eb3fc.gif

    𝓗𝓮 𝓽𝓸𝓸𝓴 𝓶𝔂 𝓹𝓪𝓲𝓷 𝓪𝔀𝓪𝔂 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓴𝓲𝓼𝓼.
    𝓑𝓻𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓮𝓭 𝓾𝓹 𝓶𝔂 𝓭𝓪𝓻𝓴𝓮𝓼𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝓭𝓪𝔂𝓼. 
    𝓗𝓮 𝓶𝓪𝓭𝓮 𝓶𝓮 𝓯𝓮𝓮𝓵...𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓭.
    𝓗𝓮 𝓽𝓸𝓾𝓬𝓱𝓮𝓭 𝓶𝔂 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓶𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓭 𝓸𝓷.
    𝓗𝓸𝔀 𝓫𝓲𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓼𝔀𝓮𝓮𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓼𝓽𝓸𝓻𝔂 𝔀𝓪𝓼.

    - Written by Alley Cat and edited by Hubby 💙

  9. EnviousEnvy
    Latest Entry

    Once the lymph node in my neck decides to calm it's crap I'll officially be back to my healthy old self. The swelling appears to be going down since I don't have those painful episodes to where I feel like my eardrum is about to explode. The only time I really notice it now is whenever I tilt my head a certain way or lay down, then it wants to scream "Hey, I'm still here!!". Ugh, just go away already, will ya? Doctors told me that they can't do anything for it and all I can honestly do is sleep and take ibuprofen as well as a steady intake of water (Yuck, water??). It doesn't help that my dog and cat want to be a pain in the butt so I have to yell and chase them in order to prevent them from literally destroying the house while my fiance is away at work. I tried kenneling my dog while I sleep but quickly discovered he's an expert escape artist and literally nothing stops him **cries**; even as I type this I have to chase them down. I'm going nuts here, lol. I can tell you for sure that I cannot wait until this weekend because I have a full weekend off. Yes I said it, a full weekend off and guess what? I'm getting the hell out of my house and doing some shopping as well as getting away from work and the animals. Haha, take that you evil doers (And no, I didn't mean to literally call them evil but they are crazy which is driving me insane **exhales**). To be truthful though, I love all of my pets with everything in me and I wouldn't give them up for nothing. They've helped me get through the roughest of times and never let me down; more than any person has done. It doesn't mean however that they don't drive me up the wall occasionally, lol.

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    Posted by Tanya Degurechaff December 20, 2018 - Filed in Anime - 139 views

     We have seen that anime can take us on a journey through our imaginations. That our hearts and minds gets engaged as we live through the lives of the characters. Every once and a while we come across issues of morality (right and wrong). I was watching episode 8 of Saga of Tanya the Evil "Trial by Fire". In the episode the soldiers from the empire was ordered to fire upon and kill civilians. This brought up the issue of right and wrong and morality in warefare. Tanya's troops were ordered to kill the civilians that stayed behind in the city. However Tanya first anounced that anyone staying in the city would be considered enemy soldiers of the empire. I am reminded of a true story of Seargant Alvin York. He was drafted into the army during WWI. Also he was a conscientious objector becuase of his religion. He did not want to kill. In October 1918, as a newly-promoted corporal, York was one of a group of seventeen soldiers assigned to infiltrate German lines and silence a machine gun position. After the American patrol had captured a large group of enemy soldiers, German small arms fire killed six Americans and wounded three. York was the highest ranking of those still able to fight, so he took charge. While his men guarded the prisoners, York attacked the machine gun position, killing several German soldiers with his rifle before running out of ammunition. Six German soldiers charged him with bayonets, and York drew his pistol and killed all of them. The German officer responsible for the machine gun position had emptied his pistol while firing at York but failed to hit him. This officer then offered to surrender and York accepted. York and his men marched back to their unit's command post with more than 130 prisoners. York was immediately promoted to sergeant and was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross; an investigation resulted in the upgrading of the award to the Medal of Honor. York's feat made him a national hero and international celebrity among allied nations. When asked why he killed, his response was, " I killed to save lives. I will continue later...

  10. The Cluster

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    As the new year begins, what do people tend to say as they strive to accomplish their resolutions?

    "New year, new me!"

    But in reality, does that ever happen? 

     

    Most people give up after a month or two. Or sometimes, people quit within a week. But who can blame them?

    Besides, you have to work for the 'new you'. It doesn't happen as soon as the new year starts.

    So really, why is there such a saying if no one ever accomplishes it?

    People may accomplish their goals/resolutions, but it seems that no one ever actually becomes the way they want to.

     

    Let's say this year you want to improve your attitude or personality. It will take some time, but it's not impossible.

    Let's say you accomplish this. Congrats! But do you feel like a new you? Or do you just feel better about yourself?

     

    Maybe it's just me, but the whole "new year, new me" thing is ridiculous. 

    Let me know what you guys think about the whole thing.

    Do you guys believe in the "new year, new me" saying?

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    OcUG8Mt.jpg?1

    Oh boy. This is going to be hard to talk about...

    ...or that's what I thought at the beginning, before I watched the first five seconds of this episode. It pretty much spoiled the main gimmick of what made this episode 'special'. In short: it's an interactive movie.

    That being said, it's a nice gimmick that's sure to get thousands, perhaps millions of people to finally subscribe to Netflix, right?

    Right?

    Whoopsie! One month free trial. Whoopsie! Cancelled immediately after finishing watching the episode. Whoopsie! So much for the piracy-aversion countermeasure, AKA PAC(man) [an acronym that's surely going to be important during the interactive episode]. Whoopsie!

    But jokes aside, it's not a bad story. However, you could definitely feel that Black Mirror has lost its shine ever since season 3, especially when they had to incorporate such a "socially relevant" gimmick to get with the times, when games with choices are all the rage. Being an interactive movie, its central theme is naturally... can anyone guess? That's right - fate and destiny! Definitely wouldn't have seen that coming!

    But to be fair, aside from one ending focusing on such a theme (and feeling like something outta that mediocre "Butterfly Effect" movie, a guilty pleasure of mine), it's also mixed with a few other themes as well. Because of our ability to control the actions of the protagonist, the story even goes meta a little bit and delve into parallel realities, and even delusion and insanity. So there's quite a bit of a mash-up of themes here that can feel oddly unsatisfying depending on the ending you reach. Personally, the most satisfying "ending" I reached was the aforementioned one that deals with fate. In the terms of a visual novel, you could even call it "the true ending" since it feels like it's the one that bears the most "closure". Furthermore, it's also the ending that feels the most like an ordinary Black Mirror cynical ending.

    So what's my verdict on this? 7/10. Nice gimmick, and a good attempt to improve on the future of streaming services. I do feel tempted to encourage more interactive movies like this in the future, but at the same time, I can also see that it's a very problematic way of writing a story, and can leave the viewer unsatisfied depending on the kind of ending they reached, or the amount of time they spent to reach it. I spent at least four hours just rewinding the episode, hoping to get a happier ending.

    Alas, such is not the nature of the twisted world that is Black Mirror.

    Footnote: Hype for season 5 regardless! I'm still excited for the new episodes!

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    Hello wonderful users! Post your favorite anime OP. ❤

    Favorite one will get a free doodle made.

    Just to start -

     

  11. *Has nothing to do with anime but i was just bored, feedback is appreciated :) *

    FICTIONAL STORY 

    I'll call this "Series A" incase i decide to continue the story at a later date. 

    10/29/2018

    5PM

    Somehow it happened, on a cold day, in a warm room, where the blinds hid any sign that there was more to life than the school i was sitting in. I was sleeping peacefully on my desk, blissfully unaware of whatever my teacher was talking about... things were perfect. I was dreaming of colors. There was no plot, no characters, no setting... just feeling. It was the type of nap that only comes around once or twice a year. The type where you question if your even sleeping. 

    I awoke with a jolt like a soldier with ptsd... then i scanned the room as i waited for my breathing to slow down. The room is empty, but i could have sworn that somebody tapped my shoulder. Its as if i can still feel their hand there, as if they only moved away a moment ago... i guess stranger things have happened. I pinned it on my overactive imagination and made my way into the hallway. It was empty and in the simplest terms creepy. The red lockers flashed in and out of my vision due to the light at the end of the hall that was having a spaz attack... that was normal though, me and my friends had  even nicknamed it the murder corridor because we figured if there was ever i killer on the loose, he'd want to set the scene....Everything was still blurry from my tired eyes and although i kept rubbing them i couldn't seem to get them out of their murky fog. I've never regretted not bringing my glasses to school more than i have in this moment. Then i heard something shatter... glass? I wonder what broke? I start walking down the hallway somewhat frantically, checking the classrooms as i went by... what time was it? Where was everyone? All the blinds were shut so there was no telling what time of day it was, and there was no way i was going to open them to find out. I don't know why... something just seemed off about the whole thing.

     

    Finally, I'm at the main stairs. Its a big spiral staircase in the center of the school and if you look down you can see the lobby four floors away. I feel stupid, like a little kid who's running form their own shadow....whoever is monitoring the security cameras must be having a blast right now. I shake my head at the idea, causing my long braided pigtails to slap me back into reality... I really hope that i don't get killed... its not that I'm not ready to die, i just really don't want to die with smudges mascara and the same hairstyle i wore on my first day of kindergarten... I realize I'm getting side tracked and start running down the stairs, the pitter-patter of my shoes echoing through each floor as i pass it. 3....2....1 

    I'm in the lobby. I slow to a walk as a catch my breath and make my way toward the door. The sun looks as though I've been looking for it for an eternity. I cant help but kind of smile at myself, at the stupid idea of there actually being a killer on the loose, at the fact that i fell asleep in class and nobody bothered to wake me up. I open the door and feel the rush or fresh air. It feels so crisp and clean, as if I'm taking my first breath after almost drowning. I take my first step outside only to find the earth crumbling beneath me.

    The breeze is now hot with flaming embers in its grasp. I'm trying to cover my eyes.... i cant help but look down... I wish i hadn't looked. The earth has cracked and i can see every layer, the most distinct being the lava below me. The heat is unbearable. The air smells stale and brings the suffocating feeling of claustrophobia to my lungs and suddenly i widen my eyes and realize that these are the colors of destruction... suddenly everything slows and the heat subsides to the point where its tolerable. I look up to see the embers, falling like snowflakes, turning to ash before they hit the ground... suddenly i feel like I'm in grade school again. I'm happy and playful and smiling. The crack has almost closed up and i jump over it as if i were jumping over a puddle. I'm on the other side now, frolicking in the ash... I've forgotten it was ash thou, by now I'm convinced it is snow. It peppers my hair in a way that is gentle and kind... its been so long since I've felt so childish, so free. I look up again and as i do so i stick out my tongue to catch a snowflake...it lands... it burns. I feel the fire creeping down my throat and dropping down to my stomach, I'm being burned from the inside out. I open my mouth, only to release black smoke like a chimney and then begin coughing uncontrollably from the flames inside me. In the distance i see a shadowy figure in the window of the school, their watching me burn... i cant see their face but somehow i know their smiling, i cant feel it. I gasp for air in an effort to save myself and suddenly i wake up...

    *****

    I wake up coughing like crazy in the middle of class. People are looking at me funny. There's a movie on about the civil war and the teacher has stepped out for a minute. Once i finally get my cough under control my best friend leans in to tell me that I've been talking in my sleep for about 10 minutes, and that they didn't wake me because apparently its bad luck to wake someone up during a nightmare... some best friend... at least I'm not dead though. that's always a plus.... This is the story of my first day of high school... this is how i became branded a weirdo for the next 4 years..

  12. It's been a long time since I've written here in my blog. I really write writing and somehow it's my way of venting out my feelings, emotions and especially my frustrations. Speaking of frustrations let's talk about my frustration about cooking. So if you knew me for like quite some time maybe way back December 18 or something I've written this blog about living on my own in college and so here I am today still unable to cook a single grain of rice for dinner. We all have that feeling heroic moments when you just suddenly woke up from an 8-hour slumber induced by no sleep late last night due to a long quiz that never happened caused by your teacher feeling like, "Oh, I'm not gonna give a quiz today just cause I don't want to." and think that you could do everything you want to do cause you think you're the most capable being on earth. So here you were, washing some rice, readying for your first ever cooking show and humming to yourself while putting it over your rice cooker.  You take out your phone taking the most epic picture possible just cause it's your first time cooking rice and its expected in your country to know how to cook rice at the age of 10 and you're already 18 and ambitious enough. You take this little stroll in insta until you smell something burning and this time it's not your hair. It's your nonexistent work of art. You forgot to add in some water and all you had to do was wait for that rice cooker to just say keep warm! 

    So College life is going well for me aside from the fact that I had to buy my Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner from the Cafeteria. Good job self! You're going to survive it all so come at me life! *notice the potato sarcasm* So if you're having a bad day out there cause you're crush can't notice you, or your being bullied by someone who doesn't really know your true self at school, or you're bored all the time just cause you have all the time in the world and time is your slave or you're just plain frustrated with life's problems and hurdles remember there's a girl out there that is supposedly  expected to capable of cooking rice at the age of 10 and is now 18 but still can't have dinner due to her own clumsiness, negligence plain old stupidity. Don't be too harsh on yourself. We learn from mistakes but for me I think I'm going to learn from youtube since Mum's not here. 😛 

    Keep Breathing~ 

  13. Beocat
    Latest Entry

    So, lately bad luck just seems to be stalking me...like a yandere nipping at my heels. Well, now my car won't start. I suppose the silver lining is that I wasn't 400 miles away. Doesn't make the cost to fix it any easier to swallow. This seems to be one thing after another for me. What could happen next?

     

    Guess I am home bound until my husband is done teaching class. At least the kittens are loving this turn of events. 

  14. It’s been some time since I wrote here, four months? My presence is fading a bit on AF. But, believe me, it’s been some busy times. There’s been some frustrations, excitements, and of course, some big changes coming my way. I thought it might be fun to share some of that, in case anyone happened to be curious about me (not that I expect anybody to be, but damn, I’d be flattered!) I'm sad to report that all attempts at putting a baby in me have been yet unsuccessful, but heck I’m still trying. I can’t wait to be able to actually break that news for real.

    Instead, my latest involvement has been concerning my career, and where I’m taking things from here. Guys, I don’t want to be a dietician anymore. It wasn’t what I signed up for, I just ended up doing it. And although it’s not the worst occupation, it isn’t what I want to do. And I’ve been mulling it over all summer, but I think I owe myself better. I want to take the plunge and shoot for something I love. I need to try and be happy, and I’m feeling good enough lately to put my big girl pants on and do something about it. A few months back, I was offered a job at a dental office, but I ended up not taking it. I just couldn’t see myself back in that position.

    dave-sick-tired.gif.5cf05ffd6365dd1f94a4f31808df9dba.gif

    I quit my second job. I’m worn out from the unpredictability and I just want to focus on other things. That said, for the first time in like, eight years, I’ll get to work a consistent schedule. And, wouldn’t you know it, I’ve got something lined up. It’s a year or so out, but I am so excited about it I just can’t keep it to myself any longer. I’ve been in talks with one of my brothers (10+ years older than me, grows medicinal cannabis for a living,) and he’s been in the process of marketing himself to some investors. Once he gets enough money together, he’s moving south to start a supply business of his own, and he asked me to come work with him. He’ll even teach me the trade.

    yes.gif.1e035d7587f52743cd3d757d59e02a50.gif

    Move?! YES
    Well-paying career? YESS
    Something I LOVE? YYYEEEESSSSS

    Am I banking a lot on this working out? Possibly. But what the hell, maybe this can be life-changing. What’s not to be excited about? I’ll take the slight pay cut for now. I think I know what’s more important, and that’s my mental wellbeing. Feels good to feel loved. And damn does it feel amazing to break away of my depression for once.

    In other news, riding on my good spirits lately, I entered an in-person LoL tournament this weekend, and my team actually placed second. Not. Bad. Not bad at all. The prizes were pretty swell for placing top three, so I’m quite content with the results. I won a new Razer Trinity mouse, Kraken headset (which I’ll probably sell tbh,) some in-game digital goodies, and a cash prize. I even won a raffle prize, which was a TV (ummmm holy sh*t?) More importantly, I met some really awesome people there. Everyone was super cool to each other, and no matter who won or lost, everyone usually came together after their games and gave constructive feedback on their plays. I ended up adding everybody I played against and felt like I made some new friends. Overall, it was an exceptionally fun experience and I’m so glad I got to compete, even if I was the only woman playing.

    And now, for the… bad news…

    It’s getting cold here again.

    :(

  15. So here we are, Panic! at the disco's High hopes MV. Lets get into it, shall we?

    Okay, so the video starts off with Brendon stepping out of a car (0:07), well-dressed as usual. His exit from the car is timed perfectly with the music and is the perfect time for his reveal. When first the words "High, high hopes" are sung we can see the camera moves upward and focuses on the sky-scrapers; this makes us think of how high sky-scraper's are immediately and prepares us for the rest of the MV very well, a great start. 

    The on-screen text fades but not before we see it pass behind Brendon (0:23), this serves better for the camera angle chosen seeing as otherwise we would merely see the tree behind Brendon; simply, it is more aesthetically pleasing. While Brendon sings "High, high hopes" we can see that he is looking upward, again, its the small things that make all the difference, this was very well choreographed. 

    As Brendon sing the line "I was gonna be that one in a million" (0:32) the shot is just perfect, with the people passing him by right in front of him and the cars and numerous people in the background it really shows how many people their are, yet he is still the main focus of the shot standing precisely in the middle of the shot; perfect. 

    As Brendon walks down the side-walk we can see him getting shouldered by many people (0:37); we can attribute this to the many hard-ships he has faced (many of which we can see in "Hey look ma, I made it") such as losing his other band members and many more hardships. We can see he is distressed as he turns around because it is written all over his face yet as he continues walking he takes yet another shoulder, this time however he does not look back at all and yet continues walking forward confidently; this shows us that he has taken control, he doesn't care what people say or what hard-ships get in the way, he is doing this. As the lyrics state in "Emperor's new clothes", "I see it, I want it, I take it" and as Brendon said in an interview on said song: "I wanted a song that says, 'this is mine. I do what I do because I feel that its my right. I own this, and I've earned it, and I deserve every bit that I put into this work". This is the kind of transformation I feel like we are witnessing in the music video for High hopes. 

    At 1:03 when Brendon sings the words, "Momma said, don't give up" he looks upward at the towering building before him, obviously symbolizing the challenges he would have to face in his career; Brendon looks intimidated at first but immediately gets down to it and begins scaling the building just as the Chorus breaks in again, simply fantastic! 

    The entire scene of Brendon's walk up the building is fantastic, this MV fits perfectly with the Lyrics and is just really beautiful to watch. As Brendon nears the end of the climb he slips and nearly falls (2:13) just as he start's singing "They say its all been done but they haven't seen the best of me", he then conquers the climb and makes it to the top of the building, solidifying his victory and new beginning. Again, just wanted to point out how wonderfully choreographed and performed this MV was, Brendon could honestly be an actor. 

    After he has reached the top of the tall building till the end of the video (just as the whole video was) is perfect. We can see his logo stapled atop the building, I believe this tells us he was always destined to make it to the top, like his momma said "Fulfill the prophecy" he has done it and accomplished his destiny. 

    Okay guys, so that was a rather quick and to the point review, I hope you liked it! Feel free to comment below and be sure to appreciate the beauty around you so you will realize just how beautiful your day truly is! ~♥ 

  16. Hi to all! Ever heard of the game Black Desert Online? It's one of the most visually stunning MMOs that came out. Recently the remastered update was released wherein the game has been improved on once again.

    This MMO is a buy to play game; it means you need to buy one of their "packages" so you can have full access. I had bought the most affordable (read cheapest lol) package they have and so far I am enjoying myself. I hope you get to try it too. I encourage you to give it a try. It's free to access right now until the 5th of September.

    Now while I am gushing about this game, like all else, there is no perfect game and there are also flaws that I would be discussing on. If you have some insight, please feel free to share it to me, too. 

    So here we go. I'll keep it short and sweet. 🤩

    Graphics: 3.5 out of 5 stars

    As I said above, it is visually stunning, especially now that the remastered update was released. The world (and Black Desert Online is an open world game so you can expect it to be quite wide) is lovingly rendered that you can waste time just admiring the scenery. The characters and costumes are well detailed too. In fact, you can design your character to look like a famous character. This may eat up your time when you're designing your ideal husbando or waifu. Lol

    With that said, the remastered graphics will only work with high-end PCs. So if you're using a potato PC (I find that expression cute 😂) then you might want to think twice about upgrading. The graphics can be intense at times too and I find my eyes watering from time to time. 😎

    Audio: 4 out of 5

    The soundtrack is simply amazing; sometimes I just close my eyes and listen. Depending on the situation it can be relaxing (during peacetime) or adrenaline-pumping (during battles). 

    Gameplay: 3 out of 5

    Battles are dynamic; skills can be done by pressing a combination of keys (shift + right click for example) or you can be assigned to a skill slot (press 1 to throw a bolt of lightning). 

    Grinding exists here too! Yes, there is no escaping the grind, no matter what MMO you are playing. The good thing about Black Desert is there are a lot of things to do: I go AFK fishing while reading a manga or watching an anime at times. I can go on a joyride on my horse or boat, I can stay at home and cook food.

    Quick warning: in-game currency has weight. So your character cannot be a walking storage with a hundred or more silver coins inside the pocket. You have to store everything in the warehouse which is available in every town.

    Cash shop: 3 out of 5

    Yes, there is a cash shop too. Games need to generate revenue too or else it will close. While Black Desert Online is not blatantly "pay to win" (there is no uber powerful weapon in the cash shop that I can buy with a swipe of the card) there are items, pets, and costumes that can make life easier. Not necessary as you can go by without it (like I do) but yeah who wants to tough it out?

    Enhancement system: 2.5 out of 5

    Like every MMO game, you need to enhance your equipment. While Black Desert Online is forgiving (your armor and weapons won't go bye-bye if you fail to enhance, but the durability drops) it's still a pain to enhance your gear to the level that you want. Like all games, you have to farm for the materials. Keep a pad of Stresstabs near you.

    Story: 3 out of 5

    Very linear, rarely any plot twists, can be skipped if you just want to grind but not recommended as completing a certain storyline or mission will give good rewards.

    Overall: 4 out of 5

    While not flawless, I would still recommend this to all my friends. You can get satisfaction just about everywhere, whether if you like battling against monsters, engage other players in duels, or just admiring the overall scenery and ambiance.

  17. Hello!

    Haha, wow. That was both extremely embarrassing and extremely relieving. Sorry for all of that emotional stuff. I just didn't know where else to put all of that stuff, you know? And I'd rather not delete them since they're a part of me. But now that I'm all cleared up, less emotional, but still kinda there, I feel like I can come back to this. Think things rationally, you know? 

    And you guys guessed what I'm most likely gonna talk about! And you're right. It's the break up. Big surprise, right? Hehe, just kidding. I guess I should've seen it coming. 

    After being a total mess for the past week, today marking the day I was dumped, I can say it got better. Just today is not one of my days, you know? Today really took its toll. Its not that I feel like, completely emotional, just ah, well, completely numb. Or half numb. Like you can still feel the pain, but it's fuzzy. Kind of like looking through sea glass. 

    And the reason he broke up with me was well, because he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. Said he wasn't mature enough to make every decision rationally. And he was right. He can't. and we've been facing that problem since our first fight. It still hurts, though, because I feel like I could have done something differently to change the outcome. Done something more or less of to make him stay. And then I have to remind myself that nothing I could've done would've made him stay, just because he wasn't ready for this. But there's just a part of me that says if I didn't ask him to open up to me, that if I just joked around, things would be different and he would stay. Then I have to tell myself yet again that it would've just terminated the relationship even sooner. I'm not in a good place, and I need to talk to someone. I can't talk to a brick wall constantly. 

    And you know, that went well for a while. Him opening up. He did that after our first fight, and I thought things would only go well from there. It didn't. 

    I should've seen all of it coming, but I think I was too goddamn in love with this guy to ever realize that he just wasn't ready, and i couldn't change that. Because I can't just joke around and do nothing. I need to talk to someone. Have deep conversations with people, you know? I just need to talk about feelings with people. And... And I guess that wasn't for him. It wasn't ever for him. And that hurts so much. 

    But I didn't notice it at the time. I really, really did think things were turning up, and he became what I thought was my best friend. He made me feel so comfortable, so... so special. So safe and secure. I could trust him with just about anything. And I thought he could trust me with anything, tell me everything he wanted and felt like. Especially since I told him to communicate with me, trust me, in the beginning of the relationship, to set a good foundation. So I really did think that he was telling me everything, that he wasn't lying or not telling me stuff that he should be. Turns out I was wrong. And I should have known.

    It hurts more because like I said, I trusted him with just about everything. And I felt like that was okay with him, because he always reassured me that he wanted to be there for me. That he wanted me to lean on him for support. And that made me feel so damned secure and safe. But the thing that he said that really sealed the deal was what he said after a fight we had. I don't remember what the fight was about, or what I said, but I remember him saying that, "It's okay. I'd rather have you tell me that you're angry up front than let you build and bottle it up while I stay oblivious." That made me feel like I could really tell him anything. Even the problems I had with our relationship (which, of course, I'm supposed to. It just made me feel even more comfortable). Everything just felt so... so right.  He would always say things like, "Hey, I want to help you. Please tell me what's going on," "I'm always here for you," "I don't want you to bottle this all up. It's not healthy." or, "Why didn't you just call me if you're having trouble sleeping?".

    That made me feel so happy. It was like someone was there for me after a really long time. Like someone was genuinely there. I didn't feel uncomfortable, i didn't feel like I was pushing myself to tell him anything. And since he told me all those reassurances, I really thought it was okay to lean on him whenever I felt bad, or when my depression had just gone to shit, because no one else was there. I didn't feel like anyone else cared but him. I always asked if it was okay. And he always said it was okay, so I thought it was okay. Big, big surprise: It actually wasn't. And I didn't find out until I asked him about it until after the break up. 

    He told me he felt like I took advantage of him and his kindness. And that did something to me. I remember hanging up and feeling like such shit, like such a shitty human being. Feeling like I manipulated him without even knowing, feeling like such a piece of shit and wishing I wasn't me, wishing I was anyone but me. I felt pathetic and horrible and crappy. I felt like I hurt him, and that I was the worst person to ever exist. I wished I wasn't so depressed, so needy, so freaking weak, I wished I didn't have to lean on him. I cried for the rest of the time. 

    I told my mom about it, asked her if i really was capable of taking advantage of someone like that. And... she told me something that stuck with me. She said that he's just manipulating me to make me feel like complete shit because he feels like complete shit. It's silly, right? I don't wanna believe it. I don't want to think that my best friend would do that. Manipulate me to think that. But now, now I'm starting to really think that he did. And that hurts me, scares me. Because now it feels like everything he ever said wasn't true. That he never really cared enough to actually be honest with you, to really want to be there for you, and damn, man. That hurts. Why would you lie to me about caring? About wanting to be there for me? 

    But that's not the only hurtful thing I found out from that phone call. 

    There were so many horrible truths - or lies, honestly. Who knows? - that I found out from that phone call. 

    Another was when I asked him if it was hard, if he still missed me sometimes, he said he didn't know. Damn, that hurt. It hurts when you hear someone you miss so fucking bad, someone you loved so fucking hard, someone you gave so much to hear that they don't even know if they miss you. It's like tearing open your heart with a rusty knife. Goddamn did that fucking hurt. The best part about this? I ask him if it's hard for him to let go, too. If he's scared, just like me. If he's scared to let every single memory of us go. All of the inside jokes, all of the conversations, all of the kisses, all of us, everything that made us, go. Of course, i never said that. I just asked him if he was scared to let go, if it was hard for him, too. And he told me it wasn't He said he was ready to let go of everything. He told me not to be scared, that I should be ready to let go, too. And something about that, man. Something about that just broke me more than everything he said and did. He was so special to me, so fucking amazing and great and awesome and just, God, so amazing. He used to be so good to me. And he would always tell me that he wouldn't know what he'd do without me, and I would say the same thing back to him. And now, now he's just ready to let us go like it wasn't anything. Like we hadn't medicined each other for the past few months. 

    I guess I should've known that he was ready to let go. That he was just done with us, that he didn't care anymore. He couldn't even face me when he broke it off. He called me. Couldn't even turn on his webcam to show me his face when he broke up with me. I had to ask him to do that for me. I should have known that I wasn't worth that, even though I felt like I was. Especially after everything I went through with him. But I guess I need to just face it - that I wasn't good enough for him. And it hurts to think that.He couldn't even tell me up front. I had to wait a day for him to call it off. And it was because he was tired and didn't want to waste data. I spent data on him all the time so that our calls wouldn't lag out so much (my wifi is absolute shit). God, man. i don't know. I really thought he was my best friend. I shared so much stuff with him. All of my favorite things with him. And I just thought that.. thought i could let every single wall fall down. I felt like we'd be together for a while. Maybe not forever, but a few years. I was that comfortable with him. Everyone thought we would be together for a few years. And.. and again. It's only five months. 

    Maybe the only thing I'm really good for in relationships is physical pleasure. Maybe that's the thing that I'm built for. My only purpose. Because I clearly can't do the rest right, no matter what I freaking do. Sometimes I feel like my best will never be enough for anyone, because it's just that shit. that I'm just that shit. 

    I just thought he was really different. But maybe that's because I went to a catholic school, in which I had about 20 other people to choose form that I've known since third grade. But he just felt so damn different. Everything felt so different. And I'm starting to wonder if he's just... not. If he just wasn't.  

    I feel so broken. More broken than before I met him, more broken that ever. I'm terrified to trust people even more than I already did. I'm more scared that the people I already have in my life will just abandon me. I'm scared of everyone leaving me more, now. More than ever. I feel like no one really cares, or ever cared, except one person. I'm so scared that that one person, that one fucking person will leave me, too, just like everyone else. And I'm just so scared. I'm always so scared nowadays, and it upsets me how scares me - just everything. 

    I'll continue this some other time. For now, I'm both exhausted and still badly hurting. I'm scared it won't stop, haha. But I have to be strong. gotta be strong for myself. Just gotta be strong. 

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