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Entry nº13 Magic time

Roxeg

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Howdy, I've been wanting to write again for a while now, so here I am, again. 
School has started well enough, I did not miss my classmates though... The new teachers look very kind though, I have to reasons to believe this will be a fruitful year.
I've still only got one friend in the whole class, and the other friend I have at school (he counts too), so I've spent the lunch breaks sitting down by myself and writing on a new journal.

On this new journal I've started writing down what's been going through my mind as of late, and that is... I'm growing a second identity (possibly on purpose, but still unconsciously? it's unclear. Brains work in mysterious ways) based on my most ominous and honest self. At first, it was only a wave of images and thoughts that came into my mind, but they were so strong they grew larger, big enough to make myself doubt about what I am now, one or two people in a single body. It's all in my head, sure, and I'm actually quite comfortable with it. 
It's so curious. I feel like I can feed this new consciousness even further, wouldn't it be fun to be one person in the morning, and another in the evening like magic? 
First, let me make it clear. I know this is quite unnatural, it would sound like I've gone mad, but I assure you I'm not uncomfortable with it at all. I'm still assuming this experience is happening, Second, it's not a complete transformation, quite the opposite. I believe this second identity is only the reflection of who and what I really want to be deep down in my own consciousness, so there's no danger about any sudden mood changes. Third and last, this second-self seems to hold my 'unnatural' side, if that makes any sense. What I mean with that, is that it's making me want to wear clothes which are meant for girls, because basically gender doesn't seem to mean anything determinating to myself. I'm being surprised by what I'm coming up with myself, and I still want to learn more about what both me's are capable together.

This entry was written by Roxeg, the first-self, just to specify in case.

 

Oooo.... Should I name my second identity?



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I wonder if it's just a more genuine side of you that you haven't given an ear to before. I think all of us have our sides, we're not all one dimensional (as much as I often believe certain individuals are.) I have my own 'identities' which I've mostly made my peace with, knowing which ones to act on and which should remain inside. I believe what you're doing is healthy. I'm not an armchair psychologist but it only makes sense that the person who should know you the best is... Well, you, of course. 

Hope your school year goes well, by the way. Is this your last? 

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@Wedgy I think you’re right, it’s just that each one treats these thoughts differently.

 

Aye aye, it is my last school year, finally. I’ve been expecting this time since I was in first grade, hehe.

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