Sunsets & Sadness
I've had a strange last week-ish when it comes to emotions. I don't really know why I can't get mine in check lately. I feel like I'm going from one moment of extreme happiness to the next moment an hour later to extreme sadness. I probably actually have a good idea why, which confuses me even more, but I don't think I'll get it under control until I figure out this situation. I've spent the last few years not having any type of real feelings for anyone else, and honestly I was fine with that. There was 1 person, and this 1 person only, who I haven't seen in awhile & he never knew how I felt to begin with, but I'm not going to get into all that here lol ~ and then I went and caught feelings for someone, ew.
I was debating telling them until they called me and started telling me about some girl they had just started dating. I don't think I've really felt "okay" since that happened last week. While that hurt I also felt kinda.. glad? After I really thought about it. Mostly because I feel like I'm getting feelings for someone else and those bother me even more because I can't figure out if I really am or not. Also that person lived in Brazil and while we've met once before IRL I always felt like he was just using me for various things and as if I was just someone to talk to when there was nothing better going on. When I look back on it all though I realized I never said *anything* to him at all about anything I felt and basically was just living out whatever I thought we were/could be in my head. May have been a good thing though.
As far as the other person goes, I haven't figured that out yet either, and I feel nothing but extreme confusion with whatever I'm feeling there. I mostly just want to go out into the woods and scream at a tree about it. I don't know how I went from years of being content with just me and understanding that was all it was ever going to be, to being hurt by some idiot and absolutely losing my mind about another guy at the same time. Though neither of them know/knew and odds are I won't tell this other person either. I never know how to confess that to someone so instead I just put up cryptic Discord messages and try to hope they are psychic or something lmaoo
All that aside though I went up to the roof today to think about all this and there was the most magnificent sunset I've seen in a long time I sat up there watching it until all the colors had gone from the sky. That's what I have pictures of today for this, so I hope you enjoy looking at them and sorry about the rambling.
Piccys below vvv
There is also a short video I took of it:
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