Unbroken Experiment

I don't know what they're talking about. I'm perfectly insane.

Happy Valentine's Day, li'l sis'~ ^^ ^^ ^^

I backed out again from going to where I was going to go. I'm going to try to see someone about medications first before I go to where I've told my friends about.

Things are in the works now, so it's literally a matter of days now that I'll be gone for a short while. Maybe today, I'm not sure. I do know though that my name has been put into a place that I need to go to for a little bit, so at least I know it's going to happen now. I'm sorry if these updates I keep leaving here are stressing anyone out btw. >< >< >< >< >< ><

Ok, so, today (Thursday, May 22nd) didn't go as Mom and I planned. Tomorrow sounds like there's a higher chance of it happening than there's been this week though. Once I'm in the place I'm going to, they might hold me for longer than the default length of time that they keep people there. Hopefully it won't be too long though and I'll be back in the house in no time. ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Plans for us seem to not work out for the majority of the plans we try to come up with in the house. lol I'll either see you all tomorrow, or I'll see you all soon-ish. ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ I'll miss everyone, I know that much, even if it is just a short time away. ;.; ;.; ;.; ;.; ;.; ;.;

I pulled out today, but it's planned that I'll be going tomorrow. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but I'm not exactly being left with much choice at this point. 

Sometime soon (very soon) I'll have to take time away from here. It shouldn't be too long, but plans don't really work out the way I think or expect they will and actually end up getting messed up. Anyway, when that time comes when I'll be absent, I'm not actually certain of how long I'll be gone. I suppose I'll just have to find out. Sorry for being so unstable lately... ever since I came back to this house it's felt like everything's been upside down and doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

I'm happy to know that you're here, too, Rose. ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^

Did someone Gary you? lol

Just joking, li'l sis'. I thought I'd join in the Gary fun. XD

I'm sorry for the absence. It was NOT planned in any way, it was just something that had to happen because of circumstances beyond my control. I'm doing better now though, so I won't be dropping off of the planet unintentionally again as long as I've got some rational say about it. ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ It's great to be back and see you all again. ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^

I'm still typing up replies to messages. I'm sorry it's taking so long. I'm still sore and I ache everywhere, so I've been sleeping a lot more than usual. I'm sorry, @Sakura and the rest of my friends for taking so long. I've had little energy to do much with. I'm still type replies to messages though, so I'm not ghosting anyone. I swear that on my soul. Which may be too serious or grim, but that's how serious I am. I'm trying to get a lot of sleep and rest until my body feels better, but my mind is much worse than my body. So, all I'm doing is resting up and adding more to the replies I've got in a Notepad (.txt) file since my Chromebook restarts when it overheats for some reason and can happen at any moment I'm logged in on this thing. I've lost a number of long messages because of it, so, that's what I'm talking about when I say still typing up replies. I hope you're all doing better than I am right now. ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ < 3

Oh my god. I'm sorry for being so crazy lately. I feel like apologizing to everyone that comes here. I am sorry though. My mental state just... it's going through a lot lately, so I hope I don't weird anyone out too much when I get crazy and stuff.

If my behavior gets too paranoid and hostile, I apologize. I'm not as sure as I was before of what's going on. @Sakura, if I sound crazier than normal, I'm sorry. I think my mental situation might have gotten worse...

Sorry again, everyone. I can't seem to do anything other than mess things up. I'm not going anywhere though. Sorry I can be a bit much to deal with though. 

Holy crap. I'm sorry to everyone, my paranoia has taken off recently which has led to me posting dumb/crazy things. I apologize.

Sorry, I was being impulsive and paranoid~ >< >< >< >< ><

I'm sorry, my friends, because my paranoia was through the roof coupled with my insecurity which is more often than not when I start believing things are going on that aren't going on. I apologize from the bottom of my heart to all of my friends who I may have talked the nonsensical crazy-talk I tend to say or type when my mind loses its grip. I seriously hope I didn't upset any of you because of anything I might've said in an irrational, paranoid, insecure to the extreme mind. If anyone wants to decide not to put up with me anymore and wants to not be friends anymore it would be understandable and I wouldn't hold it against anyone. I'm sorry that I get like that sometimes if the degree of paranoia is severe enough. I love you all, friends, even if some of you decide not to be friends with me because of how stressful and most likely exhausting my episodes of chaotic instability must be to tolerate. I'm sorry for losing my grip. It's something I know I have to really work on because I never lose my grip on what little mental stability I have left these days. It's uncommon for episodes like last night to happen though with me, but I'll still respect anyone's decision to not be one of my friends anymore because of how exhausting I most likely am to those that are willing to put up with me among other things, when my craziness gets bad enough. I don't need a break from here or wifi or anything like that. Next time I need to take the edge off before I humiliate myself like I did last night and inadvertently strain what few friendships I have. < 3 < 3 < 3 < 3 < 3

My mental situation continues to deteriorate. I don't have as much control over this happening as I thought I did. The decline of my mental state is getting worse, and faster with time. I don't even know who I can trust right now. I'm sorry if I think any of you are in on the people trying to break me down when you're not. The situation of my mind is turning into a downward spiral which sometimes speeds up and sometimes slows down, but I'm not even sure of anything anymore. I'm going to escape my hellish reality into video games, but I need time to myself which means I won't be coming back to the forum for a while. I'm not sure how long it's going to be though. I plan on coming back, but things don't always happen as planned in this house. I am sorry. I intend to come back to AF at a later date when my mental situation isn't so unstable. I know I keep apologizing, but I am sorry.

I'm still trying to type up replies to messages sent to me, but I haven't forgotten any of you. There's been a new development at home that I'm hesitant to tell anyone at all. Things are just not ideal right now and I'm having more difficulty than ever trying to get a grip on things. I don't want any of you to worry or anything, but I wanted to say something so it wouldn't look like I was ignoring anyone, because I'm honestly not. ><

The town we live in has 2 active wildfires in the surrounding area, so there's a very real possibility that we might have to evacuate. Honestly though I don't think we'll be as lucky as we have in the past. I think this is the year the town here will need to rebuild houses, but I'm not known for being optimistic.