Forlorn

Saturday was an extremely bad day for me mentally. I won't go into details because... just because... but this is more of a belated post for Saturday night since I woke up and it was 1am in the morning on Sunday morning. I had no idea I'd sleep such a long time. Oh, sorry. I feel really bad because what I thought was going on was clearly not going on. Maybe... just maybe... I shouldn't try to agitate the mental things I hear. That might've been what made it worse today. Due to growing up around Mom and my step-father, I've learned the unfortunate trait of being stubborn to a fault, especially when I'm being defiant. However... I literally went a little too close to actual crazy this time... so, how I'm feeling is in relation to Saturday since I woke up way later than I wanted to. Or earlier, depending on how you look at it. I mean, I'm the type of guy that would rather die being defiant than submit to anyone who tries to break me down, but I have other people I have to live for, so I have to swallow my pride and just... keep from agitating what I hear with my mental illness. Up until Saturday it hasn't been able to drive me so close to the brink of insanity in the number of years those who I've told the specific number to (I forgot if I said it on the forum or not). To all of my friends, and anyone who tolerates my... episodes of mental instability... thank you, and I apologize from the bottom of my heart for ever making any of you worry. I think, as @Sakura suggested not too long ago (sorry, li'l sis', I can't actually remember when you suggested this ^^; ^^; ^^; ^^; ^^; ) if I start to feel that way from now on, I'll have to take a break for a few days sometimes if I start to feel that way again, but I'll always come back after my mind settles back down. So, if I don't post for a few days then that will be why, but it won't be permanent because I don't have any reason to leave the forum now nor do I plan on leaving. ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ After I woke up though, I remembered what li'l sis' said about seeing if it would help if I did take a break before it gets worse to kind of reset myself. If you want to call though, I'll be home most of the time as usual~~~ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Like Saturday night (or was it afternoon...? ^^; ^^; ^^; ^^; ^^; ) The occasions where it gets really bad aren't frequent, so I won't sound like a total lunatic on a regular basis. >< >< ^^; ^^; ;.; And hey, @Sakura, it was like big sis' wanted you to call me because I was really close to a tipping point when you called. As and after we talked on the phone it helped immensely to calm me down and it was reassuring to an extent I don't think even my vocabulary can accurately describe. You were a major factor in helping me chill out. Thank you, li'l sis'~ < 3 So, even if I'm taking one of those 2-or-3-day-long breaks, should you feel up to it and if you have time to, you can still call, but if you feel like you want to call. I'd feel so horrible if you felt obligated or compelled to call in any way. >< >< ;.; ;.; ;.; Though I don't think you'd call if you didn't want to, but just in case I'm wrong (which is happening a lot lately). ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ You really are like a little sister to me, y'know. < 3

Icon for Hire - The Grey (Akame ga Kill AMV - (Not mine btw, and none of the others were either. So, I really need to include this last part) ) Monster - Skillet (Broly AMV)

I feel... I'm not actually sure if it would be wise to say on this forum given what's putting me in a laid back, chilled out mood... I don't want someone to sue me for saying what it is. lol ^^; ^^; ^^; ^^; ^^; I don't know anything about what I could be sued or not over. XD Even if I wanted to learn all of it I wouldn't be able to since I'd be spending most of my attention span on what to do next to get further in the game(s) I'm playing. lmao Oh, but I do feel like a meat popsicle. XD XD

Then

Cemetery

Bear hug her then start swinging in circles, happy and extremely fortunate to be her friend. Seriously I think I could cry from it, but they'd be tears of joy. ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ < 3

718

306

Going Under

A game with two brothers trapped in a seemingly endless brotherly feud. One embraces his darkness, the other embraces his humanity. I don't know if that's vague or not. ^^;

Time

Best Of Times - Godsmack (Official Audio)

Referee

Redemption

I'd hug the avatar above me. I don't know what character it is, but she looks huggable. ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Spell check says huggable isn't a word, but I think I'll just make it a word anyway. lol

Without a doubt my favorite season is Winter. ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Even if I happen to slip and fall on a patch of ice when I take the trash can down our driveway. lmfao ^^; ^^; ^^; ^^; ^^; Would you want to be a werewolf if you could retain some sense of yourself in wolf form?

That style looks pretty sweet. ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^

Oh. lol Ok. It's probably one of those things that should've been obvious but wasn't. XD I'm not really sure why that happens so much. >< >< >< >< ;.; It sounds like something that would make anyone happy to see. ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ I wouldn't think you were crazy though if I happened to look up and see someone smiling at people helping one another. I'd even be inclined to wave back if I could see people in the distance smiling, but Mom always said I'm a naturally happy guy, despite all of the negatives that I come with mentally. ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^

I feel the same way after reading how you described people were helping others that needed help. Seeing that happen is always heartwarming to see when people help others in times of need. ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Btw, who are the snow people? Y'know how curious I get. ^^; ^^; ^^; ^^; ^^;

After confirming that my latest episode of crazy was, in fact, nothing more than a delusion which was concocted in my trainwreck of a mind from the monster known as paranoia. Fortunately I haven't driven any friends away, and I hope that continues to be the case, but I felt incredibly stupid for thinking what I thought was happening. lmao So, right now, after being reassured that it was all in my head (as things like that usually are, unfortunately), I feel such relief that everything's normal instead of the crazy scenario I formed in my mind that spawned from paranoia and insecurity. >< >< >< >< ><

Thanks~~ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Hopefully my episodes of craziness won't scare any friends away though. ^^; ^^; ^^; ^^; ^^;

Ok, I DON'T want this account deleted. My mental situation just gets chaotic lately, so I've been clamoring to try to find some sensibility in what my mind is putting me through. I'm sorry for any stress or frustration this causes anyone. I'd get a mind transplant if I could. lol

Nevermind~~~~~ XD