Single Status Update
So lost a close friend
Got blocked and all
And...it would have affected me badly, sadly, i made my best friends worry too much
So i decided to forget her, she didn't cherish our friendship enough as much as i did
And if a mere confession destroys our friendship, then she aint meant to be my friend >.>
Funny thing is, when she said, *she never disowned me as a friend*
Yknow, that says allot when you suddenly block me, after 1 month of not talking
Sure my actions were a bit drastic (like burning my cosmatsu ticket,) but what did you expect, you didn't talk to me or assure me, i was left hanging/ditched, and whats worse is when i dmed her, she just *seen* it, she didnt reply back, until i actually texted her
Funny thing is, if we were still friends after my stuff, that would make us hella closer as friends, couse she knows me so much, and i know her allot, and we fought with one another but still ended up as friends
But nope, thats not the case, when shit hits the fan, she just ignores me for a month, i panic and do stupud shit, she tries to defend herself, and then i feel bad about what i did, and then she ignores me till we met up, and then after meeting up, blocks me
Not gonna let her shenanigans bother, im not dissing her btw, shes by far the best girl i met
I just have to tell myself i hate her, to not feel anything
Also on the way home, i kept repeating to myself, *you cant break something, that is already broken*
Couse i mean, im already broken, so losing a friend, being rejected, that wont destroy me more xDDD
Also also, the omamori thingy ?, i toke it down, it didn't work at all, i wished for *things to go back to normal between us*
WELL IT DID THE TOTAL 180DEGREE OF MY WISH
cant say i expected it to work, i rarely believe in things nowadays <.>
Im off to sleep, couse review sentar calls theeeee
Sometimes we meet someone truly great and we think we're meant to be together. But we then find the gears just don't line up. That doesn't mean anything is wrong with either of you; some people aren't as compatible as they might appear, and although the gears might turn a few times together, eventually, they become so unaligned that they risk destroying one another. In that case, it may be best to separate so that you can repair the damage, turn freely a while to reassure yourself that you can, and try another gear when you're ready.
I'm sorry for you losing a friend, especially in the way you did. Nobody deserves to be treated so harshly with no explanation. But give yourself time to grieve and give yourself time to heal. Hurting is part of healing, and it's okay to feel hurt, anger, sadness, all the emotions that come with it. Let yourself feel it. It's the natural course. Don't force yourself to undercut that healing process by forcing yourself to feel any one way, or forcing yourself to "forgive" or any fluffed up bullcrap people like Eva Kor preach. You are valid, you were wronged, and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you for having feelings about it.
Stay in touch my dude. You help heal people for a living. Give yourself that same care. You are a badass.
@WedgyI mean, yea i felt hella sad the first day it happened, (first time she told me to not talk to her) depression actually toke a hold off me, to the point i started cutting myself
(see spoiler, not gonna post old pics of where blood is fresh, its too graphically grotesque, unless...people wanna see it...?)
But after december, (well, more of around december 28th) i noticed my best friend (both online and RL classmate) got worried about me, which they dont usually do, and seeing them worried and saying stuff like *stop being stupid*, *dont die*, it kind of woke me up from depression, which in turn, helped me stop hurting myself, and also lead me to the point where i told myself *i did my best, if she does not want to be friends, i want to end this friendship*
10% of me was still sad, but 90% was me having made up my mind that *i made my real friends worry too much*
And then the designated day happened where she met with me IRL, returned some of my stuff, gave me a note, and suggested i read it in house, and while walking home, got blocked
I did tell her personally too, that if we cant go back to being friends, then i want to officially end it,(and man, did i inhale, and exhale allot just to hide the fact i kind of wanted to cry that day ?, and also the power to tell her i want to end things if its impossible to mend things)
she didnt give me a straight answer (since her answer was already written in the note), and yea
Thats where i just spam told myself, *i cant be broken further, im already broken*, while walking home/running (since i needed a huge distraction, and what better way than to fatigue myself, by way of "pushing it to the limit" ?
And i mean, i may have then started thinking, *why should i help focus on helping others, i should focus on myself more, after all, the groupmates in internship dont even remember me, i gave everyone a keychain in hopes for better bond, but i then i got forgotten,
During christmas party in hospital, i asked for a old groupmates pic, to which everyone seemed *too busy* to stay in one place for the group picture, to which i just got semi mad and left, (they probably didn't notice i was mad, couse i didnt show it, i just *acted cool and left*
couse i mean, i kept going room to room, calling them, and when i come back, i find the guys i called before current one's, have already left and are talking to other people, and i felt like i was the only one who cared and wanted a group picture
So yea, i just left it, out of anger, i decided that i would away my group 3 keychain (which is the very thing i gave everyone, the customized keychain with *their name, and group 3*, spoilers for image of keychain
But yea, one thing will never change, i may focus on myself more often now, and wont randomly help people as often as i used too, out of fear that ill just be used again
Ill still give a helping hand to those that <actually> need one and to those that im close to
Otherwise, as big as my heart is, im gonna have to close this to avoid feeling more betrayal feels >.>
And, as much as possible, i wanna avoid anyone from the group i used to be at
That is, the main reason i threw away my keychain anyway, to throw it all away and start anew
But yea, i just closed my heart on her, if i ever see her in cosmatsu carnival (since i plan to cosplay, theres a chance ill see her), im gonna go ahead and ignore her
I dont wanna feel the pain again, not after i escaped it and is able to tell such tales >.>....