How are you feeling right now? in Chit Chat Posted August 5, 2021 On 8/2/2021 at 2:41 PM, Zila said: On top of the world! Though, I would love to dedicate that feeling and this post to @XII360 for inspiring me to take the necessary time out for myself. To nurture my dreams and aspirations in the arts. When I was in college one of my instructors had told us that we would have to sacrifice a bit of freedom to accomplish demanding goals. It was more than evident at the time but you always end up thinking you can maintain a certain momentum in your life. Without realizing how easy and how common it is to be blindsided by extra responsibilities that come along the way. The last few years I had turned passions into hobbies in order to prioritize more important things. It was a strange place to be, living on autopilot. Exhausting! I couldn't finish projects because something was usually demanding my attention. I didn't protest. There were always more important things to attend to. The pattern to be helpful and reliable to those you love; often of authenticity and sometimes plain old exploitation. Lately I've been wielding the power of "no". Despite it hurting. Some of the people I gave a good amount of time to seemed confused, which broke my heart. There was little room of understanding and appreciation to be found. Subtle manipulation to make me think that I was being the worst kind of person. It left me with a lot of doubt. Sooo, I chilled with my favorite musical and thought to myself, what would Lin-Manuel Miranda do? I recalled one of his sessions with art students that was about the importance of forgoing moments in our lives for our own success and health. Then I came across this gem a few months ago: It helped me check back in on where I left off at my local art school some years ago. Though done differently, thanks to Covid-19. They sent me a registration form for the classes I still needed to finish and that sat within my e-mail for three days. At this point, I was biting my nails because I'm a caretaker now. Realistically speaking, was art even still something I should be emphasizing on right now? I missed it. Terribly. Seeking advice, there were countless others whispering in my ear about how much of a privilege it would be to have the choice. The guilt swelled up. Was I being selfish? It didn't feel like a privilege. Carefully maintaining career, family and a close social circle. The stress, the hours put in. Was having a goal to experience one of my greatest loves in life to the unknown extent of my abilities, selfish? Chatting with XII360 was a huge game-changer. If you ever end up reading this, I was inspired by your aptitude to maintain balance in work, interests and your creative passions. You're a workaholic because it means something to you. Something I lost in order to accommodate people and situations and my role between it all. Just finished my first week in school. I had the courage to participate in a modest section of the Music and Arts competition we had. For me, it was more about learning from other participants and what I could take away from the experience but I ended up making second place out of forty-nine. To have my piece displayed on a large stage projector with a live orchestra competing in the music section, was insane. I still think that it's a mistake that they're being too kind about fixing. Here's a sample of half of the painting I did. The whole piece and somewhat the making of, is on my YouTube channel if anyone is interested. I have yet to share my channel with anyone else, much less be active on it. Please excuse the emptiness you might find there. I also won two tickets to a Van Gogh exhibit in NY. Huge thank you to XII360 for the extra push into all of this madness. You never know who you're going to be inspired by or inspire. I would not have made the decision to chase the meaning in my interests, if you were not a contributing factor. I'm feeling motivated on where I'm at right now but more than anything, at peace with my doubts. As we all end up inevitably facing when they come. Thanks for the growth AF. no joke, this was exactly what i needed on my life right now i too, have been somewhat feeling a bit depressed as of late (maybe the right term is "burn out", but i had depression too xD) questioning what im doing with my life, is there something wrong with the way i do things, and all that stuff i've been doing 48 hours of straight duty as of late, so i decided, screw working, im going on a 2 day sudden break~!! i can work hard again after i rejuvenate myself~! my co-workers didn't question me why i suddenly declared that i wanted to just stay in my house for 2 days, they simply agreed and allowed me to take my break time, i cannot work anyway, i felt too.. "ugh-ish" >.>, mad respect for them and yea, my plan for the 2 days (break started yesterday), was to play DOOM ETERNAL sadness/pain/thoughts are temporary, BUT DOOM IS ETERNAL.meme (sorry, couldn't resist) ...which got scratched off a bit, couse i still have to do our hospitals SRA (special risk allowance) [its basically extra money given by the government, for frontliners during the pandemic] the hospitals HR didn't file anything, so the hospital im working at, their frontliners (including me) wont recieve their SRA, and since i felt bad that they think they are not priviledged to obtain SRA, i went ahead and did all the necessary filings, and coordinated with the HR/admin/Medical Director of the hospital honestly i wont benefit much from the SRA, the computation is basically, you get 5k php (84 eurs) for every 22days of working (8/12hours duty) and based on my computation yesterday...im only getting 8k php (135 eur) not including possible taxes, everyone else getting around 30k php tho! (500eur's) which, lets face it, would really make their day if im able to pull off this incredible stunt so yea, went from semi ugh-mood, to "I HAB BUTTERPLIES IN MI STOMACH" mood after reading this @Zila's post great work on the art, by the way! lets keep moving forward, and get even better in our hobbies, while also facing the terrors of life, that of which we call "responsibilities!"