RuthisianCodex

Today's rose. I do love multi colored arrangements! 

This episode really touched my heart. Hearing Yuki pour out & sort through his feelings & trauma & fight to overcome the shadow that's been hanging over him his whole life is truly something special. I found it of particular interest when he explains why he chose to help her at first. That desire to stand out so badly even if it's at someone else's expense whether by putting them in direct harm's way or at the very least embarrassing them is a running theme with the Soma clan. And it's not just about standing out really, it's more about honestly being acknowledged. Ayame's personality is a great example of this. Some of the things he does are flat out inappropriate but he slithers all over the rules with reckless abandon not because he's a bad person but because his need for attention is that deep. I'm waiting for the episode that digs into his background a little more despite the fact that the harsh truth behind his attention seeking behavior is sure to leave me a sobbing mess. 

And that whole exchange between Yuki & Kyo had my stomach in knots. It's like they're different sides of the same coin. They both feel terrible about themselves despite both being good dudes who really do want to do the right thing, they've each got their own tragic super hero backstories that could make Batman himself reach for a Kleenex, & they both love Tohru in opposite ways. Mark my words guys, Yuki & Kyo getting over their differences & becoming friends is going to be the final shoe that needs to drop in order to break the Zodiac curse & hopefully kick Akito right in the face! 

And I'm sure some of you have caught onto this already but I believe that Tohru's motherly nature towards the Somas is not only her nature deep down, it's also her way of keeping her own mother's memory alive. 

Also, yes, this play is going to be hilarious!  

“I can't explain it very well but it seems that lately, it doesn't matter, human or spirit. If your hearts touch, it's the same thing. When you're all alone, you get lonely, and the first step is always scary. Everyone once in a while, I wouldn't mind them relying on me.”
― Natsume Yuujinchou, Natsume's Book of Friends

This is incredible:

Ogun is such a bad ass!

Natsume's Book of Friends

Came across this today

This week's roses 

Asian inspired baked tilapia, steamed vegetables, and jasmine rice aka My Dinner 

Paranoia Agent was & is a true masterpiece of a show in my opinion. 

Decided to take a break from Bleach & pick back up on Kino no Tabi: The Beautiful World. This anime reminds me of Mushishi a bit. The art style is great & the way that the show addresses various social issues & perspectives is nothing short of brilliant. 

Dinner: Broiled tilapia and steamed lemon and herb creamer potatoes

A full box of Kleenex later...

Yuki, my goodness....

It should be criminal for so much undeserved torment to dwell inside one person. This episode is so deep, it's ridiculous. There's almost too much to unpack here but let me touch on a few points:

I could go on about how much I'd like to drop kick Akito in the throat but I'll try to reign that in a little because there is something VERY important that happened between Yuki & Akito. When Yuki described how Akito's behavior just suddenly changed one day, the first thing that came to mind was some type of mental health situation like bi-polar, schizophrenia, a personality disorder, or something along those lines since in cases like that personality & behavioral changes can just happen at random & the person experiencing them has absolutely no control. Now, the following scenes that follow the ramping up of Akito's behavior lead me to think it's either something akin to being a sociopath, psychopath, just a flat out sadist, or some combination of those but the overall conclusion I draw is that clearly something is going on with Akito's mental health. 

Now, I want to stop here & clear something up. I am a very strong believer in breaking the stigma around mental health & have spent years advocating for mental health awareness. So I do not want my assessment of the situation to come off as demonizing people who live with any form of severe mental health issue. I have met countless people who have everything from eating disorders to clinical depression to schizophrenia to severe anxiety to personality disorders & to my knowledge, only an extremely small percentage of those people ever became violent or did any type of harm to themselves, so that type of behavior is not common no matter how much movies & media try to paint that image. For those who did cause harm to themselves or others, there was always some other contributing factor or several other contributing factors such as homelessness, substance abuse, domestic abuse, etc. There is nothing ok about trivializing the battles that real people fight with their mental health every day, so I try to discuss these topics as respectfully as possible. 

Along this same vein, due to Akito's family status & how much everyone wants to be favored by her, it would be reasonable to assume that Akito's mental stability has never been questioned for fear of falling out of favor thus incurring some type of loss in status or shaming by the rest of the family. So even if people saw things were wrong, they most likely just went with it until it spiraled out of control & Akito's mental health worsened until she became just downright dangerous. Liken this to celebrities being surrounded by 'yes men' while they partake in all sorts of unsafe activities. It is also quite likely that Akito was already dangerous from the start. The reason I think this is because of one of the family members' comment that even the older zodiac children cried when they met Akito. Leads me to think that Akito's instability was something they could all feel right off the bat. Plus Akito genuinely enjoys tormenting Yuki & hurting & controlling others so she's fully aware of what she's doing. Akito almost reminds me of Macaulay Culkin's character in The Good Son. Super creepy movie, if you haven't seen it, you need to.

Yuki embodies the battle that so many people fight with depression with such authenticity that it's very difficult to watch. Witnessing first hand how his physical health declines as his depression becomes more & more severe & then beings to manifest itself in fatigue, weakened immunity, panic attacks, & eventually suicidal thoughts due to the psychological abuse from Akito & the neglect from his parents. And the most heartbreaking of all is that every time he tried to break free of his depression, it seems like something awful would happen to validate all the negative things Akito told him & he would then spiral even deeper into despair. His thoughts about being useless so it would be better if he was not around sliced right through me. Unfortunately, there are people out there right now who are thinking those exact thoughts & they're going to make a permanent choice that will leave their loved ones heartbroken.

Even a simple joy like playing soccer with his friends turned into a total nightmare that made him withdraw & isolate himself from others. His reluctance to connect with others out of abject terror of being embarrassed or ridiculed is almost the textbook definition of social anxiety. When he clutches Kyo's hat & says 'A me that people won't distance themselves from' before breaking down, I broke down right along with him. That wasn't just a cry, that was a wail of gut wrenching agony. I just wanted to pick him up & hold him & make everything ok. This deep need to be loved & his own admission of why he is so drawn to Tohru seals a few things in place for me. I think Kyo is going to be the one to end up with Tohru romantically because we see now that Yuki views her as more of a mother figure. I also think that Yuki will make a good match for Machi. 

Ok, I need to finish my workout, take a nice hot shower, & just meditate for a bit, I think. 

'Everyday....I heard that negative language every single day.'-Yuki Sohma, Fruits Basket(2019)

'Not like I knew how to interact with others in the first place.'-Yuki Sohma, Fruits Basket(2019)

Today's lunch: Vegetarian tenders and steamed peas & carrots

The brand of tenders I got are called Raised & Rooted. 

Welcome in. We're very happy to have you here & hope you enjoy your time. 

It's warm & sunny outside. Even got a little bit of a breeze going. I'm sure it'll change in the next 5 minutes or so though lol. 

I've gotten to the point in Terraria where I've got a two story house & am learning about the differences in the metals for crafting better gear & weapons. I've never played Terraria before so it's taking me a while to get into the rhythm of everything. This is the type of game that I could get lost in for hours on end & really enjoy myself but due to work & my workout schedule, not sure when I'll have a solid 3 or 4 hour block of time to just play my heart out. 

I liked this recent episode that focused on Vanessa. I really like her as a character & I hope that she gets to a point where she doesn't drink so much. As awesome as she is & as much as I like her back story, I'm just not too fond of how she's portrayed. 

Pleasure to meet you, Streak. I hope that you enjoy yourself here. It is nice to meet another older anime fan. 

I am quite intrigued to find out who this new Adolla Burst character is. She does NOT look like someone I'd want to tangle with unless there was just no other way. 

Yeah no, I'ma just wait in the car, you guys can handle this....lol