SAO LILDOOP

I just made a Naruto CCG on Dulst, anybody want to try it out? 

 

https://dulst.com/game-35543696/forums/News

 

Use the discord for matchmaking, thx. 

 

♥ Cell Phone ♥

 

Sitting up at night, a bottle in my hand, 
your picture to my right atop my nightstand, 
my cell close to my ear, your voice comes in so clear,
it's almost like your here, but I'm alone I fear. 
Your words fill up the silence, like refreshing lemonade,
and through this glitchy science comes a sweet serenade. 
And in your voice I hear a twinge, and in your silence a tear...
And in your moan I see, that half-moon smile ecstasy. 
And though your far away from here, I feel you like a canvas, 
your soft skin with paint I smear till nothing's left between us. 
And as you speak I do grow weak like a child, oh so meek, 
and in my heart I pray the day you and I will get to say: 
"I love you". 
For I cannot with clean conscience confess, 
not without unnerving stress,
over the phone my love for thee, 
lest I should stay and you should flee. 

I am looking for players who would be down to play D&D weekly, I want to join a dedicated group who is familiar with 5E, plays on Roll20.net and is willing to play with a first-timer like myself. I know the basics, I have watched all of WASD20's opening tutorial videos and am somewhat familiar with Roll20. 

I am not looking for an entire group, per se, but I am looking for players who are willing to join one. I don't DM since I am new, so I would need a DM. 

My Roll20 account name is D&Diva. If anybody is interested in playing with me, knows any games I can join with them, or wants to join up with me in looking for games, please reply below with you're role in the game (i.e. player or DM) and you're availability (e.g. weekends). Thank you ~♥ 

 

Roll: player 

Availability: Tuesday (pretty much anytime before 7-8 PM). Weekends (but time varies). 

 

Title: Head in the Clouds

 

One step upwards, two steps down,

each time I lift my leg, wait,

1 second passes,

my foot hits the ground.

Head in the clouds, 

wish I had glasses, 

because the fog down here,

it's got me movin' like molasses, 

chokin' down these unnatural gases, 

quick sand cement how the time passes,

and it don't stop, not even when I'm flyin',

cause I ain't got wings, gotta stop denying,

my floor's risin' but not my ceiling, 

Michael Jordan how I float after jumpin', 

but always my feet hit the ground leavin' me pantin',

now by now you gotta be understandin', 

after all I ain't speaking latin, 

what I'd give for more time in the sky,

wavin' goodbye to all the jokers livin' the lie,

waking up on a cloud to meet God in the sky,

what I'd do to do more than get by.

 

But you don't understand do ya?

I can float, understand, wontcha?

Or do I have to show ya?

2 steps upward, wait,

10 seconds pass, 

1 step down, 

shattered bone like cheap glass,

painted stone like Joel Bass, 

10 seconds till I fell on mah ass,

God, are you makin' a pass?

Wait...

 

10 years later and I'm in the chair,

electric? Nah, but I'd dare,

three seconds blind and I'm there, 

Jigsaw cryin' cause I ain't scared,

all cause' freedom I dared,

damn man, sittin' in the can man,

sippin' out the can man, 

everything's a can man,

we compost how we livin',

clean us out, throw us way, 

we ain't gettin' recycled, we dyin' today,

wait, what is today?

 

 

Title: Bright Red Ink

 

The devil's in the details, at least that's what she said, she wrote it all in bright red ink just to get it through my head,

signed it with her signature, a name I once held dear, threw it in my face in front of a courtroom for all to hear,

stung me like a bee when I'd been sweet as honey, then took my colony and with it all my money,

called it irony for all I'd said and done but when it comes down to it in hypocrisy her fortune's spun,

so to the sun bid I farewell and to the moon goodbye, for days and nights come but twice a week for this melancholy sigh,

I'll take the blame for the loss when those children on high cry, but you won't see me buckle, no, you won't see me break,

not when I remain under their melancholy eye, nor will she, the love of my life  or at least last month,

for it isn't fair for one to be all beauty without a little beast, yet I don't give up, not even when tempted with a lead feast,

though I don't get up, but two times a week, because it hurts too much to go outside, when whether day or night, its black as pitch hide. 

Title: Ordinary Man

 

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me,

don't you see, I'm an ordinary man,

take a look, if you can at this ordinary man

Read a book, watch T.V. I'm too ugly for ecstacy, 

break a leg, drain the keg, now you know what it's like to be me.

 

I'm to la-azy, what is wrong with me, call me ba-aby, 

please go out with me, 

wake me from this dream, neurotic fever scene,

save me from myself or let me rot in hell. 

 

It's painful here, the end is clear, 

so I grab my beer to wash away the fear,

of the unknown.

Contradictions, they laught at me,

I am not who I'm meant to see,

this man inside my head,

he wont stop until I'm dead.

 

I'm to la-azy, what is wrong with me, call me ba-aby, 

please go out with me, 

wake me from this dream, neurotic fever scene,

save me from myself or let me rot in hell. 

 

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me,

you see, I'm an ordinary man, 

I play pretend, like when I was ten, 

pretend to know I can, 

win the war, win the fight, or maybe just the night,

damn man, there he goes again,

the adult in me can't seem to stay in his pen,

gettin' real on me just when I was listening, 

to the mirror me, the flipside imagery,

courtesy of this neurotic fever scene. 

 

Personal hell, more like personal heaven, 

only catch is the fact that I'm aware of the leaven,

may as well be a miner how I'm makin' this coal, 

diggin' deeper and deeper into this hell-hole, 

don't think I'll find my way back again.

Don't think I'll find my way back again,

don't think I'll ever find my way back again,

but I keep my shaky self in tact

by taking solace in the fact,  

that I'm just an ordinary man. 

 

 

 

This is awesome, I have been listening to a lot of slipknot lately so I kinda read this as if they were singing it. Really good and I love the imagery it leaves me with, like a battlefield. Awesome.  

Dandelions and Roses do not mix

one draws blood the other licks, 

painful pleasure, toxic measure, 

thorns evoke the predator. 

 

Hunger grows and it shows, 

stifled blows, bloody nose, 

pollinate the ecstasy, 

but from up here its not hard to see.

 

Essence, aura, pheromone, 

touch it, smell it, like a drone,

listen with your senses dear,

maybe it will stop the fear.

 

Rain drops from on high, 

pity pouring from the sky, 

starving, starving you're not done,

drink it down till there's sun. 

 

Then snow, just snow, 

cold as the glow, biting as the blow, 

then wilting, lilting without the rain, 

just frozen visions of the same.

 

Petal by petal, gust by gust, 

this poor rose returns to dust,

and beneath the earth lies her grave, 

beside the dandelions gaze.

 

So pass the days, so pass the minutes, 

so pass the hours, so pass the years. 

Seconds upon seconds, infinity jeers.

What would you miss the most from you're everyday life if you lived in a post-apocalyptic world without any of the fun things you like to do daily (e.g. text, listen to music, etc.)?

 

So, I have had long hair for the past couple of years. I liked it at first but recently I have gotten quite sick of it seeing as I almost always wear either a man-bun, braid or pony-tail variation. I think its a well known fact that life is just a little less colorful, a little less happy and fun when you don't look as good as you want to, and I am kind of getting bored with myself; so, recently, I have begun trying to find new fun hairstyles to try for long hair. I am not looking for sexy hairstyles, but instead for cute hairstyles, specifically ones with bobby pins. Anyway, to get to the point of this post (and stop wasting your time, sorry) I am in sincere need of some recommendations, this is because whenever I look for cute bobby pin styles I can't find any for men! 

I would love it if a bunch'a people would post cute bobby pin hair styles for men (excluding any and all pony-tails, man-buns, etc.). I would prefer a nice hairstyle that is kind of foofy, anyway, I have found a couple of hairstyles in anime I like, for example: 

Out of the two I prefer Juso's, it's a little cuter imo, but I hope you guys also have some suggestions. It's hard finding stuff like this for guys, lol. 

 

Edit: I also prolly couldn't do either of the above hairstyles because my hair is quite long instead of medium length, so as I said before, "foofier" is better. Thanks. ♥ 

Title: Cold Coffee Cup

 

The wind whistles, the mill whines, 

the flesh bristles in these chilled times.

The air bites, the sun wanes,

from days to nights the earth complains.

While mind doth falter, and flesh doth fail, 

while quiet does psalter, and love doth pale,

in the cold, buried all alone, lies an old, cold,

coffee cup.

 

While knee's do bend, and feet doth tread,

while backs do ache, and earth doth quake,

while wind doth blow, and mercilessly so,

the old coffee cup doth remain, dully the same.

 

Now, as wind grows quiet, as demons howls do retreat, 

as Helios does once again rise, and into the skies voices entreat, 

that old, cold, coffee cup starts to feel a change, 

his cold exterior starts to, itself, rearrange, 

and, that one last drop of coffee so cherished, 

begins to slip down, like a sinner from his parish.

Each day it stoops, just a little lower, 

and each night its saved, just a minute longer, 

and as the bells of hell begin to toll, 

our old coffee cup finds himself beneath a sole.

His warmth has died, his drip has dropped, 

his life bespied, charitably stopped. 

A broken image, of a thawed demeanor, 

a hollow vision, a tormented master, 

and all that remains, to signal death's grip,

is a brown liquid sputter, and a rusted out chip. 

 

 

Title: Say What you Want

♥♥♥

I said you could drown if you wanted to, 

drown in my love, I don't got a clue, 

say what you want, but please, 

please don't forget the view. 

 

Oh yes I cried when you walked right out the room,

and I tried but its just too much to sweep, with just one broom. 

So say what you want, I don't got a clue, 

I don't understand what you're meaning to, 

do to me, I can see, who you are, who you'll be,

and I know you'll be with me, 

as I'm with you...

 

So say what you want, I don't got a clue,

drown in my love, yes I'm beggin' you, 

soar like a dove if you're meaning to, 

but I know who you will be, 

and you'll end up with me,

you sweet thing you, yeah, its true, 

you'll end up with me, 

come on, you know it too, 

you'll end up... with me.

♥♥♥

 

Love you guys, hope you enjoyed this cute little poem! 

Note:

I was Thinking it would sound really good as a song sung is kind of a folk-song way, I would love to sing it sometime but I am not a very good singer; if I practice maybe I can do it someday, gotta learn how to play guitar too as I think it'd sound better on Guitar than piano (my current instrument of my choice). 

 

Title: A Child's Dream (How I used to Smile)

 

Do you remember how I used to cry, how I used to sigh and fake a smile, how I used to lie and live in denial?

Do you remember how I used to curse, how I used to fight and how I used to lose?

Do you remember how you'd be my nurse? Stitch me up nice with whatever was in you're purse. 

Do you remember how ungrateful I'd be, playing it cool, hoping you didn't see, what it was like to be me.

Do you remember how I used to smile? Do you remember, cause its been a while...

 

Do you remember how I hated the rain, how the cold showers only reminded me of my pain?

Do you remember how I used to cut, I wore long sweaters so you wouldn't see, what it was like to be me.

But you did... and you stayed.

 

Do you remember how I used to write letters everyday, do you remember how hard it was to say?

Do you remember unfolding that note, do you remember what it was like to choke, back the tears and back my fears?

Do you remember what I looked like, dangling from that rope? 

Do you remember what it was like to be me?

 

But I swear I didn't do it, I swear I was stronger, 

I swear I didn't let you down, I swear I'd have held on longer, 

I-it w-was this drunk driver you see, came out of nowhere and ended my misery...

I swear I didn't let you down, but after all, you know what it was like to be me...

 

Now, as you stand over me, are you crying or is that rain?

I can feel its soft pitter patter on this stone-cold grave. 

Please, tell me you remember, please, tell me their tears,

please, tell me you love me, and I'll tell you, "Be brave". 

Please, cry me a river, please, cuss me out cold, 

please, say you adore me, please, don't be so controlled...

 

I can you feel you're soles, feel you're temperature, feel you're chain, 

I can you feel Jane, feel you again, but can you feel me, beneath all this terrain?

Oh, Jane, please, just let me share you're pain...

You've borne mine so long I can stand to see you go on, not like this...

But just once more, could you cry for me? 

Could you show you care for me, still have that picture of me?

remember when we were three, and we climbed that tree?

R-remember, how I asked you to marry me, down on one knee, just a baby?

Oh Jane, won't you please cry for me?

 

Now I hear your parents, "Come on lets go",

and I hope, just hope, you urging them, "no".

Now the footsteps grow distant, which welcomes the thunder, 

welcomes the rain and welcomes the sputter.

If only now, then what then? Were those truly you're tears, for me, being shed?

But now I lie all alone, with only my thoughts, 

and that single nagging question, 

do you remember how I used to...

Can you forget how I used to:

cry, sigh, lie, curse, fight, lose? 

And just remember how I used to...

Smile?

 

Can you remember how I used to laugh, 

those rare times I wasn't bleeding in the bath.

Can you remember how we used to talk, 

it wasn't always about death, tragedy and pain, 

don't you remember the days when it didn't rain?

Say you remember my voice, that giggle I'd try to hide, 

tell me you remember my choice, my resolve to make you my bride.

And a child's dream never changes, it just learns to migrate into the recesses,

and the recesses of the brain, away from where all the pain is...

 

And I think I know now, just why I'm here. 

It's a message from above, packaged up neat and delivered here, 

to the doorstep of my fear, written in capitals, crystal clear. 

And yet... It's like staring through a cold can of beer, on a hot summer's day.

Like staring through a tear while you're begging me to stay.

And it's hit me like a punch right to the gut, that you'd ask me to stay even today.

Yes, I guess, I was always right and you didn't mean it; that tight lipped facade was so that you could believe it.

But you couldn't, though you would, until today...

And that's okay, I mean, it's true, what can I say?

A child's dream never dies, it just migrates into the recesses and the recesses of the mind...

Away from where all the pain is.

 

Replaying Last of Us to get hyped for Last of us 2 (I think I'ma buy it today). Also been playing a lot of MH: One's Justice and Injustice 2 lately. 

I am feeling this song so much right now, "Mama, I am that rich man" is such an awesome line! 

Obv I am a guy and not a tom-boy lol, but this song is just undeniably epic. 

This is a book I am working on, it is written in sort of a poetic way soI thought I'd post it here. It is about a Jiangshi, a chinese undead vampire. I may post more of it here later (or maybe I'll keep it to myself, lol) who knows. Anyway, tell me whatch'a think (if you feel like it).  I intend to tackle some serious social issues with this. 

 

 

Prologue

Darkness, a sound like hooves beating upon the ground and then… silence. A familiar smell entails a choice victim. Only a slingshot from the immutable stance of the emboldened figure whose name has yet to grace my tongue stands the prey. Weak and ripe for the raping, stout yet altogether senseless; it is an easy target for the musing mind of defilement.

The moon dare not shine her divine light on this moment; the grass dare not keep silent upon this violent apparition nor the wind attempt not to warn the witless victim. Yet, it is by cause and effect that Mother Nature functions and through superiority that she fortifies her lodgings.

A blood-stained beast of hell drenched in blood of an amount so much it alludes to post-pregnancy. His mouth, so dark and abhorrent, the blood of the innocent permanently permeating his taste-buds transforms a smile, a laugh, a yawn into a most surreal contradiction.

His fingers, spindly and raw serving almost as several misshapen proboscis threaten the victim even after death has said his cold good-byes. His hair, stale and unkempt turn-coat from its originality under the eye of the divine moon goddess; it serves as a scarlet foresight into the existence of this inhuman terror.

Thumping, a continual loathsome beating equatable unto that of the drums of war. A blood drenched orgy, dancing triumphantly almost as if in rebellion against the mance of the victim lying beneath him. A trail of entrails naught which the insects may refuse as their own. A meal deprived of meat with left none but a bone to with scorn the bypassing beast; a feast from which comes no sustenance but for the glutton of whom stripped bare all before the declaration prevailed unto the multitude.

 

Jiang Shi

This is a book I am working on, it is written in sort of a poetic way. It is about a Jiangshi, a chinese undead vampire. I may post more of it here later (or maybe I'll keep it to myself, lol) who knows. Anyway, tell me whatch'a think (if you feel like it).  I intend to tackle some serious social issues with this. 

 

 

Prologue

Darkness, a sound like hooves beating upon the ground and then… silence. A familiar smell entails a choice victim. Only a slingshot from the immutable stance of the emboldened figure whose name has yet to grace my tongue stands the prey. Weak and ripe for the raping, stout yet altogether senseless; it is an easy target for the musing mind of defilement.

The moon dare not shine her divine light on this moment; the grass dare not keep silent upon this violent apparition nor the wind attempt not to warn the witless victim. Yet, it is by cause and effect that Mother Nature functions and through superiority that she fortifies her lodgings.

A blood-stained beast of hell drenched in blood of an amount so much it alludes to post-pregnancy. His mouth, so dark and abhorrent, the blood of the innocent permanently permeating his taste-buds transforms a smile, a laugh, a yawn into a most surreal contradiction.

His fingers, spindly and raw serving almost as several misshapen proboscis threaten the victim even after death has said his cold good-byes. His hair, stale and unkempt turn-coat from its originality under the eye of the divine moon goddess; it serves as a scarlet foresight into the existence of this inhuman terror.

Thumping, a continual loathsome beating equatable unto that of the drums of war. A blood drenched orgy, dancing triumphantly almost as if in rebellion against the mance of the victim lying beneath him. A trail of entrails naught which the insects may refuse as their own. A meal deprived of meat with left none but a bone to with scorn the bypassing beast; a feast from which comes no sustenance but for the glutton of whom stripped bare all before the declaration prevailed unto the multitude.

 

Jiang Shi

Title: Sweet Devil

 

As you walk you are bombarded with: pictures of ecstasy, rumors of obscenity 

and as you run towards visions of serenity you are only bombarded still...

And that face, unblinking as if frozen in time hanging onto this one rhyme, it haunts you.

Sweet devil. 

One hand on the bible and the other in the cookie jar, how did you get this far?

House in denial, you're pain's gone viral, how are you living now?

It's time to put yourself on trial.

Would you take a stranger home, hold them down until they moan?

Its not a hard question so what's with that tone? I wonder...

Would you sit down in a club and throw you're money to the dancer? 

Please, sir, answer, its impossible to deny a stance here. 

Would you blame the victim for her choice of clothing? 

Oh, now what's with that look of self-loathing? 

Sweet devil. 

You say, "no", every time, but you lie, live an ideal for this rhyme and they cry.

"But young men just wont do, they'll turn you black and blue, 

they'll break you're heart in two and go away laughing as they do". 

sweet devil. 

Its like looking in a mirror, you hate it but its part of you, 

its like looking to the past, present and future. Oh, what will you do?

And these ecstatic images dancing in you're mind, they are only visions slowing the climb.

You're blind to their problems but so protective of hers, what makes the majority inferior and one girl superior?

Sweet devil.

Hypocrisy rules your pitiful life, you warn her of yourself by warning her of them. 

You don't care and you know its true, you'd never give up a piece of ass if you didn't have to.

You can't bear the reality of what you knew. who you'd be, who you were. 

You can't change the present but you sure as hell can put on a mask if you're up to task.

The difference between you and them is you pretend you've changed while they acknowledge they never will.

Sweet devil.

So just go on condemning yourselves, condemning others and playing the hero, 

just go on condemning your past while hiding your future, the same prerogative.

Just go on and on and on, it just goes on. Why can't you just be good?

You know you should so simply do it. 

Put down the Viagra, can't you think without it?

Weakness controls you, don't you want to quit it?

Sweet devil.

She serves only as an excuse to comfort yourself, 

to tell yourself you're doin' alright, 

because facing you're reality, its an awful sight

and you can put it off just one more night...

On and on and on...

 

 

 

On 2/5/2020 at 10:36 AM, Seshi said:

To: @SAO LILDOOP

I adore your poetry

Your words are lovely

They dance off the page and around in my mind

Thank you for bringing your world into mine

- Happy Valentines Day

First of all, I'd like to thank you for this @Seshi what a nice poem to wake up to in the morning.  

 

To someone sincere, whom I hold dear

this is for inspiring me when I think no one can hear,

you show me I can make an impact and really connect

with those whom I speak to even when I don't mean to,

so thank you, and happy Valentines day (In advance) Seshi. 

 

-Sincerely, SAO LILDOOP

Title: I Love (You) Poetry

"I want to write poetry". Such an inquisitive moment but I remember it so well, the warmth of the words, the paper, that smell...

It was like nature was greeting me personally, calling me by name ever so calmly and presenting an outlet to present joy, fear and pain... 

A tag on which to inscribe my name. 

I feel that same warmth to this very day, it's a start in the heart that dances softly across the spine; an inspiration all mine. 

I don't need to think about the words and neither do you, just allow the music in your soul to surge through you. 

Sweater to big for my little arms, slippers too loose around my ankles, blanket wrapped just right around my snug body,

I feel just like a child snuggled up close with his mommy. 

The day will come, when you'll feel the warmth of an open log furnace, an embrace from a sincere face and maybe even...

That strangely familiar heat of inspiration, like holding the hand of your crush for the first time; 

You don't need to look her in the eyes, just allow her warmth to cure you're nerves and pick up the pencil. 

I want to hear you're ideas, I want to look at your mind, I just hope you don't mind; I know I'd love what I'd find. 

So don't be afraid, just open up, you might even surprise yourself. 

I love you, love yourself and always remember, don't let anybody else dictate how creative YOU can be. 

 

Stay positive whoever you are, you're priceless; here's a playlist of all the songs that make me feel warm, happy and inspired. 

 

 

 

Name: SAO LILDOOP Age: 19 Gender: Male

Big or Little Spoon? Perfectly comfortable either way. 

Kisses? Yes Where: Not anywhere NSFW, lol. 

Acceptable Nicknames: Pretty much anything as long as It is said in a sweet way. 

Can We Build a Fort? Yes, sounds like a lot of fun.  

Video Games/Movies: Chick flicks, V for Vendetta, Tekken/Mortal Kombat, Multiplayer Resident Evil.  

Pillow Fight? Literally could not say no, lol. 

Pants Required? Yes! Unless we're married, lol. 

Can I Fall Asleep? Yes, falling asleep is cute. 

 

Higurashi has been confirmed to get a new installment (most viably sometime this year) and, alongside a short announcement trailer the new adaption has already garnered itself its very own website (https://higurashianime.com/) as well as twitter page (https://twitter.com/higu_anime). This news was released the 6'th of this month (I'm 2 weeks late, sorry) but was teased earlier with the delay of Ciconia phase 2 by Ryukishi07, stating, "Very good news is coming on January 6'th". 

 

It has not yet been confirmed what exactly the project is. It could be a reboot, remake or even (fingers crossed) a continuation. However, all we know for sure right now is that Higurashi is back, and I think that's enough to get most of us die-hard Higurashi fan's excited. Now though we may not know the details of the plot we do, however, have information regarding the studio producing this new adaption as well as the artist tasked with redefining the familiar faces of all our favorite Higurashi characters. 7'th expansion is working on the project as expected, however, studio Passione (known best for works such as Highschool DXD and Citrus) has come into the limelight as the producer of this new Higurashi adaption. The new artist designated to 7'th Expansions latest, "When they Cry" installment is none other than Akio Watanabe (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akio_Watanabe). I don't know how to feel about this to be honest, seeing the trailer I do enjoy the new art-style (Though I am a stickler for the classic), however, will it hold up in the long run with all of the bloody details this new Project will be most definitely throwing at us? I just don't know. I remember way back when I watched, "When they Cry's" Ova's (Also known as Rei and Kira) and I didn't even like that change though it was mainly lighting and very nuanced. 

 

All in all I trust 7'th Expansion's judgement with concern to taking on Akio Watanabe as well as Studio Passione and look forward to this new project whether it be a visual novel, remake, reboot or continuation. With the announce of this new project the Higurashi fandom has been buzzing and there have been some new strides made in the way of commercializing the new project, such as re-airing both seasons 1 and 2 of the OG Higurashi on AT-X in Japan. 

 

Have a look at the announcement trailer below and be sure to post your thoughts in the comments section (If you feel like it). Ni~Paaa

 

One last thing: Who is you're favorite Higurashi Character and thereby the character you are most excited to see re imagined in this upcoming project? Personally I love all the characters but my favorite was always Rena (The flagship character of both the original seasons as well as this new project).

Title: Language of the Universe (Like an Endless Flood)

 

Bath towels and Cigarettes, long nights unaccompanied by rest, warm water above this bloody drain; I'm being drained myself, I'm being drained.

The drip drop of the faucet like an endless flood, wading through this water, wading through this mud. 

And the language of the universe, it knows my name. The language of the universe knows my name...

I'm not the same, I'm not the same. And the drip drop of the faucet like an endless flood. 

I wish I could turn it off but the handles broken. I wish I could shut it out but there's a crack underneath every door!

There's a crack underneath every door... Am I really living anymore?

This intrusive song echoing from beyond like a chinese gong, how long will it last, how long?

How long can I last? I can't deal with my past!

Because she's always got the joker and all I've got's the queen. 

And the drip drop of the faucet like an endless flood.

These sounds, they used to remind me of incandescent youth, when I was ignorant of the truth, when we... This song. 

And I wish I could turn it off but the handles broken! The handles broken! The handles broken! 

And I wish I could shut it out but I'm broken... there's no way out. 

And the knock at my door doesn't remind me anymore, of: her touch, her smile,

But only that of a corps's...

And her tongue sounds the same with much less flavour

and her palates unchanging even in danger, or when informed by a stranger...

Yet I've been here all the while, learning a second language to justify it.

But waters water even to the dead, the lame, the blind and those I try to keep out of my mind! And my mind...

"I'm just a sojourner here, I don't understand your language!" I wish I could say, 

but she'd only respond, "Then what's with that tear?" in drip drops, the language of the universe like an endless flood...

I can see it on his brow, in her frown, in the hiding of her face beneath her wedding gown... When will I drown

In the language of the universe like an endless flood?

 

 

 

Title: Porcelain Heart

♥

When the day is young and the bells been rung I'll lie awake in this song I've sung. 

And the scene will go with a flash of yellow, my heart aglow and maybe a pinch of snow.

And I'll lie in bed, 'cause I don't care. Those tears I dread can't find me here. 

Inside my head its Christmas day, strapped in tight to Santa's sleigh. 

Phone in hand and flight laws broken just to leave that girl a token,

of the word's I've spoken... under the covers with furry lovers.

My breath's so hot and my arm aches, but its so easy how the bone breaks.

And the clock ticks on nonjudgmentally as if it too is ignoring me.

The moonlight calls us all sometimes, that's not easy to forget living in these words and rhymes.

But I just wish we could forgo the silent callings of the world we know, so we could know one another.

Y'know its funny, times not cheap but neither is money and when you work that hard the world sure looks sunny.

But cooped up in these porcelain walls I cannot hear those distant calls. 

I'm not a child and I know Santa's gone, but I just wish his miss could hear this song...

Because I'm warmblooded in the winter and cold every other time, and no dollar or dime could break that rhyme.

But it's not like I've forgotten the days spent outside, no, in autumn there were a lot. 

And its not like I've forgotten the days spent on the road, friends side by side and the grass not mowed.

No, every time I look outside I can feel that charcoal heat on the bottom's of my feet. 

I can feel that wind around my eyes and the length between the ground and the skies. 

And I can smell that smell, so familiar, like a breath of tobacco and a whiff of ginger.

But I don't like to linger. If I had to choose between school halls or bathroom stalls I'd choose the latter.

But I prefer glass walls where the tick-tock of the clock reverberates like an echo in outer space.

Because if the former took first place I'd only ever see that face, and I don't have a can of mace to erase that image from my mind...

So I stay inside all day and play, after all, don't all kids wish they could live that way?

Now the tree stands tall and the leaves conceal... nothing, nothing to steal.

Yes, the tree and me, we've one thing in common; we're both dead inside on this Christmas joy-ride.

And I know there are millions, but what happened to the ones place, there are billions but what happened to the "smile on every child's face?"

And I can feel it, that Christmas spirit, only when I'm allowed to come right near it,

or when they take it in their hands and smear it right on my eyes, "See, look what Santa buys".

Why do the naughty kids punishments get prioritized? They'll just fight it out when the fire dies.

You get it don't you, you see it too, right? The cold gnawing of this Christmas night?

"Loneliness makes it worse and so I wish you might, come and speak with me tonight?" 

Nothing, whether artful or described could touch me like this, natures call from the mist.

The beep of the phone, the flash of the light, it resonates within these walls tonight. 

Now I can't find the door or maybe I don't want to because these walls are made of glass, light enough to punch through!

Now out in the cold, mittens drenched with blood, (or is it the other way around?) I plod onward listening for that sound. 

But I've never heard her voice, nor the choir and that's always been my choice, so now I'll live like a liar. 

Any voice will do, its hers its true! Any voice, any voice will get me through. 

But I feel a cold crunch like the cracking of ice and I feel a sharp pain I've only felt twice. 

And I know its not nice, its not what you wanted, but I've got no rhymes to return to, no plan B's plotted.

So I'll just sit down and stare at my hand, glass protruding and blood pouring from every bruise. 

But I'm numb and don't feel a thing, this winter will chill me right through this wound. 

And on this Floridan Christmas evening I will catch frost bite. 

♥

On 12/11/2019 at 9:42 PM, FeelsGudManINC said:

According to this article, you should be fine.

Hope that helps.

Thanks, I think I'll buy the game soon then.