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SoullessMarshmallow

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SoullessMarshmallow last won the day on November 10

SoullessMarshmallow had the most liked content!

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About SoullessMarshmallow

  • Rank
    AF's Cannibal Marshmallow

Personal Information

  • Favourite Anime
    Re:Zero
    Danmachi
    Card Captor Sakura
    FMAB
    Overlord
    Gintama
    Baccano!
    Soul Eater
    Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt
    Kill la Kill
    Mushishi
    Madoka Magica.
  • Location
    Spacey Space
  • Occupation
    Student Musician
  • Gender
    female

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  1. First Boyfriends and Realizations

    Thank you ^^ I learned that fact about loving myself the hard way as you can see But as you said, I'm glad I got some good out of it, like a positive attitude. Hopefully I'll meet that person when I'm ready! I hope the best for you as well, Leolf! You have a wonderful day, too, and let's get stronger together!
  2. What would you do if the user^above you had a crush on you?

    Wouldn't really mind, but I don't know them well. They seem really nice, though!
  3. First Boyfriends and Realizations

    Thank you, I always try to look at these experiences with a positive attitude. Gosh, that's horrible, I'm sorry. It must've felt terrible when you found out she cheated on you... But I'm glad we're both growing stronger together from these vile experiences ^^ I appreciate the kind words. Here's some friendly advice: don't rush or force your first kiss; it should just happen ^^ And kissing isn't all that great unless it's with the right person, haha. Thank you ^^
  4. Entry nº3 - Always on the move

    Wow, Sugoi! It's amazing that you're multilingual, but it came at a price, huh? The punishments there that they enforced look to be pretty cruel, and almost violent. You gotta have some thick skin as a kid to endure that stuff. It's good that you only had to spend two years there. I really admire how you stick up for your friends! It's always a good quality to have, especially since they're younger. You must've set a good example for them if you always defended them. Can't wait for the next update.
  5. First Boyfriends and Realizations

    Lately, I've been thinking a lot 'bout how I've changed in the past few year, and even though life's been pretty crappy so far, I think I've progressed pretty well. Although I'm definitely not the best possible version of myself, I've realized that through all the shit, I'm really getting there. But what I've really been thinking about was my first... "relationship", I suppose. It happened two years ago, but it feels like forever. Whenever I thought of that moment, I always questioned myself, asking myself why I'd ever date such a jerk. Why I'd ever date someone who could care less about me. Why I was the victim. And after two years of thinking, I've finally come to a conclusion. I was scared. I remembered holding my phone, rereading every last part of the conversation this boy and I had. It was Halloween, I remember that. I was just going over to a friend's house for a party. I remember feeling a rush of excitement as I got another text from him, and then, most of all, I remember reading those words. It was a confession. Pretty cowardly way to confess if you ask me - especially since he goes to my school. But of course, I was pretty dumb, and pretty damn naive. Yet, before I responded, something in my gut stopped me. I can't explain it very well, but it's like a heavy blanket that tightens around your heart, squeezing it in a strange way that makes you feel as though you're about to do something wrong. Now, let me just say, I never really liked this guy. I barely talked to him. I mean, I guess he was kinda cute and pretty cool, but other than that, I didn't think much of him. The logical route would have been to reject him, right? Tell him he's okay, but I don't feel the same way, right? Well, no. That's not what happened, because I remember, so very, very clearly, that all I could think about was how I was going to waste a happy moment of my life, a potential happy ending, a potential partner who might fill in the hole that my dad left in me; someone who I could share a happy ending with. Yeah, I know. I was really young to even be considering these types of things, but remember: I was dumb and naive. So I did the smartest thing a person could ever do, and I told him that I liked him back. Big. Mistake. As if I hadn't thrown myself into a pit already, I decided to dig my grave even deeper. Because the thing he texted me right after that was: "I love you so much." This immediately made me feel uncomfortable, and even a little violated. I never thought of him that way, and my gut was telling me to tell him to buzz off. But I didn't. I fed his ego and I told him I loved him back, even when I didn't. And you know what? It gets worse. As this continued, I began to convince myself I loved him. I began to think that we were meant for each other. It's so weird, but it's so true. I think it's because in some strange way, he made me feel nice. Pretty, even. Maybe worth something. Or maybe I felt bad and I never realized it. But he made me feel pretty, and that's what fueled my ego. He made me feel nice, and when he put his arm around me, he made me feel great. Amazing. Like I was being protected - yet, at the same time, I felt uncomfortable, guilty, un-confident and ugly. It was the strangest thing I've felt for six months. But it only got stranger after we had our first kiss. I'd never kissed anyone before, so I... I didn't know what to do. He just came up to me and asked when we were gonna kiss. I kept telling him we just got together and there was no rush, it just had to happen. But he kept coming and coming, and asking when I'd kiss him. I told him no every time, but eventually, eventually I just forced myself to. And it was horrible. Let me tell you, having a tongue clog up your throat is the worst feeling ever. But it didn't stop there. He wanted to make out everyday. And of course, I said no. And then the cycle repeated. Everyday. Some days they felt good. Other times they were a chore. Most of the time they were horrible. But I couldn't stop, because I thought I "loved" him. I thought I knew what love was. I thought he "loved" me. I thought this was going to be okay. At this point, the lovey dovey stuff didn't happen as much. Pet names stopped, compliments were rare, him putting his arm around me was rare. He only ever complimented me when he wanted something, and of course, I let him have it. And it was even funnier, because he was flirting with other girls at the same time - and I was totally in denial of it. The only place I drew the line was when he asked for nudes - and you want to know something else? 1) I almost did send him nudes, and 2) We still stayed together. My best friend at the time told me how unhealthy this was. I didn't listen to her. I didn't listen to anyone. But eventually, she convinced me to fight back. And boy oh boy, did that backfire. First day, he told me I was being rude and weird. Second day, he was pissed off. Third day, he accused me of not loving him anymore. And the cycle repeated. The only good thing that came out of this shit was one of his friends. That friend of his.. a good listener. I'd talk and play video games with him often, and we'd screw around with each other, and... it was nice. Of course, that friend of his developed feelings for me. And of course, my boyfriend got mad, and told me that I couldn't talk to him anymore. And of course, I let him have his way. I never talked to his friend the same way again. Then he told me that my best friend was trying to break us apart. I believed him. And the cycle repeated. ... We stayed together for another two months until I finally realized what I was doing to myself. By the time we broke up, I had already lost my best friend, the guys in my class thought of me as a whore and as a cheater. My ex spread a rumor that I cheated on him with his friend, and that I played him. Honestly... Next year, though, out of the little good karma I had stored, my ex left the school and never came back. Now, two full years later, I look back on this and in some strange way, I smile at it. It's comforting to know that I've straightened myself out; nice to know that I know I'll stand my ground when I say no next time. Nice to know that I'll never have to see him again. I haven't dated since then, but it's only because I feel like I needed to focus on becoming whole by myself and to truly love who I am. I'm really thankful for all the horrible things that boy caused me to do, and all the horrible things I did to myself. Because one day, when I love myself and when I find someone who truly loves me just as much, I'll know what it feels like to truly love someone else - I'll know what it really means to love happily.
  6. Looking forward to posting a new blog entry today ^^ By the way, How's everyone doing? ^O^

    1. Random Marshmallow

      Random Marshmallow

      Too many things to study for. 

      Other than that, pretty good. 

    2. Rudilla

      Rudilla

      I'll be glad to read it myself. I'm doing great by the way, I hope it's the same way around for everyone.

  7. Hey there, @SoullessMarshmallow.

    I saw that you make signatures and would be willing (if you're not willing I'll force you to:P) to help me (not me, I saw that you'd be willing to help @SAO LILDOOP and I'm begging you to help me too!) make one .

    I hope that my "request" (more like an order:P) becomes fulfilled to my desire.

    -AniMeFReaK.

     

    1. SoullessMarshmallow

      SoullessMarshmallow

      Sure thing! Sorry I couldn't get to you sooner :o I was really busy yesterday. PM about how you'd like your signature done ^^ (PS, I just want to warn you that I'm not that best, but I'll definitely try to help you!)

  8. What's your favorite Animal?

    Ne, that's great! ^O^
  9. What's your favorite Animal?

    I love foxes. I've always admired the way they're always portrayed in Aesop's tales; witty and strategic. They're also presented like a bunch o' sasses in the fables as well
  10. Hi!

    Welcome to the forums! I feel you on a personal level I don't ave a lot of time to watch anime as much as I used to anymore T_T Anyway, I'm Mallow/Soulless, feel free to message me or anyone else if you ned help or just wanna talk ^^ Enjoy your stay! Baiii~
  11. Entry nº2 -My chaotic class

    Thank you, I appreciate your kindness ^^ Don't worry, I'm trying to hang in there. It's only six months away, so I think I can make it. I just don't want to change now, because I don't want this school to think that they helped me positively change, which is anything but. I'm thankful for your advice, and I welcome you to talk to me if you need to ^^
  12. Hi moderate weeb here

    I made it myself n' stuff ^^ Do you need help making one?
  13. Hi moderate weeb here

    Hayo~ Welcome to the forums! Everyone here's real friendly, so don't feel shy if you just wanna message some random people if ya wanna talk! ^O^
  14. Entry nº2 -My chaotic class

    Thank you, I will. ^^ If I ever need to talk, I'll come to you~ You're very kind, Rudilla.
  15. Entry nº2 -My chaotic class

    Hello! This peaks my interest, so I hope you don't mind if I drop my two cents here~ I totally agree with you on the attention part. It's ridiculous to ridicule, degrade, and harass people just in the hopes of one day becoming "popular" or "trending". It's horrible that people can disresepct teachers, cause a ruckus, and even start fights and get almost no punishment. But the one thing that I can't fully agree with you is the cheating segment. Yes, it's horrible to cheat. You're dropping your moral standards very, very low, believe me. Most of the time, it's because the students could care less about their studies and more for popularity or maintaining their image. But sometimes, cheating is a strange way for... retaliating against authority I suppose, for others. As you know, I'm going through a rough patch here. I have no educational drive, nor do I care about my grades. My school provides me with the same redundant information each year, with little to no changes. We're trained to spew out memorized sections and then immediately forget them afterwards. My teachers could careless for any of the students (save for those few, glorious angels), my principal only cares about maintaining the school's image, the nurses fail to care to any of the students, and I have no drive to get up from bed anymore. I dread going there every day, I dread the scent of the halls, the lectures from my math teacher, I dread my classmates, but most of all, I dread the redundant chapters and quizzes and the lack of excitement. And that's exactly why I cheat. It's rare, but I do cheat. Only on special occasions, though. But yes, I'm one of those kids that sneak their study guide in their desk, or write mathematical formulas on their legs. I know, I'm horrible and despicable and everything you hate. I'm sorry, really. But you see, I don't cheat because I need to; I do just fine with or without my cheat sheet or my equations scrabbled right under my sleeve. I cheat because there's a certain rush you get when you check your study guide when the teacher's back is turned, and because there's a specific feeling that pounds in my chest when I do; a feeling that's like I'm retaliating against all the horrible shit they've put me through. It's weird and horrible at the same time, but it's a coping mechanism for me. It's not the healthiest of choices, but it's far better than what I used to do. I can't explain why it makes me feel like I'm giving them a taste of their own medicine; maybe it's because I'm putting as much thought as they do into their curriculum? Perhaps, but it's something bigger than that. I can't quite place my finger on it, but that's just how I feel. Anyway, this was just my opinion. I'm well aware cheating is bad, but I'll stop in high school. Like I said, it's only on special occasions, too ^^
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