Single Status Update
I realized that in a few months it will be the day where I start being depressed. shit i hate it. it has been so long since the start... I thought all of this could go away eventually but I'm still affected by it. the more time it pass the more I'm scared it will continue. i hate this. all i want is to be able to watch anime and play video and be happy. what am I even supposed to do now. it has been so long that I'm starting to forget what it is to be happy. i don't know what to. the more time pass the more it seems to become worse. Everyone i talk to about this keep brushing it off and sort of forgetting about it. Now I'm not even able to feel emotions when listening to music or watching anime or even in my daily life. i just feel like a robot. on top of that my grandpa died not to long ago, my grades keep getting worse, i keep having insomnia and waking up at 12am. this is the only place i know that i feel a little bit myself. before the winter week I would be so exhausted that I would sleep in the bus and sometimes sleep pass my stop. I thought that i could finally figure out what was happening to me and try to have time for me but here i am being lost again. I always felt alone with nobody who could understand me but anime was always there to cheer me up. I could always just go and watch any anime and be happy in a way. my life finally was coming to be better but this fucking depression made it even worse. I was finally starting to have fun but it just scraped everything over without me knowing why. my parents always tell me that I should go outside and do sports (which I already do) but I have always done that and on the opposite side I am always more happy when being in my room doing my things than having to do sports my parents would want me to do. all I want is one hint of me being happier and getting out of this hell. please just one. also just to not make you worry i don't want to kill myself i just want this depression to finish because after all anime, manga, video games are the reason im doing this!
I've been dealing with bouts of depression myself since my dad died a year ago. New Year's Day was kinda tough to get through because of that. Mine sort of comes and goes, but I guess that's because I'm working just about all the time. I often feel like I should seek out a professional to help me with this, but it's difficult to do, I admit. I wish I could be more help to you, and I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. I don't know if this matters to you or not, but know you aren't alone.
Keep fighting, and if you think it might help you even in the slightest, seek professional help.
@viruxxI know that you have good intentions here, however, I do not think that seeing a shrink is the answer. I think he simply needs a best friend who understands his desires and can help him deal with whatever else may be causing him distress - much easier said than done unfortunately. From my experiences, therapists only make the problems worse as a general rule, and I have seen more than one - all of them were certifiable weirdos exhibiting clear signs of neurotic tendencies, save for one possible exception; even the individual that I liked as a person I would still never trust with everything. The person was still a stranger that I did not know enough about...though a distinguished professional the person may have been, that person was still a human being which means that the person was not infallible or completely impartial. Everyone in a given occupation has their own professional biases and their favorite ideologies...this is the part of the soft data that is often referred to as the human element. Anyone who believes that even esteemed scholars are always correct and never wrong about anything is essentially tantamount to arguing that these people are not really human and given toward human prejudices like everyone else. Moreover, so-called 'mental health professionals' are basically required to be slaves to whatever conventional wisdom holds to be true during a given era. If you have read or watched works of historic literature dealing with the practices and procedures of the field then you will notice how much it has evolved over time - in some ways for the better...in other ways for the worse. I would actually argue that the psychology field as a whole has largely regressed and only in certain small areas has improved any. I think it's a shame honestly because I know that this science could be developed into something that is actually useful in getting straight to the heart of the matter...but it won't be. Why? Because the cruel moneyed interests do not want that, as they callously do not care about the needs of others.
It sounds like there might be more going on with Soramee_ here than he is telling us about. I don't know his complete backstory and out of respect for him I will not force it out of him against his will, but based on what he seems to be telling us here is that his only real desire is to be left alone and to play video games and watch anime. It feels as though he is trying to find emotional escape from something else which is beleaguering him in his personal life...like that maybe anime and video games are the only things which make him feel truly alive...perhaps because he finds modern society so repugnant and devoid of anything beautiful which makes him feel passionate and full of energy?? I know that I probably don't know the whole story here. Even if that's all that it really is, I can actually sympathize with that. Modern society ( as it exists today ) is a very ugly and dystopian social construct. It would have to be a very bitter thing to come to a point when one realizes that the only thing they have to look forward to in life as an adult is to be a worker bee who increasingly spends most of their waking life away from the things which give them comfort and joy and being pressured by society and their own family to leave those things behind as they come of age.
I don't want to close this on such a depressing note though. Since anime and video games are apparently the things which make him feel good as something to fall back on emotionally, I think the key to reversing his situation may be in isolating the qualities about those hobbies that bring out the best in him. I think the odds are probably more than 50% that this all stems from problems Soramee_ is having with his social life. Maybe he had a traumatic experience in his past that he hasn't told anybody? I have hit rock bottom before myself, let me tell you. I am no stranger to suffering. In fact, one of the reasons that I decided to take up writing is because I wanted audiences who see my work to be able to empathize emotionally with the sorrows and injustices that I have personally experienced myself within a fictionalized context. I am hoping that it influences people to try to make the world a friendlier and less despotic place.