Soramee_

Haven’t done anything I wanted to do for the past week. I even skipped some days but I just ended up sleeping. This is really painful. I want to play games or read visual novels but i don’t have any energy. I just wanna have fun. I did play with my new friend but it was mostly me sitting in a vc with her and her friends saying nothing. It wasn’t really fun lol. But I’m used to it at this point. Never finding anybody to talk to or anybody I can connect with. Never having genuine fun and not being able to say anything I truly think. I feel like I need a lot of rest but I won’t able to get it since it’s always more important for my parents for me to go to school and get good results on exam. Even on days I need rest I’m still forced to study, to catch up what I’m missing, not being allowed to do anything I like and because I’m only left with the option of sleeping so it can be the night faster. I’m scared of even talking about what I feel or what I think. I’m scared of posting this. Idk why. If I want to fight back to get more rest and actually recover even just a little bit I would need to fight and… that would just hurt me and hurt my parents even more. I always need to look happy with everyone. I always need to put a mask. Idk what to do. Nothing affects me anymore. I don’t feel anything. Whenever there is a chance I get happier my brain just changes correlates it to something I hate and makes me forget the rest. This is torture. I can’t even cry. I can’t even shout. My body won’t let me. I have become so scared of my parents coming down in my room in a panick, like they always do, that the moment I cry, the idea of them coming into my room just keeps appearing in my head continuously without it going away and in the end making my body stop crying. I can’t even feel relief. I can’t even feel emotions. I can’t even control my body. I can’t focus. I can’t remember anything. I can’t feel comfortable. I can’t be myself. I can’t even say anything to anybody. I can’t do things I like. What just what am I supposed to do anymore. I need help. Sorry for being selfish but I really need help. I need someone to help me. This is my last call. This is the only place with remains of myself.

I failed… yet again I failed. Like every single time, I failed. I don’t know who to trust anymore. Idk what is good or bad. Idk what I should be doing. I need help but have nobody so I guess I have to figure it out alone yet again. Like every single time. Alone

I’m stressed to the point of crying but I’m not allowed to stay home on a school day for the entire year it seems

I’m stressed to the point of crying but I’m not allowed to stay home on a school day for the entire year it seems

Wow, I'm so tired. 

Knowing you’re a fan of Haruhi, thought this article might be interesting to you

https://www.crunchyroll.com/anime-feature/2023/03/11/photos-haruhi-suzumiya-returns-to-akihabara-in-special-noizi-ito-exhibition

she is singing magic knight rayheart op right now. come check her out!!

she is singing magic knight rayheart op right now. come check her out!!

my day was shit.... until then

https://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm5741407

I need to go to my cousin place again… 

Question, what cakes would you like to eat at a maid cafe?

The con im working at in 2 weeks has given me 8 slots to fill and im struggling to think of cakes to make/get

rough ideas so far are

-black forest gateu
-trifle
-eton mess
-blondies
-carrot cake

I also need to take these cakes down to the very bottom of the UK. halp me decide or give suggestions

I just lost my lunchbox somewhere in school… aaaaaaaaaa

I realized that in a few months it will be the day where I start being depressed. shit i hate it. it has been so long since the start... I thought all of this could go away eventually but I'm still affected by it. the more time it pass the more I'm scared it will continue. i hate this. all i want is to be able to watch anime and play video and be happy. what am I even supposed to do now. it has been so long that I'm starting to forget what it is to be happy. i don't know what to. the more time pass the more it seems to become worse. Everyone i talk to about this keep brushing it off and sort of forgetting about it. Now I'm not even able to feel emotions when listening to music or watching anime or even in my daily life. i just feel like a robot. on top of that my grandpa died not to long ago, my grades keep getting worse, i keep having insomnia and waking up at 12am. this is the only place i know that i feel a little bit myself. before the winter week I would be so exhausted that I would sleep in the bus and sometimes sleep pass my stop. I thought that i could finally figure out what was happening to me and try to have time for me but here i am being lost again. I always felt alone with nobody who could understand me but anime was always there to cheer me up. I could always just go and watch any anime and be happy in a way. my life finally was coming to be better but this fucking depression made it even worse. I was finally starting to have fun but it just scraped everything over without me knowing why. my parents always tell me that I should go outside and do sports (which I already do) but I have always done that and on the opposite side I am always more happy when being in my room doing my things than having to do sports my parents would want me to do. all I want is one hint of me being happier and getting out of this hell. please just one. also just to not make you worry i don't want to kill myself i just want this depression to finish because after all anime, manga, video games are the reason im doing this!

please help her she is at 19.2k and she wants to get 20k by the end of the year. I'm sure she would like it if you would subscribe to her!!!

please help her she is at 19.2k and she wants to get 20k by the end of the year. I'm sure she would like it if you would subscribe to her!!!

please help her she is at 19.2k and she wants to get 20k by the end of the year. I'm sure she would like it if you would subscribe to her!!!

please help her she is at 19.2k and she wants to get 20k by the end of the year. I'm sure she would like it if you would subscribe to her!!!

It's good to be back. So much hassle that needed to be worked on.

My apologies for not being online for a long while.

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you all have a lovely day whether you celebrate it or not!

I am only now realising it Christmas tomorrow

merry Christmas!!

Listening to Japanese radio stations through an international radio app is such a trip. The talk show hosts all talk a mile per minute. Music choices range from American punk to the latest J-pop (and the occasional traditional ballad). The weirdest station was one in rural Hokkaido that was nothing but religious talks about kami-Sama (God). Japan isn't a religious country, so that one really stood out.

I've been really sick all week. i would wake up at 12am and sleep at 6 pm because my body can't handle it. I hate this

all throughout recess today Christmas songs were blasting through the speakers and it was literally torture

we did 6 text and 5 oral presentation in french class since the start of school... I wanna die. send help