Just venting

[Yuuki_Radosian]

Not sure if this is the est place to post this and in fact im pretty sure this will be taken down but this is mainly being done to help me vent (if im being honest)

Things have not been great, I am currently single, unemployed and have been living with my grandparents and other close family in our family home for the past , honestly i cant even remember how long at this point we have 1 person between the 5 of us with a stable job and my grandparents health is not good mentally and physically, and things are tense and difficult to say the least. I have no will to do anything, if i wake up before 4pm on any given day its an achievement, I feel useless and like I have no purpose I wake up eat , sit on my computer for a while and go back to sleep. I have had 0 luck finding a job and have been trying to get overseas for the past few years (with no success).

My family is constantly disappointed with me, not that I can blame them, I had quite a promising career path which didn't work out, and since then I have fallen into a rut. this is not uncommon for me as i know myself and that i often tend to give up after failing something (if you cant do something perfectly then there's no use doing it so why try to do something you already failed at). 

I know many people out there and probably on here have much worse problems and situations but I am at such a low point mentally and emotionally at at this time that If im being honest the main thing that keeps me going is the thought of what could happen to my family and friends should something happen or should I.

i have have and have had many issues with my mental state for a long time and I am afraid of myself and what I could do to myself or others as I often have moments when I am not in control of my body and moments when i have no recollection of what I do or why I do them.

Anyway this is me just venting.

Im sorry optic and I understand why this will probably be deleted or removed (and I fully agree that a forum that is made for the purpose of people sharing their love for anime is not really the place for this, this is just me venting and again sorry)

Edited September 13, 2020 by Yuuki_Radosian

[XII360]

3 hours ago, Yuuki_Radosian said:

Not sure if this is the est place to post this and in fact im pretty sure this will be taken down but this is mainly being done to help me vent (if im being honest)

Things have not been great, I am currently single, unemployed and have been living with my grandparents and other close family in our family home for the past , honestly i cant even remember how long at this point we have 1 person between the 5 of us with a stable job and my grandparents health is not good mentally and physically, and things are tense and difficult to say the least. I have no will to do anything, if i wake up before 4pm on any given day its an achievement, I feel useless and like I have no purpose I wake up eat , sit on my computer for a while and go back to sleep. I have had 0 luck finding a job and have been trying to get overseas for the past few years (with no success).

My family is constantly disappointed with me, not that I can blame them, I had quite a promising career path which didn't work out, and since then I have fallen into a rut. this is not uncommon for me as i know myself and that i often tend to give up after failing something (if you cant do something perfectly then there's no use doing it so why try to do something you already failed at). 

I know many people out there and probably on here have much worse problems and situations but I am at such a low point mentally and emotionally at at this time that If im being honest the main thing that keeps me going is the thought of what could happen to my family and friends should something happen or should I.

i have have and have had many issues with my mental state for a long time and I am afraid of myself and what I could do to myself or others as I often have moments when I am not in control of my body and moments when i have no recollection of what I do or why I do them.

Anyway this is me just venting.

Im sorry optic and I understand why this will probably be deleted or removed (and I fully agree that a forum that is made for the purpose of people sharing their love for anime is not really the place for this, this is just me venting and again sorry)

yooooo brooooo

dont worry about it, the post you did, doesn't exactly go against the rules and reg's of the website (and we dont really have such rules anyway)

feel free to vent it out, venting your sadness out is hella better, than say, keeping it to yourself im one to talk though, as i dont have the balls to vent out everything >.>

3 hours ago, Yuuki_Radosian said:

My family is constantly disappointed with me, not that I can blame them, I had quite a promising career path which didn't work out, and since then I have fallen into a rut. this is not uncommon for me as i know myself and that i often tend to give up after failing something (if you cant do something perfectly then there's no use doing it so why try to do something you already failed at). 

come now, dont say that, everyone has to fail at something -- to get better at something, we can use my art skills as an example

my drawing back then was utter sh*t, unproportionate, big eye, big head, etc etc, cant even do blushings and all that, but look at me now, im doing a comic -- that of which was suppose at the 3rd page, but for some reason, is still going >.>....

another example is, from my board examination, i've failed my first board exam, and i was suppose to take it this march, but thanks to NCOV, it's been moved to...2021, and since then, i haven't really studied as hard as i used to, im honestly a little scared ill fail again, due to how lax i am at the moment, but that doesn't mean im gonna give up at it even though, to be honest, i just wanna run away from it all, seriously, its so much more easier to just run from these things, than to face them head on -_-

i-i dont exacly know where im going with this, but yea, basically

idk mang, lemme post you some depresso, but relato songs (depressing, but relatable) in your profile ofcourse xD