Animedragon Posted August 16, 2022 Share Posted August 16, 2022 A man walked into a doctor's surgery and said: “I think I’m addicted to Twitter.” The doctor looked at him and replied, “Sorry, I don’t follow you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted August 19, 2022 Share Posted August 19, 2022 Did you hear about the man who drank a bottle of invisible ink? He's in hospital waiting to be seen... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 Did you hear about the glass-blower who inhaled? He got a pane in his stomach. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efaardvark Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 What does a vegetarian zombie eat? GRAAAAINS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Takatofan1986 Posted August 28, 2022 Share Posted August 28, 2022 Why wouldn't the clam share its pearl? Because it was shell-fish I hope this is okay to post, but I was reminded of this song my sister had when I was younger, involving lots of Dad jokes involving underwater. Some are borderline nsfw though (Nothing bad is said, but a couple jokes have double meanings. The worst one I actually just realized what they meant a year or two ago, 25 years after hearing it for the first time.) If this is too bad for the forum I apologize!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 28, 2022 Share Posted August 28, 2022 A string walked into a bar, sat down and said to the bartender, "I'll take a whiskey." The bartender replied, "We don't serve your kind here. I need you to leave right now." The string gets up and walks out of the bar. Just then, a boy scout happened to be passing by. The string asked the scout to tie it in a knot. The scout agreed and tied the string into a knot. Then the string asked the boy to loosen its ends, and the boy did so. The string walked back into the bar and sat down where it sat before. The bartender said, "Aren't you the string I just threw out of here?" The string replied, "I'm a frayed knot. Now get me a whiskey." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efaardvark Posted August 28, 2022 Share Posted August 28, 2022 (edited) When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese. Edited August 28, 2022 by efaardvark 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 What do ticks and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They're both Paris sites. Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems! Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece. Which came first? I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted September 3, 2022 Share Posted September 3, 2022 A man put a map of the world on the kitchen wall and told his wife to throw a dart at it and wherever it landed that's where he'd take her on holiday. On Monday they start a week's holiday behind the fridge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 19, 2022 Share Posted September 19, 2022 What do you call a cow that has recently had a baby? De-calf-enated. How do you feed 100 people with one loaf of bread? You cut the ends off of it, and now you have endless bread. I lost interest in digging tunnels. It was boring. A new leaked government tape shows that a Mars rover saw some sort of feline life form on Mars. However, before they could get any more info, Curiosity killed the cat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 27, 2022 Share Posted September 27, 2022 What would happen if Uranus collided with Earth? It would be a pain in the ass. My girlfriend thought it was weird that I'd never seen a chicken strip, but I've never seen a chicken wear clothes either. During the war, when board games were illegal, my grandfather was arrested. He was a Yahtzee sympathizer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otaking66lives Posted September 27, 2022 Share Posted September 27, 2022 Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted September 27, 2022 Share Posted September 27, 2022 (edited) 8 hours ago, Otaking66lives said: Edited September 27, 2022 by Animedragon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efaardvark Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 What do you call something that's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick. What do you call a dead pine tree? A nevergreen. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efaardvark Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 What's brown and sticky? A stick. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 3 hours ago, efaardvark said: What's brown and sticky? A stick. This is one occasion where I miss having a *GROAN* emoji. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 I pirated a movie yesterday. I gave it 3.14 stars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 3 hours ago, viruxx said: I pirated a movie yesterday. I gave it 3.14 stars. Very good. But I must be a bit slow this afternoon, it took me a few minutes to get that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 5 hours ago, Animedragon said: Very good. But I must be a bit slow this afternoon, it took me a few minutes to get that one. When I first saw that one, it took me a minute as well. Math was not always my best subject. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efaardvark Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 16 hours ago, Animedragon said: This is one occasion where I miss having a *GROAN* emoji. Classic "dad joke" material, right? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 6, 2022 Share Posted October 6, 2022 2 hours ago, efaardvark said: Classic "dad joke" material, right? Best part is, whether you get laughs or groans, it's a win either way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deeath Posted October 6, 2022 Share Posted October 6, 2022 "I'll call you later." "Don't call me later, call me Dad." The energizer bunny went to jail, he was charged with battery... Why is divorce rates so high for tennis players? To them, love means nothing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 6, 2022 Share Posted October 6, 2022 On 10/4/2022 at 11:21 PM, efaardvark said: What's brown and sticky? A stick. What’s red and brown and sticky? That bloody stick again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efaardvark Posted October 14, 2022 Share Posted October 14, 2022 Why was Cinderella bad at baseball? Because her coach was a pumpkin and she ran away from the ball. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efaardvark Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 Have you heard about the new extreme camping trend? It’s in tents. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta-way. Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? You should never press your luck. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now