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Fears/anxieties/disorders?


Archaeowolf

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Hi all. I wanted to see if there was anyone else like me who was dealing with some mental illness things like depression, anxiety, etc.. Lately i have been feeling really alone because I have agoraphobia. :(( it's hard for me to go to places I don't know well and there is a lot of pressure on me because i'm not able to work a traditional job.

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Hi all. I wanted to see if there was anyone else like me who was dealing with some mental illness things like depression, anxiety, etc.. Lately i have been feeling really alone because I have agoraphobia. :(( it's hard for me to go to places I don't know well and there is a lot of pressure on me because i'm not able to work a traditional job.

I don't know if it's depression exactly but I'll spend a good amount of time being sad. It's a constant struggle to remain happy. It's easier for a Wailord to fit through the eye of a needle than for me to remain happy for any extended length of time.

As for fears....I would say my greatest fear is losing the people I love the most.

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I have some major social anxiety that can be overwhelming. I've had to have people lead me out of bars that were too busy because I was in too much of a panic to do it myself.

 

A lot of stuff in general makes me nervous. I'm always worried I'm bothering someone with my requests to hang out. I can't eat in a moving car cause it gives me anxiety. Having a crush on someone for me is modifying because my anxiety shoots through the roof. I'm a walking ball of freak out sometimes.

 

Over the years I've gotten better at socializing with new people but it can still be a struggle.

 

I deal with moderate depression and moodyness too. I take medication for that.

 

Hi all. I wanted to see if there was anyone else like me who was dealing with some mental illness things like depression, anxiety, etc.. Lately i have been feeling really alone because I have agoraphobia. :(( it's hard for me to go to places I don't know well and there is a lot of pressure on me because i'm not able to work a traditional job.

That's a heavy burden to deal with on your own. Always remember you're not alone. It's simple but reminding yourself that others go through the same thing and it's ok can be helpful.

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I have quite a few things I deal with. Depression and anxiety mostly, the depression came around 2009, then the anxiety issues.

 

I was also diagnosed with Asperger's at 15 - seemed to explain several things to me because I always thought I was a bit odd by what other people think, but there's nothing wrong with how I act and behave, just have some things to improve on.

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I am afraid that I come across as a bit of a douche bag to some people because I swear a lot, in arguments I tend to be very aggressive and loud and I have some pretty strong opinions about some things. So I try to stay as quite as possible and will sometimes storm out of the room if someone makes me angry so that I calm down.

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I have Anger issues and depression issues (both since before I was 10) , homicidal and suicidal tendencies (long story short my step mom tried to kill me , failed and my father didn't care so now I have some issues from the whole experience) and I hear and see things at times , most of this is due to my tinnitus which I have had since birth , it never stops and never changes one sound going on in your head forever it's enough to make me loose it sometimes.

 

I also have some anxiety issues but that's only when talking to people via electronic means , sometimes people don't quite get what you say because it's hard to convey tone in text , I have no such anxiety IRL at all so it's pretty much just this which the forum and all you guys and gals help me out with.

 

(^v^) THANKS :P

 

Oh and I have quite a few OCD's ...

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Well, I guess I have some issues, too, my social anxiety being the worst and most annoying. I always thought I was just shy.... but then reality hit me ._.

I've also dealt with depression and self-harm in the past but thankfully I managed to get over it...alone (and guess what... no one noticed :P ). I have to admit I still get depressed with even the tiniest disturbance in my relationships with people but I've learnt to control it somehow. I guess when your self-esteem is as low as the temperature in the south pole, it's easy to think of yourself as a worthless piece of trash :P

I also have serious trust issues (as a result of being severly bullied and abandoned by a lot of people ._. I hope they fall in a pit and break their necks). I used to be a real bitch back in middle school just because I was scared everyone was just pretending to be nice to me and only wanted to use me. I've learned to keep this under contol as well. Still, I have an issue with being touched that remains. In elementary a couple of kids thought it would be fun to hit me on a daily basis, so if someone that I'm not very used to touches me, I go inself-defence mode (there is a chance I'll elbow someone in the stomach ._.).

Lastly, it's my OCD. It's usually nothig serious but there are some things that make me loose it (like the misplaced pens in the bookstore...or if my books aren't ordered by height...or if stuff is sticking out from other stuff...random stray hair on a plushie? CUT IT!!!) .

I really hope I didn't forget anything....

I do have my good points though....I'm funny....I think :P

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Hi all. I wanted to see if there was anyone else like me who was dealing with some mental illness things like depression, anxiety, etc.. Lately i have been feeling really alone because I have agoraphobia. :(( it's hard for me to go to places I don't know well and there is a lot of pressure on me because i'm not able to work a traditional job.

 

Aw, sorry to hear that =/

 

I can relate to an extent. I have Bipolar Type II, it first became apparent when I was 17 or 18. I didn't know it at the time though. Along with it and because of it, I also developed serious alcohol abuse issues, self medication so to speak, and ultimately got to the point where I was near constantly drinking around the clock, pretty much downing a large bottle or two of hard liquor every day. After nearly getting alcohol poisoning I finally talked to the doctor about it, got referred to a psychiatrist, who then set me on the right track to dealing with my issues. Now I'm pretty much in full control, but I do have some serious ups and downs on occassion.

 

I also have a problem of a more physical nature which I won't go too much into, but it also played a part in my downward spiral and still gives me issues to this day, though with constant maintenance it shouldn't be life threatening.

 

On a lesser note, I also have a weird aversion to phone calls... I'm terrified of talking on the phone. Walkie talkies? No problem, don't bother me at all. But when the phone rings at work and I have to answer it, time stops for a second and I go into full panic mode.

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Well, since others are being open I might as well......

 

Where to begin......

 

The beginning really. I was diagnosed with autism at the age of 2. Not Asperger's. Classic autism. The "associated with the movie Rain Man" variety. The "commonly mistaken for straight up MR" variety. I do not remember anything from when I was diagnosed, or even remember experiencing being as limited as reports suggest, but my mother and written documents state that I didn't answer to my name, meaning that if my name were called I wouldn't relate the thing being called out to me as an identifier on a cognitive basis. There were a few other things that are probably relevant that I can't think of right now. I spent the next several years hard at work. I was never in Special Ed full time. I had some supplementary assistance, yes, but I was mainly in regular classes. All was reasonably well in childhood. I did make a threat against a girl's life, revealing and setting up issues that would be developed much later, and I did have to witness several accounts of verbal abuse against my mother and older brother by my grandmother, but my childhood was alright.

 

Well, the grandma thing is important........so I'll elaborate.

 

My grandmother was an alcoholic, but she did have ownership of the house. My mom was a single mother, still is. She didn't have anywhere to go to my understanding, and the relationships she formed that led to myself and my two brothers were questionable. She has issues, as do our respective dads. And I will try to answer to the "your mom is a whore" criticism by saying that my older brother and I are about 7 years apart and my younger brother and I are 12 years apart, and if memory serves she did little, if any, dating outside of these three. May require further context, but that's all I know.

 

 

Grandma spared me from the brunt of the verbal assault up until she passed around New Years 2009.

Because of these attacks on my family, I became afraid of conflict. If people were arguing or fighting in my vicinity, I would get stressed. I could handle it if it were in a fictional context, but reality? Need to get away. Of course, this caused me to be very pacifistic. I have always tried the path of least resistance. I required a defense in case running was not an option. The result was sort of terrifying. When I felt the fight or flight response kicking in, fight meant property damage, threats, and assault, and flight meant curling into the fetal position and suicide attempts. That's the simplest way I can put that. It's far more complicated and I may have this wrong, but that's my understanding of it right now.

 

 

My big problems revolve around two things: severe OCD and internalized categorism.

 

OCD isn't the random tics. The random tics and rituals offset the real problem: obsessive thinking. I tend to over-analyze. To conspiracy theorist levels. I will give examples in a second.

 

 

Categorism is a term that encompasses all group based discrimination (racism, sexism, that sort of thing). Internalizing that means you belong to a group you don't want to belong to, in a sense. So internalized categorism is basically hating yourself for being who you are. I hate myself for having autism, being mentally ill, and having specific interests (anime included).

 

 

There's a huge amount of interplay between these two. I'm conscious that anything I do or say could be interpreted as something only a disabled person would do. I restrict my behavior so much that people don't learn that I have autism, am mentally ill, like certain things, etc. It becomes too much and I ruin my own facade. Here's where it gets really bad. I can't exhibit any behavior that could interpreted as nervous or that of a mentally ill person where law enforcement is involved between the news over the last few years about school shootings and the fact that the mentally ill can be profiled (not to Psycho-Pass levels, but that would be petrifying). I can't reveal my interests due to the stereotypes revolving around them.

 

General population:

Japanese animation: weirdo, idiot, childish

Animation in general: (same as above, possibly more so)

Wrestling: gullible, stupid

Disability: "r-word", using as crutch, "you don't seem disabled", well-meaning but pity-driven sympathy

Depression: "get over it", "grow a pair", emo, "world's smallest violin"

Anxiety: "get over it"

Anger: insanity, incarceration, "needs to be put down", "deserves death"

 

 

Psychiatric Professionals:

Animation: would get sent to an institution due to a possible link between this interest and mental instability. This theory comes from several nerd media based studies connecting things such as comic books, Dungeons & Dragons, video games, and anime to juvenile delinquency and psychosis. This dates back at the very least to a flawed, yet still influential book called Seduction of the Innocent.

 

 

Seduction of the Innocent - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

 

Don't get me started on within fandoms. I can't define my own tastes, so I could be attacked by newcomers and veterans to anime for various reasons. I also abstain from critics due to certain views they have being parroted for no reason, doubt being generated concerning my intelligence and worth as a person for liking certain shows or recurring tropes, and the possibility that those very people would tell me to kill myself if I didn't agree with them.

 

 

 

 

As for now.....here's a brief version.

 

 

 

* Get accepted into a University. Transitioning from a two-year school to a four-year one. As well as from an assisted living home to a college dorm (this is a very complicated story to tell and I'm getting tired so....not today)

* Am supposed to get help from the company I lived under every so often

* transition works fine

* Loneliness sets in

* Inability to make connections with others becomes more obvious to me

* End up limiting my exposure to my strongest support system for admittedly trivial reasons

* Company tricks me into signing myself out

* Medication runs low

* Pressure gets to me

* Acting out gets me in trouble, put on behavioral probation

* GPA slightly lower than necessary, full tuition scholarship in danger, housing also in danger due to conditions of probation

* Direction of therapy not going where it needs to go. Focus on current events, not root causes

* Director of residential life being a possible ablest (though I might have been reading into things)

* A certain hotline proves counter productive as the volunteer ends up triggering me further (unintentionally, but still)

* I crack and threaten suicide

* After talking with some res life employees, I'm approached by the campus police who say there's an ambulance outside for me. I go with the assumption I would be back within a few days......

* Learn on day 2 or so that I was going to be evicted.

* Due to an even more complicated situation I had nowhere to live. I spent a good while in there.

* Released to my mother under the impression that it would be quite temporary. The release was seven months ago.

 

There was a reason my mother was reluctant to take me. This is the only place at the moment that I could be monitored by people that understand how to deal with me on a reasonable level, but it is highly detrimental to my development as a human being. I have left the apartment less than 10 times. I'm not really monitored actually, just cared for. I can go hours without talking to anyone. And I mean actual conversations, not things like twitter banter. Isolation at this level can do damage. I'm really only here until there's somewhere to transition to.

 

The friend I mentioned in my intro post, the "elitist" (though he's more of a litter-bearer, one who likes something but hates other fans), he is the only person I spoke to about anime at all for some time via skype. The changes I saw in him I found unsettling. Just hours ago, I blocked and cut ties with him in any way I could find. twitter, skype, tumblr (deleted that, even). I didn't want to look at tweets that exuded that much hatred.

 

 

I fear being who I am, but even worse I fear not knowing who I am. I've restricted myself so much for so long that the emptiness became who I am, not what I was actually hiding.

 

 

I'm really sorry for the info dump. I did not know how to make this short. Context is kind of important for most things in my life.

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I don't know if it's depression exactly but I'll spend a good amount of time being sad. It's a constant struggle to remain happy. It's easier for a Wailord to fit through the eye of a needle than for me to remain happy for any extended length of time.

As for fears....I would say my greatest fear is losing the people I love the most.

Don't get too sad Suki. :)

 

 

The only anxiety I know is that whenever I hear loud noises I start to panic as hell. Especially when a car would honk loudly in streets. As a result to this I'm kind of afraid to cross the streets on my own. Another thing is during fireworks display or in new year I can't help but to cry excessively and lock myself in the room.

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I'm probably "depressed." Not sad, though. Possibly schizoid, but I like it.

 

I think I used to have anxiety, but my apathy has become my most dominant trait, overwhelming any reason(s) for me to have anxiety or other worries. In fact, I am unhealthily unanxious about things. A small bit of anxiety is good, apparently, but I've got none anymore.

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I have deression, self harm, suicide and abandonment issues.

 

When i was in school i was repeatedly hit by my teacher on different occasions, itd be a kick to the ankle one day, a smack the next etc, just little things i guess but still abuse.

 

When i 13, i started hating myself, i felt unclean and like no one loved me, i fell really deep into depression and self harm, i trusted people and all of them let me down and betrayed me, iv went to a counselor and he was a complete dick to me. And that's been my life up b until now, 21.

 

I am a little happier and i don't self harm as much, i did get picked up by police for threatening to kill myself though.

 

I thought i had a really good friend but he turned out to be a bigot and started bullying and pushing me away because I'm Gay.

 

My family hate the fact I'm Gay, and i get bullied online alot for no reason.

 

So now i have issues with trust and being abandoned, i think everyone is out to get me, i freak out when i go in public places incase one of these people see me.

 

Ontop of all this i have OCD cleaning problems and can't get a job to support myself.

 

Sorry for being a downer.

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  • 2 months later...

Hmm. Let's see.

 

*FEAR OF SPIDERS.

*Fear of heights

*Fear of dying alone

*And fear of dying in combat although the sacrifice would be worth it if we won the war I suppose.

 

Edit:

And I have a cleaning obsession with making sure dishes are ALWAYS cleaned properly, kinda like OCD I guess.

And hearing people chewing drives me berserk unless I can somehow "outnoise" them.

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First of all. *hugs everyone*

 

I would say I had a hard upbringing with some major alcoholism and a harsh family life. I was a mess as a teenager but now that I am into my late 20's I admit it doesn't bother me so much. I do have some anxiety sometimes that can make me a little awkward or really nervous in some situations but I have embraced it. I just go with the flow. In the last few years I have gained a much better out look on life that I am thankful for.

 

I do wanna let everyone on this forum know that I understand these are real issues and if any one needs a friend to talk to or vent to you can always pm me. :)

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I Have mental health problems , OCD i hear and see things depression

i find things hard a lot of the time but anime helps me get my mind of that

not been watching that much of it lately as av been busy with church ( am christian ) and groups

but am going to start watching more of it

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I Have mental health problems , OCD i hear and see things depression

i find things hard a lot of the time but anime helps me get my mind of that

not been watching that much of it lately as av been busy with church ( am christian ) and groups

but am going to start watching more of it

 

Im christian too!, sort of

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  • 2 weeks later...

Last year I was diagnosed by my doctor with moderate to severe depression and social anxiety...Because of this I have been unable to go back into working still as of yet because I still don't feel confident enough in myself to face it and could quite possibly end up having a panic attack or nervous breakdown again like what happened before I was diagnosed :(

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  • 1 month later...

I've become fearful of any more betrayal, be it me, my friends, or me and my friends.

 

I've seen far too much of it. Usually either for the stupidest of reasons, or for absolutely no reason. It's been happening over the past few months, and it's making me a hell of a lot less trusting.

 

I want to ask; is there something in the air that's causing people to betray others for their own gain, regardless of who it hurts? Is it a betrayal contest? What is it?!

 

I'm worried about who's next; either way, I want the betrayal to just stop!

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Hi all. I wanted to see if there was anyone else like me who was dealing with some mental illness things like depression, anxiety, etc.. Lately i have been feeling really alone because I have agoraphobia. :(( it's hard for me to go to places I don't know well and there is a lot of pressure on me because i'm not able to work a traditional job.

 

All I suffer with is a severe case of insomnia. Although it can be draining, at least it has the positive of lucidness. P.S: don't feel alone. If you ever need to talk about anything, feel free to speak to me or anyone else on the forum. Please just don't keep yourself locked in your own mind :-)

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I want to ask; is there something in the air that's causing people to betray others for their own gain, regardless of who it hurts? Is it a betrayal contest? What is it?!

seems like this is getting big....

I really dunno why though.... It worries me a lot as well...

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seems like this is getting big....

I really dunno why though.... It worries me a lot as well...

 

I have felt it in the air as well. I think its a heavy cloud of ball**** that people with hatred towards others are making.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I had a HUGE struggle with anxiety when I was in early high school. It got to the point where I had to finish the semester with online courses and needed to see a counselor often. I was deathly afraid to go out of my own house because I never knew when I would be triggered into having a panic attack. However, I eventually overcame it thanks to my counselor's patience. That's when I felt inspired to help others with similar struggles and wanted to become a therapist myself because I'm fascinated by how the mind works. I do get anxiety from time to time, but it's manageable now.

 

That being said, I take mental health very seriously because I know how it feels to be told "just over it" or "you're making a big deal out of nothing". I think people should be more compassionate and understanding when it comes to mental health.

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I've become fearful of any more betrayal, be it me, my friends, or me and my friends.

 

I've seen far too much of it. Usually either for the stupidest of reasons, or for absolutely no reason. It's been happening over the past few months, and it's making me a hell of a lot less trusting.

 

I want to ask; is there something in the air that's causing people to betray others for their own gain, regardless of who it hurts? Is it a betrayal contest? What is it?!

 

I'm worried about who's next; either way, I want the betrayal to just stop!

 

This. It's been something I've been dealing with lately as well. I'm trying to work on trusting others and myself again, though I agree, it can be a struggle.

 

 

 

I do wanna let everyone on this forum know that I understand these are real issues and if any one needs a friend to talk to or vent to you can always pm me. :)

 

I echo this. :)

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I suffer from depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, severe panic attacks (only my boyfriend can calm me down) and some more.

Fears: Trypophobia, fear of heights, slight fear of feet (ok qq) and slight fear of needles yeah...

Disorder: delayed sleep phase disorder... if I can't sleep at the time I wish I get excessive daytime sleepiness

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