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Are you autistic? If so, how do you cope?


Wild Emotion

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We, that is, my parents and I received the news that I'm autistic not too long ago, so reading up on it made me want to post here about it. Is anyone that uses the forum also autistic? I know someone who is, but I won't put their name, but it did get me thinking that there might be even more autistic people on here. And so, I ask everyone, are you also autistic? If so, do you feel comfortable enough saying so? I hope so, because I only know 1 other autistic individual so far, so it'd be nice to meet others should you feel comfortable enough saying if you are, which would be understandable if you didn't, but I really hope you do, for the sake of meeting more autistic people.

Also, if you could, I'd like to know how you cope. I have zero coping skills.

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There is something you should be made aware of before taking the word of some witch doctor...that thing being that the academics are not always right about everything. Many people who have been diagnosed/branded as 'autistic' are not really dysfunctional individuals themselves as such. When you consider the behavior of your average neurotypical, quite often they come across as being extremely dense and shallow ( juvenile actually ); I mean yeah, maybe a lot of them are more punctual and efficient at doing very simple tasks in a capacity that modern society expects from them but can anybody name one who changed the course of history? All of history's greatest minds and overachievers have all largely been rather eccentric by the standards of the culture and time period that they lived. The common stereotype that they have no social graces ( like Kramer from "Seinfeld" ) is only half true because that is the way that the neurotypicals are interpreting their seemingly odd behavior - it is an interpretation. How is anybody just supposed to be born knowing what kind of cues and body language are considered awkward or even rude? There is a pretty big difference between walking in on somebody while they are on the crapper and simply not noticing the unstated feelings and emotions of other people in one's own environment; if the neurotypical in such a scenario doesn't make these things obvious then how is the person diagnosed with 'high functioning autism' supposed to know where the red line is drawn? This standard seems more than just a little bit unreasonable to me. So from my perspective, it is actually the neurotypicals who like to think of themselves as "normal" who have the real problem; unfortunately they also exist in far greater number and thus, are always 'right'. I do not know your backstory but you should be wary of the diagnostic methods of the priesthood of professors. These people are still human and are ultimately looking out not for the best interests of their patients but whatever will benefit them financially. We do not live in such a noble society where everyone is working together toward the greater good. Keep that in mind when processing any new information. Question the so-called 'professional' sources and possible ulterior motives always.

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1 hour ago, Kōyamaki said:

There is something you should be made aware of before taking the word of some witch doctor...that thing being that the academics are not always right about everything. Many people who have been diagnosed/branded as 'autistic' are not really dysfunctional individuals themselves as such. When you consider the behavior of your average neurotypical, quite often they come across as being extremely dense and shallow ( juvenile actually ); I mean yeah, maybe a lot of them are more punctual and efficient at doing very simple tasks in a capacity that modern society expects from them but can anybody name one who changed the course of history? All of history's greatest minds and overachievers have all largely been rather eccentric by the standards of the culture and time period that they lived. The common stereotype that they have no social graces ( like Kramer from "Seinfeld" ) is only half true because that is the way that the neurotypicals are interpreting their seemingly odd behavior - it is an interpretation. How is anybody just supposed to be born knowing what kind of cues and body language are considered awkward or even rude? There is a pretty big difference between walking in on somebody while they are on the crapper and simply not noticing the unstated feelings and emotions of other people in one's own environment; if the neurotypical in such a scenario doesn't make these things obvious then how is the person diagnosed with 'high functioning autism' supposed to know where the red line is drawn? This standard seems more than just a little bit unreasonable to me. So from my perspective, it is actually the neurotypicals who like to think of themselves as "normal" who have the real problem; unfortunately they also exist in far greater number and thus, are always 'right'. I do not know your backstory but you should be wary of the diagnostic methods of the priesthood of professors. These people are still human and are ultimately looking out not for the best interests of their patients but whatever will benefit them financially. We do not live in such a noble society where everyone is working together toward the greater good. Keep that in mind when processing any new information. Question the so-called 'professional' sources and possible ulterior motives always.

I appreciate your input, but I am incapable of working because of my difficulties, so something is clearly wrong with me, and in over 16 years there's been no satisfactory diagnosis, autism is the only thing that fits all of my symptoms... I don't want to be, but the diagnostic options are limited with someone like me. Thank you for weighing in so meaningfully though.

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On 2/15/2023 at 9:09 PM, Otaku Gamer said:

I appreciate your input, but I am incapable of working because of my difficulties, so something is clearly wrong with me, and in over 16 years there's been no satisfactory diagnosis, autism is the only thing that fits all of my symptoms... I don't want to be, but the diagnostic options are limited with someone like me. Thank you for weighing in so meaningfully though.

Alas, I do not have all of the answers. Question though...is your desire to be a member of the workforce motivated by a desire to prove to yourself that you are a competent and fully functional individual or is it born out of a desire to prove your worth to others ( friends, family etc. )?🤔

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7 minutes ago, Kōyamaki said:

Alas, I do not have all of the answers. Question though...is your desire to be a member of the workforce motivated by a desire to prove to yourself that you are a competent and fully functional individual or is it born out of a desire to prove your worth to others ( friends, family etc. )?🤔

It's partially to make my parents proud. I know mom's proud of me, but I don't see anything in myself to be proud of. So... probably to prove my worthiness to my parents if anything. Dad's been there since I was 2 years old (he's technically a step-father but I just call him dad, and have ever since I can remember), but he was always kind of distant except when he was coaching football and soccer when I played. So, I know he cares, but I'd like him to be proud of me too... I just... don't really know what to do to have him feel that way though. I haven't asked if he is or not, and I think I will when he gets home from work tomorrow if I remember (or if you'll be so kind so as to remind me to tomorrow). So, yeah, definitely not something I want to prove to myself, just a matter of making the folks proud of me. Everyone always talks about how proud they are of their kids when they're self-sustaining, so, probably ingrained into the fabric of society to seek the approval or pride of one's parents. Regardless, that's the reason I wish I could work. Well, that, and it'd be nice to be able to actually financially contribute to the family. I'll be able to once I get disability, but outside of that not much in the way of supporting them financially that I can do. So, that kinda sucks.

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18 hours ago, Otaku Gamer said:

It's partially to make my parents proud. I know mom's proud of me, but I don't see anything in myself to be proud of. So... probably to prove my worthiness to my parents if anything. Dad's been there since I was 2 years old (he's technically a step-father but I just call him dad, and have ever since I can remember), but he was always kind of distant except when he was coaching football and soccer when I played. So, I know he cares, but I'd like him to be proud of me too... I just... don't really know what to do to have him feel that way though. I haven't asked if he is or not, and I think I will when he gets home from work tomorrow if I remember (or if you'll be so kind so as to remind me to tomorrow). So, yeah, definitely not something I want to prove to myself, just a matter of making the folks proud of me. Everyone always talks about how proud they are of their kids when they're self-sustaining, so, probably ingrained into the fabric of society to seek the approval or pride of one's parents. Regardless, that's the reason I wish I could work. Well, that, and it'd be nice to be able to actually financially contribute to the family. I'll be able to once I get disability, but outside of that not much in the way of supporting them financially that I can do. So, that kinda sucks.

 

Seeing nothing in yourself to be proud of is a rather harsh self-critique. I don't know what all of your skill sets are but you seem reasonably competent at making edits to graphics with anime themes...I'm guessing that you made your own sig image? I'm pretty sure there is a market for that, though there is a big difference between actually drawing characters by hand and repurposing already existing images. Going on your screen name, you are also a gamer which is also not a bad thing. Just looking at your own natural affinity toward these types of things would suggest to me that whatever career path you are planning, you should probably try applying for a position where you'll be working on those kind of projects ( whenever possible ). I know it isn't always realistic to set such high goals for yourself, this is only a suggestion for a general direction to work toward gradually. At the the end of the day, you would always want to find work at a job where you feel like you belong there. Finding a job isn't only about cash, it is also about finding contentment. There were anecdotes where even Albert Einstein was quoted as telling a child that they should do for a living whatever gives them a feeling of contentment ( enough to make a living obviously ). If you have a mind or talent for those kind of creative ventures, then those would be the things that you should gravitate toward naturally.

Since you asked me to remind you about it, how exactly does your "dad" feel about you?

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19 hours ago, Kōyamaki said:

 

Seeing nothing in yourself to be proud of is a rather harsh self-critique. I don't know what all of your skill sets are but you seem reasonably competent at making edits to graphics with anime themes...I'm guessing that you made your own sig image? I'm pretty sure there is a market for that, though there is a big difference between actually drawing characters by hand and repurposing already existing images. Going on your screen name, you are also a gamer which is also not a bad thing. Just looking at your own natural affinity toward these types of things would suggest to me that whatever career path you are planning, you should probably try applying for a position where you'll be working on those kind of projects ( whenever possible ). I know it isn't always realistic to set such high goals for yourself, this is only a suggestion for a general direction to work toward gradually. At the the end of the day, you would always want to find work at a job where you feel like you belong there. Finding a job isn't only about cash, it is also about finding contentment. There were anecdotes where even Albert Einstein was quoted as telling a child that they should do for a living whatever gives them a feeling of contentment ( enough to make a living obviously ). If you have a mind or talent for those kind of creative ventures, then those would be the things that you should gravitate toward naturally.

Since you asked me to remind you about it, how exactly does your "dad" feel about you?

I'm kind of scared to ask... I'm not as confident as I was before.

Yeah, I made my own avatars and sig pics from cropped images taken from pixabay to ensure that they're free to use, along with renders of anime characters. Well whenever I don't have the patience to make my own anyway using a background eraser app. For my avatars I crop images using symmetrical dimensions, then resize them so they're all the same dimensions, then put them together with my gif maker/gif editor app. So, I'm not nearly talented enough to actually do graphic design, but I would love the chance to be able to try at least. I also use gradient maps to alter the colors of the entire wallpaper before setting the renders. So, it's actually deceptively simple and easy to do. As for drawing, I used to draw really abstract things that looked ethereal but never really had any defined shape to them. A few upright pentagrams whenever I discovered they're used for protection when used correctly. Before that they used to be upside down. My art has since been scattered around the house though and it would take a real treasure hunt to find them all again. I never got to the point I was able to do shading and people though, I was never at that skill level before I traded it in for games and making sig pics and avatars to express myself instead. Idk though, I'll try something in graphic design because I know it's something I really want to do, even if I crash and burn it'd be nice to try at least. Like they say, you never know until you try, right? ^^

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2 hours ago, Otaku Gamer said:

I'm kind of scared to ask... I'm not as confident as I was before.

Yeah, I made my own avatars and sig pics from cropped images taken from pixabay to ensure that they're free to use, along with renders of anime characters. Well whenever I don't have the patience to make my own anyway using a background eraser app. For my avatars I crop images using symmetrical dimensions, then resize them so they're all the same dimensions, then put them together with my gif maker/gif editor app. So, I'm not nearly talented enough to actually do graphic design, but I would love the chance to be able to try at least. I also use gradient maps to alter the colors of the entire wallpaper before setting the renders. So, it's actually deceptively simple and easy to do. As for drawing, I used to draw really abstract things that looked ethereal but never really had any defined shape to them. A few upright pentagrams whenever I discovered they're used for protection when used correctly. Before that they used to be upside down. My art has since been scattered around the house though and it would take a real treasure hunt to find them all again. I never got to the point I was able to do shading and people though, I was never at that skill level before I traded it in for games and making sig pics and avatars to express myself instead. Idk though, I'll try something in graphic design because I know it's something I really want to do, even if I crash and burn it'd be nice to try at least. Like they say, you never know until you try, right? ^^

That's the spirit! 🙂 If at first you do not succeed, then try-try again! It's only over when you give up all hope.

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Hello! My friend, i have returned back to the forums - and am happy to see this thread.. 
I have many ways to cope..but it's most ways to keep me from getting overstimulated, emotionally exhausted, or other things. 

Here are some good ways to cope! In my opinion, my good dandy pal!
 

  • 1. Take the time to wind down, do something to relax the senses, as if you become overstimulated by community (such as people), sound, visuals...Do something of your choice that usually winds you down. Whether that be, writing, drawing, gaming, watching TV, listening to music of your choice, or my favourite - SLEEPING! In my opinion, rest and sleep is the best way to wind down, and to de-stimulate yourself.
  • 2. Do some self-care. With Autism, your mind functions differently, and we all have our own ways of self-care...whether that be showering, brushing our teeth, brushing or combing our hair, whatever! Do something that makes you feel relaxed and good!
  • 3. Occupy Your Mind. Do something to distract yourself from dissociation...I know with my form of autism, I struggle with dissociation, and I struggle with the 'stare' and it's quite embarrassing in public. So this is a good time to put some hobbies to use! Buy some cheap fidget toys online, or at a store, and fidget around - if needed, if you're alone in your bedroom or home, listen to a song and make up fake scenarios in your head! Do something fun, reliable, and safe to keep your mind occupied. 
  • 4. Talk to someone you trust. Whether it be a friend online, family member, even a pet - or stuffed animal...just talk! Get your mind and thoughts out! It's quite important to not build up everything inside...HELL - You can even talk to your pillow! If you don't feel like having any human interaction!
  • 5. Lastly, Take care of yourself - other than self-care, it's important to take care of yourself. @Otaku Gamer...I understand your situation, but hey, make yourself something small - a meal even, or drink some water, juice, soda, whatever! Do something to make your senses feel good...other than just pondering on what to do! 

Here are some friendly reminders my friend...
Life might not always go your way, but, you always have tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year! And being calm and steady is key...if these coping skills helped, please lmk! :) 

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4 hours ago, Dimitrios said:

Hello! My friend, i have returned back to the forums - and am happy to see this thread.. 
I have many ways to cope..but it's most ways to keep me from getting overstimulated, emotionally exhausted, or other things. 

Here are some good ways to cope! In my opinion, my good dandy pal!
 

  • 1. Take the time to wind down, do something to relax the senses, as if you become overstimulated by community (such as people), sound, visuals...Do something of your choice that usually winds you down. Whether that be, writing, drawing, gaming, watching TV, listening to music of your choice, or my favourite - SLEEPING! In my opinion, rest and sleep is the best way to wind down, and to de-stimulate yourself.
  • 2. Do some self-care. With Autism, your mind functions differently, and we all have our own ways of self-care...whether that be showering, brushing our teeth, brushing or combing our hair, whatever! Do something that makes you feel relaxed and good!
  • 3. Occupy Your Mind. Do something to distract yourself from dissociation...I know with my form of autism, I struggle with dissociation, and I struggle with the 'stare' and it's quite embarrassing in public. So this is a good time to put some hobbies to use! Buy some cheap fidget toys online, or at a store, and fidget around - if needed, if you're alone in your bedroom or home, listen to a song and make up fake scenarios in your head! Do something fun, reliable, and safe to keep your mind occupied. 
  • 4. Talk to someone you trust. Whether it be a friend online, family member, even a pet - or stuffed animal...just talk! Get your mind and thoughts out! It's quite important to not build up everything inside...HELL - You can even talk to your pillow! If you don't feel like having any human interaction!
  • 5. Lastly, Take care of yourself - other than self-care, it's important to take care of yourself. @Otaku Gamer...I understand your situation, but hey, make yourself something small - a meal even, or drink some water, juice, soda, whatever! Do something to make your senses feel good...other than just pondering on what to do! 

Here are some friendly reminders my friend...
Life might not always go your way, but, you always have tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year! And being calm and steady is key...if these coping skills helped, please lmk! :) 

Glad you're back, bro. I was really missing you. ^^; So that you're back makes me pretty excited and relieved. I forgot that I do sleep though when things get to be too much. The result though is me sleeping probably a lot more than I need to. lol Still, it's a useful tool. Dreams can be a nice perk too. ^^ I did used to put together car models... maybe I'll get back into that. Plus I enjoy cooking but I'm a long way from being trusted cooking something on my own. lol Still, I like to help mom cook. It's relaxing.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I was diagnosed with autism when I was 4. Not being able to understand subtle body language and facial expressions is rough for me. To make things worse I’m also not the best at evaluating social situations. There were lots of times where I was completely oblivious to how people felt about me. 
 

The stigma around autism is really bad. How nice people are when they find out varies wildly.

I find talking and being friends with other autistic people helps. They tend to be more tolerant of differences and tend to be similarly passionate about hobbies and interests.

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2 hours ago, animechat said:

I always say never give up...

Unfortunately I'm prone to giving up a lot of the time... it's probably from failing at so many things I've tried. Having the autism definitely doesn't help in that regard, since I'm not very functional.

37 minutes ago, Neb said:

I was diagnosed with autism when I was 4. Not being able to understand subtle body language and facial expressions is rough for me. To make things worse I’m also not the best at evaluating social situations. There were lots of times where I was completely oblivious to how people felt about me. 
 

The stigma around autism is really bad. How nice people are when they find out varies wildly.

I find talking and being friends with other autistic people helps. They tend to be more tolerant of differences and tend to be similarly passionate about hobbies and interests.

I wasn't really aware that there was a stigma, to be honest. I'm new to this whole neurodiverse thing since we only discovered it a handful of years ago, and I was never diagnosed as a kid, so as an adult is when we found out. Apparently it makes sense of my whole life though, so I was shocked that no teachers caught it... and disappointed. I liked growing up in the 90's, but things would've been a lot easier if I was given one on one attention...

It's always nice to meet someone else who's autistic. I don't know if dad gets it or not though... he's more the "not talking about my feelings" kind of stoic guy. Funny, but definitely not overly open with emotions. I had a rough childhood, from babysitters choking me when I was a kid to being bullies, but I came out of it all with a better outlook and mentality than I could've had, that's for sure. I hope I can get to know you better in the days to come. ^^

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On 3/7/2023 at 12:49 AM, Android Rebel said:

Unfortunately I'm prone to giving up a lot of the time... it's probably from failing at so many things I've tried. Having the autism definitely doesn't help in that regard, since I'm not very functional.

I wasn't really aware that there was a stigma, to be honest. I'm new to this whole neurodiverse thing since we only discovered it a handful of years ago, and I was never diagnosed as a kid, so as an adult is when we found out. Apparently it makes sense of my whole life though, so I was shocked that no teachers caught it... and disappointed. I liked growing up in the 90's, but things would've been a lot easier if I was given one on one attention...

It's always nice to meet someone else who's autistic. I don't know if dad gets it or not though... he's more the "not talking about my feelings" kind of stoic guy. Funny, but definitely not overly open with emotions. I had a rough childhood, from babysitters choking me when I was a kid to being bullies, but I came out of it all with a better outlook and mentality than I could've had, that's for sure. I hope I can get to know you better in the days to come. ^^

I say everyone some things give up and that happens with you is terrible.    Good that  you got over after  bad has happened to you and got better. 

 

 

 

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37 minutes ago, animechat said:

I say everyone some things give up and that happens with you is terrible.    Good that  you got over after  bad has happened to you and got better. 

 

 

 

Thanks. ^^ These days I just try my best. Sometimes I still end up making bad choices, but I also make good choices and I'm really trying to not make the same bad decisions that I used to. Trying to be a better person is difficult, but it's still possible. ^^

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  • 3 months later...

I'm autistic. As far as coping goes, I second what @Neb and @Deeath said. Knowing other autistic people definitely helps. My best friend is also autistic and I'm so grateful to have her. And focusing on things that you enjoy and help you relax is important. 

 

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35 minutes ago, Rose said:

I'm autistic. As far as coping goes, I second what @Neb and @Deeath said. Knowing other autistic people definitely helps. My best friend is also autistic and I'm so grateful to have her. And focusing on things that you enjoy and help you relax is important. 

Glad you have a friend! :) And yes, I agree that always finding a way to relax, or stimulate your senses (in a positive way) is always the best thing!

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2 hours ago, Rose said:

I'm autistic. As far as coping goes, I second what @Neb and @Deeath said. Knowing other autistic people definitely helps. My best friend is also autistic and I'm so grateful to have her. And focusing on things that you enjoy and help you relax is important. 

 

I couldn't agree more. I don't know that many autistic people, but a few are among my friends, including ones that post on AF. It's comforting that I don't feel so different as long as I've got them to talk to about the autism and other quirks those that are on the spectrum are known for. Pretty much the only thing I really enjoy is playing games though. lol Well, and listening to music, but both bring me a lot of happiness. ^^ How about you? What are some things you enjoy that help you relax?

1 hour ago, Deeath said:

Glad you have a friend! :) And yes, I agree that always finding a way to relax, or stimulate your senses (in a positive way) is always the best thing!

One can never have too many friends, right? ^^

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51 minutes ago, Wild Emotion said:

I couldn't agree more. I don't know that many autistic people, but a few are among my friends, including ones that post on AF. It's comforting that I don't feel so different as long as I've got them to talk to about the autism and other quirks those that are on the spectrum are known for. Pretty much the only thing I really enjoy is playing games though. lol Well, and listening to music, but both bring me a lot of happiness. ^^ How about you? What are some things you enjoy that help you relax?

One can never have too many friends, right? ^^

Yeah, it's nice to have people you can relate to in that way. :) I like playing games, too, honestly. Just curious, what kind do you like? I like retro stuff, like 90s and 80s. 

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42 minutes ago, Rose said:

Yeah, it's nice to have people you can relate to in that way. :) I like playing games, too, honestly. Just curious, what kind do you like? I like retro stuff, like 90s and 80s. 

I like anything that I can get the hang of, but if it's too complicated it's harder for me to try to play it, so not as much fun. I play basically anything I can though. I've got a Switch, PS3 and PS4. PS5 is too rich for my blood. lol

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