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Ano Hi Deatta Otoko [Story]


Bakaath

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So like, I want to know all of your opinion about the story I'm about to write. It's something my friend wrote. I asked her and she agreed with me about posting this here. So please tell me your opinion about this story. Just say whatever you feel about it. Also there might be a lot of grammar mistakes. I hope you point them out too!

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1] I tilted my black umbrella and stared at the dark, rainy clouds. I was wearing black dress for my mom, Azusawa Sasuki’s funeral. The sound of my little brother, Azusawa Usui, sobbing made tears tickle down my cheeks. Usui was carrying the coffin. He was a bearer. I went next to him and stroked his dark maroon hair, trying to comfort him. He said in a soft lazy voice; “Thanks, Ritsu.”

 

“I’m Azusawa Ritsu, the daughter of the deceased Azusawa Sasuki. Today, we all stand here, hearts crumpled like a paper ball, at my beloved mother’s shocking and sad funeral.” I chanted as the endless stream of tears poured down my puffed cheeks. I continued the speech; “May god bless her with a happy after life. Everyone knows that my mother died of a dreadful disease. But let me explain the truth……” Usui ran up to the podium of the church and said; “You don’t need to do this, Ritsu!” I held his hand and said; “Together.” We continued the speech; “She was poisoned……” I couldn’t say anymore, so Usui continued; “By our father, Azusawa Kazuto.”

 

Everyone in the church stood in awe as Usui and I collapsed onto the stage. I heard the cops chase after our father, who was trying to run away. Usui held me and got off stage. We walked toward the burial ground with the whole load of our chest. I heard a lot of whispers when going to the burial ground. “I heard that she used to be in a famous band called ‘Kuro Hana.’“ My brother told me not to listen but, it was out of my league. The whispers went on; “She didn’t sing a note after her mother, while she was at her first international concert in Akihibara.”

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1.2] “For once in your life, can all of you stop saying such things about my family, will you!?” I couldn’t help it. I felt such a burning hot rage inside of me that had blasted like a bomb. Usui calmed me down. He is very comforting and helpful at times of need. I was about to forget it and turn around when someone in the crowd said; “Such a brat! Even at her own mother’s funeral, she bursts out screaming! I bet she’ll end up in jail in a year or two, just like her father!”

 

That was when he showed up. The one my heart had been looking for. After more than 5 years, I had found him. He punched someone in the crowd and ran a finger over his lips, just like he always does. In a firm manly voice, he said; “Hey! Mind your own business!” My thoughts were filled with; ‘He’s back! Yoh is back!’

 

Thunder and lightning started striking so Usui said; “Let’s get this over so we can dry up and leave!” I was sobbing as my mom’s coffin was lowered into the hole that had been dug up. Usui gave me a little cuddle and comforted me saying; “Let’s end this with a smile.” I wiped the tears off my face and gave a bit of a smile as the soil poured over my mother’s coffin. Even after the burial was complete, Usui and I stayed in the rain looking at our mother’s newly built grave infront of us.

 

 

The first chapter isn't finished with just this...

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Guess I will help with just making a simple wiki out of it so no one will be confused later on. Ofcourse I will update it as long as the story goes on.

[spoiler=Azusawa Ritsu]The main character of the story, used to be in a band called 'KuroHana'.

Status : Alive

Age : 16

Gender : Female

 

 

[spoiler=Azusawa Usui]Ritsu's little brother.

Status : Alive

Age : 14

Gender : Male

 

[spoiler=Azusawa Sasuki]Ritsu's mother.

Status : Deceased

Gender : Female

 

 

[spoiler=Azusawa Kazuto]

Azusawa Kazuto : Ritsu's father.

Status : Alive

Gender : Male

 

 

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[spoiler=Azusawa Sasuki]Ritsu's mother, used to be in a band called Kuro Hana when she was alive.

 

 

 

You got that part wrong. It's Ritsu who used to be a singer.

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[spoiler=Chapter 1.3] Lightning struck again and a loud clap of thunder filled the sky. I saw a figure far away, near the street behind my mom’s grave. It was Yoh. He was still there even after the burial. He walked away. I watched as the slim figure disappeared into the fog. A voice from behind me said; “Let’s go, Ritsu! We have to go home.” I turned around to see Usui standing smartly, wearing a black suit with a thin black tie. His green eyes trying to focus onto me as the rain drenched him from head to toe.

 

After going home I changed and started studying. But all I could think about was Yoh. His energetic self, strong and slim figure. Perfectly long brown hair that covered his left eye. His gentle purple eyes gazing down on me five years ago. Before he left Japan to move out with his dad. That was when I noticed Usui standing infront of my door. He was staring at me with his eyes filling up with tears. “It’s never going to be the same, is it?” I went over to him and gave him a hug. After all, he was only 14 years old and so much happened in our life.

 

“It’s going to be fine, Usui. We’ll figure a way out of this mess.” Tears were filling my eyes but I tried getting a hang onto my 16 year old self. “We’re already here in Tokyo. It’ll be easy to find a part-time job here.” I said as I stroked his hair.

 

The night past by and I didn’t get any sleep. The other day, there’s school. So I was getting ready to make breakfast. Usui came out of his room rubbing his eyes. He went towards refrigerator and pulled out two cold spoons. He got himself seated while placing the cold spoons on his eyes. It was mom’s cure for sore eyes. “Go get washed up. I’ll make breakfast.” I said while breaking some eggs onto a bread. He stood up and went to the bathroom.

 

I finished with breakfast and washed up myself, got ready for school and left with my brother. Our schools are next to each other. This way, it was easier for me to go pick him up. While we were going to school, someone from the street said; “It’s so rare to see twins around here. But it seems the brother got repeated in middle school. The uniform looks like it’s from Rindota Middle School. And the sister must be from Rikachiri High School.” Can’t blame them for saying we’re twins because we do look alike. My brother’s almost about my height.

 

After coming to school I met up with my friends, Tsukuhara Mio and Hanasaki Yui. We have been together since high school started. I borrowed Mio’s history book copy notes that I missed for my absent days. Sawa-sensei is going to be so angry when she finds out that you didn’t finish your homework.” Yui said as I looked at Mio’s history book. It was homeroom period and Sawa-sensei was late. Everyone scattered all over the place and talking to each other.

 

 

There's still more to this chapter.....

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