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Shyness?


Cy~

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Are you shy? Do you suffer from any type of social anxiety? Do you struggle to talk to people, especially people that you like? Do you have issues making friends? If so, then do you have any coping mechanisms or secret techniques for overcoming things?

 

I'll go first, hahah.

 

I have weird shyness. I don't mind being the center of attention and I do pretty good at public speaking. However, I struggle weirdly with face-to-face interactions. I can talk to people just fine, about a billion different topics, but for whatever reason, I just get nervous whenever I'm interacting with people.

 

This even carries over into the online world. I almost never initiate conversations with people in a chat. I struggle horribly with the concept of talking to people in a PM or an ask topic or anything like that. If you come to me to talk, I'll talk your head off. Otherwise, I'll just sit in my corner by myself, because that's kinda what I do - I'm not hugely personable.

 

And, yes, I'm griping in the second new topic that I've made today. I may or may not be in a sad mood this weekend, hahaha.

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Doing things like starting a PM with someone, adding someone to a friends list, or that sort of thing always terrifies me. Unless it's a moderation thing, I just freeze up with PMs, and really have to beat myself into actually sending anything - and generally never quite make it that far. Likewise with friends lists on forums and instant messaging applications. I have a hard time putting myself out there in that sort of way for whatever reason.

 

Generally I just pray that other people initiate things, which allows me to sidestep the whole thing. @_@

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i actually suffer from crippling social anxiety, which was originally diagnosed as agoraphobia with panic disorder. i used to have huge issues talking to people online, but pushing me to put myself in those situations to make friends helped me a lot and its a lot easier now. i still sometimes get incredibly anxious and have to revert to a ball of loneliness.

This even carries over into the online world. I almost never initiate conversations with people in a chat. I struggle horribly with the concept of talking to people in a PM or an ask topic or anything like that.

i get exactly the same way, theres something about starting a much more direct conversation to someone who possibly doesnt want to talk to you that makes it really hard.

most of my problems are in the physical sense though. to the point where i had to start online school bc public highschool was far too scary for me. i also cant even imagine the possibility of getting a job in retail or something similar where id have constant contact and conversations with people i dont know. my panic attacks are very hard to hide too, bc if i get too worked up my immediate reaction is to cry, which brings more attention to myself, which makes it ten times worse, etc.

the only coping mechanism i really have is to bring a friend with me. if i have someone that i can talk to the entire time, it distracts me immensely and i can forget about my anxiety most of the time.

sorry this was pretty long and im not even sure i got what i wanted to say across properly;;

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You know, I've worked in retail, so talking to people I don't know isn't a problem for me. I also ran a newsletter on a forum I've been a part of for the better part of 15 years, for about 3 of them before I got my retail job, and we wen't full into doing interviews via PM's, or asking people directly to give their opinion about an event happening at the time and all that. I must have run hundreds of interviews at the time back then as well. My ambition is to eventually run a YouTube channel as my job as well, and I certainly don't mind initiating a conversation online so you'd think with all that in mind, I'd have no problem whatsoever with social interactions. However, that's not entirely true as I struggle with face to face interactions with people I haven't seen in a long time, namely because most of my friends in real life don't share many, if any interests that I do, or they aren't as into what do we like so I always come off as a bit awkward when I don't mean to. I have all the confidence in the world when around like-minded people or online and all that, but I falter to the point of being nearly silent around friends in real life.

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I have been called shy by one or more people, including one girl who did not realize how introverted I was, but I am not shy enough to not initiate a conversation, though I only do it when small groups are around or something catches my eye, as I notice things that people overlook.

 

I hate public speaking, because I do not feel like I can be myself there like I can in writing, and almost every place where public speaking takes place has people behind me, which means I have to anticipate what might happen, and I also enjoy the silence that comes from being alone, though I cannot handle being alone for too long.

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I'm not shy in the sense it gives me anxiety, but I can be fairly shy. Though I'm only mostly shy in dealing with new people (in a non-professional situation, I've always been extremely bold with customers or people serving me, albeit a bit scary and direct). Once someone approaches me though, then I will attach onto them like the attention hungry leech that I am. And then that's my cue to tell them everything about myself, at which point they either run away or become a dear friend!

 

If I'm drinking though, then shyness does not exist for me in the slightest. You also can't get me to shut up (I'd probably even manage to find a way to keep talking if someone gagged me). I don't speak overly much while sober, in person anyway. Talking online is easy for me either way.

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I used to have much more trouble talking to new people face-to-face. I'm doing a lot better nowadays, but I still won't talk to a stranger unless he (and especially she) talks to me first. I could have a normal conversation and make some small-talk like a normal person, but I'll still (very often) put my foot in my mouth, saying some of the most awkward conversation-killers. This in turn makes me want to open up to strangers even less. I've tried a lot of things in the past to fix such social awkwardness, from therapy to self-help social anxiety groups. None of those really helped much.

 

I'm terrible at small talk, even online. Unless it's a topic that I have something to contribute, i just don't know how to be funny or interesting, which led to the aforementioned conversation-killers. So in a social outing, I would be that one guy that talks very little and easily forgettable. It's one of the main reasons why I'll never, never ever participate in a voice chat with any of you, ever. I'll just make a fool of myself anyway, if not feeling terrible at the end of the day for being practically invisible.

 

Ho boy, my anxiety is triggering now, isn't it? Gotta stay calm... *inhales*

 

See, online, when it's not live-chat or a chatroom, I can just about say anything I want because there's no active party that I'm currently talking to. Until I hit that "Post Reply" button, the things I'm saying is isolated from an audience, making it much easier to talk freely. With that said, I can still be self-conscious when writing these posts if I find them to be unsatisfying or incoherent (in conveying the point I'm trying to make). In fact, I had to rewrite this very post 5 minutes ago.

 

I've always been self-conscious this way. My peers tried to tell me this, my school counselor tried to tell me this, but I wouldn't listen because I was too prideful (and also because I was in denial). I pay a lot of attention to what people think about me. It's hard to change. In fact, right now, I'm thinking about how I would look if I submit this very post, just constantly whining about how screwed up I am. And yet, in the end, I would always submit them anyway, perhaps out of some subconscious to seek attention. :meh: Now that I think about this, maybe I'm an emotional masochist as well... Hm.

 

Unsurprisingly, I'm not really shy among my peers. When anyone is in a familiar environment long enough, he or she would probably get used to it and eventually open up to the others, which is what would always happen to me. Shyness, I guess, is a defensive mechanism, especially in my older years. It's not really accurate to call what I feel today "shyness", as it's more like "avoidance", a desire not to get hurt. But no matter what, I will always let my guard down and open up in the end. I've learned in my many years of avoidance that it's an inevitable cycle. Humans are just too dependent on social interaction. It's like our need for food and water. I just can't suppress that need, no matter how hard I've tried.

 

Anyway, I don't want to dampen yet another of your thread, Cy~. I've already done enough damage at the Father's Day thread. So I think I'll just leave it here for now. :)

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I should probably actually modify my answer a bit.

 

I used to be super duper ultra shy.

 

But in recent years, I've been progressively becoming more....whatever the opposite of shy is.

 

It started when I realised just how much a simple compliment from a complete stranger can mean. That shit lasts with you for years.

 

So I decided to challenge myself and try my damnedest to give at least one compliment to someone everyday, no matter how small. It just got easier the more I did it. Now it's become fairly easy for me to approach a stranger and give them a compliment (especially if you've got some bomb-ass nail thing going on. I seriously love what some people get done to their nails)

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I'm not that afraid to PM people because it's the internet, however, I'm not the type to do so with no reason. It's about boundaries for me, if I'm PM'ing you, it means I've made the assumption that we are friendly enough to do so. In the outside world, I'm pretty shy and generally keep to myself, I don't have panic attacks anymore, they developed and went away in the course of about a year and a bit for whatever reason.I can be somewhat extroverted once I get to know someone, I'm the type that people think is stupid or innocent/proper because they don't know me and then just think is strange and crazy once they do. Mind you I haven't been that close to someone in a while, I interact with the people I like, but even then I might not, as I'd be afraid to bother them. I'm not good at forming relationships, I'm awkward, I never have anything to say, I over analyze things, and I don't really speak my mind much. I used to prefer not being understood, things are easier when people think you're stupid, they underestimate you and you have no expectations to live up to. You could say now that I'm not fool enough to expect anyone to bother understanding me, people are easier to handle when they're two dimensional, so to the outside world, I am like a mirror, it's my natural reaction. I would like to form meaningful bonds with people, to be myself, but I don't know how, I don't even know who the fuck I am really. But I'm not sad or anything, chill, I've come to accept things for what they are. Anyhow, please excuse my self-indulgent rant, I went on a tangent there, It's nice to express myself that's all. So yeah, I can be pretty shy, especially if you're a pretty woman, but really that may depend a great deal on my mood and how much I've had to drink. I get a little more chatty when I'm drunk, happier, friendlier, a better person, why don't I just become an alcoholic? JK, still, if I'm somewhere social a beer is nice to loosen up.

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Are you shy? Do you suffer from any type of social anxiety? Do you struggle to talk to people, especially people that you like? Do you have issues making friends? If so, then do you have any coping mechanisms or secret techniques for overcoming things?

 

I am generally shy around new people in person. Very. Some would call me useless.

With people I know, it's completely different. I am extremely outgoing and never quiet.

I'm not shy at all with authorities at my school though, for some reason. I have no problem calling them out on being painfully wrong or standing for 5 minutes explaining my controversial views on the runnings of the school to someone who probably decided to run the school that way in the first place. For whatever reason, my 'shyness' doesn't apply there at all.

But completely new people? The average Joe on the street? Naa, I'm pretty awkward for talking to them.

If somebody asks me for directions, I guiltily just walk right on past them, I feel bad but I know I'd feel worse if I told them the wrong directions :?

Probably the worst thing for me, is when a friend or family member introduces me to a friend or new girl/boyfriend. I am horifically awkward with that new person every single time and I'm always very shy and usually hide away somewhere to avoid them.

 

I don't really have issues making friends, I'm pretty good at representing myself well in public and if somebody likes me and I like them, we'll talk, make friends, s'all good.

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I am generally shy around new people in person. Very. Some would call me useless.

With people I know, it's completely different. I am extremely outgoing and never quiet.

I'm not shy at all with authorities at my school though, for some reason. I have no problem calling them out on being painfully wrong or standing for 5 minutes explaining my controversial views on the runnings of the school to someone who probably decided to run the school that way in the first place. For whatever reason, my 'shyness' doesn't apply there at all.

But completely new people? The average Joe on the street? Naa, I'm pretty awkward for talking to them.

If somebody asks me for directions, I guiltily just walk right on past them, I feel bad but I know I'd feel worse if I told them the wrong directions :?

Probably the worst thing for me, is when a friend or family member introduces me to a friend or new girl/boyfriend. I am horifically awkward with that new person every single time and I'm always very shy and usually hide away somewhere to avoid them.

 

I don't really have issues making friends, I'm pretty good at representing myself well in public and if somebody likes me and I like them, we'll talk, make friends, s'all good.

Yeah, especially if their gf is hot, then it's awkward as fuck

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I

I am super shy, like the highest level of shyness you would ever find in a human being ... I struggle with social anxiety and it can completely ruin my day, change my plans, or just keep me stuck in the house for as long as possible.

 

Before going anywhere I take into consideration where I'll be going, and then I get emotionally prepared for the long and terrifying day ahead.

I have had a few moments where my anxiety disappears and I just kick someone's butt with no mercy because I finally hit that breaking point of not just shutting up and letting people do whatever they want, although this rarely happens because I don't find most things worth my time and effort.

 

Talking to people both in real life and online is really hard for me ...

I get anxiety whenever I'm in public or around people, this then leads to me just freaking out inside and toying with my hair, clothes, or an item I'm holding while staring at the ground and making absolutely no eye contact with anyone. If I have to talk to people I will most likely freak out for 10 minutes before hand and then manage to squeak out some reply before feeling like I just died inside.

I have no idea why my anxiety is so bad, it's probably because I have a total of .2 experience in the "Human interaction" category of life.

 

Online it's pretty bad as well ...

I never start conversations unless we've talked before and you initiated them, this lets me know that you like talking to me and I could possibly start a conversation later.

I also struggle with actually talking in chats or group chats and instead opt to just watch what everyone else is saying because I don't wanna interject with something that could possibly not be what they're talking about ... I'm also a really strange person and none of my talking points are what any normal person would find good small talk.

 

As you can probably tell from what I've already written, I absolutely suck at making friends.

I've never really had any friends in my life, there was one girl who was super shy as well who I hung out with and stood up for before moving, but I'm not sure if that really counts as a friendship since we almost never spoke to each other and just respected the fact that we were both majorly shy ...

I also have no friends online, on any site, because I can never talk to people ... I also don't really have a personality online, because my real personality is a bit ... Umm, "Strange".

 

Since my anxiety is so bad I still haven't found a way to cope with it, I usually just end up shutting my brain down when in public and then spending the night (After a day in the public eye) locked away from the world so I can recover from the events that occurred.

I'm not an outgoing guy or anything, but, https://www.verywell.com/practice-social-anxiety-disorder-exposure-therapy-3024845, also I recommend a book called "the brain that changes itself", also meditation might help, and exercise

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because my real personality is a bit ... Umm, "Strange".

 

Hahaha, I doubt it's any stranger than mine. If you want to test the waters, then feel free to send me a PM. We could talk on discord or something?

 

I'm well spoken but crippled by social anxiety, myself, so I tend to be a friend to the weird, assuming that we don't automatically run from each other screaming in terror (which may yet happen, depending).

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Hahaha, I doubt it's any stranger than mine. If you want to test the waters, then feel free to send me a PM. We could talk on discord or something?

 

I'm well spoken but crippled by social anxiety, myself, so I tend to be a friend to the weird, assuming that we don't automatically run from each other screaming in terror (which may yet happen, depending).

CAN I FILM THE FIRST MEETING BECAUSE OMG ITD BE REALLY FUNNY TO SEE YOU GUYS RUNNING AWAY FROM EACH OTHER IN SOCIAL TERROR IM SORRY IM A BAD PERSON BUT CAN I FILM IT ANYWAY??????

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Hahaha, I doubt it's any stranger than mine. If you want to test the waters, then feel free to send me a PM. We could talk on discord or something?

 

I'm well spoken but crippled by social anxiety, myself, so I tend to be a friend to the weird, assuming that we don't automatically run from each other screaming in terror (which may yet happen, depending).

 

I'm really bad at starting conversations ... Also, I have a hard time actually expressing my "strange" side when around anyone but my older Brother who's a lot like me as well.

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