Hug Me

[ItsSammy]

It's been so long it just feels wrong, that I can't remember the way it felt when you wrapped your arms around me and I leaned into thee for protection ...

But now it's an infection.

This untouchable memory, of you and me.

 

I wake up at night, cold sweat from fright and I can't remember you.

But that's not new.

 

These feelings are killing me inside and I have nowhere to hide.

I just want to remember how it felt to let you hold me.

To let you save me from my insanity.

To trust you in my calamity.

To have you hold me when I was crying.

To have you praise me when I was trying.

But the funny thing is, you never did.

Not even when I was a kid.

And I should've seen it quicker, but your lies were thicker and I couldn't push past it to see the last of your lies.

You hid behind that disguise and you never held me.

So I wept because of thee.

And now ...

As I lie awake, everything is fake and I can't even remember what a hug feels like.

 

Somebody please, listen to my pleas and pull me from this mess of emotions, give me thy devotions and hug me ...

Just hug me.

 

I wish I knew what it felt like to hug you, but I will never know since you didn't bother to teach me so.

So I will try to dry my eyes, as I fall back into all your lies.

They always catch me when I fall and I listen to them all.

Even though they tear me apart and break my broken heart, as I wait for someone to just ...

Hug me.

 

I can't miss how it used to be, I can't remember how you loved me.

I can't reminisce on memories of the past.

Nor can I say I wish to go back to the last moment you held me in your arms.

Or the last moment you taught me one of your charms to fight all my childish fears away, or keep me safe until the break of day.

Why?

Because I only cry, that's the memory I have of you and I.

How I wished to die, but was always by your side even though I had to hide.

For you didn't love me, you said everyone else was above me.

You treated me like an animal for to you, my love was flammable.

You'd pour gasoline on my heart, pull it apart, light a match, toss it in and I begged you to let it burn out but I could never win.

For you kept me down, pushing me to the ground, making me beg you to help me push through.

But I had to crawl to my knees and forgot my own pleas, for begging you wrought distain.

You always turned and left me in pain.

So I caught myself before the finale fall.

You wouldn't do it, you wouldn't save me, so I did it myself and now you hate me.

 

I can't look back on old memories with a grin, I can't remember a time I did win.

I can't remember a single kind word, for your disgust is all I ever heard ...

I haven't one good memory I can remember.

Not a fire nor an ember.

For my light was dashed out when you cast me down, and I can only remember your frown ...

Your frown of disgust and revulsion, mixed with my inward compulsion, to do my best.

I'd try to pass your test, even though I had neither the questions nor the answers.

I was instead full of infections and cancers, clawing at my brain, driving me insane and that is all I can remember of my past ...

For those are the memories that last.

 

I can't look back on my childhood, without remembering that I was no good.

I was no good for you.

You said that was true.

You acted like I were nothing but a peasant and I can't help but resent the memories that latch unto my brain, for I can't escape the pain.

I can't escape these memories that haunt me and taunt me, for this is all I know ...

Yet, I can't let go.

Please, somebody, just hug me.

Edited December 24, 2017 by ItsSammy

[Myouya]

Excellent writing, it's also very touching.

[ItsSammy]

@RudillaThanks.

[SAO LILDOOP]

Wow, really good! Written very well and really sad, I loved it.