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Do Not Mourn.


ItsSammy

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Do not stand beside my grave, tears framing your eyes
Those picture perfect blue diamonds that remind me of the skies
Neither stand beside my grave, begging, pleading with cries
But please, forget me not, forget me not, as away my life flies ... 

Do not turn away, returning to that dark place
Neither stay here, yearning for another case
But go on your way and forget the chase
So you may find a smile upon your face.

Forget me not, forget me not, but please don't hold too fast
Forget me not, forget me not, but don't make your suffering last ...

I may be gone, like your words in the air 
But your words were heard and heard with care
So don't spend too long standing, crying there
For I am here, listening close to your prayer.

I once said I was not an angel, but I am on their side
Since for your love and loyalty even the Heavens hath cried ...
An angel, an angel, testament to my suicide
An angel, an angel, in you I wish I could confide.

For Heaven hath none better than you, I swear
You were, are and will be my angel, however unaware
 For none in this world could ever truly compare
No, not to my angel, my darling angel, now lost in despair.

I wish I could go to you, tell you "I hate when you've cried,
this had to be done and for you I have died.
So wipe your tears and see I have tried,
I'm sorry if you believed I never had lied ..."

Go now, please, don't stand by my grave all alone
I barely keep from crying knowing you're alone at my headstone ...
I remember you standing there, vividly I see it, there you are at the curbstone
Panic in your eyes as I jumped from the top, hurtling toward the unknown.

Please, it kills me to know you're alone at home
That home we shared, now so monochrome ...

Your minds always a mess
Constantly in distress
Therapist progress
But still trying to ignore the address ...

I swear I didn't mean to hurt you as much as I've managed
And I know, this can't be fixed with an apology or bandage
For I've done too much and you're surely damaged ...

But please, don't cry, don't waste away for me
Deep down, in your heart, a spark of hope I see
For you're a soldier, a warrior, meant to be free
An angel, a doctor with so much more to be ...

Don't give everything up just because of this endeavour 
Since this I really, truly, want you to remember forever
You were the one who said I really could be that clever
And doubt me? You? No, that you did never ...

So, my dear angel, my saving grace
Wipe those tears of your face
And turn away from this place,
For perhaps this isn't the final case ...

Edited by ItsSammy
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@Roxeg In all honesty I'm one of the most cynical people alive ... I rarely have optimistic, cheerful, hopeful thoughts on anything and when I do, I tend to quickly find a way to convince myself other wise because I hate hoping too much. However, I have always thought that guardian angels can come in many different forms. Perhaps they are invisible to some, just a step back, watching and protecting from the shadows. Perhaps they're a friend, a family member, or a partner who gives you reason to keep living. Perhaps a guardian angel can come in the form of a pet, or a fictional character, something that most would think is ineffective and an odd choice of angel, but honestly, I think guardian angels can be just about anything. 

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@Roxeg A guardian angel really isn't that far fetched when put into terms ... in my religious opinion I do believe in actual guardian angels, I have ever since I was a child, since I grew up with my religious beliefs and although I'm so completely and utterly against worthless hope and pining for something that is most likely unreal, just for you to have reason to believe in something that makes you feel better, I can't say that I don't believe in guardian angels. 
Now, on the other hand ... I also believe guardian angels aren't always as the name makes them sound. I think people, normal, average, every day people can turn out to be guardian angels. For me, someone who can give you hope, who can make you smile, who can teach you something new, who can make you want to keep living, those people ... even if they're just your friend, a normal person who doesn't warrant looking twice, I think they can be a sort of guardian angel in a way that most people may not understand. It may be that I look at things differently than most people, often times stripping everything away from a situation and making my own impressions of people, things and meanings. I'm not one to take everything as it is, to just accept what we're shown and go along with it because everyone else does. I enjoy ignoring everything that's blatant and obvious, I instead push that aside, the rules we're given before hand, the boundaries we're not supposed to cross, the labels given to someone based on what others have seen of them and what we're expected to take as gospel ... those things are, more often than not, a hindrance to actually discovering anything real. So, where some people may see a friend who makes them smile or a partner who gives them meaning, I see a sort of angel ... Where as most people never see it this way. I look at everything differently because I see things differently, I understand things differently, I take things differently and I process things differently. To most people, having a friend who can make them smile is a normal every day thing they take for granted and honestly, probably find that it has little to no affect on them in the long run. I however, see this completely differently since I've never had a friend. Perhaps it's because my depression and anxiety are such massive roles in my life that make every day things so tedious and agonizing that I can see a mere friend as an angel. Perhaps I'm just an utterly sad human being with nothing to hold unto so I see the smallest things as being god-sent ... Even still, my view on guardian angels is drastically different than most peoples, because I know what it's like to be alone. I personally see a friend who can make you smile as an angel because ... well, isn't that what they are? 

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@Roxeg I completely agree. I absolutely hate it when people brush everything off as "God will take care of it." or, "You don't have to worry, God's in control." because honestly, there's no use in doing anything, ever, if that was true. Yes, I do believe in God and yes, I do believe he guides our lives somewhat, but we have to stand up and work for it. We have to push towards our goals and our dreams in order to get to that point. Those who brush everything to the side and act as if we need to do nothing because God will take care of us, I find wrong, completely and utterly wrong.
Now, you seem to have taken my other statement the wrong way as well. I do not cover up the facts of life or try to hide from my depression by saying people are like guardian angels, no, not in any way am I trying to give myself something to hold on to in order to keep my depression at bay. In all honesty I think most people are stupid, childish, boring, wicked creatures who, for the most part, make me want to stay away from human beings all together. However, there are those people who can really impact you and save you, in a way ... I'm not trying to say that because I have depression and I have to act like everyone's wonderful and people are all amazing, beautiful things that I can hold unto in order to not feel so alone. No, no, no, it's the exact opposite. I really quite detest being around people, I can barely go an hour before I get completely fed up with them and need to be by myself, with my thoughts. People are exhausting things ... they're often times stupid and get on my nerves so quickly. My opinion on people being like guardian angels is the fact that some people come into your life and make it better. They make you smile again. They give you hope. Some people, very few actually, have the ability to really help people ... and these people, the ones who can do this, seem like angels to me and not because I need something magical and beautiful to hold unto, but because the world is so utterly disgusting and completely abhorrent that when you find someone like this, who can actually do something good and save another person's life, then they do seem a little angelic.

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@ItsSammy And who wouldn't, after all? Good to have interesting arguments like this from time to time, I'm sure it helps your depression to talk about it this way and share thoughts.

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@Roxeg And I'm not saying their perfect, or magical, or anything like that. I'm just saying that if you do find someone like this, someone who gives you hope again when you'd lost it all and really makes you enjoy being alive, then really, aren't they basically a guardian angel? They came into your life at a time you needed them, they saved you, they continue to save you and they're always there. That's how I view it.

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@ItsSammy That's one way to interpret it, but I don't think I'd make that big of a deal out of it, I'd just be glad someone came to help, no matter how angelic or not they appear, help is help. I doubt I'll ever be that desperate though, knowing my optimism, it's only been one time in my whole life that I was truly depressed, and I came over it by myself, so I may just be an isolated case, so I do want to help those who don't have my luck.

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@ItsSammy So you're suggesting it's because of a lack of understanding of the situation? That the behaviour of the person who helped is way too good for it to be real and hence it's necessarily divine and not human?

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@Roxeg Or perhaps the person describing it felt as if they never had anyone and never deserved anyone, so when this person who actually cared came along they ... kind of felt like it was a miracle someone finally cared.

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@ItsSammy Anything's possible, it's okay if there's no actual fixed and certain answer. Having that little hope in humanity is wrong though, as a whole, yes, it's terrible, but it's imperative to learn to rely on those who are different, to make a different of what's yet to come, for the sake of all.

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@Roxeg I have very little hope in anything or anyone and I prefer to keep it that way. However, in all honesty, I am both sides of the spectrum when it comes to people ... I dislike people, generally. However, I don't really believe that most people are "bad". I see almost everything in grey, rarely ever do I see black and white, because life is just not like that. Those who others may condemn and hate, I often times refrain from condemning because there is always another side to things. There is always another point of view, another thought, another secret and we never truly know anything. I am a complete skeptic and believe around 1% of the things I hear. Why? Because most everything we "know" is what others say, what others think. We know what we're shown and what we're taught, we don't know the secrets that lie beneath everything, nor the mind sent of everyone. We know almost nothing in this world and that is why I have so little hope, or faith, in anything. I am cynical, skeptical and completely unbiased at the same time. If I don't know everything, I will not judge. For judging based on what you know, is judging based on what you're taught and judging based on what you're taught is just following the crowd. 

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