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Nice work  XII360! I have two new drafts for Aria. Tell me which one you like best draft 1 and draft 2. I put all my creativity into this 😑😑

I only have one more test to go for college before summer. I'll have time to start some serious work on this soon. Can't tell you when it'll be finished though.

been to lazy to read the plot but i agree, the tattoo is overkill, id probably pass on a girl that's overtattoed tho' thats just me >.> side note, i thought i posted it yesterday,

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18 hours ago, Dis said:

@LonelyPoet Thank you for giving the idea a more concrete form. I feel like this is one of the hardest parts of the writing out of the way . Now we have something to work with!

As far as changes go, I thought maybe the imaginary friend who convinces Alexander to leave could be a familiar of either one of the Ophan, or Willow, in an early attempt at seeking him out. Maybe also to show he has the potential to be heir to a flame. Also, do you have any details on Willow's personality?

 

This can be relied later in the story!

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Hey everyone! I've got some character profiles that will help out the writers and artist.  I've also changed the names of the characters. Tell me about whatever changes you want to make or how you think the store should progress. I've tried to include all the changes you've mentioned so far in both the character details and the plot.  It's a little early for writers but at this point we need some artist to draw these characters as to go along with there written profiles (does not need to be in color). If you want to read the significant changes to the plot just scroll to the blue writing. All the big changes and progression are there. I'm hoping to use this break to make significant progress with this work. It'd be nice to have a project out there that we all worked on together.  Get back to me when you can, have a nice day~

Osmond Clayborne

Sex: Male

Age: 20

Height: 5’6

Weight: 140

Eye color: Blue

Hair color: Black

Notable physical features: He has hair that’s not very long but long enough to cover his ears. He has a mole under the left eye. He gets a slight tan after he leaves his home.

Back Story: He was a sheltered rich boy his whole life. His parents controlled what sports or activities he participated in with little to no input from him. His parents have trained and planed for him to take over the company throughout his entire life. He hardly ever saw his parents a was taken care of by an always changing group of nannies. He’s had little to no friends throughout his life. He loves to read (fantasy mostly) and lives in fear of the outside world. He has a very sarcastic sense of humor. He loves strawberries and strawberry flavored things. He only puts effort into his clothing occasionally. Usually just wearing jeans and a tee-shirt or hoodie. He’ll sometimes wear a leather jacket.

Aria Alighieri

Sex: Female

Age: 19

Height: 4’8

Weight: 120

Eye color: Brown (Glowing gold)

Hair color: Dark Brown (She dyed the tips pink)

Notable physical features: Has shoulder length hair that keeps in a loose ponytail that has loose strands. Her eyes glow more, the more energy she has. Shining gold with the most energy and brown when she has no energy left. She’s slender with average curves. She has a scratch on her back from a time she fell when she was little.

Back Story: She was born on the island to normal parents. They owned a bakery. One day she said she saw fairies and her parents were amused by it at first, as she continued to say it as she got older she started to isolate the people around her to point were her parents feared for her mental health even feared her as a person. She soon found herself with no friends besides her fairies. She moved out the day she turned 18. She lives in a small apartment and works at a factory on the island. Around the time she turned 18 her eyes started glowing and the fairies told her she had special powers. They told her the more her eyes glowed the more power she had. She eventually learns she can make portals through trial and error. The fairies tell her about the Empyrean and how she is connected to it. She asks the fairies to help find someone that can help her find the Empyrean before she sets out to find it. She is a very earnest person that doesn’t like fighting or danger but will engage in it if she thinks there is no other choice. She enjoys baking but not actually eating baked goods. She can be described as overly clingy to people she considers friends since she is used to losing friends. She has a very tribal sense of fashion that usually consist of light fabrics, sandals, loose clothing and crop tops. She keeps a diary that she’s named Lily.  

Book Store Owner

Sex: male

Age: 46

Height: 5’10

Weight: 150

Eye color: Brown

Hair color: Black

Notable physical features: He’s very muscular and has a deep tan. He’s got long hair that goes below his shoulders and a long beard. He has thick eyebrows.

Back Story: He is one of many Book Store Owners to keep the Empyrean and its secrets. When he was young he felt pressured to become a bookstore owner and the huge responsibility it was keeping the Empyrean. He ran away and joined a motorcycle gang when he was 16 only to come back to be a bookstore owner when he figured out that, that was what he was meant to do in life. He still owns his motorcycle and enjoys riding it often. He has a rough personality with a short temper. He is very loyal to his friends.

 

1)     Osmond Clayborne is a junior college student. He comes from a very rich family. His entire life has been planned out for him by his rich parents. When he graduates from college they even have a wife picked out for him. He hates his way of life but doesn’t see any way to change it. Since it’s the only thing he knows.

2)     He tries to fill the holes in his life through television and books. He finds it difficult to make friends; he also lives with the nagging thought that people will want to take advantage of him for his money.

3)     He has ‘imaginary friends’ that he talks to when he’s lonely. One of the imaginary friends tells him if he wants to leave then he should just leave. Osmond tells his imaginary friend that his parents’ goons would just drag him back home. The imaginary friend tells him to sneak away while he’s supposed to be at school and take nothing with him, so they can’t track him.

4)     Osmond takes the advice and runs away during his scheduled classes. Taking nothing with him but the cloths on his back.

5)     He struggles at first but through hitch hacking and taking odd jobs he eventually finds himself on a small island town.

6)     While looking for work in the town he comes across an old book seller who tells him about the legend of Empyrean. He tells Osmond that Empyrean is the heavenly variety of three flames (other types are of water and earth) which are the dwelling place of God, and whoever inhabits one of these flames becomes a deity. Each flame is guarded by an Orphan, or angelic being. To obtain the right to possess a flame one must reach their breaking point; without exception this must be an ordeal that truly threatens the individuals' sanity. The flames can also only be possessed by two people of opposite sexes, with one inhabiting the flame and holding the power of God, and the other being able to execute that power.

7)     Osmond is skeptical at first but soon becomes engrossed in the legend of Empyrean while working in the man’s book store. He becomes convinced that Empyrean will help him find everything he’s miss out on in life.

😎     He strikes out one day to find the Empyrean on the island with the vague instructions of the book store owner.

9)     He gets to a high cliff on the island but can’t find his way any further. He sets up camp on the cliff hoping to find the way tomorrow.

 

10)                        He wakes up in the middle of the night when he hears movement outside his tent.

 

11)                        He takes out a pocket knife and hopes the noise goes away thinking it’s a bear.

 

12)                        The noise doesn’t go away and instead gets closer to the to the tent.

 

13)                        He’s surprised that whatever it is unzips the tent. It turns out to be a girl.

 

14)                        The girl is very strange looking. She has eyes that seem to glow in the dark.

 

1)     He tries to get her to leave but she insists she wants his help to find "The Empyrean".  She tells him that her name is Aria Alighieri.

 

2)     He eventually agrees to take her with him to the Empyrean but says he needs to go back to town to get more supplies.

 

3)     When he gets back to town he finds that his parents’ goons are there, and they are looking for him.

 

4)     He manages to make it back to the bookstore to tell the owner goodbye and to thank him. ===

 

5)    The bookstore owner tells him he believes in him and that there’s something special about Aria, but he doesn’t know what. He gives him some food as payment for his services. He also gives him an ancient grimoire whose knowledge is unique to the Island. The bookstore owner tells him that this is the only surviving copy of the book, the book has been passed down in his family of book store owners for decades. He tells them that they can’t let anyone else see the grimoire; many people will want it. It holds the secrets to the incantation to summon the great angel and to use the abilities attained by the flame.

 

6)     They want to talk more and to ask more but there’s no time. The bookstore owner tells them that he won’t tell anyone they were here as he sends them both on there way.

 

7)     He doesn’t have much time to get supplies before running away from them.

 

😎     Osmond and Aria are corned, and Osmond thinks he’s about to be caught. Aria eyes start glowing more than usual and she opens a portal between them and the goons.

 

9)     The portal takes them a few feet away from the guards.

 

10)                        Osmond is surprised by this but there’s no time for Aria  to explain. She only tells him she needs to see the place she’s teleporting to.

 

11)                        They escape the goons and Aria tells Osmond that she’s always had these powers and she feels it might be connected Empyrean somehow. Osmond tells her about how he’s on the run from his rich family.

 

12)                        They agree to travel together to the Empyrean.

 

13)                        On the way up the mountain they start asking more about each other’s lives. Osmond is reluctant to answer at first but soon finds that there’s no point in not telling her.

 

14)                        He tells her about his rich parents controlling his life. He even tells her about his imaginary friends telling him to leave even though he is embarrassed. Aria ask what his imaginary friends look like. He’s surprised by the question, but he tells her they look like slightly hominoid bugs with wings. She’s very excited by this she tells him those are her fairies.

 

15)                        She tells him that she’s been able to see these fairies since she was little but no one else can. People thought she was crazy. Her parents even tried to send her to therapy for it, but she knows they are real.

 

16)                        She gets excited saying that means he’s the one. She told the fairies to help her find someone to help her find The Empyrean. She then passes out suddenly.

 

17)                        Osmond panics and tries to find a place where he can hide with her.

 

18)                        He finds a small cave that he carries her to. All he can do is hope she wakes up soon since he doesn’t have much medical knowledge.

 

19)                        Osmond thinks back and remember that Aria’s eyes had slowly been dulling ever since she used her powers and thinks it might mean she was dying.

 

 

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Oooohhhhh- what if osmonds parents know about the Empyrean and have been grooming him for marriage (of a selected candidate for empyreal power) in order to ultimately take the power for themselves 😲 that’s how his parents goons found him, they know about his destiny (but have kept it from him, grooming him as a vessel for their use)

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I like the design idea for the fairies, it's reminiscent of the ones from Pan's Labyrinth.

Spoiler

Image result for pan's labyrinth fairy

Osmond's parents knowing about it would provide a good opportunity to introduce some of those marriage candidates as rivals. I also want to try my hand at drawing the characters; this is gonna be rough😣

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On 5/10/2019 at 7:07 AM, LonelyPoet said:

Hey everyone! I've got some character profiles that will help out the writers and artist.  I've also changed the names of the characters. Tell me about whatever changes you want to make or how you think the store should progress. I've tried to include all the changes you've mentioned so far in both the character details and the plot.  It's a little early for writers but at this point we need some artist to draw these characters as to go along with there written profiles (does not need to be in color). If you want to read the significant changes to the plot just scroll to the blue writing. All the big changes and progression are there. I'm hoping to use this break to make significant progress with this work. It'd be nice to have a project out there that we all worked on together.  Get back to me when you can, have a nice day~

Osmond Clayborne

Sex: Male

Age: 20

Height: 5’6

Weight: 140

Eye color: Blue

Hair color: Black

Notable physical features: He has hair that’s not very long but long enough to cover his ears. He has a mole under the left eye. He gets a slight tan after he leaves his home.

Back Story: He was a sheltered rich boy his whole life. His parents controlled what sports or activities he participated in with little to no input from him. His parents have trained and planed for him to take over the company throughout his entire life. He hardly ever saw his parents a was taken care of by an always changing group of nannies. He’s had little to no friends throughout his life. He loves to read (fantasy mostly) and lives in fear of the outside world. He has a very sarcastic sense of humor. He loves strawberries and strawberry flavored things. He only puts effort into his clothing occasionally. Usually just wearing jeans and a tee-shirt or hoodie. He’ll sometimes wear a leather jacket.

Aria Alighieri

Sex: Female

Age: 19

Height: 4’8

Weight: 120

Eye color: Brown (Glowing gold)

Hair color: Dark Brown (She dyed the tips pink)

Notable physical features: Has shoulder length hair that keeps in a loose ponytail that has loose strands. Her eyes glow more, the more energy she has. Shining gold with the most energy and brown when she has no energy left. She’s slender with average curves. She has a scratch on her back from a time she fell when she was little.

Back Story: She was born on the island to normal parents. They owned a bakery. One day she said she saw fairies and her parents were amused by it at first, as she continued to say it as she got older she started to isolate the people around her to point were her parents feared for her mental health even feared her as a person. She soon found herself with no friends besides her fairies. She moved out the day she turned 18. She lives in a small apartment and works at a factory on the island. Around the time she turned 18 her eyes started glowing and the fairies told her she had special powers. They told her the more her eyes glowed the more power she had. She eventually learns she can make portals through trial and error. The fairies tell her about the Empyrean and how she is connected to it. She asks the fairies to help find someone that can help her find the Empyrean before she sets out to find it. She is a very earnest person that doesn’t like fighting or danger but will engage in it if she thinks there is no other choice. She enjoys baking but not actually eating baked goods. She can be described as overly clingy to people she considers friends since she is used to losing friends. She has a very tribal sense of fashion that usually consist of light fabrics, sandals, loose clothing and crop tops. She keeps a diary that she’s named Lily.  

Book Store Owner

Sex: male

Age: 46

Height: 5’10

Weight: 150

Eye color: Brown

Hair color: Black

Notable physical features: He’s very muscular and has a deep tan. He’s got long hair that goes below his shoulders and a long beard. He has thick eyebrows.

Back Story: He is one of many Book Store Owners to keep the Empyrean and its secrets. When he was young he felt pressured to become a bookstore owner and the huge responsibility it was keeping the Empyrean. He ran away and joined a motorcycle gang when he was 16 only to come back to be a bookstore owner when he figured out that, that was what he was meant to do in life. He still owns his motorcycle and enjoys riding it often. He has a rough personality with a short temper. He is very loyal to his friends.

 

1)     Osmond Clayborne is a junior college student. He comes from a very rich family. His entire life has been planned out for him by his rich parents. When he graduates from college they even have a wife picked out for him. He hates his way of life but doesn’t see any way to change it. Since it’s the only thing he knows.

2)     He tries to fill the holes in his life through television and books. He finds it difficult to make friends; he also lives with the nagging thought that people will want to take advantage of him for his money.

3)     He has ‘imaginary friends’ that he talks to when he’s lonely. One of the imaginary friends tells him if he wants to leave then he should just leave. Osmond tells his imaginary friend that his parents’ goons would just drag him back home. The imaginary friend tells him to sneak away while he’s supposed to be at school and take nothing with him, so they can’t track him.

4)     Osmond takes the advice and runs away during his scheduled classes. Taking nothing with him but the cloths on his back.

5)     He struggles at first but through hitch hacking and taking odd jobs he eventually finds himself on a small island town.

6)     While looking for work in the town he comes across an old book seller who tells him about the legend of Empyrean. He tells Osmond that Empyrean is the heavenly variety of three flames (other types are of water and earth) which are the dwelling place of God, and whoever inhabits one of these flames becomes a deity. Each flame is guarded by an Orphan, or angelic being. To obtain the right to possess a flame one must reach their breaking point; without exception this must be an ordeal that truly threatens the individuals' sanity. The flames can also only be possessed by two people of opposite sexes, with one inhabiting the flame and holding the power of God, and the other being able to execute that power.

7)     Osmond is skeptical at first but soon becomes engrossed in the legend of Empyrean while working in the man’s book store. He becomes convinced that Empyrean will help him find everything he’s miss out on in life.

😎     He strikes out one day to find the Empyrean on the island with the vague instructions of the book store owner.

9)     He gets to a high cliff on the island but can’t find his way any further. He sets up camp on the cliff hoping to find the way tomorrow.

 

10)                        He wakes up in the middle of the night when he hears movement outside his tent.

 

11)                        He takes out a pocket knife and hopes the noise goes away thinking it’s a bear.

 

12)                        The noise doesn’t go away and instead gets closer to the to the tent.

 

13)                        He’s surprised that whatever it is unzips the tent. It turns out to be a girl.

 

14)                        The girl is very strange looking. She has eyes that seem to glow in the dark.

 

1)     He tries to get her to leave but she insists she wants his help to find "The Empyrean".  She tells him that her name is Aria Alighieri.

 

2)     He eventually agrees to take her with him to the Empyrean but says he needs to go back to town to get more supplies.

 

3)     When he gets back to town he finds that his parents’ goons are there, and they are looking for him.

 

4)     He manages to make it back to the bookstore to tell the owner goodbye and to thank him. ===

 

5)    The bookstore owner tells him he believes in him and that there’s something special about Aria, but he doesn’t know what. He gives him some food as payment for his services. He also gives him an ancient grimoire whose knowledge is unique to the Island. The bookstore owner tells him that this is the only surviving copy of the book, the book has been passed down in his family of book store owners for decades. He tells them that they can’t let anyone else see the grimoire; many people will want it. It holds the secrets to the incantation to summon the great angel and to use the abilities attained by the flame.

 

6)     They want to talk more and to ask more but there’s no time. The bookstore owner tells them that he won’t tell anyone they were here as he sends them both on there way.

 

7)     He doesn’t have much time to get supplies before running away from them.

 

😎     Osmond and Aria are corned, and Osmond thinks he’s about to be caught. Aria eyes start glowing more than usual and she opens a portal between them and the goons.

 

9)     The portal takes them a few feet away from the guards.

 

10)                        Osmond is surprised by this but there’s no time for Aria  to explain. She only tells him she needs to see the place she’s teleporting to.

 

11)                        They escape the goons and Aria tells Osmond that she’s always had these powers and she feels it might be connected Empyrean somehow. Osmond tells her about how he’s on the run from his rich family.

 

12)                        They agree to travel together to the Empyrean.

 

13)                        On the way up the mountain they start asking more about each other’s lives. Osmond is reluctant to answer at first but soon finds that there’s no point in not telling her.

 

14)                        He tells her about his rich parents controlling his life. He even tells her about his imaginary friends telling him to leave even though he is embarrassed. Aria ask what his imaginary friends look like. He’s surprised by the question, but he tells her they look like slightly hominoid bugs with wings. She’s very excited by this she tells him those are her fairies.

 

15)                        She tells him that she’s been able to see these fairies since she was little but no one else can. People thought she was crazy. Her parents even tried to send her to therapy for it, but she knows they are real.

 

16)                        She gets excited saying that means he’s the one. She told the fairies to help her find someone to help her find The Empyrean. She then passes out suddenly.

 

17)                        Osmond panics and tries to find a place where he can hide with her.

 

18)                        He finds a small cave that he carries her to. All he can do is hope she wakes up soon since he doesn’t have much medical knowledge.

 

19)                        Osmond thinks back and remember that Aria’s eyes had slowly been dulling ever since she used her powers and thinks it might mean she was dying.

 

 

neat i got something to do

though, i still wanna finish dark souls 3, so heres what ill do

finish my current drawing for art contest -> finish DS3 (dark souls 3) -> draw atleast ONE of the characters you've written

its gonna be hard, especially couse i only have a month of free time before review center stuff happens

ikuzoooooooooooooooooooo

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That sounds great! Any help is awesome. I'm working on finishing up the plot details. I'm trying to get all the groundwork covered. 

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I have some more ideas for rivals and history of the world, maybe they can fit in with what you've been working on. I've been working on profiles for Fey and Oslow; whether or not they're up to par with what I wanted I will have them up this weekend. Also, how about we start a document on Google Docs?

St. Vitus family- An aristocrat educated in thaumaturgy and alchemy, Vitus became venerated as a Saint after he conquered Leviathan, Ophan of the Undine Flame. This ended the Deluge that followed the Fall of God, when humanity's gift of free will was actualized, placing the fate of the world in the hands of those with the strongest desire and conviction, regardless of their choice: to affirm or deny it's existence. His failure to discover the elixir of life led to him transferring the Undine Flame into the blood of himself and his wife; they've managed to keep the Undine Flame within their veins through marrying within the family. Due to increasing efforts to obtain their Flame, the family has been hunted to near extinction, and the whereabouts of the current scions, Fey and Oslow, is unknown.

The Deluge- 1000 years after the Fall of God, Leviathan, the Ophan of the Undine Flame, brought a great flood to the Earth meant to destroy humanity. It is said that every 1000 years another similar disaster will take place in an effort to motivate people to gather the flames before the next one occurs; the Empyrean disaster is assumed to be the final and apocalyptic disaster.


Fall of God- after the Fall of Man, in which humanity denied God, God divided itself up into three parts, each a flame burning with life (elan vital), that when collected together will essentially give the possessor the power to make a decision to continue with God's original plan for the world, or to abandon it. In the case of the latter, the consequences are unknown.

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Hey everybody I've got two new hot and fresh character profiles to help out writers and artist as well as continued plot beats from all your great ideas. We're currently looking for artist to draw character profiles to go along with the descriptions. As usual tell me if anything need to be change or something you want added. Also I might need some help with character profiles for the main character's parents. I honestly have know idea what to do with them.

Book Store Owner

Sex: male

Age: 46

Height: 5’10

Weight: 150

Eye color: Brown

Hair color: Black

Notable physical features: He’s very muscular and has a deep tan. He’s got long hair that goes below his shoulders and a long beard. He has thick eyebrows.

Back Story: He is one of many Book Store Owners to keep the Empyrean and its secrets. When he was young he felt pressured to become a book store owner and the huge responsibility it was keeping the Empyrean. He ran away and joined a motorcycle gang when he was 16 only to come back to be a book store owner when he figured out that, that was what he was meant to do in life. He still owns his motorcycle and enjoys riding it often. He has a rough personality with a short temper. He is very loyal to his friends.

Mr. Broadwell

Sex: male

Age: 53

Height: 5’1

Weight: 200

Hair color: Blonde

Eye color: blue

Notable Physical features: He has short hair in an undercut style. He has narrow piercing blue eyes.

Back Story: He has worked for the Clayborne family for many years. After an early retirement from the CIA due to a leg injury. He now runs every asset of security for the Clayborne family. He’s only met Osmond a few times when he was very young. He’s very grateful to the Clayborne family for hiring him after his injury and would do anything for them.

Water

Sex: N/A

Age: N/A

Height: N/A

Weight: N/A

Hair color: N/A

Eye color: N/A

Notable Physical features: Can take any form but talks the form of a beautiful woman whenever she talks to human and has an echoing female voice.

She doesn’t know when she was born or how, but she knows she is connected to the Empyrean. Over the years she has seen countless people die trying to obtain the Empyrean. She considers the Empyrean to be evil and the humans looking for it to be foolish. She has made it her personal mission to scare away any people trying to find the Empyrean; she will even kill them if they do not listen to her warnings. She can control (and become) anything that contains water. From Oceans, rivers, plants and even animals. Although controlling animals is much more difficult for her since they have the will to fight her control.

 

This is my basic lay out for how the story will go so far~

 

20)                        While he waits for Aria to wake up (or die) he starts seeing his imaginary friends again.

 

21)                        He asks them if they are really Aria’s fairies and they tell him yes. He then asks them if Aria will be okay. They tell him this time she will be okay but if one day she happens to use up too much of her power she will die. He’s baffled by this and ask them why they didn’t tell him this before. They tell him they can only say what the Empyrean wants him to know.

 

22)                        He’s angered at first because he thought they were his friends. They tell him how they are his friends; friends that will help him on his trials to find the Empyrean. He gets scared when they mention trials. He asks when do the trials begin. They tell him they have already begun.

 

23)                        Aria wakes up suddenly and startles him. He looks over to her then looks back at the fairies, but they are gone. She tells him about how she dreamt about a giant bug monster swallowing the island piece by piece and how it freaked he out.

 

24)                        Osmond tries to console her and tells her that the fairies came to visit again. She asked him what they told him, and he tells her they told him about how her powers drain her energy.

 

25)                        He asked her why she used so much of her power if she knew she could die from it.

 

26)                        She tells him there was know time to think about that at the time. They would have both been dead if she hadn’t used her power like that.

 

27)                        Osmond says his parents’ goons probably won’t have killed him and she should worry more about herself.

 

28)                        Aria is angered by this and storms out of the cave.

 

29)                        Osmond considers going after her but decides to let her go for a while; thinking that she probably won’t go far anyway.

 

30)                        The cave seals itself suddenly a few moments after Aria leaves.

 

31)                        Osmond tries to find some way to escape but can’t find one.

 

32)                        He’s forced to go deeper into the cave to find some way out.

 

33)                        The cave is very narrow and full of sharp rocks that give him a few small cuts. He eventually makes it to a point where the cave opens up some more.

 

34)                        He hears running water in the distance and heads toward it.

 

35)                        He starts hearing the voice of a woman that seems to be mixed in with the water.

 

36)                        He still can’t see anything, so he follows her voice. She welcomes him and ask him what he’s looking for.

 

37)                        At first, he doesn’t know what to say but he eventually says he’s looking for the Empyrean.

 

38)                        The sharp rocks in the cave light up in an angry red. The red light reveals a woman forming out of the running water, she’s clear but the light makes her red. At first, she appears to be more beautiful than any other woman Osmond has ever seen in real life.

 

39)                        Osmond ask her what she is. She says she is nothing but also, she is one with everything. Her water starts morphing until she turns into a huge water monster.

 

40)                        The woman is now a terrifying red water dragon with many faces. The water dragon crashes down on Osmond and its water fills the cave. He starts to swim in order not to drown.

 

41)                        At he’s trying to swim up he can feel himself being pulled down the water also moves back and forth trying to smash him against the glowing red sharp rocks.

 

42)                        He manages to grab hold of one of the rocks but the monster forms again in the water and smashes down on the rocks. He is quickly knocked off the rocks.

 

43)                        He feels himself being pulled down in the water then he feels a hand grab him in the water

 

44)                        He can tell from the glowing eyes that it’s Aria.

 

45)                        Aria manages to teleport them both away

46)                        The end up a few feet away from the closed cave and Aria and Osmond are relieved to see each other. They end up promising never to leave each other which makes both embarrassed but they both try to hide it from each other.

47)                        Osmond says he feels like they’re being watched and that they need to keep moving even though Aria is weak from teleporting again.

48)                        Osmond offers to carry her, but she refuses (to embarrassed again)

49)                        They eventually stop; Aria is tired but stops to write in a small book before falling asleep.

50)                        Osmond considers looking in the book for a long time first deciding not to but then giving into temptation.

51)                        Osmond manages to pick up the book and figures out it is a diary.

52)                        He reads a very humorous story about Aria trying to save a cat a few years ago. He also reads about Aria being alone because everyone thought she was crazy. Osmond decides to stop reading the book. He put the book back and goes to sleep himself.

53)                        When he opens his eyes, he can see the water woman he says in the cave is kneeling him staring straight at him. He screams and gets up, but she’s suddenly gone.

54)                        He panics when he finds out Aria is also missing. All her things are still in place. The only new thing is a high-powered walkie talkie.

55)                        He tries to speak into the walkie talkie.

56)                        A very sophisticated as well as irritated man’s voice came over the line.

57)                        He says Osmond’s parents want to talk to Osmond and that they are worried about him. He tells Osmond to call him Mr. Broadwell.

58)                        Osmond demands to know were Aria is. The man on the phone says Aria is safe with him but she will have some kind of terrible accident if Osmond doesn’t cooperate with what he says. He says it would be easy to pull of since most people on the island think she’s crazy anyway.

59)                        Osmond ask him how he knows that about Aria; Mr. Broadwell tells him that his parents are more powerful than even he knows. Nothing can get past them and that he should just cooperate so no one else gets hurt.

60)                        Mr. Broadwell tells Osmond to leave all his stuff behind and walk down the mountain.

61)                        Osmond does this but keeps seeing glimpses of the water woman from the cave in the shadows.

62)                        He can hear the water woman speaking to him telling him to turn back and continue his quest to find the Empyrean with her instead.

63)                        When Osmond reaches a camp he sees a helicopter, and he soon sees his parents are there.  

(Parents come in around here)

 

 

 

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Should I take the plot beats and start writing a rough draft with what we have so far? And I was thinking the parents could be from an important family that at one point possessed the earth (or Gaian) Flame, but lost it when the young heir at the time abandoned their duties and betrayed their co-possessor of the Flame, greatly tarnishing the Clayborne's reputation.

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1 hour ago, Dis said:

Should I take the plot beats and start writing a rough draft with what we have so far? And I was thinking the parents could be from an important family that at one point possessed the earth (or Gaian) Flame, but lost it when the young heir at the time abandoned their duties and betrayed their co-possessor of the Flame, greatly tarnishing the Clayborne's reputation.

Yeah! Starting the rough draft would be great; I'll have the plot beats sorted out completely pretty soon. I would be good to know what type of 'voice' the actual writing will have. I like your idea for the parents background. I feel like now would be a good time to get a sort of natural plot dump from them. I was also wondering what they would be like personality wise. I would imagine them being very strict people but I feel like that might be to over done in a way. I like the idea of them using Osmond to make up for mistakes in the past. What do you think? 

2 hours ago, Dis said:

I have some more ideas for rivals and history of the world, maybe they can fit in with what you've been working on. I've been working on profiles for Fey and Oslow; whether or not they're up to par with what I wanted I will have them up this weekend. Also, how about we start a document on Google Docs?

St. Vitus family- An aristocrat educated in thaumaturgy and alchemy, Vitus became venerated as a Saint after he conquered Leviathan, Ophan of the Undine Flame. This ended the Deluge that followed the Fall of God, when humanity's gift of free will was actualized, placing the fate of the world in the hands of those with the strongest desire and conviction, regardless of their choice: to affirm or deny it's existence. His failure to discover the elixir of life led to him transferring the Undine Flame into the blood of himself and his wife; they've managed to keep the Undine Flame within their veins through marrying within the family. Due to increasing efforts to obtain their Flame, the family has been hunted to near extinction, and the whereabouts of the current scions, Fey and Oslow, is unknown.

The Deluge- 1000 years after the Fall of God, Leviathan, the Ophan of the Undine Flame, brought a great flood to the Earth meant to destroy humanity. It is said that every 1000 years another similar disaster will take place in an effort to motivate people to gather the flames before the next one occurs; the Empyrean disaster is assumed to be the final and apocalyptic disaster.


Fall of God- after the Fall of Man, in which humanity denied God, God divided itself up into three parts, each a flame burning with life (elan vital), that when collected together will essentially give the possessor the power to make a decision to continue with God's original plan for the world, or to abandon it. In the case of the latter, the consequences are unknown.

A world building page would be good; we could start 4 separate google docs.

one for world building

another for character profiles

Another for store draft 

and another for plot beats 

Edited by LonelyPoet
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16 minutes ago, LonelyPoet said:

Yeah! Starting the rough draft would be great; I'll have the plot beats sorted out completely pretty soon. I would be good to know what type of 'voice' the actual writing will have. I like your idea for the parents background. I feel like now would be a good time to get a sort of natural plot dump from them. I was also wondering what they would be like personality wise. I would imagine them being very strict people but I feel like that might be to over done in a way. What do you think? 

I don't know what sort of tone to go for, or if I'll be able to control the tone of the writing, since I've done very little creative writing. For now I'll just go with the flow, getting stuff on the page and posting it here to see where it stands. As to the parents, they should be strict, but after Osmond leaves they might change their approach to cater to him. Although if they realize how much he's learned, they might be better off trying to get rid of him as he'd be more of a rival to them than an asset. And I was thinking maybe the parents' relationship is rocky, which is why they can't take the Empyrean Flame themselves.

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1 hour ago, Dis said:

I don't know what sort of tone to go for, or if I'll be able to control the tone of the writing, since I've done very little creative writing. For now I'll just go with the flow, getting stuff on the page and posting it here to see where it stands. As to the parents, they should be strict, but after Osmond leaves they might change their approach to cater to him. Although if they realize how much he's learned, they might be better off trying to get rid of him as he'd be more of a rival to them than an asset. And I was thinking maybe the parents' relationship is rocky, which is why they can't take the Empyrean Flame themselves.

That's a good idea. I think I have a better idea of what to do with the parents now. Don't worry about controlling the tone. I (or others) will probably end up editing it a few times anyway. We just need something that's out there and concrete so we can move forward with production.

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On 5/16/2019 at 11:17 PM, Dis said:

I don't know what sort of tone to go for, or if I'll be able to control the tone of the writing, since I've done very little creative writing. For now I'll just go with the flow, getting stuff on the page and posting it here to see where it stands. As to the parents, they should be strict, but after Osmond leaves they might change their approach to cater to him. Although if they realize how much he's learned, they might be better off trying to get rid of him as he'd be more of a rival to them than an asset. And I was thinking maybe the parents' relationship is rocky, which is why they can't take the Empyrean Flame themselves.

That's a good idea. I think I have a better idea of what to do with the parents now. Don't worry about controlling the tone. I (or others) will probably end up editing it a few times anyway. We just need something that's out there and concrete so we can move forward with production.

 

Profile pics for Osmond and Aria. Tell me what you think. 

IMG_3794.JPG

IMG_3795.JPG

Possible profile pics. I kinda want Aria's eyes more shiny. 

IMG_3794.JPG

IMG_3795.JPG

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I really like that one of Osmond, I agree about Arias eyes, maybe gold/ red sometimes like you said, but pink/ red doesn’t really go well together. So I’m not digging the coloring. Also, being an island chick, maybe she can have tribal markings? Look less like an average person?

Love Osmonds hair tho. And that facial expression 

Let me edit her real quick and see.. Couldn’t find any tribal that worked well, also couldn’t improve clothing - but I think the ring looks like a ring sling that is pretty mom-esque. Not sure if that’s what you’re going for there

FCF8EAA9-F50E-4049-90AD-DBEB982953B6.jpeg

Edited by Seshi
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I think it'd make sense if Aria got a tattoo after she moves out. Like maybe a Venus symbol, except her eye is the circle part. 

Also I'll be sending links to those four google docs for characters, setting, plot, and draft.  

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I think I'll be keeping the profile for Osmond but change Aria. 

I'm definitely going to be making changes to Aria. I like your tattoo ideas but I don't know about the venus symbol (you mean the female symbol right?) face tattoo I think it would end up looking more like a cross on her face. If I gave her islander tattoos then it would be more uncomplicated and traditional like this girl I have down below. I want the character to stand out but I don't want the character to end up looking like a Yu-Gi-Oh character if you know what I mean. Also I want the character to look good in motion and be more of a relatable character. Since I think Aria is a more down to earth relatable person. I think Aria and Osmond will be the more simply dresses of the characters; while the other characters like the other airs will be more extravagant looking.

 

orissa tribe.jpg

I'd like to thank D i s for making the google docs for us to work on. Here are the links if you don't already have 'em.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LNrVqodd1TGYJzX_v299rhfvcmkyi4yEWHVVhY0jP0o/edit

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1942JG2fAwNVHAW2fzgWnp7ZlV2ArPg94WBPZ7oThv1A/edit

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1lah627d6bZKx0vC92mJqYRnJXhJECFlzbl0qz88FVmk/edit

https://docs.google.com/document/d/184DmoPfecwIjTKyukb-ykzkD4GuURSj6NrPu2yQVFgU/edit

I'll be posting stuff here as well as there. He's some more plot beat for yeah.

1)     Mr. Broadwell tells Osmond to leave all his stuff behind and walk down the mountain.

2)     Osmond does this but keeps seeing glimpses of the water woman from the cave in the shadows.

3)     He can hear the water woman speaking to him telling him to turn back and continue his quest to find the Empyrean with her instead.

4)     When Osmond reaches a camp he sees a helicopter, and he soon sees his parents are there.  

5)     He’s shocked to see his parents in person. His mother looks very angry, and she almost hits him, but his father stops her.

6)     He yells at them to release Aria.

7)     They tell him they will return her as soon as he returns home.

😎     He asks his parents why they are doing this, and why can’t they just let him go.

9)     They tell him how the parents could be from an important family that at one point possessed the earth (or Gaian) Flame but lost it when the young heir at the time abandoned their duties and betrayed their co-possessor of the Flame, greatly tarnishing the Clayborne's reputation.

10)                        He surprised to learn that all these years he’s been raised to take the Empyrean

11)                        He asks where Aria is, and they tell him to forget about her, and that she is likely a distant relative of a forgotten rival family that died out long ago.

12)                        Osmond says he won’t cooperate unless he knows Aria is safe.

13)                        They reluctantly agree. They show him phone footage are Aria tied up in one of the helicopters. They tell him, he’ll see her back at the mansion.

14)                        He tells them that Aria’s diary was left back where they slept and that he needs to go get it because it seemed important to her.

15)                        His parents are annoyed with him but let him go with a guard.

16)                        While he’s there he picks up Aria’s diary, but he also secretly picks up the grimoire the book store owner gave him and hides it in his cloths.

 

 

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3 minutes ago, Seshi said:

Love the plot progression. 

That tattoo is overkill. I like the dots tho

been to lazy to read the plot

but i agree, the tattoo is overkill, id probably pass on a girl that's overtattoed

tho' thats just me >.>

side note, i thought i posted it yesterday, but it seems i died before i did <.>

image.thumb.png.135ca7d5cb352fae4ec9bb7b455d8d1d.png

im drawing book store owner-kun that was also a gangster before

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1 hour ago, Seshi said:

Love the plot progression. 

That tattoo is overkill. I like the dots tho

Yeah it's just wanted to get an idea of tribal tattoos, I'm going to tone it down quite a bit. 

1 hour ago, XII360 said:

been to lazy to read the plot

but i agree, the tattoo is overkill, id probably pass on a girl that's overtattoed

tho' thats just me >.>

side note, i thought i posted it yesterday, but it seems i died before i did <.>

 

  Reveal hidden contents

image.thumb.png.135ca7d5cb352fae4ec9bb7b455d8d1d.png

 

im drawing book store owner-kun that was also a gangster before

Thank you!!! I'm looking forward to looking at it.

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53 minutes ago, LonelyPoet said:

Yeah it's just wanted to get an idea of tribal tattoos, I'm going to tone it down quite a bit. 

Thank you!!! I'm looking forward to looking at it.

and im done

ggrrrfg.png.fb88b590874d24004033ede9754d43be.png

 

---WOPS WRONG ONE

1863437594_bookowner.png.89b5f73d8970743ac890d408f737a4b3.png

 

meant this one xDDD

Illustration.clipdidnt bother coloring skin, couse i might get the wrong skin color..i dont usually use tan-ish color, just white >.>

(incase it wasn't obvious too, i didn't really color anything, i just used black/white for now, couse yknow, just to be sure its up to the alley of  your imagination of what he looks like ;o)

so heres the raw file to make editing of drawing easier ^_^ (i use clip studio paint, so if you want it in a different format, just holla, though, if you can change format on your own, go for it brutha)

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Nice work  XII360! I have two new drafts for Aria. Tell me which one you like best draft 1 and draft 2.

I put all my creativity into this 😑😑

IMG_3798.JPG

IMG_3799.JPG

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5 hours ago, LonelyPoet said:

Nice work  XII360! I have two new drafts for Aria. Tell me which one you like best draft 1 and draft 2.

I put all my creativity into this 😑😑

IMG_3798.JPG

IMG_3799.JPG

i like draft 1 better

couse she has d.va marks and longer hair

 

edit: rofl, @LonelyPoetimage.thumb.png.173cc57e791f593eb22d672534933128.png

i was just joking on that kyaa drawing part, but you guys actually placed it, check the spoiler post i made, it has the real deal >__>

(i lowkey fell down from laughter at seeing this lmao)

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9 hours ago, XII360 said:

i like draft 1 better

couse she has d.va marks and longer hair

 

edit: rofl, @LonelyPoetimage.thumb.png.173cc57e791f593eb22d672534933128.png

i was just joking on that kyaa drawing part, but you guys actually placed it, check the spoiler post i made, it has the real deal >__>

(i lowkey fell down from laughter at seeing this lmao)

Nah I'm keeping it XD

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