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jubacard

Journey of the Dimensions (working title)

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Hey Everyone! 

I am currently working on a one shot manga and it is finally developing into something. Would love to get the forum's opinion.

I leave you with the script for the one shot, logo, some designs, and the sketches for the first part (CH1) 

All feedback is welcomed! Thank you for taking the time to take a look.

Logo

Spoiler

logo4.thumb.png.486509e29f39ff3866a531f0a78aabdd.png



 

Script:

Journey of the dimensions (Oneshot-CH 1 to 4).pdf

 

designs:

Ise & Matsuko:

Spoiler

Ise.png.a2f05faf1f6095f3662b32b26255c75f.pngMatsuko.png.5676a8a98b85c5e67c456e7ad6c1e5aa.png

Sketches CH 1:

Spoiler

10.thumb.jpeg.729e76735f0ddd5e09804a02f2c8e38b.jpeg9.thumb.jpeg.457f38d303978d8f5e2573b5ceaabd0f.jpeg1848055097_8.thumb.jpeg.0e34ca0224e574e5b2e8109d5622bf90.jpeg7.thumb.jpeg.97fd32c127d3fd11c53330144b1d4284.jpeg6.thumb.jpeg.bb8b25e2645606426b0f8f05fa4dcc37.jpeg5.thumb.jpeg.7127366da944f60ea9835decc19efb6b.jpeg4.thumb.jpeg.85454269176eacc9f42503b278803f84.jpeg3.thumb.jpeg.6afa4c70355fdc289983ec2abec829f3.jpeg2.thumb.jpeg.eca940f60ffbe57e6c2305b978637e1c.jpeg1.thumb.jpeg.0719d4e34f656ef905745df53926045c.jpeg

 

 

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Those are some really amazing sketches and cover art. It looks like you have some very nice talent and it would be interesting to see where that manga would go :D

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Posted (edited)

One shot should be done by the end of May! I'm super pumped lol

Edited by jubacard
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It'll be really nice to see that finished!

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Any Specific things you like or you think could improve? 

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Posted (edited)

Cough Cough, updates! 

1155315354_WhatsAppImage2019-04-27at4_18_27AM.thumb.jpeg.773d42441d8d1340f341e5cad68f3529.jpeg2119207216_WhatsAppImage2019-04-27at12_47_10AM.thumb.jpeg.f040d2f18093fb614d27880f6f9b5e33.jpeg4.thumb.jpeg.a3cb3bedb3082cdcb977475e86a34f5d.jpeg1696338557_WhatsAppImage2019-04-27at9_27_58AM.thumb.jpeg.2a4507485a0467e46ea1700fdfed3e95.jpeg5.thumb.jpeg.56056905fde90fb3b610f1b7916acc6f.jpeg1306458066_WhatsAppImage2019-04-27at2_29_26PM.thumb.jpeg.145ef59246019c60bae2e48ea5624763.jpeg119866059_sketch9.thumb.jpeg.14b7be2650543ab540d704e1303dab19.jpeg285329144_WhatsAppImage2019-04-27at3_35_15PM.thumb.jpeg.81112abb662065d847a36f27a07c02df.jpeg

Edited by jubacard
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Ladies and Gents I present to you CHAPTER 1 of the one shot. 

This is the last sketch update, the rest of the one shot will be available at the end of the month for the contest!
1441552703_page01.thumb.jpg.f0d2568e8660cfe1611d5f38872ed33a.jpg162539206_wordfromauthor.thumb.png.a09db7a58f1bcf39fda29008b4c50b7b.png

 

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602047220_Page10.thumb.jpeg.3253e81845453c32df79dc82696faeea.jpeg

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I really hope it becomes something even If we don't win the contest.  Any specific thoughts or comments?

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Posted (edited)
24 minutes ago, jubacard said:

I really hope it becomes something even If we don't win the contest.  Any specific thoughts or comments?

I can be quite critical, so be careful what you ask for 😂

So, here's what I think.

The artstyle and the drawings are really impressive. Everything is clear (i.e. it's clear what is moving, falling or standing, what is in front of something else etc). I might have made that pill in a darker color maybe (or with some kind of inscription/letter on it), so that it is more clearly separated from the woman's shirt, but that's just a question of taste I guess.

Storywise it's interesting, but I don't quite get why the guy would simply take a pill some random weird woman on the street offers him (even if he thinks that the blood might be dangerous for him). Other than that, her holding up her phone/device which says "Human" was something I liked. I also liked how the monster was not shown until later on and then got his own panel for it!

Language-wise I liked it but I think there's an "i" missing when the guy says "That was the aftertaste? Why the hell did I eat t". Also, on the last panel I would leave out the "because" (before "If I don't get the" (might make it more epic), just a suggestion.

All in all, this has a lot of potential!

 

Edit: one more thing I noticed. The first time you see the woman in full she has something like a T/cross on her left shoulder but in the last panel where she stands she doesn't. That doesn't bother me and I didn't notice until I looked really closely at everything. I would have assumed that it's either different clothes or just the angle, but if you want here to wear the same thing, this might be something to consider.

Edited by Illusion of Terra
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That's the type of feedback I need! Thank you!

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