Hello fellow anime loves and otakus, It's been a week since I choose to take a break and a lot has happened but I am bettering myself and trying to reconnect with others in RL to have easier times talking with friends. Please if you have any advice I would appreciate it.

So on Thursday of last week I announced I would be taking a break due to health and academics. Which is true but a lot happened for it to get to that point. 

On Tuesday I made a post to the blog about liking one of my classmates in a romantic way. My feeling I did not fully understand since I had never had a friend that close before. It was also influenced by my friends around me taking about their boyfriends and girlfriends, feeling left out I choose a person to like. I mean I had liked them as a friend so what would be any different. That was about 2 weeks ago when I made that choice. That's what drove us apart. 

One day on Thursday of last week they pulled me out into the hallway with another friend saying they needed to discuss something with me. I obliged and joined the 2 of them in the hallway. They had told me that they had noticed my shift in behavior and said it was making them uncomfy that I "liked" them in a crush type of way knowing I had liked them since we first meant. Now I did never like them and stand by that to right now after thinking on it and discussing it. They finally asked the question if I did indeed like the in that way. I said no in the hallway and said I never would like them or force myself on them, I also said I would change my behaviors that suit the tile of friend. I felt like I told a lie in that hallway and a weight had been lifted off my chest. But now I realize it was not a lie I was saying how I felt and the weight of having a "crush" left my chest because of the burden it was to keep up the lie. 

I am trying to better myself little by little making it easier to join society one day and step afoot outside the house when needed. This uncomfy situation made me realize how important having conversations with people is even though it can be awkward and not ideal. 

Now I do still have problems at school expetally with others in my class and my "friends" at school but I'm trying to work that out by connecting with old friends to help improve communication and conversation. 

Thanks for reading and if you have any advice please let me know I could use it. 

 this week has been hard but we power though with tears in our eyes.