I've realized that in my whole life everything I do feels scuffed, it is either due to my struggle with following through with the same effort I had when I started something. I recently started a YouTube channel where I read out my writing with some sort of visual. I look back and all I can see is things to improve on. This for some reason makes it harder for me to make new content. (the some reason being I need to make it perfect.) Though I could argue I am just a scuffed person and that the authenticity in my creative work is the lack of perfection. I also feel pretentious in what I speak about, I feel like a pseudo-intellectual. I usually only write stuff when i am in a piss poor mood or feel doomed. Which blows because I feel very content with life and everything feels like it is going according to plan! It is a bogus paradox where I am happy life is going well but frustrated that I feel creatively stumped. I just want to make stuff that moves people to positivity.
(Another issue is finding privacy at home to even record the audio for these readings)
For me this YouTube channel is the closest thing I have to chasing my dream while also achieving what I need to be financially free. (I honestly might post multiple times a day on this blog)