stuff im thinking about right now
it’s 12:40 AM, i woke up at 11:40 pm. since the beginning of last week i went back to taking my melatonin which i did four or so months ago when school first started. i’d come home and take it an hour or two after getting back and doing everything i felt i needed to. there was never really a particular reason, i just like to wake up really early and do things by myself before going to school.
finished the perks of being a wallflower, that book is the first to make me cry i believe. and it changed me, which some people would probably find funny but it made me think that i wanna live a lot longer. i really do see myself in charlie. i’m re-reading it after taking a three day break and i’m already back at page 19, i ate a mango while i read and realized mangoes are my favorite fruit. on the topic of ‘consuming media’, i am reading volume 1 of happy lesson. it’s okay, it’s another harem with an odd premise. i was watching to loveru over winter break but haven’t picked it back up. i’ve sort of pushed anime away because i’ve become really sad lately, but tonight after i finish part 1 of the perks of being a wallflower i’ll get back to it.
for a blog on an anime forum i have yet to really talk about anime. my tastes are weird. i feel embarrassed talking about them because some of my friends think i’m odd. i watch a lot of anime for moe, which most of the time end up being ecchi and that is quite literally out of my control. it’s something to turn your brain off to, if i want to think then i’ll watch something that forces me to. i haven’t watched a truly thought-provoking anime since NHK ni youkoso, or enjoyed anything thought-provoking til the perks of being a wallflower.
my favorite movie is donnie darko, i want to watch it again but i don’t know any movie piracy sites and i can’t get the HBO max password from my sister. so i’m just sad, because i really like that movie and it means a lot to me. jake gyllenhaal is my favorite actor, i believe he was 19 when he played donnie and really his appearance hasn’t changed much since, and i like how he looks because i think if you didn’t know jake gyllenhaal was an actor he’d just be a normal guy to you. i like when people just look normal, i usually find normal looking people to be the most beautiful someone can be.
listened to a lot of new artists lately. the cocteau twins are very good, i started off hearing one song from head over heels and then i decided i’d find time to go through their discography album by album, i forgot i like music like that. some bands i listen to are just more songs into my spotify liked, and then some are songs and albums i actively seek to listen to in moments.
i did end up telling that girl i like her, but did it in the most horrific way possible. the circumstances as to why i told her are messy and a lot. but since the one time i did confess to someone was when i was 11, i’ve never learned how to do better than how an 11 year old could confess romantic interest. sometimes i feel like i’ve only just begun maturing. i looked at my shoes the entire time, scratched the back of my head, and said “i like-like you.” and meant it, because that’s the only way i know how to confess. i told her why i was telling her, she told me it was okay and to not rush anything, and i said okay and walked away from her without doing anything else.
i’m scared to see her today, i hope she keeps cuddling me. if she still does then she might be into autism.
this is all for now, this is a whole bunch of nothing but it’s more for you to read.
Edited by PKPICO
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