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LaEspoir

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  1. LaEspoir

    Chasing dreams.

    By LaEspoir,


    Rant
    Watching anime from young taught me that dreaming is the most important thing you can do, and to chase your dreams you must be all in. The real world will give you many reasons to not chase your dreams. I want to before I die have my impact on this world. I want to make the world a better place. I chose this major because I was pressured by family. This major is slowly losing my interest, I want to do something tangible. I want to be a teacher/professor. Make learning fun again. I want to explore the world. Learn more. Knowledge is power after all. What sucks most is Having so many things that feel like they are on my shoulders. I am seeing the world deteriorate just like everyone. Revolution and Change will no longer be a thing. Because the system makes sure our lives aren't in danger but still drain us of our rights and free will. I feel like a conspiracy theorist. But this inability to chase my dreams is making life unlivable. Have to worry about so many things. I just want to learn forever. I want to teach the next generation the importance of taking in the beauty of people and this world. This world is supposed to be a blessing. One piece was such an important part of my growing up. So was Superman. I wish I could embody Luffy's freedom and Superman's ethics. Spread Love and Joy. Because Life is too short for everything to be doom and gloom. 

    It feels as if I am a Prisoner of proverty and to make money I must work for an unethical entity, The fortune 500 are the fortunate evil in this world. When I see foreign lands properly tax their people by using taxes for the benefit of their people, it brings hope to my heart, but deep down I know that the imperialist nation is most likely exploiting another nation. If we could just trade honestly and uplift each other the world will benefit. and an era for positive scientific discovery will flourish. 

    Karl Marx said, "The discovery of gold and silver in America, the extirpation, enslavement and entombment in mines of the aboriginal population, the beginning of the conquest and looting of the East Indies, the turning of Africa into a warren for the commercial hunting of black-skins, signalised the rosy dawn of the era of capitalist production. These idyllic proceedings are the chief momenta of primitive accumulation." (Das Kapital, Chapter 31) Marx described the beginning of the most proudly capitalist nation as built on the backs of slavery death and destruction of a people. Turning continents into "warrens" (dehumanizing africans) and using the people of said warrens as slaves. He mocked the idea that capitalism was built off of people who saved and moved their money smart. In capitalism someone is a loser and someone is a winner. The winner tending to be the one who exploits the loser. If a country is built off of this and then becomes the economic center of the world, the only way for the world to become a better place is to be rid of evil and restart. But in reality, the capitalist machine has a millennia of backup generators, even after its death it will come back like a zombie. 
    So how can we as people be comfortable with the exploitation of others, and this earth? We should all be able to chase our dreams and love the world as the hippies intended, even though the hippies were really just people who used exoticism to fetishize the cultures their nations broke down to gain their power. It is almost as if they were spitting in the face of these nations when "embracing" the cultures of the lands they walked through. 

    I am not a Marxist, I am not a Capitalist. I am a human, A human who loves this world and it's people.  
    (DISCLAIMER: I used wiki quotes to find the quote and then read the chapter, I haven't read all of the capital nor do I own a copy) 
     
  2. LaEspoir
    I recently watched this movie called "The Sixth Sense" and in the movie one of the characters said to just write without thinking and you'll end up writing stuff you didn't know was inside you. I like that kind of and wanna bite his style. For these I am just gonna think "out loud" in a sense. I realized maybe I am not educated enough to really appreciate paintings. Like I recently went to an art museum and none of the paintings really spoke to me. I did like the religious stuff even though it's not the religion I follow, That probably means something. 
    I mostly enjoy sculptures, I think they are the closest thing to encapsulating the true beauty and individuality and similarities between all people. They are made with the intent to preserve and they are to be taken kind of at face value while still giving me the narrative that its trying to push. I don't mind having to think when looking at art. But something about paintings just don't stick with me. 

    I realized all my blogs have been one block of writing and maybe that's not normal. In school they made us write big ass paragraphs. sometimes my paragraphs in essays would be 2-3 pages long. but the professors didn't care the grade was still A+. 

    thanks for tuning in today's work rant was lowkey not that serious.  
  3. LaEspoir
    Since the think tank is empty I don't actually know what to write. But, writing is so fun. I used to run a meme page back in my first year's of high school. It was overly edgy and had like 1k followers, Most amount of follower's I had ever had in my life. It felt nice to create (Yes I would sometimes create my own memes) after a horrible high school relationship the account got compromised and I had to delete it. Now writing and posting on this blog feels like the same as posting those memes. 
    Bogus as hell I know, think tank only works when I am comically depressed. I struggle sleeping and tend overthink. But ever since I became an adult It has felt so much better. Honestly because I rely on myself and I try my best not to be home. I am actually just really lazy and don't like doing chores. I was born too Late, I woulda been one hell of a cowboy or something. (I'm a Wuss.) 
    It's actually crazy I wrote something without intending to write about it. I will not overshare though! (TAKE WHAT U CAN GET) 

    I was also part of a JJBA community during the meme page years, seen some heinous stuff in my life. Those Instagram group chats weren't a joke. The internet is not a good place to share your private life ammiright guys!? 
    Other than hanging out with my friends once a week and talking to my fiancé, this forum is my only socialization. I HATE THE SUBURBS!

    Shorter less meaningful work thought rant. I am currently just studying the history of my ethnicity (riveting stuff) 
    Thanks for tuning in!
     
  4. LaEspoir
    The obvious answer is that it is probably because it has become so easily available. It feels like the previous blog topic and this might tie in, in the US that is. The American Suburbs have made it harder for the younger generation to connect. Growing up there was never a third space and there was never anything close by to do. You go to work/school go home and stay home. in the Past people used to go outside because there was more community and less Internet. Now people don't go out as much and don't express themselves as much. It feel's like the world wants you to be boring and not get along with anyone. I was looking at the "indie" web recently and it was cool to see people actually being themselves and proud of it. Our websites are usually just big organizations making everything competitive and into a monetary thing. Why is Individuality being stripped like this? People are too busy working 2 jobs and going to school and It is like to fit into the system you need to constantly be moving! Is this the society we want? The rising costs in the U.S and horrible work life balance is making the interenet the only escape when people are home and they are too tired to put effort into themselves and be themselves. I feel like a conspiracy theorist, and these takes seem so obvious. I looked into the site called spacehey which is kinda like myspace. I grew up with facebook and instagram where customization is limited. At most you could have cool highlight covers and a nice bio, It's all about pictures. Back to the topic at hand though, how does this tie into how the internet changed? well people tend to stay home more now and play games, doom scroll. before you would go out and loiter without being hassled by security and stuff. Enjoy your community. The internet was secondary. Now the closest thing to this is like going to a Sheetz and chilling there. I try to make the internet as secondary as possible despite being a IT major. I dont want it to consume my life. (thats why I am only on this forum at work). 

    P.S sorry if I complain about the U.S a lot I know there are countries struggling 10x worse and my heart goes out to those who suffer. 
    But my feelings are still valid! 

    Thanks for tuning into another rant/conspiracy. 
  5. LaEspoir
    Happy new Year everyone! yes 4 days after new year. But it is because I had work off! anyway's back to the grind. Life has been so chill I have no serious thoughts just been on my toes. It is shocking how being an adult changes everything. 2 years ago I had so much spare time on my hands and I did nothing. But life isn't about delving on the past but looking to the future. This is years gonna be better than the last one! Moving out is a must. Realizing how freeing it is to live on my own/friends helped me see how much I enjoy life when not home! The Independence is awesome. I hold myself accountable more and actually get stuff done. Speaking of moving out, what is the deal with the US suburbs? why do they genuinely suck. I want a walkable half affordable city with ACTUAL jobs! not some town on the outskirts of a major city where rent averages around $2000/month its NONSENSICAL! It is like the US just copied south korea's idea of having actual livable space outside the cities and then traffic is heinous! and there is no changing this we are so deep in. The country needs changing and it needs changing soon! (PLEASE I YEARN FOR A WALKABLE CITY AND A STABLE JOB MARKET)!
  6. LaEspoir
    I understand shounen being for teenagers/younger boys. As a former teenager I never liked the bogus amount of freakiness going on in my shows, yet I have to skip through or watch through it to enjoy the meat and potatoes of one piece, bleach, naruto, etc. like IT CANNOT be that good! like do these creators and studios think we are like knuckle dragging dimwits? It feels like the show is insulting my ability to consume media. It dangles its nonsensical "FAN SERVICE" over my head like a carrot infront of a pig. "Here piggy piggy here is your bogusly drawn naked anime girl". God forbid a man want to see a show with actually well developed female characters that aren't overly objectified. Like shoujo anime do a good job with their depictions of women. I feel like if you grow up on anime and all you see is bogus depictions of women it'll genuinely warp your brain into more wacky stuff. Look if you like it you like it. But man those are kids! this should be illegal!!! Seinen does a good job of making great and better depicted women too. but they incorporate an obtusely gross amount of SA material like yeah IK the real world is horrible and I understand that art reflects life. But dude some of these themes arent even explored it just kinda happens. this whole topic has probably been rinsed to extinction but it is a genuine frustration I have had for a while. At that point am I supposed to create the media in this vacuum of imperfection?! And now a lot of new age Shounen don't even try to make a good story. Honestly baffling how this is the most popular genre and it doesnt even require a compelling story!

    Thank you for tuning into my Rant Blog of the day! hopefully I can post something more positive without infringing on my own privacy! 
  7. LaEspoir
    I've realized that in my whole life everything I do feels scuffed, it is either due to my struggle with following through with the same effort I had when I started something. I recently started a YouTube channel where I read out my writing with some sort of visual. I look back and all I can see is things to improve on. This for some reason makes it harder for me to make new content. (the some reason being I need to make it perfect.) Though I could argue I am just a scuffed person and that the authenticity in my creative work is the lack of perfection. I also feel pretentious in what I speak about, I feel like a pseudo-intellectual. I usually only write stuff when i am in a piss poor mood or feel doomed. Which blows because I feel very content with life and everything feels like it is going according to plan! It is a bogus paradox where I am happy life is going well but frustrated that I feel creatively stumped. I just want to make stuff that moves people to positivity.
    (Another issue is finding privacy at home to even record the audio for these readings)
    For me this YouTube channel is the closest thing I have to chasing my dream while also achieving what I need to be financially free. (I honestly might post multiple times a day on this blog)

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