I'm not dead

[Frost]

Not sure where to post this, but I figure here would be most relevant..

 

When I first joined this forum, I had reached a point in my life where I truly believe I hit "rock bottom," or, close to it. Moving to a town where I knew very little people and struggling with personal issues that revolved around years of anxiety and depression, I had a really hard time moving forward with my life. I didn't have the right tools to succeed, only because I didn't believe I could. I still feel like if I had not met some people here, talked to them daily and voiced my struggles for the first time, openly, I would not be striving to better myself today. I have come a long way, but I still have days where I mentally beat myself up.

 

I noticed the last month or two that there's a few people here that are going through similar issues, or different situations but sharing similar feelings of confusion, loss, unable to move forward. I wanted to share this song because it honestly is something I relate very deeply to and while it starts with a sad message, it ends on a more positive reflection.

 

I know that anyone can be who they need to be.. while there is going to be constant struggles mentally, I believe in everyone. I hope that you can take a positive message from this. And if anyone needs to talk, I will always try to have an open ear because I am truly grateful to have found this place and the people in it.

 

Motivation to get better comes from within. And I believe you can get better.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkfM-UK5BgM

 

Lyrics:

 

I’m not dead

I’m not fixed, but I’m not giving up yet

I’m sick of saying that I still don't have anything done

I hate telling friends I’m trying something just to give it up

 

I’m still unsure of my emotional state

I’m still incapable of focusing lately

I don’t feel like creating

I’m tired of asking Google how to find motivation

I don’t think I’ve ever made something that’s as good as I’m capable of

 

I hate not having a reason to look my best

I only ever take care of myself with the intent to show the internet

If what made me successful was an imposed sense of stress then

I am so so glad that I hated myself

 

I didn’t luck into this position

I struggle with decisions

I wouldn’t be my own friend, I’m too inconsistent

without immense pressure nothing ever gets finished

If these words make it to your ears it’ll be a fucking miracle.

 

I’m fortunate to know more good people than most do

I wish I had more friends I could be physically close to

I’m pretty good at like 20 different skill sets

At the expense of never being great at any one of them

 

I wish this beat hit harder

I wish more syllables rhymed

I know 99 percent of people really don’t mind

I think collaborating forced me to finish things ‘cause

I was terrified of wasting famous people’s time

 

I wish I could focus on what I define priority

I wish I was as grateful as I want to be

I wish I knew more people who were mentally stable

But if I did, I wouldn’t let them waste their time on me while I’m disabled

 

I feel alone

I know I’m not

I used to talk to lots of people. Lately I’ve stopped

They didn’t deserve it, I’ve been a terrible friend.

I couldn’t bear to let myself become boring to them

 

I don’t let myself get my hopes up. I love people who do.

Ah, I never know if what I say I feel is the truth

I wish I didn’t instinctively try to be less specific

So more people could relate when they read along with the lyrics

 

I can be happy in the moment

I am not when I reflect

I distract myself with gaming, waiting to get better

I hate it

 

I wanna do the most good, and prevent the most hurt

But I've gotta put on my own oxygen mask first

 

I can’t predict what I’ll do. I can never be sure

I am terrified of making promises any more

I can’t face my work, I feel sick from the word

I genuinely believe I’m capable of changing the world

 

I still think I can get better

I still think I can create and get pleasure from it

I'll keep aiming to make my emotion and my logic agree

And become the best version of me

 

I don’t want to stop

Edited October 7, 2016 by Guest

[SAO LILDOOP]

This is really great, thank you so much for posting this. Im glad you are having a good time now and I know everyone can become better people, doesn't matter what they did or what happened to them, they can get past it and better themselves. This is a great thread and I hope it helps a lot of people.

[Frost]

This is really great, thank you so much for posting this. Im glad you are having a good time now and I know everyone can become better people, doesn't matter what they did or what happened to them, they can get past it and better themselves. This is a great thread and I hope it helps a lot of people.

Thank you. I hope it can help people in similar situations. I'm learning that accepting yourself and finding daily motivation to do more than exist can be a learning curve.

[Wodahs]

even tho at times I may come of as a joy full joker to some around me wether in irl or on forums

if I can ever be of any help feel free to talk with me pm me email what ever even if you want send me a number and ill call you so we can talk if nothing else ill listen and help carry part the burden as well , never let it build up so bad that it becomes such a heavy burden to bear , and may be ill surprise you with some of my life experiances