Considering there aren't that many good VN's out there, especially English ones, I jumped into this thing with criticism radars on max ^^ I was also really looking forward to it. There were a lot of spelling and grammar errors, I'm guessing you didn't collaborate with a team. When dealing with projects like this, though it appears this was just a starter, you want to have a team at the ready. You need writers, editors, story board artists, artists, the game dev, and a small team for quality assurance. I'm looking at what this is now, which is a fun little game (not to mention cute) that's an alright play. I'm thinking about what this could be given the time and combined effort of a full team and ... there's a difference.
Basically, what you have is great having done it yourself. It's excellent for being a beginner project. Now what you need to do is get a team together to work on your next project and I guarantee you'll see if a difference.
I did leave one thing out when I was listing off the team, voice actors. They aren't necessary, especially in VN's, however, I bet dimes to dollars that a voiced VN would receive much greater attention. Something else to think about.
It was fun, katy ^^ It definitely shows that you're off to a great start! Keep up the good work.