Not sure if this is the est place to post this and in fact im pretty sure this will be taken down but this is mainly being done to help me vent (if im being honest)
Things have not been great, I am currently single, unemployed and have been living with my grandparents and other close family in our family home for the past , honestly i cant even remember how long at this point we have 1 person between the 5 of us with a stable job and my grandparents health is not good mentally and physically, and things are tense and difficult to say the least. I have no will to do anything, if i wake up before 4pm on any given day its an achievement, I feel useless and like I have no purpose I wake up eat , sit on my computer for a while and go back to sleep. I have had 0 luck finding a job and have been trying to get overseas for the past few years (with no success).
My family is constantly disappointed with me, not that I can blame them, I had quite a promising career path which didn't work out, and since then I have fallen into a rut. this is not uncommon for me as i know myself and that i often tend to give up after failing something (if you cant do something perfectly then there's no use doing it so why try to do something you already failed at).
I know many people out there and probably on here have much worse problems and situations but I am at such a low point mentally and emotionally at at this time that If im being honest the main thing that keeps me going is the thought of what could happen to my family and friends should something happen or should I.
i have have and have had many issues with my mental state for a long time and I am afraid of myself and what I could do to myself or others as I often have moments when I am not in control of my body and moments when i have no recollection of what I do or why I do them.
Anyway this is me just venting.
Im sorry optic and I understand why this will probably be deleted or removed (and I fully agree that a forum that is made for the purpose of people sharing their love for anime is not really the place for this, this is just me venting and again sorry)