ItsSammy

Show me my deepest desire, The colour of fire, Beautiful eyes of perfect green. Show me my queen. Show me standing with her, love in our eyes as we take on the world. Show me by her side, nothing to hide as I take her as my bride. Show us together, in love forever, and I don't lose her. No, never ... Show me her smile, her beautiful eyes. Show me her hair, the colour of a sunrise. Show me her laughing in a meadow of flowers. Show me us together, talking for hours. Show me the life I wish for in my head. But don't show me the way it truly was, instead. I want to see her once more, just one more time. My love for her, surely it can not be a crime. And yes, I know men have gone mad, looking in the mirror. But I can not take my gaze from where I see her clearer. I see my wishes, my hopes and my dreams in your shimmering reflection. But I see my pain, my regret and my sorrow in my minds introspection. For even though you mirror my face, you've made a correction. You stand me beside her in all her perfection. We look so happy together in this projection. But I know this is just a mere deflection, From what life is truly like, living with my rejection ... Now, looking back in retrospection, I should have given her more affection, I should have made a better connection, I should have been there for protection, But now my mind is just stuck with dissection ... Dissecting my every imperfection. Dissecting everything I could have, should have done without misdirection, But I'm just stuck without a hope for resurrection. Now, standing with my eyes locked on her face. I can never forget her beauty and grace. But this mirror is a curse, showing her in white, Walking down the isle, unlike that dark night ... This mirror shows my wishes, but it does not show the truth. It shows my deepest desire, to go back to my youth. To take your hand and kiss you, like no one ever would. To tell you "I love you." the way I never could. To see you in your wedding dress, so perfect and so fair. To say "I do." and marry you, right then and there. This mirror shows my only love, my only desire. To look at you one more time and touch your hair of fire ...

Did you fall in love with me, or someone else? 'Cause when I look in a mirror, I can't see myself. I see what they see, an intricate tapestry. A fictional lie, lined up to die. Did you love me then? Could you love me again? If life were not as it is today, Would you want to stay? Is my act becoming real. Is this regret all I can feel? Is my memory fading or am I just lost? Is this really worth the cost? If I forget you I forget my own soul. For loving you is my one true goal. Did you fall in love with me, or some else? 'Cause when I look in a mirror, I can't see myself. I see this act, this mask, these words I use to lie. I see this blood, this game, these tears I cry. I do not see the boy who used to hold you hand. I do not see the boy you used to understand. I see a man broken by love, yet not willing to let it go. I see a man taking a stand even if no one understands so. I know no one can see it. I know no one would care. But I do believe it, And know you are there ... I do not resent you nor regret our meeting, For you are the reason my heart keeps beating. I will never let you down, in this lifetime or the next. I will protect your legacy with pretext, For no one can know what I am. Did you fall in love with me, or someone else? 'Cause when I look in the mirror, I can't see myself. I see the man you left with, the man you chose over me. Yet I will still protect your love and your legacy ...

This is just one of my small writing projects which I got inspired to do after thinking up an alternate version of one of my favourite characters. It's not all that good since I wrote it in under ten minutes, but I thought it'd be nice to share one of my short writing projects instead of just hiding them away and never looking at them again. “Why do bad things happen to good people?” frowning just slightly I looked down at the little boy sitting in front of me, his big green eyes staring into mine as he let out another curious question. He'd asked me once before why people had to die and I'd explained that everyone had to die at some point or other, but this question ... this was a question even adults still struggled to answer. “Why do you ask?” I asked even though knew it had been due to the story I'd told him of his mother ... she'd died before he could even walk and he always wanted to know more about her, which I occasionally inclined to do even though it brought back so many painful memories. “Because momma didn't do anything wrong.” the way his expression changed from one of curiousity to one of sadness made my heart ache. He was too young to be asking such grown up questions. “No, but that's not what defines who lives and who dies.” I wasn't quite sure how to explain this situation to him. He was, after all, only six years old. “Then why?” his head tilted to the side and his curly brown hair shifted with him. “Why did momma have to die?” he asked these questions so easily, as if they didn't tear him apart inside, but he was just a child and I couldn't expect him to feel as much pain and regret as I did. I'd be surprised if he could even remember her ... “When you play in the meadow, which flowers do you pick?” “The pretty ones!” he blurted out as his smile quickly came back making his eyes light up. “That way we can keep them in the vase by the window.” his little smile brightened his entire face and I felt my regret growing ... She should be here to see him grow up, to see him smile and laugh. She should have been here when he first said her name, or picked flowers to bring home. She should be here now. “Yes, we pick those flowers because they are the prettiest ...” my voice was low and full of sadness as I spoke which he quickly noticed, his smile fading. “So why wouldn't death do the same?” my eyes rose to meet his once more and I frowned, “Your mother was beautiful, she was the prettiest flower I'd ever seen and I suppose that is why she was picked so soon.” “B-but ...” his little hands curled and uncurled as he tried to find the words he was searching for. “You won't leave me, will you?” his eyes were full of fear as he crawled closser to me, trying to make sure I wasn't going anywhere. “No, I won't leave you.” I replied quickly as I picked him up and hugged him close, “I swear, I will always protect you.”

I'm on the edge of a mental precipice, how much did I invest in this? Oh, just my sanity and my vanity, My respect and your neglect, The pain of a thousand years, and the rain of a thousand tears ... As I stare into the abyss I know I'll never miss the way I'm split, It's a mental fit. I fit into the frame, the frame of creation and destruction, Of sarcastic and deduction, Of genius and crazy, Of crystal clear and hazy. 'Cause I'm borderline perfect and I'm borderline broke, I'm borderline fire and I'm borderline smoke, I'm borderline master and I'm borderline slave, I'm borderline scared and I'm borderline brave, I'm borderline free and I'm borderline caged, I'm borderline calm and I'm borderline enraged, I'm borderline sane and I'm borderline mental, I'm borderline abusive and I'm borderline gentle. I'm stuck on the middle of a wire, Keeps getting higher, And I keep my balance as best I can, 'Cause I don't wanna lose the other half of this man ... The sides of me keep pulling, Which one is controlling? My mind's at war, but which side am I for? I can't decide so I try to hide, But you can't hide from your own mind, And you can't lose what you can't find. So I just wait and watch this war, wondering which side I'm rooting for, 'Cause ... I'm borderline magic and I'm borderline trick, I'm borderline straw and I'm borderline brick, I'm borderline hopeful and I'm borderline pessimistic, I'm borderline grounded and I'm borderline ballistic, I'm borderline flying and I'm borderline falling, I'm borderline silent and I'm borderline calling, I'm borderline dead and I'm borderline dying, I'm borderline done and I'm borderline trying. 'Cause I'm stuck in this rut, Punched in the gut, Gasping for air, Nobody's there, Clawing for words to say to take this pain away, But I'm stuck in the middle of it all ... When will I finally fall? I'm walking a tight rope miles above ground, I'm screaming my name but I'll never be found. 'Cause I'm borderline ready and I'm borderline readying, I'm borderline swaying and I'm borderline steadying, I'm borderline worrying and I'm borderline hoping, I'm borderline screaming and I'm borderline coping, I'm borderline breathing and I'm borderline choking, I'm borderline dry and I'm borderline soaking, I'm borderline swimming and I'm borderline burning, I'm borderline teaching and I'm borderline learning, I'm borderline cold and I'm borderline hot, I'm borderline new and I'm borderline rot, I'm borderline corpse and I'm borderline child, I'm borderline tame and I'm borderline wild, I'm borderline angel and I'm borderline devil, I'm borderline shifty and I'm borderline level, I'm borderline Heaven and I'm borderline Hell, I'm borderline sick and I'm borderline well, I'm borderline mischief and I'm borderline illusion, I'm borderline knowledge and I'm borderline confusion, And with each part of me fighting the other side, There's no where for me to hide, No one I can confide in, No one I can revive with, No one I can hope to find, Who will soothe my mind, And lead me to the end of this tight rope, Show me hope, And fix the war inside my head, That makes me wish I was dead, Yet I'm just borderline suicidal and borderline soldier, I'm just borderline terrified and borderline bolder, So I never fall from this tight rope, I just crawl through the night's hope, And hope someone will fix my demented mind game ... Make me fit just one frame.

You say, "I don't want to change you." Yet I need to be changed. You say "I don't want to re-arrange you." Yet I need to be arranged. You say "You're perfect as you are." But I'm falling all the same. You say "Love comes from the heart." But my heart isn't tame ... How can you look at me and tell me everything is fine? How can you look at me and be proud to call me, "Mine."? How can you smile when I'm frowning? How can you save me when I'm drowning? If you're just there to tell me I'm alright? You're supposed to pull me from the dark. You're supposed to light the spark. You're supposed to wake me up, not leave me to sleep. You're supposed to fix my heart not leave it to weep. You're supposed to tell me it's okay to cry. You're supposed to tell me you don't wanna see me die. Listen, I know, you think perfection is key. But perfection isn't me. I'm imperfect and broken. You're social and out-spoken. Yet you don't understand how to fix me ... Tell me I'm broken, beaten and bruised. Tell me I'm dark, demented and confused. Tell me I'm childish, naïve and used. Tell me I'm lost, stumbling and blind. Tell me I'm the only one of my kind. Tell me I'm lost in my own confined. Tell me I'm weak, tell me I'm scared. Tell me I'm trembling and impaired. Tell me I'm unrealistic, unknowing, unprepared. Tell me I'm mental, lost in the void. Tell me I'm crazy and nearly destroyed. Tell me I'm lazy, anxious and paranoid. Tell me I'm broken ... I need you to tell me everything I do wrong. I need you to tell me where I belong. I need you to tell me the truth of the matter. I need you to carve and mold me like alabaster. I need you to change me, re-arrange me. Deface me and trace me. Keep the things you love about me. But tell me to change the vile things you see. I can not go through life with sugar coated words fed into my brain. I can not go through life like that, it's driving me insane ... I'm cynical and cruel. Outlandishly a fool, At least when it comes to conversation. I'm unpredictable in every situation, Nobody every knows what to expect from my neglect, Neglecting the sugar coated words, Fed to your sheep-like herd, Just so they can revel in their own self worth. What a pity that's how we live on this earth ... So don't neglect my intellect, And don't confuse penance with dependence, For I do not depend on anyone but myself, alone. My head is my home, where all my thoughts I hone. Still, I sometimes wish for you to pull me from my mind, And, just once, tell me you can find, Something beautiful in my calculated lies ... Don't lie to me and tell me I am perfect, for perfection is a lie. Just as love turns to hate in the blink of an eye. Nothing is forever, yet nothing is for not. Everything we do, shall in the future rot. Yet, still it has a meaning, lost in this world. Sometime in the past or future, it will have unfurled. Whether or not it's painful, whether or not it's true, Everything that happens, is somehow connected to you. So don't go telling me I'm fine, just the way I am. For I know I am sinful, I am not the holy lamb. I am wicked, I am vile, I am cruel in all my ways. So if you can not find something, don't lie to me these days. I know I am nothing so just tell me the same. I know I am unlovable, so shower me with shame. Don't you dare lie to my face, While you disguise it as grace, I see past your soft voice, I see past your word choice, And I know you know I'm imperfect, So don't ask me to meet your verdict.

@BurnsyCEOYes, I am sorry. I think my statement came off the wrong way ... I don't see Lucius as being very abusive or anything, however he does seem like the kind of person who would give "correctional jabs" or other such small things, which is actually even more understandable after you see him (upon returning from Azkaban) and how he is treated by Voldemort. I mean, it was clear he had problems with being so talked down to and controlled, since he was always so in control with everything else and this may have led to being a little more abrasive. However I was just trying to say that Lucius seemed like the kind of person who might give jabs, or slight slaps upside the head if his son was misbehaving or other wise disappointing him. I do however not see him being very abusive and was, in my earlier statement, just implying that Lucius was a strict, stern, tough father who expected a lot from his son. (Since I have done some research and found that he was always on Draco's case for not besting Hermione in tests and the like) My view on the matter was that Lucius was very strict and possibly slightly "abusive" whether mentally or physically, although this was just my first take on the character after just watching the movies for the first time and was more a theory than an actual statement, since I'm not sure how their relationship is portrayed in the books. *My use of the word abusive varies depending on the situation and I see now that I should have should have specified what I meant by it earlier.* I simply meant that Lucius might sometimes discipline Draco with harsh words or actions. However, I really do not see him being very abusive since I have recently done some more research and found that both Draco's parents loved him dearly. (Which I did see through out the film) I did not question Lucius's love for his son I was just pointing out that I thought he may have been more physical with his disciplining compared to other parents in the series. (I'm also sorry if some of my research was incorrect, I've continued to see conflicting "facts" about whether or not Death Eaters can feel love and have even found some people claiming it was apparent Lucius was abusive in the books.(Although I have also found others who disagree with this statement) I would like to apologize if my first statement was in fact incorrect, however I did not want it to seem as if I were acting like my word was fact, instead I just wanted to lay out my first thoughts on the characters and detail what I thought could be going on with them.)

Female 1. Cammy (Street Fighter) I adore Cammy, she's so adorable and lethal at the same time. I'm also partial to her due to her British accent and the fact that she's just down right gorgeous. 2. Lara Croft (Tom Raider) I absolutely loved this game and enjoyed every aspect of it. Lara was resourceful, brave, tough and beautiful ... her British accent doesn't hurt any either. 3. Morrigan (DarkStalkers) She's a gorgeous succubus ... what else do I have to say? Male 1. Albert Wesker (Resident Evil) I'm partial to bad boys, blonde hair, British accents and well dressed men, so ... I think that one's self explanatory. 2. Vega (Street Fighter) Another one coming in on this list with gorgeous blonde hair and blue eyes ... I honestly just adore every aspect of this character. His sadistic, narcissistic, psycho personality doesn't bother me and I instead find it very intriguing. 3. Dragunov (Tekken) I have a strange attraction to this Russian man ... I don't know what it is, but he's just so interesting and mysterious! I also like the fact that he doesn't talk because it just makes it more fun to try and figure him out. (He's also well dressed so that doesn't hurt.)

I haven't yet found anyone who shares exactly the same views as me but there are a few quotes that I find very fitting to describe my views. "The selfish desire of wanting to maintain peace causes wars and hatred is born to protect love." -Uchiha Madara (Naruto) Although most people go by "good" and "bad" in this world I rarely label people as either, since I do not believe in "good" people, nor do I feel it is my right to judge another or accuse them of being "bad" ... I'm actually quicker to defend the "villains" of most things since I can always see their side and see where they're coming from. Where most people see a wicked villain, a cruel bully, or a vile creature, I see where they went wrong. Most "bad" people do what they do because of love, or because of a desire to keep peace for themselves or someone they love. Although I don't believe in "good" people, I don't automatically label them as bad either, since I see the world as being mostly grey. Context, reason, mental state, moral state, all of these play a role in whether or not the character/person is evil or not. "If you truly want to continue escaping from everyday life, you've no choice but to keep evolving no matter whether you're aiming higher or lower." -Orihara Izaya (Durarara!!) I can fully agree with this statement since so many people get lost in their daily lives, their routine taking over and leaving them feeling as if they have no purpose in life. If we truly want to succeed and be more than just another cog in the machine, we need to evolve and develop. "While you're alive, you need a reason for your existence. Being unable to find one is the same as being dead." Naruto Uzumaki (Naruto) Same as I said above, if you have no reason to live and you're just following routine day after day, what's the point? "You see, the world will not change through naïve talk." -Lelouch Lamperouge (Code Geass) There are so many people who think whining will fix anything. It will not. It takes leaders and soldiers, people who are willing to stand up for what they believe in, to die for what they believe in, to actually change anything ... Words alone are useless. You must be willing to defend your statements and your words. You can not talk as if you're fixing things, if you're not actually willing to go out and work hard in order to fix it.

What are some of your favourite characters reimagined in a different way? (Such as live action characters reimagined as Anime, or characters reimagined in different movies/shows.) Feel free to post any fan art you find of characters reimagined.

Just watched Crimson Peak again for the second time and it's still just as amazing and intriguing. I can honestly recommend this to any horror/thriller fans who are looking for an original idea with complex and beautiful characters.

This is just one of my small writing projects which I got inspired to do after thinking up an alternate version of one of my favourite characters. It's not all that good since I wrote it in under ten minutes, but I thought it'd be nice to share one of my short writing projects instead of just hiding them away and never looking at them again. “Why do bad things happen to good people?” frowning just slightly I looked down at the little boy sitting in front of me, his big green eyes staring into mine as he let out another curious question. He'd asked me once before why people had to die and I'd explained that everyone had to die at some point or other, but this question ... this was a question even adults still struggled to answer. “Why do you ask?” I asked even though knew it had been due to the story I'd told him of his mother ... she'd died before he could even walk and he always wanted to know more about her, which I occasionally inclined to do even though it brought back so many painful memories. “Because momma didn't do anything wrong.” the way his expression changed from one of curiousity to one of sadness made my heart ache. He was too young to be asking such grown up questions. “No, but that's not what defines who lives and who dies.” I wasn't quite sure how to explain this situation to him. He was, after all, only six years old. “Then why?” his head tilted to the side and his curly brown hair shifted with him. “Why did momma have to die?” he asked these questions so easily, as if they didn't tear him apart inside, but he was just a child and I couldn't expect him to feel as much pain and regret as I did. I'd be surprised if he could even remember her ... “When you play in the meadow, which flowers do you pick?” “The pretty ones!” he blurted out as his smile quickly came back making his eyes light up. “That way we can keep them in the vase by the window.” his little smile brightened his entire face and I felt my regret growing ... She should be here to see him grow up, to see him smile and laugh. She should have been here when he first said her name, or picked flowers to bring home. She should be here now. “Yes, we pick those flowers because they are the prettiest ...” my voice was low and full of sadness as I spoke which he quickly noticed, his smile fading. “So why wouldn't death do the same?” my eyes rose to meet his once more and I frowned, “Your mother was beautiful, she was the prettiest flower I'd ever seen and I suppose that is why she was picked so soon.” “B-but ...” his little hands curled and uncurled as he tried to find the words he was searching for. “You won't leave me, will you?” his eyes were full of fear as he crawled closser to me, trying to make sure I wasn't going anywhere. “No, I won't leave you.” I replied quickly as I picked him up and hugged him close, “I swear, I will always protect you.”

Always I remember when we were small So innocent and in love with it all You gave me a smile I gave you a friend You gave me a while But it soon came to an end ... I remember you, with your fire red hair I remember me, so in love with you there I remember him, so quick to take your hand And I remember you together, just as he planned ... I was left alone while you got a new home I had been your best friend But even friends, meet their end. You ran off with him for happily ever after I was just a thought you left in the pasture You were a queen who left me in the lost and found For I was a mere snake, all alone on the ground. Now all I have are memories of you And all I have are memories that grew, They grew into nightmares, grew into pain They grew into that dark night of rain ... That night I found you, all alone That night I found you, cast off your throne That night I cried bitter tears of pain That night I cried under the rain. Now, as memories are filling me with lonely thoughts and enemies I will become the martyr that you need ... So that your soul may be freed. Don't worry my dear Let you fear disappear I will protect you're legacy Intricately, Every detail clear to me So I can see How everything plays out, so don't you doubt. After all these years of pain and screams, After all these tears and late night dreams, after all these memories passing by, After all these days where I could die, After losing the one thing I wanted alive, After losing my hope when you took that dive, After realizing I'd never see you again, After losing you and gaining this pain, After seeing you for the last time, wrapped in my arms and lined to die, After holding you close and watching you pass, after realizing this was the final goodbye, I still love you ... Always.

Currently listening to this song ... I'm still upset and sad about what Snape had to go through, but also amazed by his loyalty and ... My emotions are utterly killing me.

One-Punch Man was surprisingly entertaining and well made, the characters were also humorous and quite lovable. If I'm being honest, I went into the show thinking it would be boring and generic, since I barely ever find comedies funny, nor do I enjoy the action genre as much as the next person. It started out as being a random show I started watching one night due to boredom and being sick at the time. However, I ended up binge watching the entire series in one night ... I found it very entertaining and the characters were all likable. I really like Saitama and find him interesting despite his very low-energy and kind of boring attitude. Genos is also cute and lovable, he reminds me somewhat of a child at times, but he's also very mature and grown up as well. I also really like some side characters such as Super-sonic, Mumen Rider and Tatsumaki, who are all very entertaining.

@BurnsyCEODuring the fourth film, The Goblet Of Fire, when Draco and Lucius are talking to Harry and the Weaslys about the Quidditch world cup. Although, Lucius does hit him with his walking stick, which I forgot to specify in my earlier post. Sorry.

Have you ever wondered what it's like to miss something you never had? I do. I was raised in an orphanage with no name given to me at birth so instead I was called a freak. The other children loved to tease me, the care takers loved to harm me, but most of all ... my own mind fed off of the inner hate I had for myself. I still don't know why the children loved to taunt me so ... I was such a quite child then. My mouth barely ever opened to utter a single word, but my eyes never closed. Perhaps ... Perhaps that is why they called me such terrible names. The way I slept. The way my eyes stayed wide open even as my mind drifted into the black abyss that soon became the nightmares terrorizing reign. Perhaps I scared them with the way my hands twitched and my fingers curled. The way my breathing came so unevenly. The way I watched them, so intently, set on memorizing every line, every expression, every movement until I'd mapped and remapped every single child and worker there. That was how my mind worked ... Always on over drive with no pay, no rest, no reward. Just memories. Just faces. I found that the past was where I dwelled most of the time. If in deed it really was the past ... If I'm telling the truth, I can't recall the last time my memories didn't come like stories to me. They always seemed altered in some way, as if they were tales, spun by mind to keep me from retuning to my childhood. However, I could always find the fault in the memorise which is why I was always so quiet ... I was thinking. I was remembering. I was missing that which I never had. I was missing my family. "What are you doing on the floor?" I barely ever heard another human voice these days, but suddenly someone was standing in front of me. Perhaps it hadn't been so sudden though ... I seemed to get lost in my thoughts more than I admitted and this was one of those times. "Drawing." I replied curtly, although my soft, childish voice never held the power I wished it to. "With what?" the mans face instantly darkened, his black eyebrows knitting into a deep scowl on his lean face. Not very fitting. No, not at all. "Nothing." I replied turning my face away from him and back towards the concrete floor. Every inch of it was covered in dust and dirt, except for the small area where I'd traced my fingers through the grime. As soon as my head was turned I heard the familiar click of the watch mans walkie, buzzing in the silence before he began to speak into it rather feverishly. "Get back up." I could sense it. When he stepped back from the bars. I could see his face in my mind, the way his eyes flashed with dread and the corners of his mouth turned just slightly downward. "He's up to something again." the way his voice wavered as he spoke again made me turn around. "Up to what?" I grinned, my big eyes looking directly into his. "Stay back!" as soon as I'd taken a single step towards the bars his hand shot to the gun at his side and his legs began to tremble. Oh, he was scared ... No, wait. He was down right petrified. The way his eyes darted from me to the corridor where he waited for back up. The way his fingers twitched just a millimeter away from his gun. The way he gritted his teeth making his jaw clench together. All signs of his panic. His fear. His heart rate rising to nearly fatal levels. I could practically hear it from where I stood. But he had no reason to panic. I had been good ... I had been good! "Wh-what have you done!?" the utter panic in her voice caught my attention and I swiveled around quickly. The blood covering my hands just seemed to make her tremble even more though. "They did it." I blurted out pointing at the bodies lining the floor and crammed into the cupboards. "They ... they did it!" I couldn't control my voice now as I began to walk towards the woman. Her blonde hair pulled into a tight ponytail, just as always. "I was good." I said as my breathing came in raggedly, too sharp for me to focus. "I was good!" I screamed now, unable to stop myself as I advanced towards the now recoiling woman. "St-stay back! Stay back!" the confidence that usually lined her words was completely gone now as she trembled and shook. Scared of such a small child? How could she be scared? How? How could she be the one scared!? "How!?" I found my words tumbling from my mouth before I could even process what I was doing. My mind had always worked quicker than my body, but now, instead of analyzing and processing it was just spitting out every thought I had. "You did this! You did this to me!" "No!" I watched as she tumbled to the ground, her heel having twisted in those ridiculous high heeled shoes she wore. "All of you!" my body began to tremble as my fingers twitched uncontrollably, their movements erratic and strange, even for me. "You put me in the cupboard ... You did!" I couldn't help but blurt everything out now as I stared face to face with the woman who'd come up with the terrible way of tormenting me. She knew. She knew! "You knew all along how scared I was!" I screamed louder. "You laughed!" Louder. "You kept me in there for days!" Louder! Louder! I felt tears burning my throat and stinging my eyes, but I ignored them and pushed onwards, following her out of the room as she crawled backwards, her hands scrapping against the hard floor as she winced in pain. Her ankle was twisted oddly and she couldn't manage to stand up. "I could barely breath." I sobbed out, my lungs now constricting from the pain. "I couldn't move." my expression changing from one of rage to one of pure and utter pain ... suffering ... sorrow. A child's uninhibited torment and years of pain, cast unto my face. "You were the one who killed them." "No!" she screamed, her hazel eyes opening wider than they already had been. "No!" she struggled to get to her feet but let out a scream of pain as she toppled back down. "You were the reason they died." my big eyes stared deep into hers as I recalled every time she pushed for them to lock me up in the cupboards under the sink. She was always the one laughing first, her cruel pink lips curled into that devilish smile. "They wouldn't have done it, if not for you." I felt the tears brim over and stream down my face as I took the final step towards her and crouched directly in front of her terrified face. "They begged for mercy." my tone was so calm and soft even as tears fell like waterfalls down my face. "They begged and begged, but I couldn't stop." as soon as those words left my lips a wide grin found it's way unto my face, grinning through the tears. "You know, I could have laughed ... I could have smiled, I could have done everything you did." the crazed look in my eyes was evident, for she quickly began to sob. "But I didn't." this time I tilted my head to the side to look at her clearer. "I didn't enjoy it. In fact, I hated it. Every last second!" "Pl-please ..." her trembling lips were so different from that wicked grin I'd seen so many times before. "I hid them in the cupboards, like you hid me. But I cut them up into itty bitty pieces so they wouldn't be so scared ... they can breath. They can move. I couldn't move." I emphasized my words as I spoke. "I was so scared of those tight spaces, you knew that. I was so scared I couldn't breath. Do you remember?" my eyes flashed with memorise as I continued. "I passed out in that little cupboard ... I fainted, but you didn't care. You left me in there." looking at her pleadingly I frowned, "Don't worry though, I'll make sure to let you out if you can't breath." I didn't want to do what she'd done to me. I didn't want her to be scared like I had been. So I would do what I'd done with the others, I would cut her up so small she would think that tiny cupboard was a castle! She wouldn't be scared then! "Don't do this ... Please!" she begged and begged but I ignored her. "I can't let you hurt the other children." I whimpered, my head shaking side to side as I looked her dead in the eyes. "But don't worry, you won't remember a thing." those were the last words I said to her before plunging the knife deep into her heart ... her blood curdling screams made my ears ring, but I stabbed her again. Again. Again, until she lay quietly on the floor. Her mouth agape in a scream, her eyes rolled back into the abyss and I went to work getting her into the cupboard. "I've been good!" I sobbed loudly as the watch man stared in terror at my trembling hands and I noticed the pain surging through me. "Quick! I need backup!" he shouted into his walkie once more as I stared down at the crimson blood pooling on the floor as it dripped from my hands. My long nails stuck into my soft skin and I couldn't bring myself to remove them. "I was good!" the tears kept coming as my mind stayed locked in that moment ... the moment I'd sat sobbing in the middle of the room, blooding covering my arms and legs, even staining the pretty white shirt I'd been wearing. I was stuck staring at the cupboards where my demons hid and my tormentors lay. "I've been good!" I kept screaming, over and over until my lungs began to burn and ache, making it hard for me to scream anymore. "What were you drawing?" the watch man demanded and I fell to the floor, over come with the memories ... "Oh my-" his voice trailed off as he stared at the blood covered floor. I too turned to look at the floor, my painting so perfectly beautiful on that drab, dusty, old floor. "Is that ... blood?" his eyes shot wide open as he looked at the blood dripping from my hands, then back at the painting I'd made. "Good boy ..." I whimpered, "Good boy. You've been a good boy." my hands shook even more as they paled. I hadn't realized what I'd done ... It didn't hurt when I made the painting, how could it have been from my blood? "Don't worry about the cupboard. You've been good. They won't put you back. No, no, no ... They can't put you back there. Not when you've been such a good boy!" my head shot up, "Blood isn't a big deal. Blood can be cleaned. You're still a good boy. Still a good boy." "No." the watch man growled and my eyes welled with tears. "Yes, I have been good! I swear!" bolting upright my bloody hands slammed against the steel bars and I screamed. My voice reaching a pitch I'd never heard before and just as I did the watch man turned around and fled ... he just ran down the hall, his hands over his ears and his eyes closed tightly. "Good boy. G-good boy." I choked out as my vision blurred, my eyes slowly closing as I fell backwards unto the ground. My head slamming into the concrete floor as I fell into my drawing. As my eyes opened I found a beautiful woman standing in front of me. Her black hair was so carefully braided and placed over her right shoulder as she looked down at her hand intertwined with another's. This man was tall and confident, his glossy black hair was just a shade darker than the woman's and I found that they seemed familiar to me. Oh, yes ... this was it. This was the moment I missed what I never had. Family.

I've been told I look and act like Hanji Zoe from Attack On Titan. Although I would be the stern and serious Hanji more than the crazy and excitable one, since I myself do have both sides, I just tend to keep the latter one to myself most of the time.

Fall Standing on the edge of the roof I watched as the cars passed bellow. Each one's colours seemed to fade into the next as I tried to keep my vision from blurring in the dark night air. How many had I taken? I couldn't quite remember, but the empty pill bottle was lying on the roof just a few feet away from where I stood. As I closed my eyes the cold brisk breeze that signaled fall was coming caught my hair and tossed it around my face, thrashing at my cold skin and causing tendrils of pain to surge through me. "Fall." I muttered to myself as I exhaled deeply. The cold air seemed to freeze in my lungs making it hard to let out. "Fall." I whispered softer as my eyes opened, taking in the city lights around me that blinked and moved in the pitch black darkness Everything around me was perfectly dull. Everything was the same. Every day was a replayed version of the last and I couldn't find anything to bring me joy. Every day I failed. I failed them. I failed myself. I failed life. How do you think that feels? Being the failure? Being the let down? Being the expectation that never really comes true? That was all I was ... I was nothing. I was the pitch black night, the cold air, the dark street beneath my feet that called me. It beckoned to me and how was I supposed to refuse? "Fall." I mouthed, my lips too cold to form the word properly now as I closed my eyes once again letting the sounds of the city envelope me. Take me away ... Show me there is something else. Something better. Show me an open door. I beg you ... but no matter how I begged, pleaded, or prayed, I couldn't find a reason. Not a single reason. "Thirty?" my mind flashed back to that moment. The moment I sat behind my desk, eyes wide and pleading ... Pleading with myself. I tended to do that, but I never won. I was my own worst enemy and there was no way I would ever defeat that. "Thirty!" this time my voice was higher, less surprised and more distraught. There, sitting in front of me on that bright screen were thirty reasons I hated myself, but not a single reason I liked myself. How had it come to this? How had I gotten here? Suddenly my eyes opened and I was standing on the ledge again, fighting back the tears that stung my eyes and burned my throat. Fighting back the urge to jump. To fall. To Just let go ... All it takes is one second, one step and I would never get the chance to fight again. I would be gone. Gone like the leaves on every tree when fall came. Gone ... Gone. Gone! But free ... Would I be free? What is free? Is free being numb and dead? Or is free being tormented and alive? Why couldn't free be happy? Why couldn't free be kind? Why couldn't I just step off the ledge and die? Taking a deep breath that froze the second it touched my lungs, I shifted my foot outwards, dangling it over the edge. But just as I always did, I found a reason to fear death. In the very last second, as it looked me straight in the eyes, I recoiled, like a child recoiling from a fire. In that second, as my foot dangled dangerously outwards, I found that I feared the after life. Heaven and Hell ... did it matter which one I went to? I feared death because Hell was torment. It was pure pain and suffering, just as life had been, just worse ... Oh, I could only imagine how much worse. But as I thought of Hell my mind drifted to Heaven and I wondered how eternity would fair. I'd feared eternity forever. I was not one to see ever lasting life as a blessing, instead it seemed a daunting curse. Not for the way you'd lose your loved ones or your friends, but for the way you could never end your suffering. It would never end. You could never go to sleep knowing you may not wake up. You could never wonder when death would great you. You couldn't even wait for old age to take you. Oh ... eternity seemed like suffering in and of itself. "Fall." I said firmly as my eyes glared down at the street beneath me, the cars passed, not noticing the person standing high above them. "Fall." it was the season where death came and took every leaf from off the trees. It stripped them of their majesty and cast them to the earth as if they were nothing. "Fall." it was what I could never do and it was what I could never be ... I could never be the tree that survived the cold months, surviving day after day with no hope in sight, just to find that their leaves returned with more splendor than before. No. I could never be that tree. Stepping away from the edge I kicked the empty bottle of pills away from me with an angry glare. Tears threatened to spill over as I fell to the floor, my knees hitting solid stone and my hands slamming down hard enough to tear the skin away from my palms. I couldn't fall. I couldn't breath. I couldn't find a reason to live yet I always did ... Why? Why was this what I was destined to be? Life terrified me so I embraced death, yet every time I went to meet him my mind always pulled me back ... It always had a way of making me scared to die. A way of making death seem worse than life. It was my worst enemy and yet it whispered slowly, softly, in my ear "You are the fall.".

Just watched the entire Harry Potter series for the first time and I've got a few new characters I completely adore.

Severus Snape was my favourite character through out the entire series due to his mysterious ways and how well his allegiance was hidden through out every movie. He was monotones yet interesting, which I found to be very intriguing since that is a rare mixture, but it worked so perfectly. Although he didn't get as much time in the movies as I'd hoped, he was such a complex and in depth character I instantly loved him ... I automatically liked him the first time I saw him due to his mysterious disposition and the way he talked. Through out the rest of the movies he remained my favourite even when his loyalties were questioned and everyone else seemed to think I had to change my out look on his character due to this. In the end, I loved Snape through out all the movies and could find no reason to dislike him. Since Snape was my favourite character I decided to do a little research on him once I finished the movies and I found a lot of interesting details that made me love him even more ... He was smarter than 7th years at Hogwarts before he had even joined. He created his own spells including, "Sectumsempra.", "Vulnera Sanentur.", "Levicorpus." and more. He was the youngest teacher and head master in all of Hogwarts history. The first time Snape and Harry meet he asks him, "What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to and infusion of wormwood?" which many people assumed was a normal potions question, however there is a Latin flower language that, when applied to this statement translate to, "I bitterly regret Lily's death." or "On Lily's grave I promise to protect you." which I found very touching. When Severus was younger he was attacked by Remus Lupin in werewolf form, which was said to be very terrifying ... However, during a scene where Remus transforms into a werewolf and is about to attack Harry, Hermione and Ron, Snape steps in front and shields them from the attack, causing Snape to get the full force of the werewolf's strike. I personally find the last two facts to be very touching and sweet, the others just show how amazing and powerful Snape actually was. I also do not understand why Lily married James Potter since he was so mean to Snape, who, if she forgot, was her best friend since they were little ... Also, the fact that Snape loved and adored Lily so much that he risked his life every day to save her son and never got over losing her shows how amazing he was. So, yes, I adored Snape through out the entire movie series and am extremely proud to call myself a true Snape fan, since most people disliked him in earlier movies and ended up regretting it later. Draco Malfoy is my second favourite character due to his sassy/sarcastic attitude and complex mind set. I have a soft spot for well dressed men, along with sarcasm, so I automatically liked Draco upon his arrival in the movie. However, I never did let up my liking of his character even when he did begin to become a death eater. I found Draco to be a well made character, very complex and interesting while barely showing his true emotions. I usually end up loving side characters in movies and tv shows due to the fact that you get to piece everything together with them, instead of knowing their exact backstory and the like. Because, if I'm being honest, I usually find most characters backstories to be cliché and boring. Now, seeing as I love to delve into characters and figure things out about them just by the little bits you're shown, I'm quite positive Draco had some daddy issues, as in, Draco's father was both mentally and physically abusive, Draco didn't spend much time with his father, he didn't feel like he was good enough for his father and he was struggling with living up to his father's expectations. How did I come to such a conclusion? Well ... There are only a few scenes where Draco and Lucius Malfoy are together, but in one of those scenes Lucius straight up hits Draco in the torso while other people are watching. It's also clear that Draco is unnerved around his father since in the other scenes they're together Draco always takes a few steps away from his father, as if subconsciously. This is shown in the end as well. When Draco goes to stand with his parents he holds his mothers hand but quickly side steps away when Lucius tries to touch his shoulder. Along with being abusive towards Draco in public, Lucius also abuses Dobby, his house elf, in front of a few people as well. So ... if Lucius Malfoy is that abusive in public, how do you think it varies in private? It's quite clear from the way Draco acts and talks, that he respects and loves his father. However, the fact that Draco is always trying to insert his father into conversations is a little odd ... One of Draco's favourite lines is, "My father will hear about this!" and aside from that one he's always trying to bring up his father in conversations, such as the time he tells Harry about the bet he made with his father, or when he brags about his father. Now, I'm theorizing that this is due to the fact that Draco doesn't spend much time with his father and so he tries to play up their relationship by taunting others with it. It's a normal thing for children to play up their parents, but Draco's need to make his father sound like the most powerful wizard all the time, makes me think he's trying to make others jealous of his relationship with his father, even though he doesn't really have one. It's shown that Draco struggles with being a death eater and can't manage to kill Dumbledore when the time comes. However, Draco does try his best to do everything his dad expects of him, which causes a lot of stress on Draco and is also probably a factor in why he's always making fun of others ... He's trying to forget about his own problems. The struggle Draco has with making his father proud or doing the right thing is what made me so interested in him. I felt bad for him and I could understand ... It's not rare for people to get stressed out over not being "good enough" and Draco was just a boy ... He was stressed out and sad. I've researched it a little bit and it was said that Draco was the only real death eater who could still love, meaning he struggled with doing what his father wanted, but being just a boy, making his father proud seemed like the most important thing in the world. The fact that his dad was abusive and couldn't feel love didn't help either, because Draco probably felt he did something wrong to make his dad so cold and distant, which would fuel his desire to please him even more. So, where some people say a mean spirited bully, I saw a misunderstood boy who just wanted to please his father. I also don't see why people say they don't like Draco because he "acted like a wimp" or was "too whiney". I think it's quite obvious that a child with an abusive father, would get scared quite easily by threats of violence ... I honestly felt bad for Draco and wished somebody would at least try being nice to him, instead of getting so offended by his snide remarks. Also, Draco wasn't a villain in any way. He was mean, yes, but he never did anything evil or wicked. He couldn't bring himself to kill Dumbledore, he couldn't bring himself to turn Harry in and at the end he even wanted to leave the death eaters. I absolutely loved Draco and that he was a great complex character, with a lot of pieces to fit together and figure out. I liked the main characters as well, except for Ron ... I found him to be very whiney and unlikeable. Harry Potter was a good character, more interesting than most heroic main characters since most have no reason behind their actions ... I'm a cynical person, I think you all know that, which is why I dislike the hero characters who are only heroes because they want to be good. I don't believe there a lot, or even few, people who would risk their lives on a daily basis for people they don't know, just because they want to be helpful, or good. However, Harry Potter was interesting and a little more complex than I expected. I really like Hermione and found her very cute and feisty. The fact that she was a strong, smart female character was also great fun to watch, since most female characters are portrayed as being overly emotional and making bad decisions based on such emotions. I loved how Hermione was so smart and barely ever had emotional outbursts, she seemed realistic and down to earth and even though her character didn't have that much development I found that she didn't really need any. She was entertaining and interesting just as she was.