ItsSammy

Open your mouth and what comes out, dear? Something no one even wanted to hear. Close your eyes and say your prayers. For you are falling, falling down the stairs. Look at your filthy mouth. Only spiders ever come out. Loosing webs upon your tongue. Soon your lungs will be undone. No one wanted to hear your stupid words, you fool. Why is it that your words are always so cruel? Shut up, oh just shut up. When will it ever be enough? Can't you just close your mouth? And keep those spider webs from coming out? Venom. Poison. Spilt on lace. Crying. Trying. Out of place. Close your eyes and bit your tongue. Everything is over done. You're so stupid you can't see ... How no one wants to hear from thee. Stupid girl, stupid girl, no one wants to hear your voice. Stupid girl, stupid girl, shut your mouth and make a choice. Choose to be silent. Choose this way. Choose to be non-violent with the words you say. Venom. Poison. Spilt on lace. Crying. Trying. Out of place. Hold your tongue and say your prayers. Your words are falling down the stairs. Hear them crash to the floor. They're not yours anymore. Control. Controlling. The words are pulling. But my tongue stays stuck. Oh, just my luck. Everything I want to say is stuck behind my teeth. But everything I wish to take back is already beneath. Beneath me. Beneath you. Beneath a lie. Beneath what's true. It's out there for you to hear. It's out there for me to fear. For I can't take it back now. You wish to forget somehow. But it's out there for you to hear. And it's out there for me to fear ... Venom. Poison. Spilt on lace. Crying. Trying. Out of place. I can't erase what I've said. Now it's in my head. Haunting me. Taunting me. This crimson venom I spat out. The killing poison found in my shout. Words ... How funny they can be. Words ... How much they haunt me. Words ... The poison in my head. Words ... Sometimes they make me wish I were dead. Words.

I'm watching the Harry Potter series for the first time and I enjoy it quite a lot.

@RudillaThanks.

It's been so long it just feels wrong, that I can't remember the way it felt when you wrapped your arms around me and I leaned into thee for protection ... But now it's an infection. This untouchable memory, of you and me. I wake up at night, cold sweat from fright and I can't remember you. But that's not new. These feelings are killing me inside and I have nowhere to hide. I just want to remember how it felt to let you hold me. To let you save me from my insanity. To trust you in my calamity. To have you hold me when I was crying. To have you praise me when I was trying. But the funny thing is, you never did. Not even when I was a kid. And I should've seen it quicker, but your lies were thicker and I couldn't push past it to see the last of your lies. You hid behind that disguise and you never held me. So I wept because of thee. And now ... As I lie awake, everything is fake and I can't even remember what a hug feels like. Somebody please, listen to my pleas and pull me from this mess of emotions, give me thy devotions and hug me ... Just hug me. I wish I knew what it felt like to hug you, but I will never know since you didn't bother to teach me so. So I will try to dry my eyes, as I fall back into all your lies. They always catch me when I fall and I listen to them all. Even though they tear me apart and break my broken heart, as I wait for someone to just ... Hug me. I can't miss how it used to be, I can't remember how you loved me. I can't reminisce on memories of the past. Nor can I say I wish to go back to the last moment you held me in your arms. Or the last moment you taught me one of your charms to fight all my childish fears away, or keep me safe until the break of day. Why? Because I only cry, that's the memory I have of you and I. How I wished to die, but was always by your side even though I had to hide. For you didn't love me, you said everyone else was above me. You treated me like an animal for to you, my love was flammable. You'd pour gasoline on my heart, pull it apart, light a match, toss it in and I begged you to let it burn out but I could never win. For you kept me down, pushing me to the ground, making me beg you to help me push through. But I had to crawl to my knees and forgot my own pleas, for begging you wrought distain. You always turned and left me in pain. So I caught myself before the finale fall. You wouldn't do it, you wouldn't save me, so I did it myself and now you hate me. I can't look back on old memories with a grin, I can't remember a time I did win. I can't remember a single kind word, for your disgust is all I ever heard ... I haven't one good memory I can remember. Not a fire nor an ember. For my light was dashed out when you cast me down, and I can only remember your frown ... Your frown of disgust and revulsion, mixed with my inward compulsion, to do my best. I'd try to pass your test, even though I had neither the questions nor the answers. I was instead full of infections and cancers, clawing at my brain, driving me insane and that is all I can remember of my past ... For those are the memories that last. I can't look back on my childhood, without remembering that I was no good. I was no good for you. You said that was true. You acted like I were nothing but a peasant and I can't help but resent the memories that latch unto my brain, for I can't escape the pain. I can't escape these memories that haunt me and taunt me, for this is all I know ... Yet, I can't let go. Please, somebody, just hug me.

I've been writing poems since I was a child and I know this one isn't very good but it's one of my older ones. I recently found a file on my laptop with all my old poems on it and I thought I'd post a few on here even though they're not all that good.

Half god and half devil, however do you split that? The war, the battle, however do you fix that? The fight, the cage, which one do I surrender? It's become impossible to decide and there is no one in which I can confide. Living in calamity, watching illusions envelope me, the feeling of falling into insanity where no one will ever catch me ... I fell right in front of you, and you just let me go, I asked you to embrace me and you just said no. Do you know how much it hurts to let go of the one thing that could ever save you? Do you know how much it hurts to be the one who could never embrace you? The pain in my heart, in my head, in my lungs ... The pain in my mind, in my dreams, on my tongue ... The pain of illusions, of lies, and deceit ... The pain of my youth, of my life, of mine own heart beat ... I begged you for a chance. For a chance to prove my worth. But instead you turned away and cast me to the earth. Every moment, every second, every memory ... The lies, the pain, the blood red rain that boils inside of me ... It's all for you, it's all for you! Can't you see, it was all for you? Every time you shut me out, every time you turned away, my heart still cried and yearned for you, every single day. Did you not see the tears I cried, nor hear my screams of pain? Did you not realize, I tried everything in vain? I did my best, I played the part, I worked to be enough But you still turned away. And every single day, I realized, with tears in my eyes ... That I could never be good enough. For no matter what I did, no matter how I tried, you still couldn't see past the fact, that everything about me was not as simplified ... as you. For I am half god half devil, half heir half enemy and you could never see past the other half of me. For even though I did my best, and passed the test, and did enough to earn your blessing, you just couldn't give it to me, could you? Now I see, no matter what I do, you will never love me. For I am half god and half devil, half prince and half beast, half love and half anger, and you can't love me ... For a monster such as I, could never change, not in thine eye ... For I am nothing but a monster that you keep locked away, and even though I wish to prove to you, every single day, that I can be better, I can be more ... You can never see past that other half of me, now can you?

Search "Levi x Hanji cute" and you get a bunch of these cute things.

I ship Levi x Hanji from Attack On Titan. It's pretty unpopular due to all the ... Levi x Eren shippers. *Shivers*

I can relate to Light in quite a few ways. (No, I don't wish to sound like a psychopath either but, eh, whatever.) For starters, I myself have had many of the same thoughts Light expressed through out the show, for instance, his view on people. I am overtly and innately cynical, it's just the way I am. So I could relate to his view on humans. I myself kind of dislike people, I mean, I wouldn't say I out right hate them or anything like that, I just find them to be perpetually stupid and wicked. The human race is quite sick, honestly. I've always thought that and I do not see a time, anywhere in the future, where I would think otherwise. I also agree with his deep belief that he should do whatever it took to bring about this change, since I have always felt that it is better to do everything you can to stand up for your beliefs, rather than bow down and accept someone else's just because yours is not fully accepted. I can also relate to his eversion to people and "friends" since I myself am extremely introverted and anti-social. I personally don't see any need for friends or even acquaintances since people just bore and irritate me. However, watching people is something I do enjoy ... They can be quite interesting when they're not actually talking to me. So I can see why he would be one of your role models ... He does stand up for what he believes in and he does everything he can to bring it about. I myself find his ability to twist peoples minds and toy with them as he pleases to be quite amazing though.

I just finished binge watching One Punch Man and it was surprisingly great ... I'm not one to watch action packed comedies, because neither of those genres interests me much, but One Punch man was actually quite hilarious and very well done. I found myself loving a lot of characters and being drawn in quite quickly. It was very well done and entertaining.

Oh, how are you finding the Tokyo Ghoul mangas, @Vivi Hyuuga? I've read a few, up to season two actually.

I'm currently reading Flowers In The Attic and it's one of the best book series I've ever read. (Believe me, I've read a lot of books) The characters are so complex and interesting, every little thought and movement is so captivating that I found myself utterly lost in such a masterpiece, finishing both book one and two in under five days. The writing is beautiful, the characters are just gorgeously written and so complex it makes you ache just to know what will happen next. Everything is just so perfectly done that you feel like you're there with them, like you can see everything they see. It's an absolute masterpieces, just beautiful in every way.

Can I just say that the Attack On Titan: No Regrets ova's scenes are all my favorite scenes? I honestly loved every second of that ova. (Especially the scene where Hanji Zoe blushes at seeing Levi ... Mhm, I ship it) I also love the scene from Attack On Titan season 1 episode 10 where Armin gives his speech in an attempt to save Eren's life. I ADORE Armin so much! (If you couldn't tell.) The death scenes from Another are also some of my favorite anime moments because they were so creative and unconventional ... I love when people can put a spin on that kind of stuff. I have many favorite scenes from Death Note and a lot of them consist of the cute or strange lines the characters said as well as all the epic scenes, but there are too many to mention. Oh! And whenever Near is playing with his toys or has his sleeves are over his hands ... Gosh, I'm a sucker for cute things! I've only read the mangas of Tokyo Ghoul as of yet but I love the "What is 1,000 minus 7?" line because, I mean, everything leading up to that point was so tense and I just loved seeing him come out of that ... I also love the scene where you first meet Uta because he's just so cute, along with Suzuya. I love that little guy! I've also watched about 4 episodes (I think) of Durarara but ended up putting it on hold due to everything I've got going on and seeing as it was quiet long ... However, I love the scene where Izaya laughs like a maniac for two minutes and then just goes, "I'm bored now.". Eh, I don't know, I just already love that guy ...

I just watched Thor: Ragnarok and absolutely loved it! I'm not usually into action movies and the like but I'm a major Loki fangirl so ... Yeah. Any who, the movie was shot beautifully and each scene was vibrant and exciting. The music was great, the writing was great, I even found myself laughing quite a lot during this movie which is a rare sight since I have a slightly ... Morbid sense of humour. However this movie was brilliantly funny while still having some somber moments. All in all, it was beautifully done and gorgeous film.

I use Netflix and Gogoanime.

I have read a few mangas but not the entire series, for example, I've read all season one of Tokyo Ghoul's mangas but I'm currently waiting to watch the anime with my roomie so I didn't read any further so as not to spoil anything. I've also read up to season 2 of Attack On Titan's mangas but also stopped reading that for the same reason ... Spoilers. I did read Judge and Rabbit Doubt though. They're utterly fascinating and although slightly amateurish in the beginning since it seems to be the authors first manga, it's really well done and complex. Rabbit Doubt is the first series with Doubt being after it, although the two are different I loved them both and felt the plot twists never let you down. Doubt is practically a manga version of Saw and it's absolutely delightful in a morbid, dark, pretty disturbing way.

I would enjoy it quite a lot since I'm really into detective work, mysteries and criminals. I've actually got a few biographies on serial killers around here somewhere ... What is one thing you can't live without?

I got a maid.

I have a few anime role models but the top two are probably Levi Ackerman and Armin Arlert of Attack On Titan. Levi: I find Levi to be pretty much the perfect role model for me because I myself am a very anxious and regretful person, while Levi always takes everything so calmly and his speech that he gave to Eren with the line, "We are only allowed to believe that we will not regret the choice we made.", was one of my favorite moments in the anime because I have many regrets even though I've barely done anything in life ... I do have the ability to play my emotions off well if I really intend to, but I do always end up over analyzing everything and getting anxiety over it which is why I see Levi as being that person I can actually hold up as a role model since I can relate to him while also looking up to him ... If that makes sense. I just really love his ability to always stay calm both outwardly and inwardly, the inwardly part is what I struggle with, but also his control of everything and keeping everything working even though he barely talks. I can also relate to his introverted behavior around people since I am quite introverted myself, which helps me realize that striving to be like Levi isn't too far out of reach since I do share quite a few qualities with him. Armin: Honestly, Armin is like that little angel kid who does everything but doesn't realize how amazing he is. He's just absolutely perfect. I can hold Armin up as a role model because he's basically a little angel. How can you not look up to someone like that? I adore his ability to always think outside the box and come up with plans during pressure, he's also the sweetest little guy and totally adorable. However, the one thing I would tell Armin to stop doing if I met him, was to stop doubting himself ... I struggle with the same issue, always feeling like I can't do anything right, which is why I can see Armin as a role model since he's beginning to really believe in himself more and more as time goes by. I also just love his loyalty to his friends and his strength. He's gone through a lot what with losing his family and all that, but then deciding to stick by Eren and join the army showed his loyalty and his bravery and being able to come up with that beautiful speech to save Eren's life when he was under a lot of pressure showed his strength. So I can always try to be as kind as Armin, as loyal as Armin and as strong as Armin, while also being able to relate to his struggle with feeling not good enough although he's slowly getting better at fighting it and I love watching him over come it.

I rarely have dreams but when I do they're usually really detailed and life like nightmares ... I have even woken up feeling pain from something that happened in my nightmares.

I just finished watching Girls Und Panzer and then started Princess Principal. I've already watched 6 episodes and it's quite interesting.

I'm not a Fujoshi and I myself have actually had these exact same questions at times, so maybe I can help you out a bit? 1. I can understand when the reader has a crush on a character in a Yaoi manga and ships him with the person he is with canonically, because they read the manga knowing that said character would be gay/bi and if they end up having a crush on that character then fine, makes sense. BUT, the thing I don't get is when people watch a show and ship two male characters together even though neither of them is gay, nor are they in any way together canonically. That doesn't make sense to me because the shipper is usually attracted to either one or both of the male characters and yet still wants them to be gay. My guess is that the reader/viewer is a Yaoi fan and has read (or writes there own) Yaoi mangas/fanfics and therefor is just used to shipping male characters together, whether or not it's canon or even makes any sense at all. 2. I think most people start reading or watching Yaoi based mangas/anime due to their friends telling them to check it out since it seems to be rather "trendy" these days or happening upon some fanart/fanfics while browsing the fandom or internet for the manga/anime based things. 3. Now, most Fujoshi's probably see their shipping as no big deal, but the ships can get out on control with people shipping under-aged characters with older characters, shipping incest/twincest, shipping gay ships when the two male characters are canonically straight or otherwise in no way gay ... So I think the shipping gets out of hand. 4. I agree. Seeing as I am a normal viewer, canon/almost-canon shipper and all around non-fanfictionay/fanarty person I do happen upon such gay fanart when I'm just looking to find normal photos of the characters. For instance, it's pretty hard to look up "Attack On Titan" without getting some sort of Levi x Eren ship material whether that be fanart or fanfiction links. 5. I feel like normal shippers and even low-key fanartists or fanficers are fine, but the overtly obsessed gay shippers who are always drawing their explicit fanart and writing mature fanfiction are most likely out on control and should try dialing it down a bit ... And this is coming from one of the biggest fangirls out there! 6. I feel like a lot of gay shippers do find heterosexual ships cute, but they're just more drawn towards their gay ships ... For what reason? I'm not totally sure ... But those who only go for the gay ships and tear down heterosexual ships just because it's male-female are going too far. 7. I was born in a religious household and still hold my beliefs to this day and yes ... If I were to be a Fujoshi I would harbor inward guilt about it and the like, so I think if there are religious Fujoshi's they probably either feel bad about it, or aren't really religious. 8. I think most gay shippers think they're normal since it's so trendy now. I mean, you could probably look up any anime and find gay ships about it, even live action shows suffer from the gay shippers. Hope I was of some use to you and helped with your questions, although I myself am not one of these gay shippers and therefor am basing my answers off of others and things I've learned about it.