ItsSammy

I'm currently enrolled in college for a degree I don't actually have much/any interest in and have no idea how I'm going to apply it to my life after I've graduated (if I even make it that far) ... school in general has also just been causing me copious amounts of anxiety that have led to absolutely horrendous sleeping patterns due to the fact that I feel like my entire life is passing me by while I waste precious time working towards something I have no passion for or interest in ... On a more lighthearted note one of the shows I was watching ended on a pretty big cliff hanger so I guess I'd say I'm a bit annoyed by that.

One Year Years pass by in the blink of an eye Close my eyes for one night and I say goodbye If you want me to wake up, I swear I’ll try But sometimes it’s hard to make it by ‘Cause for the longest time I’ve told a lie Tightened my jaw and swore I wanted to die Clawed at my skin till the blood ran dry And now it seems I’m ready to testify … I’ve lost years of my life I’ll never get back Stuck in my mind with this anxiety attack But no matter how I try it always turns black And the light in my eyes slips out through a crack … One year, one year of gain One year free of this pain One year my eyes didn’t rain One year not spent in vain One year in a new lane One year with a new train Of thought in my brain And I thought I’d go insane But it looks like I’ve slain The monster in my vein … No more blood on these hands of mine No more embellishing the carved out line No more excuses of just being fine No more lost hope on an empty sign No more, no more, no more of this design … One year and it’s May’s Three hundred and sixty five days Yet I can’t even count the ways I made it through this to today’s Special celebration of praise … One year free of that blackened night One year free of the stolen light One year free of my own hearts fright One year free of all the spite On year free and I feel … alright.

I have trouble letting go of things so I have a box full of birthday cards, old gifts, little mementos and other stuff like that ... I also have a stash of colouring books, random instruction manuals from things I don't even own anymore, tags from clothes, semi-important papers from a while ago that I don't actually need anymore but for some reason still keep and probably some other things I don't even remember at this point.

I have yet to cosplay due to the fact that it's quite time consuming, expensive and something I just can't really do right now. However, I would absolutely love to get into cosplay someday due to the fact that I view it as a way to pay homage to the creators of the characters I have grown to love and adore, as well as celebrating said characters. I also love seeing other people's cosplay and just admiring how much hard work must go into making such detailed outfits or doing ones makeup to look like an anime character. Some of my favourite cosplay:

So far my absolute favourite ships are: 1. Levi x Hanji (I absolutely love the dynamic between these two and although their personalities are so drastically different I feel like that somehow endears them to each other even more. I also just love the friendship between them and how they seem to understand each other so well, it's just really cute all around.) 2: Roy x Riza (This ship is equal parts badass and adorable. Both characters were extremely strong and commanding however they never struggled with who was in charge, it always just seemed to happen naturally and whoever took the lead was the leader in that moment. I also just loved the dedication both characters showed to one another and their love was clear through out the entire show which made it extremely tough not to fall in love with them.) However, there are a few other ships that I find very cute even if there hasn't been much development for them yet or I am still kind of iffy on them, such as: 1. Armin x Annie (Still a bit iffy on this one since I need to see where their characters go but so far it seems rather cute and their personalities seem like they'd fit together quite nicely, oddly enough.) 2. Ymir x Christa (This is just an all-around cute ship and I adore both of these characters, however I feel it still needs a bit more development for me to truly get invested in it.) 3. Sugu x Shinichi aka Leafa x Recon (*Some spoilers for SAO s2* I thought this was an absolutely adorable ship and I was actually kind of upset it was glossed over so quickly and barely given any time or attention at all. Honestly, the whole Sugu x Kirito thing was completely unnecessary in my opinion and felt like just another way for the creators to show off their main male lead as being absolutely perfect and loved by everyone ... anyway, I personally love Sugu and think she's extremely cute and feisty which seemed to contrast Shinichi's cute but timid personality. It's an all-around cute ship in my opinion and made a lot of sense, too bad it was just completely ignored ...) 4. Eren x Mikasa (This ships has its cute, heartfelt moments but I'm still quite iffy on it due to the fact that I feel like Mikasa's character may stay underdeveloped if the creators do decide to go the route of making this ship canon. In my opinion Mikasa's character is already quite bland, dull and boring with her only saying about one word, that being "Eren", 90% of the time ... I do however feel like it could be a very well done ship since it has such a rich background already and it is clear that both characters love one another, even if they show it differently.)

@Seshi I absolutely loved the soundtrack for Donnie Darko as well and Mad World, I must say, is my favourite song. Also, yeah, I agree with you on The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo not being for everyone since it is quite graphic as you said, but it is still just such an amazing series.

My favourite one-off movie is Donnie Darko because I absolutely love how it is both a little unsettling, humorous and thought provoking all at once. I just adore the character of Donnie and found myself absolutely loving him because he was so complex and strange, yet somehow still extremely relatable while still being completely unique. I also love the writing in the movie and especially love the line: "Why do you wear that stupid human suit." I also love Donnie's outright disregard for the complete and utter idiocy that is taught in his school and pushed by everyone within the town. For instance, when they have Jim Cunningham speak about fear and the school pushes this narrative that there is either love or fear and anything negative comes from fear and anything positive comes from love. I hate this way of thinking, always have, so seeing Donnie call both Jim and his teacher out on this was just quite enjoyable to see. I also just absolutely love the end of the movie and find it quite inspiring. My favourite movie series however is either the Silence Of The Lambs trilogy or The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. I just love both of these series so much and they are quite inspiring as well.

For me to really like a character I have to be able to either connect with them on a personal level or be inspired, moved and/or affected by them. This is why I love Armin so much (if that wasn't clear enough by my profile alone), because I can both connect with him and be extremely inspired and affected by him at the same time. Most of my favourite quotes actually come from the little blond genius, such as: "A person who cannot sacrifice everything won't be able to change anything!" and, "There's nothing wrong with valuing your own life." I especially like mentioning these two together because as someone who deals with anxiety and depression it is often hard to over come the fear of losing something you love, but it is also extremely tough to value your own life or the things you want. So, while watching AoT and hearing these quotes for the first time they impacted me quite a lot and I began to focus more on how I felt as if placing value on myself and the things I loved was extremely selfish of me and therefore wrong, while also believing that if I sacrificed those things I loved I would also be being selfish because I did not deserve them and should not take them for granted. However, these quotes helped me to realize that it is important that I value my own life and things I love while also realizing that sacrificing them is important and does not mean I do not value them or that I am selfish in giving them away, but that I am working towards my goals and paving a way for my future and the change I so desperately want in my life. (I hope this makes sense, I tried to describe it as clearly as I could) Another one of my favourite quotes from Armin is: "Willpower alone isn't enough in battle." This one, although it may seem quite negative or even somewhat disheartening, was also another quote that really impacted me in my struggles with mental illness. I know this may not be in the exact context or meaning of the quote but I personally view this as a reminder that willpower is not enough when it comes to the struggles I have faced and will continue to face in my life. When I was younger I often thought that it was my fault I was struggling with my mental illnesses so much because I wasn't strong enough or brave enough. However, I now know that the message of this quote is extremely true. Sometimes willpower is not enough, sometimes you're going to need help, sometimes you're going to have to reach out and trust in others more than you trust in yourself and that's alright. The last quote I'd like to mention from Armin is: ""I don't like the terms 'good person' or 'bad person' because it's impossible to be entirely good to everyone or entirely bad to everyone. To some, you are a good person, while to others, you are a bad person." This is yet another quote that I often think about and remember when I'm dealing with anxiety and depression because it reminds me that I'm not perfect and I'm never going to be perfect. I can never be 100% good to everyone or 100% bad to everyone therefore I shouldn't beat myself up over my mistakes or the people I've upset. It is good to try and be as good as we can be but there's no point in feeling worthless and unlovable when you make mistakes and mess up because no one is perfect and that's alright.

This Mask and Suit. Ask me who I am and I'll tell you, "I am he. I am the one you look for, when you see me I am many things like the wind, sand and sea But everyone seems to think I am simply debris ..." Ask me who I am and I'll tell you, "I have shed, The skin I wear now is but tacked on instead For I am the darkness at the foot of your bed And I am the thoughts that run through your head" Oh yes, my dear ask me who I am before you I wear this stupid suit for I am the man like a statue I wear this funny mask for I am the one that you pursue And no matter how you ask, my answer sounds like deja vu ... Behind a mask lies skin, then muscle and bone For ever since I was born I have but grown Yet this suit still fits and this mask, still mine own For I never out grow the things that I've known Reality is what they make it We're perfect if we fake it And maybe I can break it If I can but take it ... They fear what they can't control I control what they can't patrol Though they look for a loophole They can not steal your soul Time is only relevant when I say it is Go back in time to change all this Re-enact the day it'd miss And I create an abyss Death is just the after thought Aftershock of what you forgot But don't forget what I have taught And all the things that I have wrought For behind this mask is just muscle and bone Under this suit is something unknown And behind these eyes lies a cyclone Dangerous I am, yet scared to be alone ... I listen to every song, but I dance to none You look at me like I have become undone And when you see past this mask, someone I know under this suit is a vivid midnight sun They may call me crazy, insane But no one knows my brain They all simply live in vain Numb to this overt pain Different is for destruction Needs no introduction They miss deduction Instead, obstruction I don't believe in coincidence anymore The voice of the wicked, now at a roar And that's what everyone lives for Masks and suits, reality now folklore Have them stand up and speak. so loud Everyone listens and repeats, so proud Not a single soul in this huge crowd Maybe its time for a storm cloud Don't miss me when I'm gone For I've been the black swan Who brought the new dawn And something for you to dwell on Behind this mask and suit Is someone they persecute For different doesn't compute With what they constitute But, my dear Do not fear Change is here Crystal clear I will die tonight with this, a smile on my face With a laugh on my lips, that they can't replace And these memories of mine, they can not erase For even when I'm gone, I live on in your memory trace For I am not my mask, nor I am I this suit I wear I am everything I gave up to right what was unfair I am everything I gave to bring back what was in disrepair And I am everything I've done to fix what brought me despair ...

Thanks for the feedback @ArchieKun, I am glad you enjoyed it.

Thank you @SAO LILDOOP, I'm glad you liked it.

When the Ocean Met the Sky Have you ever seen a sky so clear? Morning sun and clouds disappear Over the hills just to get here 'Bout a journeys worth of fear Written on the faces come near Too scared to touch the glass Too scared to think fast And when they come in last Nobody will remember the past For their names don't make the cast Have you ever seen the ocean such a dark blue? Sapphire and midnight, a magical hue Across the ocean just to find it next to you 'Bout a life's worth of fear cuts right through Your pounding heart that's already mildew Now you've become a god in a strange sort of way So now that you're here, they're about to pay Ignorance is no excuse, no, no excuse today Let's see how they feel when they're cast away Society looks down on the crimson lined tray You broke the mold and changed the clay Your name, blood red, on the cast of this play Poetry recited, eyes unblinking in the fray How beautifully you speak with eloquence on display A morning sky as blue as the ocean's waves Last thing they saw before going to their graves And in the night the waters come crashing from the caves No longer to be kept on hold, like unholy sapphire slaves Ocean met the sky, sundown Blood in the waves, might drown Crimson red rain, on the town Bloody one, wears the crown.

Undefined Look me in the eyes For nothing is alright I wish to see the skies O'er the dark city tonight I just want to see them The stars all aligned Watch them, on the hem Of the skies' frame of mind Such beauty in the darkness The moon over head The pitch black starkness Stirs awe instead of dread And thought I can't see them The stars up above, I still can not condemn This feeling of love For blood looks black When under the moon's light And my skin won't crack When I'm still in this fight So I close my eyes And I bite my tongue Envision the skies With stories unsung All the stories of death Moon watching over Stories of breath No longer leftover And on my arms Are the lines Of charms And confines Yet they remind me The past is real And now I see This wicked deal Blood looks so pretty In the darkness of night Lose your mind with me It's quite a delight Who said we need death When they can die instead Who says we need breath When we're lost in our own head So much that is wrong But still feels so right Called by the song Of delicious demon delight Call down the moon To watch over our heart As we scream out of tune Like works of fine art Never do our heart rates quicken For you cannot be feared If you fear what does sicken Those who are so fearfully geared But fear is no foe No, fear is a friend It watches from bellow As we let it bow and bend Imagination and fear The works of an artist Lend them your ear And you'll see what your part is They hate us here But do bear in mind They do not give ear To those undefined.

Inspiration Silly me, silly me Losing myself again Finding inspiration In the black ink of pen Beautiful letters On perfect parchment Reading those words That he was sent Ringing in my ears Inspiration draws near How come I always find you In the darkness of fear? I should feel disgusted Mixed with feelings of fright But who could fear a demon Who's so perfectly polite? And always it comes Just at the worst time Your words of deception Now my own internal chime You stir fear and disgust In most, but not all For in this, mine own mind Your words stand tall Oh, "Inspiration" What a silly word So many options ... Yet yours is preferred.

#1 in my heart.

I'd say my biggest habit is keeping a sort of "rhythm" whenever I walk which is connected with another odd habit/quirk I have of completely zoning out often times when I'm walking, this is especially true if I'm walking by myself or the people I'm walking with are quiet. I don't know why it happens or how, but I can usually only hear my own footsteps (really loud, like I'm wearing headphones that block out every other noise) and I just subconsciously start playing a rhythm in my head that follows my steps. For instance, I'll go "One, two, three." at the same pace I'm walking, or I'll just hear the sound of my steps as a sort of beat/rhythm in my head ... I'm not sure if I explained this well but I hope it came across alright.

Here's my submission: A young Armin dressed up as a little ghost for Halloween.