ItsSammy

@Roxeg I think for some people angels are the way of describing someone who's helped them so much they don't know any other way to put it.

@Roxeg And I'm not saying their perfect, or magical, or anything like that. I'm just saying that if you do find someone like this, someone who gives you hope again when you'd lost it all and really makes you enjoy being alive, then really, aren't they basically a guardian angel? They came into your life at a time you needed them, they saved you, they continue to save you and they're always there. That's how I view it.

@Roxeg I completely agree. I absolutely hate it when people brush everything off as "God will take care of it." or, "You don't have to worry, God's in control." because honestly, there's no use in doing anything, ever, if that was true. Yes, I do believe in God and yes, I do believe he guides our lives somewhat, but we have to stand up and work for it. We have to push towards our goals and our dreams in order to get to that point. Those who brush everything to the side and act as if we need to do nothing because God will take care of us, I find wrong, completely and utterly wrong. Now, you seem to have taken my other statement the wrong way as well. I do not cover up the facts of life or try to hide from my depression by saying people are like guardian angels, no, not in any way am I trying to give myself something to hold on to in order to keep my depression at bay. In all honesty I think most people are stupid, childish, boring, wicked creatures who, for the most part, make me want to stay away from human beings all together. However, there are those people who can really impact you and save you, in a way ... I'm not trying to say that because I have depression and I have to act like everyone's wonderful and people are all amazing, beautiful things that I can hold unto in order to not feel so alone. No, no, no, it's the exact opposite. I really quite detest being around people, I can barely go an hour before I get completely fed up with them and need to be by myself, with my thoughts. People are exhausting things ... they're often times stupid and get on my nerves so quickly. My opinion on people being like guardian angels is the fact that some people come into your life and make it better. They make you smile again. They give you hope. Some people, very few actually, have the ability to really help people ... and these people, the ones who can do this, seem like angels to me and not because I need something magical and beautiful to hold unto, but because the world is so utterly disgusting and completely abhorrent that when you find someone like this, who can actually do something good and save another person's life, then they do seem a little angelic.

I've always been on my own, since I was a kid Not like the other kids, I just did what I did They never understood, I was kind of morbid Always calling me names so sometimes I just hid ... While I was growing up, I thought I'd get better in this new lane Spending time deducing other students, so maybe a friendship I could maintain But still they just hated me, no matter how hard I tried, time and again Calling me names, hating my skill, but I didn't need friends when I had cocaine. Sentimental stupidity was not something I needed And the warnings of drug abuse went unheeded Only now that you've come along has my mind conceded ... For I started out wondering what was wrong Why was I different? Why didn't I belong? But as I grew up, I became very headstrong No longer was I about to keep playing along. I became the man you see today Standing here in this fray Solving crimes like child's play Already solved four by 8 A.M. on Monday. But when what I never knew I needed showed up at my door You helped me, I helped you and all with just a little gore Saving each other, what's this feeling? I've never felt it before ... How come you just walked into my life and now you, I really truly adore? I always did it on my own, by myself I got through it Now you show up at my door and now I've got to review it 'Cause you think I'm a genius, now I'm going to prove it With you by my side you somehow improve it And now 'cause of you I'm even more ready to pursue it ... Used to try to figure out normalcies Tried to make friends, but they wanted enemies ... Now, instead of calling me "freak" like all the others do You get mesmerized call me "Brilliant" and "Fantastic" too ... It's odd having someone say such things, things I've never hear before you I'm getting quite fond, although I'll try not to be see through. For I was always alone, with my shadow, self made Everyone else was a copy, I was handmade Now I don't try to make friends, I face this world unafraid For I didn't try to find you, you just sort of ... stayed. You're so soft and caring Yet equally daring We make the perfect pairing And I don't mind sharing. Although you think I know everything, I still can't figure out How you're so perfect, everything about you is grand, no doubt You're fascinatingly brave and skillful, clever and devout I can't find a single thing of you I'd go and change about ... Now I'm not so lonely, not so lost in my own mind Now I know this is what I needed but couldn't ever find Now with you, my dearest friend, so pure and so kind I no longer need the drugs when our fingers are intertwined.

@Roxeg A guardian angel really isn't that far fetched when put into terms ... in my religious opinion I do believe in actual guardian angels, I have ever since I was a child, since I grew up with my religious beliefs and although I'm so completely and utterly against worthless hope and pining for something that is most likely unreal, just for you to have reason to believe in something that makes you feel better, I can't say that I don't believe in guardian angels. Now, on the other hand ... I also believe guardian angels aren't always as the name makes them sound. I think people, normal, average, every day people can turn out to be guardian angels. For me, someone who can give you hope, who can make you smile, who can teach you something new, who can make you want to keep living, those people ... even if they're just your friend, a normal person who doesn't warrant looking twice, I think they can be a sort of guardian angel in a way that most people may not understand. It may be that I look at things differently than most people, often times stripping everything away from a situation and making my own impressions of people, things and meanings. I'm not one to take everything as it is, to just accept what we're shown and go along with it because everyone else does. I enjoy ignoring everything that's blatant and obvious, I instead push that aside, the rules we're given before hand, the boundaries we're not supposed to cross, the labels given to someone based on what others have seen of them and what we're expected to take as gospel ... those things are, more often than not, a hindrance to actually discovering anything real. So, where some people may see a friend who makes them smile or a partner who gives them meaning, I see a sort of angel ... Where as most people never see it this way. I look at everything differently because I see things differently, I understand things differently, I take things differently and I process things differently. To most people, having a friend who can make them smile is a normal every day thing they take for granted and honestly, probably find that it has little to no affect on them in the long run. I however, see this completely differently since I've never had a friend. Perhaps it's because my depression and anxiety are such massive roles in my life that make every day things so tedious and agonizing that I can see a mere friend as an angel. Perhaps I'm just an utterly sad human being with nothing to hold unto so I see the smallest things as being god-sent ... Even still, my view on guardian angels is drastically different than most peoples, because I know what it's like to be alone. I personally see a friend who can make you smile as an angel because ... well, isn't that what they are?

@Roxeg In all honesty I'm one of the most cynical people alive ... I rarely have optimistic, cheerful, hopeful thoughts on anything and when I do, I tend to quickly find a way to convince myself other wise because I hate hoping too much. However, I have always thought that guardian angels can come in many different forms. Perhaps they are invisible to some, just a step back, watching and protecting from the shadows. Perhaps they're a friend, a family member, or a partner who gives you reason to keep living. Perhaps a guardian angel can come in the form of a pet, or a fictional character, something that most would think is ineffective and an odd choice of angel, but honestly, I think guardian angels can be just about anything.

@Roxeg Awe, thank you.

@Roxeg I often times equate angels with people who've saved someone since guardian angels, to me, come in many different forms ...

Sometimes life is a struggle, sometimes living is a war Sometimes you get hurt worse than you bargained for ... Sometimes soldiers get injured, sometimes doctors need healing Sometimes wits and wisdom bow to feeling. In a game of deduction, mystery and skill I found out, my angel could kill ... In a game of love, emotions and fear I found out what I truly held dear. I had lived so long with no recognition Until, came along, my little physician And so quickly we connected, fire in the ignition Now I never leave him behind for a single mission. Into Hell I would go and walk right through 'Til death do us part and even then too, For I'd give my life for yours, if it was all I could do And I would die, in order to stay with you ... But you, my dearest, most trusted friend, always take me by the hand You're always so grounded and smart, in a way that's completely unplanned You're always there to walk with me, never flinching nor starting from what's at hand And now, holding you close, I know I'll love you forever even with no wedding band. You know how to save me, both physical and mental You teach me so much, always so grounded and gentle Unlike the others, you're neither ignorant or judgemental No, you're fundamental in my life ... even sentimental. I know, I know, I say sentiment is a disadvantage in this existence But I've become so attached to you and I can't stand even the slightest distance ... And although often times you feel I'm brilliant and genius, I really do need your assistance For I've gotten so used to your smile, your laugh, your little inputs and persistence. For you've broken down my walls and taught me things I never knew Even though you say I'm the genius, I still often learn things from you For wit and deduction are not everything, you've given me something new You've taught me to love, to feel, to stop hiding it away ... so that's just what I'll do! To Hell and back, right through the flames and fire 'Til death do us part and even after my love shall rise higher And I would die for you, only an instant of thought it would require For living without you would be worse than hellfire ...

Do not stand beside my grave, tears framing your eyes Those picture perfect blue diamonds that remind me of the skies Neither stand beside my grave, begging, pleading with cries But please, forget me not, forget me not, as away my life flies ... Do not turn away, returning to that dark place Neither stay here, yearning for another case But go on your way and forget the chase So you may find a smile upon your face. Forget me not, forget me not, but please don't hold too fast Forget me not, forget me not, but don't make your suffering last ... I may be gone, like your words in the air But your words were heard and heard with care So don't spend too long standing, crying there For I am here, listening close to your prayer. I once said I was not an angel, but I am on their side Since for your love and loyalty even the Heavens hath cried ... An angel, an angel, testament to my suicide An angel, an angel, in you I wish I could confide. For Heaven hath none better than you, I swear You were, are and will be my angel, however unaware For none in this world could ever truly compare No, not to my angel, my darling angel, now lost in despair. I wish I could go to you, tell you "I hate when you've cried, this had to be done and for you I have died. So wipe your tears and see I have tried, I'm sorry if you believed I never had lied ..." Go now, please, don't stand by my grave all alone I barely keep from crying knowing you're alone at my headstone ... I remember you standing there, vividly I see it, there you are at the curbstone Panic in your eyes as I jumped from the top, hurtling toward the unknown. Please, it kills me to know you're alone at home That home we shared, now so monochrome ... Your minds always a mess Constantly in distress Therapist progress But still trying to ignore the address ... I swear I didn't mean to hurt you as much as I've managed And I know, this can't be fixed with an apology or bandage For I've done too much and you're surely damaged ... But please, don't cry, don't waste away for me Deep down, in your heart, a spark of hope I see For you're a soldier, a warrior, meant to be free An angel, a doctor with so much more to be ... Don't give everything up just because of this endeavour Since this I really, truly, want you to remember forever You were the one who said I really could be that clever And doubt me? You? No, that you did never ... So, my dear angel, my saving grace Wipe those tears of your face And turn away from this place, For perhaps this isn't the final case ...

If life were like a fairy tale with which we are so mesmerized Then wouldn't it be a drab tale of life, where no one ever dies? If life were like a fairy tale with it's "Happily ever after" always at the end Then wouldn't life be such a bore with nothing to fix, nor mend? If life were like a fairy tale where the mean are cast aside Then how I would I ever fair, on that side? If life were like a fairy tale where princess' come from bluffing Then wouldn't life just be worthless, since work attains nothing? If life were like a fairy tale, you may wish it were so But I would be lost in that world, with no where to go ... For if life were like a fairy tale I'd be so sick of the sweetness And if life were like a fairy tale I fear the poison would be my weakness. For if life were like a fairy tale I'd be an old witch But fairy tales are full of perfect princess's without a single stitch ... If life were like a fairy tale the world would be a bore, For nothing fun ever comes without a little gore.

Beautiful ... Honestly, just beautiful.

The devil tells tales that make us cry The devil tells tales we'd swear were a lie The devil tells tales we wish were true The devil tells tales to me and you ... 'Cause ... The devil is a liar, the devil is a prince The devil is a smile, the devil is a wince The devil is a capture, the devil is a slave The devil is a kingdom, the devil is a grave The devil is a lie, the devil is a truth The devil is death and the devil is youth, 'Cause the devil is one too many things The devil is the fear of all these kings The devil is a plan, the devil is a trap The devil is a land that has no map The devil is a grave with which we lie The devil is a king in his own eye 'Cause the devil was an angel 'til he met his fall The devil was a serpent when he lost it all The devil was a liar but he's no lie ... 'Cause the devil is just as real as you and I.

Awe ... May I ask why?

I don't really use quotes in my every day life, however I have quite a few I agree with totally and usually end up thinking of at least once a day. "I can believe in my own abilities or in the choices of the companions I trust, but no one ever knows how it will turn out. So, choose for yourself whichever decision you regret the least." -Captain Levi "The only thing we're allowed to do is to believe that we won't regert the choice we made." -Captain Levi "I don't like the terms 'good person' or 'bad person' because it's impossible to be entirely good to everyone or entirely bad to everyone, to some, you are a good person, while to others you are a bad person." -Armin Arlert "People who can't throw something important away can never hope to change anything." -Armin Arlert

My two favourite Tekken characters are ... 1) Leo Kliesen. 2) Sergei Dragunov.

1. I once had a huge break down over a fictional character in front of quite a few people ... Now, I'm not very open with my emotions normally and I try to hide them as best I can but I just ended up bawling that time. 2. I'm an avid reader and have actually been working on a book of my own for a year/year and a half now. 3. I get obsessed almost instantly and end up falling head first into fandoms ... it usually leads to hours and hours of reading up on every little fact I can find about my favourite characters and then telling everyone I know these facts whether or not they want to know them. I'll just walk up and be like, "Random *insert character name* fact time!" and throw out a bunch of facts no one actually wanted me to tell them. 4. I've recently begun watching FullMetal Alchemist: Brotherhood and I've fallen in love with Roy Mustang ... 5. I'm partial to stoic, emotionless male characters who actually turn out to be really cute and caring once you look close enough, like two of my favourite anime characters ever! Roy Mustang and Levi Ackerman. (I also find it down right adorable when these characters end up being exhausted from working too hard or not getting enough sleep and then trying to hide the fact that they secretly take little naps here and there)

I feel like we'd have to many differences with our views and opinions for it to work out, but I'd be flattered.

The Garden's Ghost In the pale moonlight of a winters night I often walk through these gardens with my heart in my hands, touching each flower and letting the roses thorns prick my fingertips. Watching the little droplets of blood emerge and drip down my hand is something I've become accustomed to after all these nights of long walks in the dark. Looking down at the tough earth, it's green grass bracing for winters snow and the cold wind that will soon flatten it lower 'til it is beaten down and bent in the storms, I leave my boot prints behind. I walk these grounds in the dark, for that is when no one notices this ghostly figure who appears every night on the same hour. No one notices the trail of crimson that is left behind on those pure white lilies, nor the boot prints left in my wake. No one else wanders these grounds, for the gardens are forgotten by most ... it is instead home to the ghost who walks these grounds, his lips sealed shut from his desire to keep his sobs from sounding out. No one notices this ghost, nor do they notice the graveyard ... for on my lips a thousand words have died and on my tongue a thousand screams have wished to be uttered, but not a single one has escaped my mouth. My lips are cold and blue, perhaps from the winter breeze or perhaps from the ghosts which haunt me, for my mouth is a graveyard full of all those words I should have said ... all the words I wanted to say but never could. Now they lie in their graves, hidden behind my lips. These lips that utter only few words for fearing of giving too much away. These lips that barely open for fear of the ghosts tumbling out. These lips always turned down in a frown for fear of crying once more ... for it is easier to hide my ghosts behind a façade of contempt, rather than let them out and pay the price.

Find somebody to love. What's your favourite quote/saying?

This is one of the best Harry Potter AMVs I've seen so far.

I adore L because he manages to be mature and childish all at the same time. He's extremely adorable and utterly awesome, while also being the top 3 detectives in the whole world, so ... Yeah. I also just loved his character because he was so unique and interesting, everything about him was just so fun to watch. He was also unnaturally smart and I just loved watching him figure everything out, since I can't help but love a good detective story. However, I really like Light as well ... I felt as if I could relate to Light in some ways and I often times saw his side of the story quite well, since I could agree, some what, with his opinions and his out look on life. He developed so much as a character from the beginning of the show until the end I found myself just loving him so much as time went on. Perhaps it was the fact that he was so quick witted and manipulative, since I do love a good manipulative sociopath, but watching him take on L in their battle of wits made me love him. I know he was ultimately the villain of the series and I can't defend his actions nearer the end, but I can however say he was one of the best written villains I've ever had the pleasure of seeing. He was so complex and intricate that everything about him just had me on the edge of my seat ... Aside from the two obvious choices I also adored Near so much. He was the cutest little kid and I just loved watching him go from, sitting on the floor playing with toys, to, taking down Light with quite a bit of ease. He was extremely interesting as well and although I kind of wish I knew even more about him, I feel like his character was developed very nicely.