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Status Updates posted by XII360

  1. So lost a close friend

    Got blocked and all

    And...it would have affected me badly, sadly, i made my best friends worry too much

    So i decided to forget her, she didn't cherish our friendship enough as much as i did

    And if a mere confession destroys our friendship, then she aint meant to be my friend >.>

    Funny thing is, when she said, *she never disowned me as a friend*

    Yknow, that says allot when you suddenly block me, after 1 month of not talking

    Sure my actions were a bit drastic (like burning my cosmatsu ticket,) but what did you expect, you didn't talk to me or assure me, i was left hanging/ditched, and whats worse is when i dmed her, she just *seen* it, she didnt reply back, until i actually texted her


    Funny thing is, if we were still friends after my stuff, that would make us hella closer as friends, couse she knows me so much, and i know her allot, and we fought with one another but still ended up as friends

    But nope, thats not the case, when shit hits the fan, she just ignores me for a month, i panic and do stupud shit, she tries to defend herself, and then i feel bad about what i did, and then she ignores me till we met up, and then after meeting up, blocks me xD


    Not gonna let her shenanigans bother, im not dissing her btw, shes by far the best girl i met

    I just have to tell myself i hate her, to not feel anything


    Also on the way home, i kept repeating to myself, *you cant break something, that is already broken*

    Couse i mean, im already broken, so losing a friend, being rejected, that wont destroy me more xDDD

    Also also, the omamori thingy ?, i toke it down, it didn't work at all, i wished for *things to go back to normal between us*


    cant say i expected it to work, i rarely believe in things nowadays <.>

    but anywhooooo

    Daz all

    I got

    To share

    For today

    Im off to sleep, couse review sentar calls theeeee


    Naito everyone☆

    1. Wedgy


      Sometimes we meet someone truly great and we think we're meant to be together. But we then find the gears just don't line up. That doesn't mean anything is wrong with either of you; some people aren't as compatible as they might appear, and although the gears might turn a few times together, eventually, they become so unaligned that they risk destroying one another. In that case, it may be best to separate so that you can repair the damage, turn freely a while to reassure yourself that you can, and try another gear when you're ready.

      I'm sorry for you losing a friend, especially in the way you did. Nobody deserves to be treated so harshly with no explanation. But give yourself time to grieve and give yourself time to heal. Hurting is part of healing, and it's okay to feel hurt, anger, sadness, all the emotions that come with it. Let yourself feel it. It's the natural course. Don't force yourself to undercut that healing process by forcing yourself to feel any one way, or forcing yourself to "forgive" or any fluffed up bullcrap people like Eva Kor preach. You are valid, you were wronged, and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you for having feelings about it. 

      Stay in touch my dude. You help heal people for a living. Give yourself that same care. You are a badass.

    2. XII360


      @WedgyI mean, yea i felt hella sad the first day it happened, (first time she told me to not talk to her) depression actually toke a hold off me, to the point i started cutting myself

      (see spoiler, not gonna post old pics of where blood is fresh, its too graphically grotesque, unless...people wanna see it...?)


      But after december, (well, more of around december 28th) i noticed my best friend (both online and RL classmate) got worried about me, which they dont usually do, and seeing them worried and saying stuff like *stop being stupid*, *dont die*, it kind of woke me up from depression, which in turn, helped me stop hurting myself, and also lead me to the point where i told myself *i did my best, if she does not want to be friends, i want to end this friendship*

      10% of me was still sad, but 90% was me having made up my mind that *i made my real friends worry too much*


      And then the designated day happened where she met with me IRL, returned some of my stuff, gave me a note, and suggested i read it in house, and while walking home, got blocked

      I did tell her personally too, that if we cant go back to being friends, then i want to officially end it,(and man, did i inhale, and exhale allot just to hide the fact i kind of wanted to cry that day ?, and also the power to tell her i want to end things if its impossible to mend things)

      she didnt give me a straight answer (since her answer was already written in the note), and yea

      Thats where i just spam told myself, *i cant be broken further, im already broken*, while walking home/running (since i needed a huge distraction, and what better way than to fatigue myself, by way of "pushing it to the limit" ?

      And i mean, i may have then started thinking, *why should i help focus on helping others, i should focus on myself more, after all, the groupmates in internship dont even remember me, i gave everyone a keychain in hopes for better bond, but i then i got forgotten,

      During christmas party in hospital, i asked for a old groupmates pic, to which everyone seemed *too busy* to stay in one place for the group picture, to which i just got semi mad and left, (they probably didn't notice i was mad, couse i didnt show it, i just *acted cool and left*

      couse i mean, i kept going room to room, calling them, and when i come back, i find the guys i called before current one's, have already left and are talking to other people, and i felt like i was the only one who cared and wanted a group picture

      So yea, i just left it, out of anger, i decided that i would away my group 3 keychain (which is the very thing i gave everyone, the customized keychain with *their name, and group 3*, spoilers for image of keychain



      But yea, one thing will never change, i may focus on myself more often now, and wont randomly help people as often as i used too, out of fear that ill just be used again


      Ill still give a helping hand to those that <actually> need one and to those that im close to

      Otherwise, as big as my heart is, im gonna have to close this to avoid feeling more betrayal feels >.>

      And, as much as possible, i wanna avoid anyone from the group i used to be at xD

      That is, the main reason i threw away my keychain anyway, to throw it all away and start anew

      But yea, i just closed my heart on her, if i ever see her in cosmatsu carnival (since i plan to cosplay, theres a chance ill see her), im gonna go ahead and ignore her

      I dont wanna feel the pain again, not after i escaped it and is able to tell such tales >.>....

  2. Anyone got an idea on how makeup shiz works ?

    Not gonna do it anytime soon, but im gonna cosplay in next matsuri, and ill need some makeups for the cosplay xD

    And your boi got no clue how make up work

    Incidentally, if your in ph, hit me up so we can both go to next matsuri xD



    Toshi is the character i plan to cosplay as BTW xD



  3. Did some stupid shiet outa anger from a friend i wanted things over with

    And man, was that the f*ckiest f*ck i F*cking did

    Ended up burning my cosmat ticket (was gonna burn it at jan 1 anyway, time just accelerated couse of anger, plus i wasnt gonna go couse id see friend im not in good terms with who i wanted to end it)

    But man, i did a f*ck up as i usually do

    Anyway, now im stuck in house studying ^_^


    Did want to do whole charm wall stuff (aka image below)



    But now thats impossible aint it

    Soooo, i compromised and made use of my omamori, <which shouldn't be opened> but i still did to put a note with my wish in it.

    And then placed it on our lemon tree

    Hope my wish comes troooo

    If it does, ill post what i wished about xD

    Edit: that charm is clearly doing the opposite of what i wrote holy crap

    Then again, i didn't think my wish was gonna come troo

    What's been destroyed, can't be fixed >.>




  4. MERRRYYYY sexmassss everyoneeeeee


    so yea

    So i forgot what i was gonna say, HAVE SOME KAWAII POKEYMAN STUFF

  5. So i was chillaxing, after studying for a bit

    When all of a sudden I GOT ABI



    needless to say, this is why i avoid games, it made me sleep early and skip studies a bit >.>

    It made me smile after so long tho >...>

    Oh and i donated blood today, posting image xD



  6. So allota sh*t happened, both good, both bad news

    Ill start of with bad news so i can end stuff in good news xD

    Dewa dewa, hajimemashokaaaa ╰(*°▽°*)╯

    Bad news (may or may not be rant ?)

    1.) My pc is slowish and needs upgrade, but i wont be upgrading it until after i pass board examination (which is scheduled at march 18th and 19th, if im not mistaken

    2.) I lost a really close friend (who i treated as a senpai) couse i sortaaaaaa fell inlove with her, and then she rejected me (big surprise there kiddo), we haven't talked since, and well, if things keep up, i guess im not going to cosmania (couse i initially bought ticket, since she invited me, but, i cant go there if she hates me, ill feel too wierd, so unless we be friends again, im cancelling, and most likely burning the tickets if it passes deadline of cosmania (28th and 29th)

    After losing a friend, i semi became depressed, welllllll

    i always had semi depression, but it has now escalated to the point where, when i think about it, i cut my own hands, but not feel any of the pain, i-ts pretty emo

    But, i feel its a way of atonement for the stupidity i did, begging is the lowest of the low a person can go, and i feel until we be friends again, doing such stupid acts will be a fine ass atonement (but im sure ill stop someday even if we aint gonna be friends again xD)

    Also yea, i know, its stupid, (especially knowing IM IN THE MEDICAL FIELD ?!?!) if i wanted to kill mah self, id aim for vital organs, or the artery to bleed out, wont lie, i have imaginations of wanting to experience it, but i stop mah self couse, it aint gonna be atonement if i fawken game over myself 

    4.) I also HAD a hallucination

    It started when i cutted muhself, i could see blood clearly in walls and stuff; but after a few days, the hallucinations disappeared after 2-4days (day one it was clear, day 3 it was minor, day 4 i could faintly see them, and 5th i could no longer see them)

    I had a similar problem in the past (hallucinations), but it wasn't blood, rather, it was minecraft blocks, i termed it *MC syndrome*, i had the urge to punch walls couse i could see everything as blocks, and my mind kept telling me if i punch trees or walls repeatedly BLOCKS WOULD FALL

    but, the same as blood syndrome hallucination, MC synd. Went byebye in 2-4 days xD

    So in conclusion, i am hella prone to hallucinogens, holy crap >.>

    5.) I have stopped playing games (even mobile games) to focus on studying, and only turn them on if i have nothing to do and cant study (e.g outside), but most of the time, its reading a manga now, currently reading nozaki-kun mango xD)



    Now onwards to good news

    I only have a few as opposed to the bad news

    1.) My scores so far in the review center is high (its not the same as when i first started, being 50/200 or 80/200, so far my scores have been pretty nice being 100/150, 60/100, or 143?/200

    But the tests so far was minors (CM and MTLAWS), they aint 75%, but they are higher than my old exam scores, im also able to catch up and answer question the professor says


    2.) We changed internet providors, and our internet speed is now 80mbps dl speed, and 80mbps upload speed (shimakaze says; *OSOIIIII*, i say HAYAII DESU WA NE ?!?!)

    3.) I got a new phone, i gave my s7active to my dad couse he wanted it, but mom bought me a brand new note10+ as an early x-mas gift (andholysh*t i love this phone, ITS LAGLESS SO FAR ON ANYTHING I DO, EVEN FGO ISNT LAGGING, EVEN AF IS LAG FREE HOLYCRAP


    ehem, anways, mom was suppose to give me ipad air 3, but i told her, i cant use an ipad air 3, how do i use something so big ? I DONT EVEN APPLE PRODUCT

    So thats why she bought me a n10+ >.>

    In the end, the ipad was given to my dad (where he will watch movies at, and his overjoyed at it xD

    And my brother was give a s9 (which was my moms old phone) 

    My mom went and bought a s10, thats why she gave her s9 to my brother

    And yea, dazaboutit

    Gonna donate blood tomorrow, ill post a pic about it tomorrow xD


    Im semi-back guiz ( •̀ᄇ• ́)ﻭ✧

    (Still more focused on studies tho, but browsing af aint a pain couse of lagless fone xD)

    1. XII360




    2. Illusion of Terra

      Illusion of Terra

      imagine the board exam is scheduled for this month, and not March 😂 

      As for the other bad news. should you ever need an opinion or I can help in any way just dm me here or on discord :)

      But it's great to hear that you've gotten some great news as well!

    3. XII360


      @Illusion of Terrathey always sched it at march/sept, so im fine xD

      Would be pretty smelly arse if it was other days tho >.>

      Thankies, ill keep that in mind in my hypothalamus

      Which has nothing to do with memory and more on hormones (◍•﹏•)....

  7. Stat update; Still no converge (internet)

    And im gonna have to load my data soon

    Ahh ahh, i wanna post whats been happening, but i gotta hold off till they connect our net <_>

    Reading kimetsu no CRYba though

    But majority of time im still studying xD

  8. Current status: no net

    How am i writing this you ask ?

    ima ghost

    Nah, but im using data

    Were switching network providors, so meantime, im no-netish

    Ill talk about what happened as of late once i can type in a keyboard and with proper net xD


    Meantime, yo boi is pretty 30% RIP >.>



    that was a fun event >.>












    1. Illusion of Terra

      Illusion of Terra

      way to go dude!
      (what's with the random swearing though 😂)

    2. XII360


      @Illusion of Terra


      (i just really hate hands >_>, noticed i cursed at it on 21st, and on 29th, im still cursing at hands >_>)

  10. Yay for moare inktober stuff xD








    also finish milfsekai

    medhi is best girl

    can you all guess why i say this ... ?


    but yea, gonna start watching sakamoto


    "COOL" guy >.>

    im only watching at 7pm tho', and theres still inktober stuff to draw xD

    now if you will all excuse moi', 


    man im sure being active >.>

    too bad i still dunno how to talk in the discord chat xD

    also obligatory song post ~~


  11. and donzo xD







    im proud of 10/13/19 one



    also 10/15/19, i feel i really did well in it xD


    10/15/19 was based on this by the way xD

    and also sempapi's OC, she and my best friend were the only things i considered as "legendary" >.>...

    1. XII360


      May aswell post this too xD

      Now if everyone will excuse moi, ima watch milfsekai xD


  12. was to lazy to take a pic of it all, so i just linked stuff i uploaded xD

  13. but yea, went to hospital yesterday -- one where i interned at for probable free tests couse i believe in their work


    and it seems i have upper uti, based on results, possible dengue, and chronic infection ?


    leaning on chronic infection though since im IgM (-)

    and just being IgG+ wont indicate dengue, just an odd >.>


    but at the moment, im feeling daijoubu, i started antibiotics tho, so i gotta go through with it to end, lest i become resistant and then become XDR and then i die




    but yea, aside from that, ill probably go back to studying tomorrow

    just finished one project that i cant post here for...reasons >_>


    gonna do the inktober days i couldn't do due to being sick after i do stuff >.>



      Hope you will be fine, gl with school as well. 

    2. LonelyPoet


      That sounds like it really hurts. :/

  14. shet, i blew it with sempai on surprise


    well, i guess ill just have to cancel it ^__^



    incidentally, im hella sick, but im gonna "finish" this first then sleep again, my fever keeps going back and down


    sweating is one hell of a cure for these thoooo


    gonna skip drawing inktober today, but ill draw tomorrow on both dates >.>

    i just need to recover first x_x

    1. Wedgy


      Get well soon! 

  15. What the fu---



    Prove me right

    I had fun thoo >.>


    1. Illusion of Terra

      Illusion of Terra

      "Louvre? Yes, I have another one" 😂 jk, keep up the great work dude!



    (also, to lazy to download it, so im just posting the IG >.>)

    finished todays 10/2/2019's inktober shiz xD


    i have no idea how this is "mindless"

    bite me, i just read an eroge and this is what i came up with

    i did use a refference tho xD


    and it toke me an hour and 30m >.>


    and now its 12MN, so i guess, ill just do my daily jog, then sleep <_>


    3 episodes left for kaguya-sama xD


  17. joined inktober

    didn't know about it, only found out from my sempapi, not even confident on my art skills

    but she pretty much told me to just "have fun" (in a spongebob voice)

    so...here i am, gonna have fun even of my art skills aint in par with anyone >->


    above is the list of things to draw on certain days, incase your wondering nani da faq i drew >.>

    im also doing a 30min-rule drawing xD (ring only toke like 2minutes tho)


    edit; it further became like this >.>



    1. Seshi


      This is awesome! I love the event idea. This could easily be a thread topic, but thanks for sharing anyway.

  18. cosmania was fun, POSTING IMAGES HERE

    (i did not cosplay thoo, next time im gonna thooooo)


    also, we didn't see the T-posting (last image)

    it was night time and we just ate and left, it happend probably night time ish, we only saw it on FB post, and i went "oh my god"

    literally, just "oh my god"


    and oh my god they actually f*cking did it holy sh*t


    no words, only respect >.>


    also, you know your a medical person, when the first thing you look at when people are not wearing shirt is, DAT VEIN THOO?!?

    literally the first thing i always see when i looked at people not wearing shirts, and has a <BIG>, <THICK> and probably not <JUICY> vein >.>


  19. welp iz set, tomorrow im going to a cosmania, gonna be mai first time, butttt ikuzooo


    was gonna crossdress, still debating if i should

    im kinda of...really really scared >.>

    so odds are, ill back out on doing it, sempai said its daijoubu too, couse next time is when im actually really gonna do it

    ...so i guess i wont do it for now >_>


    incidentally, im unsure (or cant remember) if i mentioned it, but it seems me and sempapi will be starting a YT channel, soooo

    im probably gonna post sh*t we do on my profile xD

    so far, from what we talked of today, its gonna be like, danplan/emirichu styled vids (we discuss sh*t, and animate the discussion)

    but it will be in conyo language (translation; both English/Ph language)

    but im gonna make it so subs will be done (CC subs xD)


    wont divulge too much on what topics will be, but one things for sure

    even if it fails, were gonna be having some fun, and in the end of the day, that's all that matters

    if we both have fun, i don't see any loses xD


    also, i started jogging again ^-^

    1. Seshi


      Congrats on the jogging again.. I really need to start working out again too

    2. Wedgy


      Sounds great! You could use a bit of fun to unwind from all the stress of study hell. Can't wait to see what you and your friend come up with. 

  20. Hai, atashi study desu

    But less toxic study, more benign study

    Also tomorrow im going to meet up with sempapi to do some pre-records

    After which, on sunday were going to cosmania

    Gonna be my first time in a cosplay event

    Tips on subjects ?

    My best idea is to talk about eroges >______>


  21. well shiz

    didn't reach a passing score on the exam


    oh well, i had a gut feeling i was not gonna pass it anyway


    march it is


    to bad too, i wanted to announce shiz <_>

    it can wait i guess, besides, itll cost me allota cash to do said projects xD


    this way, i can earn my allowance >.>


    though..it feels bad that i wont announce anything even though i afk'ed hard...

    soo; might aswell announce SOMETHING 


    theres only two things really that can happen


    1,) im gonna

    "breaths in"

    C R O S S D R E S S




    read it right


    BITE ME <_>

    not mentioning who, couse idk either 


    2.) ...is im gonna confirm first, i mean, sempapi might not wanna go along with it, knowing im a peasant who couldn't even pass board exam in one-take 


    better to know early than not, expectations are pretty low for me xD


    though; i did gain some weight during my studies ...

    i need to exercise, mainly jog again

    maybe, ill start tomorrow, shock from exam is pretty big, but hey

    nothing like hiding your pain with a smile wont stop anything xD


    after all, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"


    obligatory songggggggggg


    1. Illusion of Terra

      Illusion of Terra

      man, darn it. get them next time then!

    2. Wedgy


      You'll be better equipped next time. Give yourself some time to rest and recuperate, and study hard. 



  23. hAhAAA!

    im back >:3

    but well, waiting for exam results, hoping i made it to top 75% passing rate ( which isnt a top, but i just want to pass and not do this sh*t again man, dont make me go through with it again, not again :<)


    im also announcing something, IF i pass the boards, theres no point if i DONT pass it >.>

    1. Illusion of Terra

      Illusion of Terra

      best part about exams is having written them (and passed). When do you think the results will be up? Definitely enjoy the not-having-to-study-13-hours-a-day-time now :) 

    2. XII360


      @Illusion of Terra results should be up by wednesday (up to friday)

      at max is 5 days, but its usually 2-3days

      gimme that RMT title so i can work and earn money for myself and do my projects >:o

    3. Wedgy


      The anticipation must be pretty awful but, at least you have this time to try and relax. I recommend treating yourself for all the effort you've put forth. I hope you get the results you want! 💚

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