XII360

So lost a close friend

Got blocked and all

And...it would have affected me badly, sadly, i made my best friends worry too much

So i decided to forget her, she didn't cherish our friendship enough as much as i did

And if a mere confession destroys our friendship, then she aint meant to be my friend >.>

Funny thing is, when she said, *she never disowned me as a friend*

Yknow, that says allot when you suddenly block me, after 1 month of not talking

Sure my actions were a bit drastic (like burning my cosmatsu ticket,) but what did you expect, you didn't talk to me or assure me, i was left hanging/ditched, and whats worse is when i dmed her, she just *seen* it, she didnt reply back, until i actually texted her

Funny thing is, if we were still friends after my stuff, that would make us hella closer as friends, couse she knows me so much, and i know her allot, and we fought with one another but still ended up as friends

But nope, thats not the case, when shit hits the fan, she just ignores me for a month, i panic and do stupud shit, she tries to defend herself, and then i feel bad about what i did, and then she ignores me till we met up, and then after meeting up, blocks me

Well

Not gonna let her shenanigans bother, im not dissing her btw, shes by far the best girl i met

I just have to tell myself i hate her, to not feel anything

Also on the way home, i kept repeating to myself, *you cant break something, that is already broken*

Couse i mean, im already broken, so losing a friend, being rejected, that wont destroy me more xDDD

Also also, the omamori thingy ?, i toke it down, it didn't work at all, i wished for *things to go back to normal between us*

WELL IT DID THE TOTAL 180DEGREE OF MY WISH

cant say i expected it to work, i rarely believe in things nowadays <.>

but anywhooooo

Daz all

I got

To share

For today

Im off to sleep, couse review sentar calls theeeee

Naito everyone☆

Anyone got an idea on how makeup shiz works ?

Not gonna do it anytime soon, but im gonna cosplay in next matsuri, and ill need some makeups for the cosplay

And your boi got no clue how make up work

Incidentally, if your in ph, hit me up so we can both go to next matsuri

ITLL BE A PH-AF MEETUP?!?!?!

Toshi is the character i plan to cosplay as BTW

Did some stupid shiet outa anger from a friend i wanted things over with

And man, was that the f*ckiest f*ck i F*cking did

Ended up burning my cosmat ticket (was gonna burn it at jan 1 anyway, time just accelerated couse of anger, plus i wasnt gonna go couse id see friend im not in good terms with who i wanted to end it)

But man, i did a f*ck up as i usually do

Anyway, now im stuck in house studying

Did want to do whole charm wall stuff (aka image below)

But now thats impossible aint it

Soooo, i compromised and made use of my omamori, <which shouldn't be opened> but i still did to put a note with my wish in it.

And then placed it on our lemon tree

Hope my wish comes troooo

If it does, ill post what i wished about

Edit: that charm is clearly doing the opposite of what i wrote holy crap

Then again, i didn't think my wish was gonna come troo

What's been destroyed, can't be fixed >.>

MERRRYYYY sexmassss everyoneeeeee

HAVE SOME ABBY !!!

so yea

So i forgot what i was gonna say, HAVE SOME KAWAII POKEYMAN STUFF

So i was chillaxing, after studying for a bit

When all of a sudden I GOT ABI

IN ONE ROLL

I WAS JUST LISTENING TO HER SONG COUSE ITS HELLA FUN AND SHE SUDDENLY POPPED AND IM LIKE WTF

needless to say, this is why i avoid games, it made me sleep early and skip studies a bit >.>

It made me smile after so long tho >...>

Oh and i donated blood today, posting image

So allota sh*t happened, both good, both bad news

Ill start of with bad news so i can end stuff in good news

Dewa dewa, hajimemashokaaaa ╰(*°▽°*)╯

Bad news (may or may not be rant ?)

1.) My pc is slowish and needs upgrade, but i wont be upgrading it until after i pass board examination (which is scheduled at march 18th and 19th, if im not mistaken

2.) I lost a really close friend (who i treated as a senpai) couse i sortaaaaaa fell inlove with her, and then she rejected me (big surprise there kiddo), we haven't talked since, and well, if things keep up, i guess im not going to cosmania (couse i initially bought ticket, since she invited me, but, i cant go there if she hates me, ill feel too wierd, so unless we be friends again, im cancelling, and most likely burning the tickets if it passes deadline of cosmania (28th and 29th)

After losing a friend, i semi became depressed, welllllll

i always had semi depression, but it has now escalated to the point where, when i think about it, i cut my own hands, but not feel any of the pain, i-ts pretty emo

But, i feel its a way of atonement for the stupidity i did, begging is the lowest of the low a person can go, and i feel until we be friends again, doing such stupid acts will be a fine ass atonement (but im sure ill stop someday even if we aint gonna be friends again xD)

Also yea, i know, its stupid, (especially knowing IM IN THE MEDICAL FIELD ?!?!) if i wanted to kill mah self, id aim for vital organs, or the artery to bleed out, wont lie, i have imaginations of wanting to experience it, but i stop mah self couse, it aint gonna be atonement if i fawken game over myself 

4.) I also HAD a hallucination

It started when i cutted muhself, i could see blood clearly in walls and stuff; but after a few days, the hallucinations disappeared after 2-4days (day one it was clear, day 3 it was minor, day 4 i could faintly see them, and 5th i could no longer see them)

I had a similar problem in the past (hallucinations), but it wasn't blood, rather, it was minecraft blocks, i termed it *MC syndrome*, i had the urge to punch walls couse i could see everything as blocks, and my mind kept telling me if i punch trees or walls repeatedly BLOCKS WOULD FALL

but, the same as blood syndrome hallucination, MC synd. Went byebye in 2-4 days

So in conclusion, i am hella prone to hallucinogens, holy crap >.>

5.) I have stopped playing games (even mobile games) to focus on studying, and only turn them on if i have nothing to do and cant study (e.g outside), but most of the time, its reading a manga now, currently reading nozaki-kun mango xD)

THATS ALL THE BAD NEWS, YAAAAY ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)

Now onwards to good news

I only have a few as opposed to the bad news

1.) My scores so far in the review center is high (its not the same as when i first started, being 50/200 or 80/200, so far my scores have been pretty nice being 100/150, 60/100, or 143?/200

But the tests so far was minors (CM and MTLAWS), they aint 75%, but they are higher than my old exam scores, im also able to catch up and answer question the professor says

ヽ（≧□≦）ノو

2.) We changed internet providors, and our internet speed is now 80mbps dl speed, and 80mbps upload speed (shimakaze says; *OSOIIIII*, i say HAYAII DESU WA NE ?!?!)

3.) I got a new phone, i gave my s7active to my dad couse he wanted it, but mom bought me a brand new note10+ as an early x-mas gift (andholysh*t i love this phone, ITS LAGLESS SO FAR ON ANYTHING I DO, EVEN FGO ISNT LAGGING, EVEN AF IS LAG FREE HOLYCRAP

AND THE STYLUS, I LOVE THE STYLUSSSSS OH MY GOD I FEEL LIKE A WIZARD WHEN I WAVE THIS SH*T AROUND AND PHONE REACTS

ehem, anways, mom was suppose to give me ipad air 3, but i told her, i cant use an ipad air 3, how do i use something so big ? I DONT EVEN APPLE PRODUCT

So thats why she bought me a n10+ >.>

In the end, the ipad was given to my dad (where he will watch movies at, and his overjoyed at it

And my brother was give a s9 (which was my moms old phone) 

My mom went and bought a s10, thats why she gave her s9 to my brother

And yea, dazaboutit

Gonna donate blood tomorrow, ill post a pic about it tomorrow

Im semi-back guiz ( •̀ᄇ• ́)ﻭ✧

(Still more focused on studies tho, but browsing af aint a pain couse of lagless fone xD)

Stat update; Still no converge (internet)

And im gonna have to load my data soon

Ahh ahh, i wanna post whats been happening, but i gotta hold off till they connect our net <_>

Reading kimetsu no CRYba though

But majority of time im still studying

Current status: no net

How am i writing this you ask ?

ima ghost

Nah, but im using data

Were switching network providors, so meantime, im no-netish

Ill talk about what happened as of late once i can type in a keyboard and with proper net

Meantime, yo boi is pretty 30% RIP >.>

9IM FINISHED IN INKTOBERRRRRRRRRRRRRR 
IM FREEEEE

that was a fun event >.>

Yay for moare inktober stuff

also finish milfsekai

medhi is best girl

can you all guess why i say this ... ?

COUSE YANDERE VIBES + SMUG = HNHHNGHNHNGHNGHNAGHGGHHHH

but yea, gonna start watching sakamoto

aka

"COOL" guy >.>

im only watching at 7pm tho', and theres still inktober stuff to draw

now if you will all excuse moi', 

I STILL NEED TO JOG ?!?

man im sure being active >.>

too bad i still dunno how to talk in the discord chat

also obligatory song post ~~

and donzo

im proud of 10/13/19 one

MUSTACHIO MADE THANOS PERFECT

also 10/15/19, i feel i really did well in it

10/15/19 was based on this by the way

and also sempapi's OC, she and my best friend were the only things i considered as "legendary" >.>...

was to lazy to take a pic of it all, so i just linked stuff i uploaded

Hehe

but yea, went to hospital yesterday -- one where i interned at for probable free tests couse i believe in their work

and it seems i have upper uti, based on results, possible dengue, and chronic infection ?

leaning on chronic infection though since im IgM (-)

and just being IgG+ wont indicate dengue, just an odd >.>

but at the moment, im feeling daijoubu, i started antibiotics tho, so i gotta go through with it to end, lest i become resistant and then become XDR and then i die

yaaaay

brutal

but yea, aside from that, ill probably go back to studying tomorrow

just finished one project that i cant post here for...reasons >_>

gonna do the inktober days i couldn't do due to being sick after i do stuff >.>

shet, i blew it with sempai on surprise

well, i guess ill just have to cancel it ^__^

hehe

incidentally, im hella sick, but im gonna "finish" this first then sleep again, my fever keeps going back and down

sweating is one hell of a cure for these thoooo

gonna skip drawing inktober today, but ill draw tomorrow on both dates >.>

i just need to recover first x_x

What the fu---

THIS IS MASTERPIECE

Prove me right

I had fun thoo >.>

(also, to lazy to download it, so im just posting the IG >.>)

finished todays 10/2/2019's inktober shiz

i have no idea how this is "mindless"

bite me, i just read an eroge and this is what i came up with

i did use a refference tho

and it toke me an hour and 30m >.>

and now its 12MN, so i guess, ill just do my daily jog, then sleep <_>

3 episodes left for kaguya-sama

joined inktober

didn't know about it, only found out from my sempapi, not even confident on my art skills

but she pretty much told me to just "have fun" (in a spongebob voice)

so...here i am, gonna have fun even of my art skills aint in par with anyone >->

above is the list of things to draw on certain days, incase your wondering nani da faq i drew >.>

im also doing a 30min-rule drawing  (ring only toke like 2minutes tho)

edit; it further became like this >.>

cosmania was fun, POSTING IMAGES HERE

(i did not cosplay thoo, next time im gonna thooooo)

also, we didn't see the T-posting (last image)

it was night time and we just ate and left, it happend probably night time ish, we only saw it on FB post, and i went "oh my god"

literally, just "oh my god"

couse, WE LITERALLY TALKED ABOUT IT WHILE GOING AROUND

and oh my god they actually f*cking did it holy sh*t

no words, only respect >.>

 

also, you know your a medical person, when the first thing you look at when people are not wearing shirt is, DAT VEIN THOO?!?

literally the first thing i always see when i looked at people not wearing shirts, and has a <BIG>, <THICK> and probably not <JUICY> vein >.>

#coitusjokes

welp iz set, tomorrow im going to a cosmania, gonna be mai first time, butttt ikuzooo

was gonna crossdress, still debating if i should

im kinda of...really really scared >.>

so odds are, ill back out on doing it, sempai said its daijoubu too, couse next time is when im actually really gonna do it

...so i guess i wont do it for now >_>

incidentally, im unsure (or cant remember) if i mentioned it, but it seems me and sempapi will be starting a YT channel, soooo

im probably gonna post sh*t we do on my profile xD

so far, from what we talked of today, its gonna be like, danplan/emirichu styled vids (we discuss sh*t, and animate the discussion)

but it will be in conyo language (translation; both English/Ph language)

but im gonna make it so subs will be done (CC subs xD)

wont divulge too much on what topics will be, but one things for sure

even if it fails, were gonna be having some fun, and in the end of the day, that's all that matters

if we both have fun, i don't see any loses xD

also, i started jogging again ^-^

Hai, atashi study desu

But less toxic study, more benign study

Also tomorrow im going to meet up with sempapi to do some pre-records

After which, on sunday were going to cosmania

Gonna be my first time in a cosplay event

Tips on subjects ?

My best idea is to talk about eroges >______>

well shiz

didn't reach a passing score on the exam

oh well, i had a gut feeling i was not gonna pass it anyway

march it is

to bad too, i wanted to announce shiz <_>

it can wait i guess, besides, itll cost me allota cash to do said projects

this way, i can earn my allowance >.>

though..it feels bad that i wont announce anything even though i afk'ed hard...

soo; might aswell announce SOMETHING 

theres only two things really that can happen

1,) im gonna

"breaths in"

C R O S S D R E S S

R
O
S
S
D
R
E
S
S

yes

you

read it right

crossdress

BITE ME <_>

not mentioning who, couse idk either 

2.) ...is im gonna confirm first, i mean, sempapi might not wanna go along with it, knowing im a peasant who couldn't even pass board exam in one-take 

better to know early than not, expectations are pretty low for me

though; i did gain some weight during my studies ...

i need to exercise, mainly jog again

maybe, ill start tomorrow, shock from exam is pretty big, but hey

nothing like hiding your pain with a smile wont stop anything

after all, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"

obligatory songggggggggg

MY HEART SO HELP ME GOD
MICHIRU IS SO CUTE UAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

hAhAAA!

im back >:3

but well, waiting for exam results, hoping i made it to top 75% passing rate ( which isnt a top, but i just want to pass and not do this sh*t again man, dont make me go through with it again, not again :<)

im also announcing something, IF i pass the boards, theres no point if i DONT pass it >.>