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XII360

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Everything posted by XII360

  1. So lost a close friend

    Got blocked and all

    And...it would have affected me badly, sadly, i made my best friends worry too much

    So i decided to forget her, she didn't cherish our friendship enough as much as i did

    And if a mere confession destroys our friendship, then she aint meant to be my friend >.>

    Funny thing is, when she said, *she never disowned me as a friend*

    Yknow, that says allot when you suddenly block me, after 1 month of not talking

    Sure my actions were a bit drastic (like burning my cosmatsu ticket,) but what did you expect, you didn't talk to me or assure me, i was left hanging/ditched, and whats worse is when i dmed her, she just *seen* it, she didnt reply back, until i actually texted her

     

    Funny thing is, if we were still friends after my stuff, that would make us hella closer as friends, couse she knows me so much, and i know her allot, and we fought with one another but still ended up as friends

    But nope, thats not the case, when shit hits the fan, she just ignores me for a month, i panic and do stupud shit, she tries to defend herself, and then i feel bad about what i did, and then she ignores me till we met up, and then after meeting up, blocks me xD

    Well

    Not gonna let her shenanigans bother, im not dissing her btw, shes by far the best girl i met

    I just have to tell myself i hate her, to not feel anything

     

    Also on the way home, i kept repeating to myself, *you cant break something, that is already broken*

    Couse i mean, im already broken, so losing a friend, being rejected, that wont destroy me more xDDD

    Also also, the omamori thingy ?, i toke it down, it didn't work at all, i wished for *things to go back to normal between us*

    WELL IT DID THE TOTAL 180DEGREE OF MY WISH

    cant say i expected it to work, i rarely believe in things nowadays <.>

    but anywhooooo

    Daz all

    I got

    To share

    For today

    Im off to sleep, couse review sentar calls theeeee

     

    Naito everyone☆

    1. Wedgy

      Wedgy

      Sometimes we meet someone truly great and we think we're meant to be together. But we then find the gears just don't line up. That doesn't mean anything is wrong with either of you; some people aren't as compatible as they might appear, and although the gears might turn a few times together, eventually, they become so unaligned that they risk destroying one another. In that case, it may be best to separate so that you can repair the damage, turn freely a while to reassure yourself that you can, and try another gear when you're ready.

      I'm sorry for you losing a friend, especially in the way you did. Nobody deserves to be treated so harshly with no explanation. But give yourself time to grieve and give yourself time to heal. Hurting is part of healing, and it's okay to feel hurt, anger, sadness, all the emotions that come with it. Let yourself feel it. It's the natural course. Don't force yourself to undercut that healing process by forcing yourself to feel any one way, or forcing yourself to "forgive" or any fluffed up bullcrap people like Eva Kor preach. You are valid, you were wronged, and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you for having feelings about it. 

      Stay in touch my dude. You help heal people for a living. Give yourself that same care. You are a badass.

    2. XII360

      XII360

      @WedgyI mean, yea i felt hella sad the first day it happened, (first time she told me to not talk to her) depression actually toke a hold off me, to the point i started cutting myself

      (see spoiler, not gonna post old pics of where blood is fresh, its too graphically grotesque, unless...people wanna see it...?)

      1578238286574-1.thumb.JPEG.c2d9f2dca37a80a57be3fee3540b03f7.JPEG

      But after december, (well, more of around december 28th) i noticed my best friend (both online and RL classmate) got worried about me, which they dont usually do, and seeing them worried and saying stuff like *stop being stupid*, *dont die*, it kind of woke me up from depression, which in turn, helped me stop hurting myself, and also lead me to the point where i told myself *i did my best, if she does not want to be friends, i want to end this friendship*

      10% of me was still sad, but 90% was me having made up my mind that *i made my real friends worry too much*

       

      And then the designated day happened where she met with me IRL, returned some of my stuff, gave me a note, and suggested i read it in house, and while walking home, got blocked

      I did tell her personally too, that if we cant go back to being friends, then i want to officially end it,(and man, did i inhale, and exhale allot just to hide the fact i kind of wanted to cry that day ?, and also the power to tell her i want to end things if its impossible to mend things)

      she didnt give me a straight answer (since her answer was already written in the note), and yea

      Thats where i just spam told myself, *i cant be broken further, im already broken*, while walking home/running (since i needed a huge distraction, and what better way than to fatigue myself, by way of "pushing it to the limit" ?

      And i mean, i may have then started thinking, *why should i help focus on helping others, i should focus on myself more, after all, the groupmates in internship dont even remember me, i gave everyone a keychain in hopes for better bond, but i then i got forgotten,

      During christmas party in hospital, i asked for a old groupmates pic, to which everyone seemed *too busy* to stay in one place for the group picture, to which i just got semi mad and left, (they probably didn't notice i was mad, couse i didnt show it, i just *acted cool and left*

      couse i mean, i kept going room to room, calling them, and when i come back, i find the guys i called before current one's, have already left and are talking to other people, and i felt like i was the only one who cared and wanted a group picture

      So yea, i just left it, out of anger, i decided that i would away my group 3 keychain (which is the very thing i gave everyone, the customized keychain with *their name, and group 3*, spoilers for image of keychain

      Screenshot_20200106-210803_Shopee.thumb.jpg.e544600454e8523df967288269f67278.jpgScreenshot_20200106-210657_Shopee.thumb.jpg.86a8ab8e8a290139da9d57a20a8c933b.jpg

       

      But yea, one thing will never change, i may focus on myself more often now, and wont randomly help people as often as i used too, out of fear that ill just be used again

      But

      Ill still give a helping hand to those that <actually> need one and to those that im close to

      Otherwise, as big as my heart is, im gonna have to close this to avoid feeling more betrayal feels >.>

      And, as much as possible, i wanna avoid anyone from the group i used to be at xD

      That is, the main reason i threw away my keychain anyway, to throw it all away and start anew

      But yea, i just closed my heart on her, if i ever see her in cosmatsu carnival (since i plan to cosplay, theres a chance ill see her), im gonna go ahead and ignore her

      I dont wanna feel the pain again, not after i escaped it and is able to tell such tales >.>....

  2. Anyone got an idea on how makeup shiz works ?

    Not gonna do it anytime soon, but im gonna cosplay in next matsuri, and ill need some makeups for the cosplay xD

    And your boi got no clue how make up work

    Incidentally, if your in ph, hit me up so we can both go to next matsuri xD

    ITLL BE A PH-AF MEETUP?!?!?!

     

    Toshi is the character i plan to cosplay as BTW xD

     

    BerserkerHijakataStage1.png

  3. Sekiro Just sekiro Need i say more ?
  4. Did some stupid shiet outa anger from a friend i wanted things over with

    And man, was that the f*ckiest f*ck i F*cking did

    Ended up burning my cosmat ticket (was gonna burn it at jan 1 anyway, time just accelerated couse of anger, plus i wasnt gonna go couse id see friend im not in good terms with who i wanted to end it)

    But man, i did a f*ck up as i usually do

    Anyway, now im stuck in house studying ^_^

     

    Did want to do whole charm wall stuff (aka image below)

     

    Screenshot_20191227-205217_Lite.jpg

    But now thats impossible aint it

    Soooo, i compromised and made use of my omamori, <which shouldn't be opened> but i still did to put a note with my wish in it.

    And then placed it on our lemon tree

    Hope my wish comes troooo

    If it does, ill post what i wished about xD

    Edit: that charm is clearly doing the opposite of what i wrote holy crap

    Then again, i didn't think my wish was gonna come troo

    What's been destroyed, can't be fixed >.>

     

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  5. I mean i used to roller blades, i had a simple one (image is kind of what mine looked like) But it was then lost when we moved out And i used to go outside with it, since it was cool, no one around us really did rollerblades though so i was alone on that part >.> Currently, i have yet to ever see any stores sell rollerblades, seems its phased out in country i live at not that id have time to go outside and play like i used too anyway
  6. Mango's im currently reading is <refer to image> But if its most recent i read, its wotakoi I mean, nozaki-san >.> I finished wotakoi like dec-ish Havent finished yet, semi stopped I've yet to read the latest yaiba manga either (last two), and idk when im planning on reading it >.>....
  7. And im instantly sold Gonna get one as soon as i get my cash >.>
  8. Oh right, this too, i doubt i can do this in 2020, but i also kind of wanna learn how to play some instruments Being the piano and violin
  9. What's the controllers phone-slot size ? Is the controllers size adjustable ?! My phone size is 6'8in so im unsure if it'll fit if i ever buy one
  10. My goals for 2020 issss 1.) Pass my licensure examination this time [main goal that is stopping me from doing other goals i want] 2.) Make my dream projects come true [make a video game, maybe start YT channel] 3.) Lose weight, same as your's, im 80kgish last i checked (which was when i donated blood), and its the right weight for my BMI, but i feel i can still lose weight And while on the process of losing weight, gain some muscles, to pull of cosplays 4.) Cosplay on next cosmania event (which is april-ish if im not mistaken ?) Those are my only goals for 2020, bonus points if other fun stuff happens in 2020 Just gotta pass my licensure exam, to actually start my other dreams thoooo
  11. Speaking of dreams, i had one today The dream was something about me selling my soul in dream world, and forever being stuck in it (so i assumed id be comatosed ?) Being the smartass i am I agreed to it And then i woke up Well talk about being ripped off (´._.`) (Also, dream was about...lewd stuff, so i aint going into toooo much detail, but it)
  12. MERRRYYYY sexmassss everyoneeeeee

    HAVE SOME ABBY !!!

    so yea

    So i forgot what i was gonna say, HAVE SOME KAWAII POKEYMAN STUFF

  13. So i was chillaxing, after studying for a bit

    When all of a sudden I GOT ABI

    IN ONE ROLL

    I WAS JUST LISTENING TO HER SONG COUSE ITS HELLA FUN AND SHE SUDDENLY POPPED AND IM LIKE WTF

    needless to say, this is why i avoid games, it made me sleep early and skip studies a bit >.>

    It made me smile after so long tho >...>

    Oh and i donated blood today, posting image xD

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  14. So allota sh*t happened, both good, both bad news

    Ill start of with bad news so i can end stuff in good news xD

    Dewa dewa, hajimemashokaaaa ╰(*°▽°*)╯

    Bad news (may or may not be rant ?)

    1.) My pc is slowish and needs upgrade, but i wont be upgrading it until after i pass board examination (which is scheduled at march 18th and 19th, if im not mistaken

    2.) I lost a really close friend (who i treated as a senpai) couse i sortaaaaaa fell inlove with her, and then she rejected me (big surprise there kiddo), we haven't talked since, and well, if things keep up, i guess im not going to cosmania (couse i initially bought ticket, since she invited me, but, i cant go there if she hates me, ill feel too wierd, so unless we be friends again, im cancelling, and most likely burning the tickets if it passes deadline of cosmania (28th and 29th)

    After losing a friend, i semi became depressed, welllllll

    i always had semi depression, but it has now escalated to the point where, when i think about it, i cut my own hands, but not feel any of the pain, i-ts pretty emo

    But, i feel its a way of atonement for the stupidity i did, begging is the lowest of the low a person can go, and i feel until we be friends again, doing such stupid acts will be a fine ass atonement (but im sure ill stop someday even if we aint gonna be friends again xD)

    Also yea, i know, its stupid, (especially knowing IM IN THE MEDICAL FIELD ?!?!) if i wanted to kill mah self, id aim for vital organs, or the artery to bleed out, wont lie, i have imaginations of wanting to experience it, but i stop mah self couse, it aint gonna be atonement if i fawken game over myself 

    4.) I also HAD a hallucination

    It started when i cutted muhself, i could see blood clearly in walls and stuff; but after a few days, the hallucinations disappeared after 2-4days (day one it was clear, day 3 it was minor, day 4 i could faintly see them, and 5th i could no longer see them)

    I had a similar problem in the past (hallucinations), but it wasn't blood, rather, it was minecraft blocks, i termed it *MC syndrome*, i had the urge to punch walls couse i could see everything as blocks, and my mind kept telling me if i punch trees or walls repeatedly BLOCKS WOULD FALL

    but, the same as blood syndrome hallucination, MC synd. Went byebye in 2-4 days xD

    So in conclusion, i am hella prone to hallucinogens, holy crap >.>

    5.) I have stopped playing games (even mobile games) to focus on studying, and only turn them on if i have nothing to do and cant study (e.g outside), but most of the time, its reading a manga now, currently reading nozaki-kun mango xD)

     

    THATS ALL THE BAD NEWS, YAAAAY ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)

    Now onwards to good news

    I only have a few as opposed to the bad news

    1.) My scores so far in the review center is high (its not the same as when i first started, being 50/200 or 80/200, so far my scores have been pretty nice being 100/150, 60/100, or 143?/200

    But the tests so far was minors (CM and MTLAWS), they aint 75%, but they are higher than my old exam scores, im also able to catch up and answer question the professor says

    ヽ(≧□≦)ノو

    2.) We changed internet providors, and our internet speed is now 80mbps dl speed, and 80mbps upload speed (shimakaze says; *OSOIIIII*, i say HAYAII DESU WA NE ?!?!)

    3.) I got a new phone, i gave my s7active to my dad couse he wanted it, but mom bought me a brand new note10+ as an early x-mas gift (andholysh*t i love this phone, ITS LAGLESS SO FAR ON ANYTHING I DO, EVEN FGO ISNT LAGGING, EVEN AF IS LAG FREE HOLYCRAP

    AND THE STYLUS, I LOVE THE STYLUSSSSS OH MY GOD I FEEL LIKE A WIZARD WHEN I WAVE THIS SH*T AROUND AND PHONE REACTS

    ehem, anways, mom was suppose to give me ipad air 3, but i told her, i cant use an ipad air 3, how do i use something so big ? I DONT EVEN APPLE PRODUCT

    So thats why she bought me a n10+ >.>

    In the end, the ipad was given to my dad (where he will watch movies at, and his overjoyed at it xD

    And my brother was give a s9 (which was my moms old phone) 

    My mom went and bought a s10, thats why she gave her s9 to my brother

    And yea, dazaboutit

    Gonna donate blood tomorrow, ill post a pic about it tomorrow xD

     

    Im semi-back guiz ( •̀ᄇ• ́)ﻭ✧

    (Still more focused on studies tho, but browsing af aint a pain couse of lagless fone xD)

    1. XII360

      XII360

      ALSO, OBLIGATORY WALLPAPER POST (phone)

      Screenshot_20191216-195425_+HOME.jpg

    2. Illusion of Terra

      Illusion of Terra

      imagine the board exam is scheduled for this month, and not March 😂 

      As for the other bad news. should you ever need an opinion or I can help in any way just dm me here or on discord :)

      But it's great to hear that you've gotten some great news as well!

    3. XII360

      XII360

      @Illusion of Terrathey always sched it at march/sept, so im fine xD

      Would be pretty smelly arse if it was other days tho >.>

      Thankies, ill keep that in mind in my hypothalamus

      Which has nothing to do with memory and more on hormones (◍•﹏•)....

  15. Stat update; Still no converge (internet)

    And im gonna have to load my data soon

    Ahh ahh, i wanna post whats been happening, but i gotta hold off till they connect our net <_>

    Reading kimetsu no CRYba though

    But majority of time im still studying xD

  16. Current status: no net

    How am i writing this you ask ?

    ima ghost

    Nah, but im using data

    Were switching network providors, so meantime, im no-netish

    Ill talk about what happened as of late once i can type in a keyboard and with proper net xD

     

    Meantime, yo boi is pretty 30% RIP >.>

  17. 9IM FINISHED IN INKTOBERRRRRRRRRRRRRR 
    IM FREEEEE

     

    that was a fun event >.>

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    1. Illusion of Terra

      Illusion of Terra

      way to go dude!
      (what's with the random swearing though 😂)

    2. XII360

      XII360

      @Illusion of Terra

      thanksss

      (i just really hate hands >_>, noticed i cursed at it on 21st, and on 29th, im still cursing at hands >_>)

  18. Yay for moare inktober stuff xD

     

     

     

    1571585693168604735704.jpg

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    also finish milfsekai

    medhi is best girl

    can you all guess why i say this ... ?

    COUSE YANDERE VIBES + SMUG = HNHHNGHNHNGHNGHNAGHGGHHHH

    but yea, gonna start watching sakamoto

    aka

    "COOL" guy >.>

    im only watching at 7pm tho', and theres still inktober stuff to draw xD

    now if you will all excuse moi', 

    I STILL NEED TO JOG ?!?

    man im sure being active >.>

    too bad i still dunno how to talk in the discord chat xD

    also obligatory song post ~~

     

  19. and donzo xD

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    im proud of 10/13/19 one

    MUSTACHIO MADE THANOS PERFECT

     

    also 10/15/19, i feel i really did well in it xD

     

    10/15/19 was based on this by the way xD

    and also sempapi's OC, she and my best friend were the only things i considered as "legendary" >.>...

    1. XII360

      XII360

      May aswell post this too xD

      Now if everyone will excuse moi, ima watch milfsekai xD

      15713248067361655626847.jpg

  20. was to lazy to take a pic of it all, so i just linked stuff i uploaded xD

  21. to be honest, feelings can sway my decision im a logical thinker, but 70% of the time, my feelings will win if they ever met with one another feeling inferior to other people -- which is good couse it gives me motivation to get past their level, or atleast near their level though, sometimes i get the feeling of "ill never reach them, they are too perfect and good for me, im useless" at such idea's, i always just think of one thing they are not perfect, they have weakness too, they just don't show it or atleast that's what i tell myself when i wanna give up
  22. but yea, went to hospital yesterday -- one where i interned at for probable free tests couse i believe in their work

     

    and it seems i have upper uti, based on results, possible dengue, and chronic infection ?

     

    leaning on chronic infection though since im IgM (-)

    and just being IgG+ wont indicate dengue, just an odd >.>

     

    but at the moment, im feeling daijoubu, i started antibiotics tho, so i gotta go through with it to end, lest i become resistant and then become XDR and then i die

    yaaaay

    brutal

     

    but yea, aside from that, ill probably go back to studying tomorrow

    just finished one project that i cant post here for...reasons >_>

     

    gonna do the inktober days i couldn't do due to being sick after i do stuff >.>

    1. SAO LILDOOP

      SAO LILDOOP

      Hope you will be fine, gl with school as well. 

    2. LonelyPoet

      LonelyPoet

      That sounds like it really hurts. :/

  23. XII360

    coffee or tea

    yea b-but i mean, coffee gets you dehydrated..! i totally knew coffee helps you poop ! i didn't know this at all
  24. XII360

    coffee or tea

    tea, no questions asked coffee is an adult taste, and is for keeping one self awake and active tea helps you poop therefore i have concluded tea>coffee

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