Wal*Mart Roleplay

[Zeref]

-I turn into a level 10 boss monster ghost and start devouring all the tires in the tire section-

ooo000oooo000oooo

[Eris]

*I completely give up and light up some joints sitting in the patio section of lawn and garden taking hits with @Colu while we devour the entire Dorito chip aisle* 

Edited May 4, 2025 by Eris

[Sarada]

*Puts out the fire in the Walmart that CornedBeef started by emptying out the pool displays*

Beef that isn't resh :V

[Sasuke]

*Hides all the Graham crackers from CornedBeef* 

"No smores for you!" 

*Then I go over to the swimsuit section and start getting undressed trying on swimming trunks out in the open with no regards for the changing rooms* 

[Animedragon]

* The insurance assessors to inspect the damage done to the store, while the fire department investigator starts to try and work out how the fire started *

* My dragons have made a quick departure because they know it wasn't them this time and are fed up with always taking the blame for fires *

[Zeref]

-I fly around the fire department trying to put out the remaining fires- 

-A fireman sprays me with a hose that somehow making no sense turns me into a live Walmart greeter-

Welcome to Walmart can I interest anyone in potatoes? 

-Starts chucking potatoes at Corned Beef-

[giuls]

I entered Wal*Mart. Witnessing the events unfold right in front of me.

"...I just needed some eggs.."
I walk around Corned Beef and dozens of potatoes, 

"  'scuse me."
I get my eggs, and immediately trip and fall on one of the potatoes. CRACK,

" MY EGGS!"

Chaos ensues. Following the loss of my eggs, I desperately try to put them back together. Egg whites and egg yolks drip through my fingers, and its just overall a mess. The potatoes are no help either, stealing the egg shells.

Edited May 6, 2025 by giuls
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[Eris]

*I take that as a cue for a food fight*

"FOOD FIGHT!!!"

*I start hurling eggs at @Zeref @giuls and @Animedragon*

*I throw flour on @CornedBeef*

*Douses @Sakura @Sasuke and @Sarada with ramen*

"BELIEVE IT!!!!!!"

[Sarada]

*Runs screaming to the toy aisle and grabs some Naruto toy shurikens and starts flinging them at @Eris* 

Chidoriiii! *I scream as I turn on a handheld tazer and start running at him*

[Lucky]

On 5/2/2025 at 9:00 AM, Eris said:

*Calls Wal*mart security* We have one of them nerds arguing with staff in electronics. Send in the big guy. 

Oh damn okay it's like that *Starts fighting Walmart security guards in the midst of the food fighting* I won't be taken alive *Runs to the hunting section and grabs a bow and arrows* 99 range don't fail me now.... 

[Sarada]

*Gets hit with one of Luckys arrows*

I..I see..the light... At the end.. There..there's.. God..he..he's a woman *dies*

[Zeref]

-As the Walmart greeter I'm also trained in CPR-

-I ressurrect @Sarada- 

"Welcome BACK to Walmart."

[Sarada]

Nooooooo SEND ME BACK I WANT TO GO BACK THERE WERE FREE LATTES AND NO LINES AT HEAVEN'S VERSION OF DISNEY WORLD!!!  

*Runs screaming down the candy aisle*

[Colu]

On 5/4/2025 at 4:20 PM, Eris said:

*I completely give up and light up some joints sitting in the patio section of lawn and garden taking hits with @Colu while we devour the entire Dorito chip aisle* 

*slowly looks over to him*
heyyy man

*slowly looks at the joint*
what the hell is in this?

*slowly looks back to Eris and realizes his chair is empty and has been for awhile now*
well, may as well take another toke

*takes another toke and watches the chaos ensue, briefly wondering how I not only didn’t make it to Home Depot, but am somehow even further into the Walmart. A cosmic Walmart of wonder, if you will. Wait, what if we’re trapped here?*
That’s ridiculous Courtney, you’re just high

*did I say that out loud? But I’m right, I’m just high. I literally just saw some dragons….go out…the front door…*
Dragons?

*it seems Colu has become lost in thought*

[Animedragon]

You may be high but you did see dragons, they're mine and all the commotion has spooked them and they've flown off somewhere.

*wanders off to the gardening section to see if the dragons are hiding behind the ornamental trees*

[Eris]

*I appear to Colu wearing all white*

"I am Eris the White"

*I throw weed at her*

"Take this to Home Depot and destroy it. Cast it into the lumbar yard there and burn  it. You can't take the eagles to get there. It's the only way to save the world." 

*I disappear in a puff of smoke and reappear licking the cheese on the walls.*

[Sakura]

~Apparently I was in the dish soap aisle taking a bath~? 
~Smells cheese paint and comes running~
CH..CHE... CHEESE???????

[Miguel_16]

*I back up not being able to understand I just watched*

*I ask Sakura*

did we just see the same thing?

[Sakura]

~Stares at @Miguel_16 while eating cheese from my trash can bath tub~

"What did you see because I'm seeing a lot of weird things and quite frankly I think I've died and this is some weird dream"

~Gives him a slice of cheese and stares at him~

[Colu]

*falls backwards in my lawn chair when @Eris the White appears before me*
holy christ

*eyes the weed thoughtfully*
no. I won’t burn it. I will bring us all to a higher plane of existence instead.

*untangles myself from the lawn chair and heads for the front of the store to grab a shopping cart*
I must go shopping!

*takes my shopping cart and navigates towards the kitchen supplies, being careful to avoid dragon tails, cheese shenanigans, and slippery floors*
ah, these will do nicely

*picks up various baking utensils such as cookie sheets, spatulas, measuring cups, spoons, mixing bowls, etc and tosses them into my cart*
*gazes at the aisle signs to find my next destination, baking supplies, and heads for it*
ooohoohoohooohoo this is gonna be gooooood!

*flour, salt, sugar, cocoa, chocolate chips, butter, eggs, and everything else needed for double chocolate chip cookies, all thrown in the cart*
*checks to make sure the greeter @Zeref is still occupied*
Great, looks like he’s tied up with @Sarada begging for death, now’s my chance!

*quickly b-lines for the front of the store, going right past the checkouts*
*a customer service worker almost sees what I’m about to do, but thankfully one of @Animedragon’s very real dragons has become quite fascinated with the seasonal merch at the front of the store and the customer service worker is desperately trying to lead it away before it can cause any damage. It looks like it just wants to play with one of the beach balls, but I can’t think about that right now, time to go!*
*boldly I walk through the front door without paying for my shopping cart full of goodies*
alright, Courtney-D, you did it, now let’s get your butt over to Home Depot. Ha! It’s even just right across the street!

*heads for Home Depot and sneaks inside with my Walmart cart*
*heads for the kitchen displays*
*pushes some buttons on one of the ovens*

no power, makes sense. Hmm

*hides my Walmart cart stealthily in the kitchen display and heads for the electrical section, keeping an eye for any outlets along the way*
BEHOLD, AN EXTENSION CORD!!!

*other customers stare at me like a deranged lunatic*
*coughs*
it’s just the kind I’ve been looking for….ha ha…

*grabs the extension cord and makes a mad dash back to the kitchen display*
*the extension cord won’t work for an appliance, what a dummy*
oh dang, is that?

holy shit it is. No way no way no way, fuck yeah!
*there’s an appliance plug right near another oven, allowing me to supply power and get to work*

*decarbs the weed*
*infuses the butter*
it is time. 
*makes double chocolate chip cookies with infused weed butter*
 

*quite a deal of time later I manage to sneak back out of Home Depot and head to the Walmart*

*I step through the front door and hold the tray of infused cookies up high and gather as much power into my lungs as possible*
WHO

WANTS

FREE

COOKIES

!!!!!??????

Edited May 9, 2025 by Colu

[Animedragon]

* I've been told that my dragons were behind the ornamental trees but left when @CornedBeef covered the walls with cheese because they don't like cheese! *

* Goes off to raid the stock room for all the unsold Easter eggs to lure the dragons back because dragons like eating chocolate Easter eggs *

[Zeref]

-Walks to Sakura who is taking a bath in the trash can while Miguel stares at her-

"A victim is drowning!" 

-Grabs her out of the trash can and starts giving her CPR-

 

[Sakura]

GET YOUR FACE OFF OF MINE YOU PERVERT!!!!!! ~I scream and jump away pointing at @Zeref~ 

SOMEONE HELP ME THIS PERVERT IS ACCOSTING ME!!! 

[Eris]

*I come running over to Sakura*

"Don't worry ma'am. I'm an ex cop. I'll take care of this pervert for you."

*I grab a flame thrower off a shelf and fire it at Pessi catching an aisles on fire which makes @Animedragondragons think I'm challenging them to a fire duel*

"Uh oh..."

[Animedragon]

* My dragons accept the challenge and since Dragonfire is one of the most destructive forces in the known universe the whole aisle is vaporised in an instant *