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Public Patience


Kohloo

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I generally have a great deal of patience, as I have nowhere to go that really requires me to be on time and I do not make exact appointments with people, but I do not really thrive in a crowd either, because I prefer to be in my own world.

 

What really helps with my patience is realizing that self-reliance, as we think of it today, is nothing more than an illusion because we do not hunt or fish. We do not skin and/or gut the meat and such we consume, and we do not even make the tools we use today, nor do we know how to do things that we do without those tools, which ends up making us fragile to the harshness of the true reality that city life and society in general shields us from.

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I struggle with anxiety when I'm in a social/public place so I usually end up staring at the ground all day and just waiting for it to be over ... I'm just really bad at communication and being social in general, it's quiet a tasking think for me so I try to stay away from it as much as I can.

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Yeah, I don't like busses, but I'm generally a cold person myself and I expect other people to be that way too, when they're not I don't know how to react. Ottawa's a small city, so maybe it's different. I remember going to Calgary when I was younger though and loving it. I loved the feeling of disappearing into the crowd, a million faces I didn't know and would never see again, I owed none of them anything and they didn't give a rats ass about me. It felt free, like I could go anywhere and no-one would give a shit, disappear and walk on forever. Sometimes I think to myself I just want to pick a direction and go and never come back, just keep going, lost in the world, free of responsibility, free to be whatever son of a bitch I want to.

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I live in a very small community. We don't even have public transport and no joke people will ride horses around town. There is nowhere really to shop unless you need groceries or custom saddlery, and the only entertainment available is a one movie a week theatre and several bars. It is not crowded. Honestly sometimes I wish it were. If there were more people here, we would expand and there would be more to do. I think I would be more suited to city life since whenever I am in a rush to do something, everyone else is slow and takes their time. I'm expected to smile at people and I find that a little creepy especially when I don't feel like interacting with anyone at the moment. But I always see the same people around town day in day out. Never really a new face.

 

If I miss one thing about city life, it's that people tend to mind their own business. The amount of gossip making the rounds here is unbelievable and everyone knows everyone and their dog. You can't escape. Small towns tend to come with small-minded people. I want to get out and live in the city again.

 

Not too mention a bit more dangerous. ^_^

 

I guess the grass is really greener on the other side for a lot of people.

 

I'm just content that I can live a peaceful life, and enjoy how people do not stick their neck out too much.

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This is a really interesting topic... Thanks for sharing your journey, @Kohloo

 

I would like to think I have a great deal of patience for certain things in life. For example, grooming is one of them. I have a far greater amount of patience for animals than most people. Grooming can be a highly stressful job. While most people consider it, "playing with puppies all day," this is actually what my day is like:

 

  • Dealing with aggressive dogs. My favorite thing in the world [/sarcasm] is when a pet parent doesn't believe when their dog tried to nearly take my fingers off. I get the typical "My dog would NEVER bite!" lines. The actual fact of the matter is, grooming can be like alien abduction to dogs, ESPECIALLY if they're unsocialized. Dogs act on isntinct. When you're doing something they don't like (which, face it, most dogs don't enjoy being poked and prodded for hours) they are more likely to act on fight or flight. Alternatively, there are many other forms of aggression in dogs. You have kennel aggression (where they become aggressive when kenneled), parent aggression (when they're aggressive in parents presence as an act of protection), fear aggression (relay back to fight or flight), dog aggression (when they become aggressive around other dogs). We have seen the sweetest of dogs bite in grooming. And it's not fun to be bit. But as a groomer, it's not a matter of IF but WHEN.
  • Dealing with gross. My job entails dealing with an array of disgusting things. Expressing anal glands, dealing with being pooped on, peed on, thrown up on. Worms. Fleas. Ticks.
  • Perfecting breed standard cuts. When you get the picky customer who expects nothing short of perfection.
  • Meeting sales. Selling your work as a groomer and trying to make money when you work mainly off commission. Little clients, little money.

 

And yet, despite having an incredible amount of patience for my profession, I have little patience for being in public, people (mainly multiple people). I grew up with extreme social anxiety (rashes, panic attacks, you name it.) This could be why I have more patience for dealing with dogs than I do with the pet parents, or people in general. Over the years I have become a tad more comfortable, but mainly because I HAD to. With meeting certain societal standards, education, jobs, etc, I've had to adapt and learn to become more patient with people. But it does not mean I don't have the occasional anxiety attack in the back or when I come home I don't lose my s***. People make me uncomfortable. And I suppose this is why I have little patience for them. Every day is a challenge to become more patient in that aspect.

 

I try to even be more patient with friends and family, as often times I find myself annoyed or irritated by them. This is why I tend to seclude myself a lot. It's not that I'm heartless, or that I hate people. It's mainly that I feel trapped in certain situations by obligation when I'm around them. Or sometimes it's because I display too much of myself and feel vulnerable around them. Or maybe I don't understand it at all. But, I feel that with age, I have gotten a bit better with it.

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I try to even be more patient with friends and family, as often times I find myself annoyed or irritated by them. This is why I tend to seclude myself a lot. It's not that I'm heartless, or that I hate people. It's mainly that I feel trapped in certain situations by obligation when I'm around them. Or sometimes it's because I display too much of myself and feel vulnerable around them. Or maybe I don't understand it at all. But, I feel that with age, I have gotten a bit better with it.

 

If you feel obligated, then you are not really friends or family. Sometimes, we need to say no, both for them and ourselves.

 

If not, you can challenge them to fight a bear.

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If you feel obligated, then you are not really friends or family. Sometimes, we need to say no, both for them and ourselves.

 

If not, you can challenge them to fight a bear.

I disagree. My feeling of obligation comes from a lifetime of semi-abusive relationships. I did not have the perfect relationship with my mother or father, but I loved them, still do. However, because of certain circumstances of my childhood, I had to take care of my family. This made it difficult to say no after time passed, because of my love for them. Even though they put me through some difficult times, I felt obligated by circumstance. However, this does not deflect or take away from the fact that they are my family and I love them. It is more or less a personal issue I have with the word no. With no one else to step in, it became up to me. And so because of that, I feel like a martyr 95% of the time. Alternatively, it made me bitter over time.

 

As far as friends, same situations. Bad experiences with friends who were not my friends, made me bitter in the long run. So now when I have new friends, who are actually decent people, I find it hard to have patience because I grow cynical and assume the worst of every relationship. Thinking the inevitable. When will they ask too much or take too much from me?

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I disagree. My feeling of obligation comes from a lifetime of semi-abusive relationships. I did not have the perfect relationship with my mother or father, but I loved them, still do. However, because of certain circumstances of my childhood, I had to take care of my family. This made it difficult to say no after time passed, because of my love for them. Even though they put me through some difficult times, I felt obligated by circumstance. However, this does not deflect or take away from the fact that they are my family and I love them. It is more or less a personal issue I have with the word no. With no one else to step in, it became up to me. And so because of that, I feel like a martyr 95% of the time. Alternatively, it made me bitter over time.

 

As far as friends, same situations. Bad experiences with friends who were not my friends, made me bitter in the long run. So now when I have new friends, who are actually decent people, I find it hard to have patience because I grow cynical and assume the worst of every relationship. Thinking the inevitable. When will they ask too much or take too much from me?

 

I see. That is tough.

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I see. That is tough.

I apologize if it seemed like I was looking for pity or anything. It was tough, but alternatively made me who I am today. And even if I struggle with certain things, I take a lot from my past experiences, whether I am a bit bitter or not.

 

No pain, no gain.

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I apologize if it seemed like I was looking for pity or anything. It was tough, but alternatively made me who I am today. And even if I struggle with certain things, I take a lot from my past experiences, whether I am a bit bitter or not.

 

No pain, no gain.

 

Did not seem like you were seeking pity, just more of trying to explain yourself, though I was kind of worried that if you and I had somehow that you might hurt me, due to your feelings of suspicions for your own genuine friends.

 

I try and explain myself a lot, so that people know where I am coming from and that my own struggles are not that different from others, even if I have challenges nobody else has.

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I am really not a patient person. Regardless of where I am, I am always a short fuse. While I don't see this as a weakness within myself, I can see how improving it might help me. Example, in person when I say something and somebody asks me to repeat it, I start getting annoyed, if it happens a 3rd time I am already pissed. It's small things like that, that drain me. Another example, if I am in the super market and a person is taking too long and their cart is covering a huge part of the isle I will normally snap at them or tell them to move the fuck out of my way.

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when I say something and somebody asks me to repeat it, I start getting annoyed, if it happens a 3rd time I am already pissed.

 

This really annoying to me too.

 

Honestly, people don't seem to listen, and is one of the times I have little to no patience.

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I'm very patient. I've had coworkers, bosses, and customers alike say as much on many occasions. I guess I just don't see what the rush is in most case - the journey is more important than the destination after all and what's the point on stressing out if you get there a little after someone else?

 

That also said I'm very punctual. I'll give other people all the time in the world they need (unless I have previous appointments but I'll let the person I'm with know that beforehand) but I'll be danged if I'm 5 minutes late to an appointment. I'd rather be half an hour early and play on my phone or read a book than be even a few minutes late.

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How much patience do you have while you're out in public?

 

Almost none, to be honest.

 

I freak out when I'm in crowded areas, but I can usually suppress it for a while if I have a distraction. Still, whenever @zoop and I go shopping, she's always wanting to linger over everything in every area and I just sort of follow around wild eyed and repeatedly asking "are we done yet?"

 

This was so bad when I was younger that I would cry if I was in a big crowd and couldn't find anyone that I knew. I may or may not still do this. I kinda hate being alone, hahaha. Thankfully, I had a big family and three younger siblings. I would literally just grab one of them and carry them with me like a living security blanket. One of the things that I hate is that I don't have that anymore, lol.

 

Anyways, I hate being out in public. I get nervous randomly and feel a need to run away wildly. If I run into someone I know, then it's better. If not, then it's hell. This is why I tend to take @zoop with me almost everywhere I go, lol. New security blanket, get!

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Yeah, I can't tolerate the public either. I'm very prickly when in the public, especially when dealing with people working in the service industry. (I'm beating a dead horse at this point since I've already told Kohloo about this through a PM, but for the sake of this thread, I'll say it again.) I try not to be a snob whenever I can, but when dining in a fast food restaurant, I kinda expect a certain level of professionalism when part of your job description is "customer service". I didn't come into your restaurant for your attitude. I understand it sucks to work there as I've personally experienced myself, but hey, you picked the job, not me. There are better job offers out there if you don't like it. Pays a lot better too.

 

I guess it's kinda like what Kohloo said in her post, me becoming one of the city folks. Nobody really cares about each other down in the streets. We don't say hello to each other. We don't greet our good mornings. It's one big cesspool of indifference, and I've been influenced by that poison enough to join them. Despite what good things you might hear about Singapore, living here as a citizen for 27 years, I can tell you that the sunny city can be quite cold. I try to go about my business whenever I can. I don't hate the public. I just couldn't give a s***. :)

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I didn't come into your restaurant for your attitude. I understand it sucks to work there as I've personally experienced myself, but hey, you picked the job, not me. There are better job offers out there if you don't like it

 

They could always try to get funding to do what they like. With sites like Patreon, that is becoming much more feasible, and some people make quite a bit from it too.

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All of these problems can be avoided staying in your home. If the outside is so great then why do we build houses and our cars are shielded from the outside elements. They are all designed to keep us safe and inside. Going out is going against nature! (Jokes, I clarify because it has happened to me where somebody takes this serious and makes 8 paragraphs explaining why I am wrong lol)

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I just sort of follow around wild eyed and repeatedly asking "are we done yet?"

 

I feel this way a lot myself, even when I get dragged to some place where I am being made to stand for a long time, which ends up making my feet hurt and I just walk circles to try and alleviate it.

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