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Post some dad jokes


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This is something I've been wanting to post for a little while now. Don't know how far it'll go, but what the hell? Post your worst, most groan-worthy dad jokes here.

People always tell me I'll never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic. I don't know what they're on about, I've already made 3 pots and 5 vases, and they all turned out fantastic!

Three guys walked into a bar. You'd think one of 'em would've ducked or something.

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A man went into a bar and while admiring the waitress's uniform he commented that the sign outside said "topless bar".

The waitress looked at him and replied "wait until it rains"

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A friend of mine decided to become an archeologist. Now his life's in ruins.

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While visiting his son a man asked to borrow a newspaper, his son said "Dad, get with it, this is the 21st Century. Here, use my iPad".

That fly never knew what hit it !

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A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

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What would the Terminator be called in his retirement? The Exterminator.

The pan-duh is a very condescending bear.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.

and of course...

Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on many levels.

(But that one's so old it farts dust.)

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I got my doctor's test results, and I'm really upset. Turns out, I'm not going to be a doctor.

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A man was walking through the park one day when a gust of wind blew his hat off. Before he could retrieve it a dog dashed over and chewed up the hat.
Seeing the owner of the dog the man complained to him that his dog had ruined his hat.
The dog owner said "so what!"
To which the man replied "Huh, so that's your attitude is it?"
The dog owner replied, "No it was your at e chewed !"

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My girlfriend told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's just jokinlka ysfy65467g   bsjvsgkk   bkag!U

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guessing not many dads here then !

Soooo
how did the Scarecrow manage to get in to a university ?

he just happened to be out standing in his field

ok im not a dad either ! tho i am getting old in life !

old enough whilst i was at my doctor the other day he suggested to get me a little more active i should take up a hobby rather than just sit around

so i took up meditation

 

tho i do some times go out

i went down to McDonalds to get my self a meal yesterday

whilst i was wondering what to get some impatient younger person pulled up behind me and started leaning on their horn

when i got to the pay window i offered to the girl to pay for the person behind and when they found out they gave me a wave and followed me up to the next window

where i presented both receipts and collected both orders and left

moral of the story never piss of an old person , we have lived longed and know how to play dirty

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1 hour ago, Wodahs said:

guessing not many dads here then !

Soooo
how did the Scarecrow manage to get in to a university ?

he just happened to be out standing in his field

I'm mad at myself for not thinking of this... I JUST played a game that if you went and 'talked to' a scarecrow and it said this!

Edited by Takatofan1986
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5 minutes ago, Takatofan1986 said:

I'm mad at myself for not thinking of this... I JUST played a game that if you went and 'talked to' a scarecrow and it said this!

a radio add for an alcohol chain of outlets has a stupid joke to start each add here , this was one of them
i may have laughed at its stupidness

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