Guest Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 This is something I've been wanting to post for a little while now. Don't know how far it'll go, but what the hell? Post your worst, most groan-worthy dad jokes here. People always tell me I'll never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic. I don't know what they're on about, I've already made 3 pots and 5 vases, and they all turned out fantastic! Three guys walked into a bar. You'd think one of 'em would've ducked or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 The mechanic told me my car had a flat battery. So I asked him what shape it should be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otaking66lives Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Takatofan1986 Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 How do you look for Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 Boy: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?" Dad: "Yes, we arson." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 Dogs cannot operate MRI units. But Cats-can. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 What do you call a pig with four is? A piiiig. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted June 15, 2022 Share Posted June 15, 2022 A man went into a bar and while admiring the waitress's uniform he commented that the sign outside said "topless bar". The waitress looked at him and replied "wait until it rains" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 15, 2022 Share Posted June 15, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otaking66lives Posted June 15, 2022 Share Posted June 15, 2022 Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 15, 2022 Share Posted June 15, 2022 A friend of mine decided to become an archeologist. Now his life's in ruins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otaking66lives Posted June 15, 2022 Share Posted June 15, 2022 What's the difference between a man's wallet before and after kids? There are pictures where the money used to be. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 16, 2022 Share Posted June 16, 2022 What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted June 18, 2022 Share Posted June 18, 2022 While visiting his son a man asked to borrow a newspaper, his son said "Dad, get with it, this is the 21st Century. Here, use my iPad". That fly never knew what hit it ! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 18, 2022 Share Posted June 18, 2022 A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efaardvark Posted June 21, 2022 Share Posted June 21, 2022 What would the Terminator be called in his retirement? The Exterminator. The pan-duh is a very condescending bear. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up. and of course... Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on many levels. (But that one's so old it farts dust.) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 21, 2022 Share Posted June 21, 2022 I got my doctor's test results, and I'm really upset. Turns out, I'm not going to be a doctor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted June 21, 2022 Share Posted June 21, 2022 A man rushed into a hospital and said: "I've got to see a doctor". The nurse asked: "which doctor?" The man replied: "No, an ordinary one will do." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted June 23, 2022 Share Posted June 23, 2022 A man was walking through the park one day when a gust of wind blew his hat off. Before he could retrieve it a dog dashed over and chewed up the hat. Seeing the owner of the dog the man complained to him that his dog had ruined his hat. The dog owner said "so what!" To which the man replied "Huh, so that's your attitude is it?" The dog owner replied, "No it was your at e chewed !" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 23, 2022 Share Posted June 23, 2022 My girlfriend told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's just jokinlka ysfy65467g bsjvsgkk bkag!U Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Takatofan1986 Posted June 24, 2022 Share Posted June 24, 2022 Can someone tell me the lowest rank in the military? I keep asking, but they just tell me, "It's private." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted June 25, 2022 Share Posted June 25, 2022 What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wodahs Posted June 25, 2022 Share Posted June 25, 2022 guessing not many dads here then ! Soooo how did the Scarecrow manage to get in to a university ? he just happened to be out standing in his field ok im not a dad either ! tho i am getting old in life ! old enough whilst i was at my doctor the other day he suggested to get me a little more active i should take up a hobby rather than just sit around so i took up meditation tho i do some times go out i went down to McDonalds to get my self a meal yesterday whilst i was wondering what to get some impatient younger person pulled up behind me and started leaning on their horn when i got to the pay window i offered to the girl to pay for the person behind and when they found out they gave me a wave and followed me up to the next window where i presented both receipts and collected both orders and left moral of the story never piss of an old person , we have lived longed and know how to play dirty 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Takatofan1986 Posted June 25, 2022 Share Posted June 25, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Wodahs said: guessing not many dads here then ! Soooo how did the Scarecrow manage to get in to a university ? he just happened to be out standing in his field I'm mad at myself for not thinking of this... I JUST played a game that if you went and 'talked to' a scarecrow and it said this! Edited June 25, 2022 by Takatofan1986 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wodahs Posted June 25, 2022 Share Posted June 25, 2022 5 minutes ago, Takatofan1986 said: I'm mad at myself for not thinking of this... I JUST played a game that if you went and 'talked to' a scarecrow and it said this! a radio add for an alcohol chain of outlets has a stupid joke to start each add here , this was one of them i may have laughed at its stupidness 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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