Guest Posted June 26, 2022 Share Posted June 26, 2022 I named my horse Mayo. Sometimes, Mayo neighs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 Why do astronauts use linux? Because you can’t open windows in space. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Takatofan1986 Posted July 2, 2022 Share Posted July 2, 2022 I accidentally got some ketchup in my eye. . . Now I have Heinzsight. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted July 5, 2022 Share Posted July 5, 2022 So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 An odd job man knocked on the door of a house and asked if there any jobs he could do. The householder said yes, you can paint the porch round the back. A few hours later the odd job man knocked on the door again and said I've done what you asked, but I think you should know that it's a Lamborghini not a Porsche. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 Why did the dad joke cross the road? To get to the other sigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted July 10, 2022 Share Posted July 10, 2022 What's the difference between a tin and a can? A tin can, but a can can't. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 Air lines for pumping up tyres used to be free at the garage, now using the air line costs £3. That's Inflation for you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RZ. Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 A man walks into a bar. Ouch. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Takatofan1986 Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 14 hours ago, RZ. said: A man walks into a bar. Ouch. I always told a variation of this: Two guys walked into a bar. The Third one ducked. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 What's the difference between an organist and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist. (Apologies to any organists reading this.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted July 20, 2022 Share Posted July 20, 2022 Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he saw the zebra crossing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efaardvark Posted July 20, 2022 Share Posted July 20, 2022 Have you heard the pizza joke? It’s a bit cheesy. How do you make an octopus laugh? Give it ten tickles. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efaardvark Posted July 22, 2022 Share Posted July 22, 2022 Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks, "how do you drive this thing?" I burnt my Hawaiian pizza the other night. I should'a put it on aloha setting. What's E.T. short for? He's only got little legs. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 22, 2022 Share Posted July 22, 2022 A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?” “No, go right ahead.” the woman replied. The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora.”, and sits back down. ”Thanks”, says the woman. “That means a lot.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted July 23, 2022 Share Posted July 23, 2022 When I was a child, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Later on I found out that identity theft is a crime. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efaardvark Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 (edited) I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage. The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan! Edited July 25, 2022 by efaardvark 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted July 26, 2022 Share Posted July 26, 2022 Most people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology. I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Takatofan1986 Posted July 27, 2022 Share Posted July 27, 2022 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 27, 2022 Share Posted July 27, 2022 Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted August 1, 2022 Share Posted August 1, 2022 What did the grape say when someone trod on it? Nothing, it just gave a little whine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efaardvark Posted August 5, 2022 Share Posted August 5, 2022 (edited) Why can’t you trust stairs? They're always up to something and will let you down. What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam. Edited August 5, 2022 by efaardvark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted August 8, 2022 Share Posted August 8, 2022 How do you fix a broken website? With stick e-tape. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 16, 2022 Share Posted August 16, 2022 Can I still impress you with a joke about the Titanic, or has that ship sailed? Never mess with a group of babies. They're in infantry! I used to think people were judging me for working at a movie theater, but then I realized I was just projecting. Why don't math teachers ever find true love? Because they are always looking for the next x, and don't know y. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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