animechat Posted May 20, 2023 Share Posted May 20, 2023 I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: “Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!” She is watching our wedding video again. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efaardvark Posted May 23, 2023 Share Posted May 23, 2023 Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? He’s fully recovered. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efaardvark Posted May 27, 2023 Share Posted May 27, 2023 Where did Luke Skywalker buy his new arm? At the second hand store! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted May 27, 2023 Share Posted May 27, 2023 4 hours ago, efaardvark said: Where did Luke Skywalker buy his new arm? At the second hand store! Are you sure it wasn't from the Army surplus store? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efaardvark Posted May 29, 2023 Share Posted May 29, 2023 Why did the cop pull over the U-Haul van? He wanted to bust a move. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efaardvark Posted May 31, 2023 Share Posted May 31, 2023 Are there shelters for battered fish? Yes, but only temporary because the turnover is so quick. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efaardvark Posted May 31, 2023 Share Posted May 31, 2023 What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft? A flat minor. A physicist froze himself at -273.15°C. Everyone said he was crazy but he’s 0K. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted May 31, 2023 Share Posted May 31, 2023 5 minutes ago, efaardvark said: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft? A flat minor. A physicist froze himself at -273.15°C. Everyone said he was crazy but he’s 0K. I had a couple of good laughs at those two, they appeal to my sense of humour . Although I must admit that it took me a couple of seconds to work out the second one . 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 I've started on a sea food diet. Whenever I see food I eat it. ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 First snake: Are we poisonous? Second snake: No. First snake: That's good, I've just bitten my tongue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 30, 2023 Share Posted June 30, 2023 Does the name 'Pavlov' ring a bell? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 1, 2023 Share Posted July 1, 2023 Dunno if you'd count this as a dad joke, but it's still pretty funny. Larry was at the bar with his friend Bob, depressed over a recent trip to the beach. Bob asked, "What's the problem?" Larry sighed. "The ladies won't even look at me." Bob nods. "I've got just the thing. Take a potato and slide it down into your swim trunks. The ladies will be impressed. Might even bring on a few stares." "Really? A potato?" Bob pats him on the shoulder. "Worked for me." A week later, Larry shows up at the bar, and he's pissed. Bob asks, "How'd it go?" Larry growls. "I was the laughingstock. Everyone was pointing and giggling or making horrid faces." Bob rolled his eyes. "Idiot. You're supposed to put it down the front, not the back." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted July 6, 2023 Share Posted July 6, 2023 What are the best dad jokes? Home groan ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otaking66lives Posted July 6, 2023 Share Posted July 6, 2023 Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She kept running away from the ball! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 Did you hear about the man who went into a shop and bought a vacuum cleaner? He took it back the next day because it really sucked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otaking66lives Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the "P" is silent! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted July 16, 2023 Share Posted July 16, 2023 Why did the man take a bale of hay to bed with him? It was to feed his night mares! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
animechat Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 Talk is cheap until you talk to a lawyer... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otaking66lives Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 R.I.P. Boiling water. You will be mist. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted August 16, 2023 Share Posted August 16, 2023 Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? Witness: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 22, 2023 Share Posted August 22, 2023 “Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” “No, son…” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted August 26, 2023 Share Posted August 26, 2023 Two professors were sitting chatting on a veranda overlooking the sea, watching the sun set.The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?" To which the professor of psychology replied, "Yes, and I think it's these pesky wicker chairs." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animedragon Posted September 8, 2023 Share Posted September 8, 2023 Did you hear about the man who was accused of being a stamp collector? He phil-ately denied it ! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otaking66lives Posted September 8, 2023 Share Posted September 8, 2023 I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. - Turns out it was the refrigerator all along. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 9, 2023 Share Posted September 9, 2023 My girlfriend is leaving me after I broke her glasses. She said she can’t see me anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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