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Steerminator

Do you have trouble making friends?

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I think this question is more geered towards big time gamers than anime fans, although I am both, but either way.... I used to have a lot of friends when I was younger, but over the years I've lost touch with them as they've gotten married, moved away, or just whatever.  I'm old enough to be married with kids, but I'm single and I don't really have any friends at all.  But I don't know how a person like me who spends his spare time obsessing over video games movies and anime most of the time is supposed to overcome this problem.  Anyone else find themselves in a similar situation?

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I'm in a somewhat similar situation.  I haven't really lost touch with my friends, but virtually all my old school friends and family have moved away because of the cost of living around here (SoCal) and I haven't made any new ones locally.  My social life sucks.  I'm into gaming, anime, reading, computer programming, and electronics, which for me seem to be mainly solo activities.  That doesn't help matters.  I'm also just not a very social person, at least in the sense that I'm not motivated to make the effort to actively go looking for people to socialize with.  I'd rather read a book than go to a party.  That sort of thing.  Lately I've been extremely busy with work on top of it all.  Even if I wanted to I just haven't had the energy to go out and socialize.

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Posted (edited)

I feel like even if I wanted to go out and socialize, there's no place for a person like me to do it.  I like talking to people, but similarly to what you said, I'd rather stay at home and watch a movie or play a game than go to a bar or whatever it is people go to.

Edited by Steerminator

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Posted (edited)

Same here, expect I'm no longer obsessed with games and like. I can hold a conversation with just about anyone, and have no problem empathizing with others. The problem is, I suffer from a painful chronic illness. It literally gives me chronic pain and chronic fatigue all day everyday, and it's been getting worse these past few years. Stress, humidity... they make it worse, and where I am at the moment, I can't really get away from either. It's not that I have trouble making friends... it's just that. when  you're in pain all the time, you don't really feel like it. 

Like, I used to get excited for new games and manga, but nowadays I don't really care outside of a few exceptions like Kumo Desuka, and Kingdom Hearts 3, which makes it hard to talk to others because, quite frankly, most of the time I'm too tired to give a damn

Edited by Amalgam
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21 hours ago, Steerminator said:

I think this question is more geered towards big time gamers than anime fans, although I am both, but either way.... I used to have a lot of friends when I was younger, but over the years I've lost touch with them as they've gotten married, moved away, or just whatever.  I'm old enough to be married with kids, but I'm single and I don't really have any friends at all.  But I don't know how a person like me who spends his spare time obsessing over video games movies and anime most of the time is supposed to overcome this problem.  Anyone else find themselves in a similar situation?

Oh yeah, making friends is not my strong suit and losing them seems to be easier than making them, or so I've noticed on a few occasions.

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Its hard for me to make friends irl but in online its easier to make friends for me.

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@efaardvark ever try going to a star party? That was big for me and if my work situation wasn't what it is like right now, I'd still be going and meeting new people and talking about the stuff we enjoy.

 

@Steerminator making friends wasn't big on my list in life. I grew up in a remote retired persons neighborhood with no friends my own age about, never actually bonded with kids my own age at school or extracurricular activities. Honestly I was happy that way. Had to change though for work. Social networking is hard but takes a personal effort on your own part. If you aren't putting yourself out there, it isn't going to just fall in your lap. Most all my friends came from grad school, work, or my hobbies. And there are many out there with the same interests as you. If you go to a convention you'll see :) jusjust start talking to people about the stuff you are interested in and see where it leads.

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54 minutes ago, Beocat said:

@efaardvark ever try going to a star party? That was big for me and if my work situation wasn't what it is like right now, I'd still be going and meeting new people and talking about the stuff we enjoy.

I've tried that a few times.  In fact, where I work it is kind of an occupational hazard.  Every eclipse or transit or whatever there's a crowd of people and telescopes in the mall down the hill from my office.  I even have a couple telescopes* myself, including a nice 8-inch CAT, with GOTO, GPS, wifi interface to my phone/computer, and more optics and accessories than I care to admit to.  :) 

The problem is that it has been hard to find such a group nearby where I don't know anyone from work.  I'm a fix-it guy at work, and socializing with work-friends always seems to wind up being about work.. specifically about getting me to fix something at work.  Or discussing how to fix something at work.  Or the best way to do something at work.  Etc.  Etc.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm happy to help in a work context, and I do enjoy my work.  (At least when it isn't making me crazy.)  But not so much that I want to give it my social life as well.  And yes, I've tried to make rules about not doing or discussing work outside of the office.  It doesn't really help.  I'm happy to discuss pretty much anything having to do with anything more than 100km up, but that's a slippery slope.  It seems at some point there's always a "Hey, that reminds me; I know you don't like discussing work but..." moment.  As a result I find I'd rather associate with non-work people, even if meeting such is difficult.

That said, for a while now I've also been looking for a good solar power group locally.  Maybe I could try that again.  I have solar panels on the roof and I'd like to find like-minded people to get together with and compare notes.  It is a lot easier & convenient to find people online though, especially with my work schedule.  Recently my boss even has/had me working shifts again.  Hard to find time for parties or club meetings when you'r'e working graveyard one day, then swings the next.  :(

 

*"Frangere" and "Cat"...

FrangereCat

 

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It is not hard for me to make friends but rather to keep in touch with them. I study animation so there are lots of people who like anime and videogames, so it's very easy to find someone who talk to. However, I don't have close friends...

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6 hours ago, efaardvark said:

I've tried that a few times.  In fact, where I work it is kind of an occupational hazard.  Every eclipse or transit or whatever there's a crowd of people and telescopes in the mall down the hill from my office.  I even have a couple telescopes* myself, including a nice 8-inch CAT, with GOTO, GPS, wifi interface to my phone/computer, and more optics and accessories than I care to admit to.  :) 

The problem is that it has been hard to find such a group nearby where I don't know anyone from work.  I'm a fix-it guy at work, and socializing with work-friends always seems to wind up being about work.. specifically about getting me to fix something at work.  Or discussing how to fix something at work.  Or the best way to do something at work.  Etc.  Etc.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm happy to help in a work context, and I do enjoy my work.  (At least when it isn't making me crazy.)  But not so much that I want to give it my social life as well.  And yes, I've tried to make rules about not doing or discussing work outside of the office.  It doesn't really help.  I'm happy to discuss pretty much anything having to do with anything more than 100km up, but that's a slippery slope.  It seems at some point there's always a "Hey, that reminds me; I know you don't like discussing work but..." moment.  As a result I find I'd rather associate with non-work people, even if meeting such is difficult.

That said, for a while now I've also been looking for a good solar power group locally.  Maybe I could try that again.  I have solar panels on the roof and I'd like to find like-minded people to get together with and compare notes.  It is a lot easier & convenient to find people online though, especially with my work schedule.  Recently my boss even has/had me working shifts again.  Hard to find time for parties or club meetings when you'r'e working graveyard one day, then swings the next.  :(

 

*"Frangere" and "Cat"...

FrangereCat

 

Hehe, my profession has a similar problem, but instead of asking questions about work we usually commiserate about how bad it has gotten. I just try to avoid it...even though sometimes you just can't. 

 

I wish I had a picture of my telescope on hand. It's 42? Years old...at one of the star party functions, someone in the group managed to find an old catalogue listing for it. An Edmund Scientific and the mirror is nearly perfect. They helped me collimate it and everything (I tried unsuccessfully for 2 years on my own). I wanted to get a Celestron 8SE SCT for Christmas but I'm currently saving money for a career change so I did the adult thing and restrained my credit card. 😞

 

And wow! I have solar panels on my roof too (a rarity in my area). And the hurricane didn't rip them off so I suppose they weren't kidding about our roof having the hardest wood they'd ever drilled into lol. I wish I knew more people with solar too. I could compare notes on cost and what it might take for me to transition off grid someday. >_< the dream...the only house during a hurricane with the electricity running strong on the street lol. I hope your schedule gets more regular again. I think a solar group would be really fun to join :)

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On 1/8/2019 at 7:18 PM, Beocat said:

They helped me collimate it and everything (I tried unsuccessfully for 2 years on my own).

Yeah, collimating is a PITA.  I finally broke down an got a laser collimator for my cat.  With a smaller scope it probably wouldn't be necessary but the cat is big.  Or at least big enough to be hard to adjust the screws while keeping an eye on the alignment.  It really helps there.  It gets you 95%+ there quickly and it is hard to do completely wrong.  They're not too expensive either.  At least not when I consider how much fiddling it lets me avoid.  I think mine cost about $50.  (It is a combined Cheshire/laser deal, kind of like this.)

On 1/8/2019 at 7:18 PM, Beocat said:

I wanted to get a Celestron 8SE SCT

Nice size.  I've been thinking of getting a smaller, portable, "tabletop" model of that sort (Dobsonian or SCT) myself.  The cat I have is great, but it is heavy enough that I have to be REALLY interested in viewing to want to drag it out.  (The motor housing is cast iron and weighs a ton just by itself.  Then add the 2 counterweights, the legs, the battery to power it all.. oh yeah, and the telescope. :) )  Back when there wasn't so much light pollution and smog where I live I got more use out of it because I could just set it up in the back yard.  These days I think I'd get more use out of a smaller 'scope that's portable and easier to set up.  To really let the cat shine I need to pack it in the car and haul it up the mountain or over into the desert.  Unfortunately that's just too much for me lately.  My refractor is good for portability, but it is only a 2.5-inch aperture.  I use it mostly for solar viewing.  It is almost as old as I am and has seen better days too.  Thinking it is time for a third option.  It makes me sad to see the cat just sitting in the corner though.

 

On 1/8/2019 at 7:18 PM, Beocat said:

I have solar panels on my roof too (a rarity in my area).

👍  Solar panels are a no-brainer here in SoCal Edison territory.  SCE's "tiered" rate structure starts at 18¢/kWh and goes up to over 40¢/kWh!  The system on our roof we built for about 17¢/kWh, and that was 15 years ago.  The system has already paid for itself and I'd like to (re)build a newer one with more modern gear and cheaper panels.  (Maybe add in a charging station for my car as well... I'd love to be able to at least do the commute effectively on solar power alone.)  These days I could probably do it again for about 10¢/kWh or less.  We're in a great area for solar too.  Makes me wonder how SCE stays in business.

 

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2 hours ago, efaardvark said:

Yeah, collimating is a PITA.  I finally broke down an got a laser collimator for my cat.  With a smaller scope it probably wouldn't be necessary but the cat is big.  Or at least big enough to be hard to adjust the screws while keeping an eye on the alignment.  It really helps there.  It gets you 95%+ there quickly and it is hard to do completely wrong.  They're not too expensive either.  At least not when I consider how much fiddling it lets me avoid.  I think mine cost about $50.  (It is a combined Cheshire/laser deal, kind of like this.)

Nice size.  I've been thinking of getting a smaller, portable, "tabletop" model of that sort (Dobsonian or SCT) myself.  The cat I have is great, but it is heavy enough that I have to be REALLY interested in viewing to want to drag it out.  (The motor housing is cast iron and weighs a ton just by itself.  Then add the 2 counterweights, the legs, the battery to power it all.. oh yeah, and the telescope. :) )  Back when there wasn't so much light pollution and smog where I live I got more use out of it because I could just set it up in the back yard.  These days I think I'd get more use out of a smaller 'scope that's portable and easier to set up.  To really let the cat shine I need to pack it in the car and haul it up the mountain or over into the desert.  Unfortunately that's just too much for me lately.  My refractor is good for portability, but it is only a 2.5-inch aperture.  I use it mostly for solar viewing.  It is almost as old as I am and has seen better days too.  Thinking it is time for a third option.  It makes me sad to see the cat just sitting in the corner though.

 

👍  Solar panels are a no-brainer here in SoCal Edison territory.  SCE's "tiered" rate structure starts at 18¢/kWh and goes up to over 40¢/kWh!  The system on our roof we built for about 17¢/kWh, and that was 15 years ago.  The system has already paid for itself and I'd like to (re)build a newer one with more modern gear and cheaper panels.  (Maybe add in a charging station for my car as well... I'd love to be able to at least do the commute effectively on solar power alone.)  These days I could probably do it again for about 10¢/kWh or less.  We're in a great area for solar too.  Makes me wonder how SCE stays in business.

 

Ha! For me collimating was a literal PITN (Pain in the neck).  I have disk problems and I can't tell you how many weekends I spent curled up in pain after working on it.  :)  They saved me!  I almost got a laser collimator, but I wasn't sure even with it that I could do it.  You see (and when I explained this to the group the first time before bringing my scope they all thought I was either crazy or making it up), the secondary mirror was possibly a prism and not a mirror...and it was attached via a single "stick" or thin pole.  No spider veins on that baby!  And it had one screw to hold it into place and it would spin when you'd tighten it.  The collimation isn't perfect now, but I can see again in it!  My father had left it in the garage for several years (an open door garage and no cover on the scope...the only reason it wasn't stolen was it's weight) and then in an unfinished bedroom for another 20 years before I rescued it from him and I removed the mirrors to clean it up.  It was full of cobwebs, dust, and at least an inch or so of pine pollen.  When I think about the fact that I removed and cleaned the mirrors on a telescope older than I am, I shudder.  I am so thankful that mirror hadn't had any mold or fungus or mildew growing on it from having been outside in the insane humidity of my homestate.  Would've ruined the coating on the mirrors for sure.  I'm hoping the next time I'm in town and they are meeting, I might try to bring it out for everyone to look through it.  My job sadly keeps me away at the moment =/  I also want a small tabletop dob someday, but I told myself to get the SCT first.  I think it'll be just light enough that I can still carry it without too much issue.  It is awesome you still have the cat :)  I love older scopes.  It honestly sounds similar to one of my friend's scopes that he sometimes brings out.  You can get amazing views from it on a dark night but they have to use a ramp to get it back up in the truck.

 

As for solar, you could definitely replace with better panels now.  I had to replace mine (racoon damaged every single one of them but that last panel arced in his mouth...) and it was just two years after we installed them.  Got panels about the same size with much better inverters and output, for less than what we originally paid (even managed to sell the old damaged ones to a salvage group).  I'm waiting for my 5k system to someday pay for itself.  I got in on the tax rebates and got it pretty much 65% paid for in tax credits so I should be seeing a return on my investment in just another year or two.  I wanted to eventually go off grid, but that's a longterm dream.  Part of the problem here however is the little co-ops see solar as a competitor, and they fight you tooth and nail on the systems, charge extra fees every month if you have one, have ridiculous pointless boxes to check off (like must have metal box in weird dimensions that a single cable runs part way through and must bury in ground under power box a min of x feet and max of y feet and an awkward to grade angle just for the heck of it.  No joke. Had to go to a metalworker to make the box for me).  They make it so hard and such a frustration to get solar, even though they are benefiting from my solar credits to their power network.  It is insane >_<  I wish we had a more welcoming area for it.  Still, when people are looking for my home, all I have to say is "yeah, we're the only house on the street with solar panels. You can't miss us." so...it has benefits too.  It definitely has helped with our power usage and now with the system I can estimate exactly what we would need to go off grid on our current power usage and power generation.  :)

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1 hour ago, Beocat said:

I almost got a laser collimator, but I wasn't sure even with it that I could do it.

Using prisms as a secondary mirror is (was?) pretty common.  It used to be a lot easier/cheaper to make a prism than create another primary-surface mirror for the secondary.  They also used to have as few supports for the secondary as possible on the theory that more supports blocked more incoming light.  That big (heavy) chunk of glass sticking out on a single stick is prone to be knocked out of alignment however.  Newer designs using modern manufacturing methods tend to have smaller, lighter primary-surface mirrors with more supports so they tend to stay put once you have them aligned.  It shouldn't matter if the secondary is a "prisim on a stick" version or a newer mirrored type however.  A laser collimator should work for either type.  (In fact, Orion's youtubie on collimation shows both types.  The actual device in the video has a more modern, multiple-support setup for the secondary but the diagrams show the "on a stick" type.  It also shows both the "manual" method with just a collimation cap as well as using the laser collimator.  Worth a watch, if you're into that sort of thing.)

 

1 hour ago, Beocat said:

They make it so hard and such a frustration to get solar

Tell me about it.  These days there's almost as many solar installers as HVAC companies and permitting is a lot easier.  But when we built our system we were the trailblazers in our area.  Most people were ok with the concept (even SCE, since the state paid them for doing nothing), but the bureaucrazy was nuts.  Took us a long time just to get a permit.  There was no checkbox marked "solar panels" on the city's building permit application forms you see, and you can't get a permit to build unless you fill out the application form correctly.  I think we wound up calling our work "roof repairs" or some such nonsense.  Technically true, since we re-shingled the roof and did some patching before installing the panels, but...  :) 

 

Edited by efaardvark
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What are these friends you speak of?

JK :D

 

Seriously though, I have like one, if that and I the most I frequently do with her is snapchat. I try making friends and unfortunately most of them end up thinking I'm going to sleep with them and things get weird and I end up calling the cops. I'm engaged, miscarried once and haven't been able to get pregnant since. Anyway, most days I don't mind not really having friends since I prefer being by myself; then there are days I see people making plans with their friends and just having someone to talk to in general and I feel a pang of pain. I'm a gamer and anime fanatic at heart so normally I get labeled as weird or I talk way too much so I think I'm annoying.

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14 hours ago, EnviousEnvy said:

normally I get labeled as weird or I talk way too much so I think I'm annoying.

 

All hope is not lost.  For a while I was crushing on Michelle Meyrink as Jordan Cochran in Real Genius.  I do think that level of chattiness would wear me out after a while though.  :)  

 

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I wouldn't say making friends is my strong suit but I wouldn't say that I'm having any problems with it either, it's just that I usually meet most of my friends when I have to meet them, i.e. school/university. So the problem is staying in contact afterwards. I basically don't have any contact with anyone from my school anymore, except my two best friends who basically live down the road.

One problem  might be, that I talk too little when I don't know the people I'm talking with and talk too much (and people keep telling me way too fast) once I see that they might have similar interests as me - so, either they like books, languages, technology or anime :P and people often tell me that I talk about random stuff too much - whatever they mean with that <.< Probably  some Monogatari-esque kind of dialolgues since I like talking about words themselves and that language is kinda weird :P  

So I guess that might be why I usually hold back when I talk with people that aren't friends...

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2 hours ago, leinwandname said:

One problem  might be, that I talk too little when I don't know the people I'm talking with and talk too much (and people keep telling me way too fast) once I see that they might have similar interests as me - so, either they like books, languages, technology or anime

I have a similar problem.  I'm usually not very verbose, but don't don't get me started on certain subjects unless you have a lot of time on your hands. :)

 

2 hours ago, leinwandname said:

people often tell me that I talk about random stuff too much

There's usually a lot of stuff shambling around in my head.  Some bits sometimes bump into other bits and some of it winds up falling out of my mouth.  Many times this will cause people nearby to involuntarily ask, "whaat??".   Explaining often doesn't help, nor does the fact that while explaining I often feel the need to explain parts of the explanation.  :D 

 

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On 1/7/2019 at 3:06 PM, Steerminator said:

I think this question is more geered towards big time gamers than anime fans, although I am both, but either way.... I used to have a lot of friends when I was younger, but over the years I've lost touch with them as they've gotten married, moved away, or just whatever.  I'm old enough to be married with kids, but I'm single and I don't really have any friends at all.  But I don't know how a person like me who spends his spare time obsessing over video games movies and anime most of the time is supposed to overcome this problem.  Anyone else find themselves in a similar situation?

i used to have a hard time making friends, now im kind of, having an easy time ?

im a hard-core gamer, mind you, and an anime fan, i dont enjoy movies as much (i dont really watch them at all), but i can still make friends, its just kind of hard to make conversations sometimes, but i make do with pictures i take xD

 

now, since internship, i've made friends with my collegues, that are of same group as me, and those that ain't in the same group/other shift, 

my secret to making friends with them is, joking around, and doing fail pick-up lines ^_^

 

....though, i've yet to get a girlfriend, and ill probably blame my pickup lines for that one lmao

i mean, one of them was

image.png.67e7eda1f35f8bd3264f7856383acede.png

this xD, (i know they dont rhyme, but in my head, it felt like they all rhymed, aha)

 

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I don't think I have a problem making friends. The problem I have is wanting to make friends. For whatever reason, I seem to get attached to people quite easily and I hate that feeling I get when someone I like can't or doesn't want to hang out with me. I choose to just avoid that altogether and be alone. Although as of late, I have been making an effort to meet new people. I do have a handful of friends, but they're literally all coworkers. I have like zero friends outside of work. To be fair though, they're a great group of guys and I've known them all for at least seven years.

On January 10, 2019 at 10:00 PM, EnviousEnvy said:

Anyway, most days I don't mind not really having friends since I prefer being by myself; then there are days I see people making plans with their friends and just having someone to talk to in general and I feel a pang of pain.

Story of my life. 

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I actually was seeking a new fourm, found this one, to make friends because I don't have any. However, I am married and have a son.

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On January 12, 2019 at 1:47 PM, HayateQuinn said:

I actually was seeking a new fourm, found this one, to make friends because I don't have any. However, I am married and have a son.

Hi there and welcome to the forum. You'll have no problem making friends here, plenty of nice people around.

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I kind of have that problem, in a way. I still have my best friend since like 2nd grade but all the others moved away, and I cannot really get out much due to medical issues. A couple times a year I manage to go out shooting with my buddy but that's about it. Honestly, I am fine with it though. Over the years I have made some great friends online and consider them true friends. That's enough for me.

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I don't think I do for the most part. I am definitely a introvert by nature not always the person to just walk up to you and start talking though I have improved very much since even a few years ago. Anxiety dose not help, but again its something I have gotten far better at handling. Now in terms of making and keeping friends I have been told I am very loyal to a fault, and a fairly emotional person. I do tend to see friends, or at least close friends as family. There is ups and downs to this as you might imagine. 

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On 1/13/2019 at 10:13 PM, Nono said:

Hi there and welcome to the forum. You'll have no problem making friends here, plenty of nice people around.

Thanks, I'm looking forward to it.

 

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Yes. Some of those things you mentioned apply to me.

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