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Stupid Stuff
Yesterday I met a man who, while giving me some pennies, started to make some derogatory remarks about the character on the pennies. Now, his camo overalls and other aspects of his appearance led me to assume he was one of many rednecks who live in my area, the majority of which I think are decent people. But after the remark about the pennies I knew this guy was on a whole different level.
I told him, "That's Abe Lincoln, you know."
Then he says something like, "Oh, I don't pay any attention to that stuff. It's all stupid!" And goes on to show me a tattoo with 'A' for anarchy.
He went on to say justice was for wimps, and after that I stopped paying attention.
I'm nothing close to a history buff, but I thought knowing the political figures on American currency was basic knowledge for American citizens.
I guess I was the stupid one for setting my expectations so high.
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Latest Entry
Serial Experiments Lain
Serial Experiments Lain
EpisodeLayer 01 Weird"And you don't seem to UNDERSTAAAAAAND!!!!!!" *cough cough* sorry. So this is my third viewing of Serial Experiments Lain and since I'm gonna be completely unemployed for the next two weeks I figured 'Hey what better way to spend my time then writing an episodic analysis on one of the most mind-fucky shows out there!' (yay) I almost made this blog entry about how terrible Fate Apocrypha is but given that I was complaining in my last entry, I've decided to change the mood a little. (Fate Apocrypha can wait)
oh and uh here's a quick Synopsis if you don't know the show for some reason.
Synopsis (from MAL)
Lain Iwakura, an awkward and introverted fourteen-year-old, is one of the many girls from her school to receive a disturbing email from her classmate Chisa Yomoda—the very same Chisa who recently committed suicide. Lain has neither the desire nor the experience to handle even basic technology; yet, when the technophobe opens the email, it leads her straight into the Wired, a virtual world of communication networks similar to what we know as the internet. Lain's life is turned upside down as she begins to encounter cryptic mysteries one after another. Strange men called the Men in Black begin to appear wherever she goes, asking her questions and somehow knowing more about her than even she herself knows. With the boundaries between reality and cyberspace rapidly blurring, Lain is plunged into more surreal and bizarre events where identity, consciousness, and perception are concepts that take on new meanings.
Honestly to understand this blog post I seriously recommend just watching this episode first. (edit: I have added a plot summary)
But James why are you doing this?
'Well I'm glad you asked hypothetical nobody.' You see Serial Experiments Lain is not quite as loved as most of it's fan-base would have you believe. No actually a lot of "
anime critics" Random ppl on the internet* Believe that this show is fucking garbage and I cant really blame them. I've given it a 9/10 on MAL but I'm not sure I could prove that Lain isn't an incoherent piece of shit if someone confronted me with that argument. So here I am. Does Lain actually make any sense at all? Well we're about to find out.So far I've re-watched the first episode and taken a shitload of notes categorizing them into three types of information. Stated Info, Implying info and interpretive Info. All my notes will be presented in italics below. Don't worry you don't actually have to read it. I'll be making my points below it so I can reference it every now and then. (so in order for this to make sense you are going to need to look at my notes whenever i reference them.) But shit you can probably just skip to my analysis summary at the end and still get it.
Anyhow... Let The Analysis Begin!
Notes (with time-stamps)
Stated infomation
[1A] (02:10) Spoken: “Why? Why won’t you come? I wish you could come here…” (by who?)
Text frames(TF): [2A] (03:03) “Why you should do that is something you should figure out for yourself.” TF
[2B] (03:53) “I don’t need to stay in a place like this.” TF (These are possibly Chisa’s words based on the fact that we see her lips moving without sound before the second text frame appears. It also makes sense as something she would say before she kills herself.)
[3] (05:00) “If you stay in a place like this you might not be able to connect.” TF
[4C] (06:52) “Everybody, hurry…” TF
[3.5] (05:46) Lain tells people on the train to shut up (uncharacteristic of her).
More text frames: [6] (09:28) “What’s it like when you die?” “It really hurts.”
Yomoda Chisa’s email to Lain:
Chisa: “Hello, how are you? Lain I walked home with you just once. Do you remember?”
Lain: "Yes"
Chisa: “I have only given up my body. By doing this I can explain to you that I am still alive. I wanted to let you know this, Lain, so I sent this email to you. Do you understand? It’s okay if you can’t right now. You will all understand soon. Everyone will.”
Lain: "Why did you die?"
Chisa: “Rumour at school has it that this is a prank email. But I want you to know that it isn’t, Lain.”
Lain: "Why? Why did you die?"
Chisa: “God is here.”
Lain: (only spoken)"Huh?"
[7A] (15:54) Lain’s Fathers Words: “You know Lain, in this world. Whether it’s here in the real world or in the Wired, people connect to each other, and that’s how societies function.” *looking at headless people on computer* Lain’s father goes on to reassure her that she can make friends easily and that there is nothing to be afraid of. We see Lain silently mouth something with one syllable. She then says. “I’m not scared” She also says that there is a friend she wants to see.
Implying infomation
[8A] (17:11) Lain is on a train when suddenly it stops and the train driver announces that there has been an accident.
[8B] (17:38) Lain looks out the train window to see blood dripping from the power-lines.
[9] (20:31) Again Lain’s vision goes blurry as she stares at the blackboard. However, this time the board’s words change into a message to Lain saying “Come to the wired as soon as you can.” The message although she views it on the blackboard appears to have come from her Navi.
Interpretive infomation
[1B] (02:55) Chisa is surrounded by black and red shadows before she goes to kill herself.
[4A] (06:30) Lain staring at her shadow (shadow is not black and red. Instead it is green and blue.)
[4B] (06:40) Lain looks at other students in the courtyard when her vision begins to blur and the students disappear as her vision fades to white.
[5A] (08:45) Once again while Lain is in class her vision goes blurry and the words on the board become illegible.
[5B] (09:18) This is the scene where steam seems to emerge from Lain’s fingers and trails throughout the class.
[7B] (16:55) Lain’s father makes weird laughing noise.
[8C] (18:03) Cut to a dream sequence where Lain is standing in the middle of the road, she then appears in a subway; then an empty school grounds; then what seems to be an empty classroom. Finally after a flash-cut of a red train-crossing light she appears on an empty road. Fog swoops in from outside the frame surrounding her as she finds herself on a train track. She then sees a girl walk in front of an incoming train and gets hit. Lain wakes up in her classroom afterward.
[10] (21:08) In the final scene Chisa appears before Lain in the street and Lain asks “Chisa? Where are you?” Chisa just stares at her weirdly and disappears in a green spiral.
Plot Summary
Okay fine I suppose I'll do a normal episode summary before I do my analysis and analysis summary. I can't expect people to watch the episode before reading this. Alright so the show begins with Chisa killing herself. After that we meet Lain and pretty much immediately we know something's not right. On her train ride to school Lain hears voices that aren't there and once she arrives she begins to have vision problems. Lain learns from her classmates that apparently Chisa has been emailing people from the dead. Once Lain arrives home she finds that she herself has received one of these emails and what she learns is that apparently Chisa has found God in the Wired. Intrigued, Lain asks her father for a new Navi(computer) so that she can better interact with the Wired. The next day Lain is on a train to school when the train grinds to a hold after an accident. Lain quiclky falls into a dream sequence where she witnesses a person getting hit by the train. Once Lain wakes up in her classroom at school she experiences more visual problems which twist the words on the blackboard into a message. The message instructs Lain to come to the Wired asap. Finally in the last scene we see Chisa confront Lain. To Be Continued.
Analysis
OKAY! I am fucking ready for this. So the first thing you hear in Serial Experiments Lain (aside from that godly op
) is a strange bit of dialog(see [1A]) and we have no idea who says it. Luckily though I have a theory. I actually think this voice is one of Lain's other personalities trying to convince Yomoda Chisa to kill herself. She want's Chisa to leave her body and come to the Wired. Now I'm no connoisseur of Japanese voice acting but I'm pretty sure that it was Lain's voice. Also Chisa's suicide scene is shown soon afterwards so I'm almost positive that these words are directed at her. This is supported by the next cut where we see Chisa out of breath and seemingly upset.([1B]) This is a little bit strange because when we see her leap from the building she appears to be at peace.
Real quick this is what I mean when I say text frame:
Given my last assumption we could interpret the next cut to a silent text frame([2A]) as Lain's words to Chisa telling her to figure out why she should come to the Wired, why she should kill herself. And the text frame right before Chisa jumps is obviously her Dialog “I don’t need to stay in a place like this.” ([2B]). In all honesty this theory is a little bit of a stretch, because if they wanted to represent Lain's Dialog again in [2A] surely they would just have her speak them like she did 53 seconds ago in [1A]. However, as it is, I cant imagine these words([2A])
being from anyone else.(these could totally be Eiri Masami's words) On a side note I am going to refer to this version of Lain as 'Lain 0' from now on so as to not get her confused with normal Lain. (If you have no idea what I'm talking about with this multiple personality shit then don't worry, all shall be explained in time.)The next thing I noted was a text frame that appears just before Lain leaves for school. “If you stay in a place like this you might not be able to connect.” ([3]) This can be interpreted as a message to Lain from Chisa. A likely assumption because if I'm not mistaken I'm sure Chisa tries to convince Lain to come to the Wired later in the series. Given these motives it is not hard to imagine these as Chisa's words. Even if this is not the case it is almost certain that these words are for Lain regardless of who they come from.
Lain is riding a train and she is sick of the people on the train talking so she tells them to shut up.([3.5]) However what's interesting about this is the way people look at her when she says this. They look as if they have been silent the whole time. This likely means the voices she is hearing are coming from the Wired.
Now I am still unsure what exactly is the significance of this scene, the different colored shadow([4A]) particularly eludes any explanation of mine.(I just thought I'd note it anyway) What I am sure of however is that it is somehow connected to Lain's partial loss of vision.([4B]) And the following text frame “Everybody, hurry…” ([4C]). Honestly I might have to just let this one sit until I start researching more episodes. This is actually pretty important because one of the biggest complaints I saw in negative reviews is that many scenes are pointless and don't go anywhere. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. But fuck I'll be surprised if I get through this whole show and everything connects to everything else with no plot holes.(But this tangent can wait)
Okay so this is the second time Lain begins to lose her vision([5A]) which means there is clearly some sort of meaning behind this. Then again I had vision problems all the time in school and there wasn't any meaning to that. What happens next however, happened to me slightly less often.([5B]) And I'm afraid I'm going to have to disappoint you again because I have no explanation for this. But to be fair like who the hell does? Even the most knowledgeable Lain fans will tell you 'Yeah we have no fucking idea what this is.' It's certainly cool don't get me wrong but I'm not sure we will get far narrative wise if we waste time randomly guessing at what this might be. Moving on.
Luckily these text frames([6]) are pretty straight forward since we know there's only one character who's died so far. Although we don't know who's asking the question. My first guess would be the next girl who kills herself. Perhaps she is asking what it is like to die before she goes and kills herself. Even though this makes sense there really is no evidence for this so far. Again I will have to come back to this part later.
Okay so now I'm going to talk about Chisa's email to Lain which is the blue writing in my notes. At first it was difficult to tell whether this was a conversation or just one email because Lain spoke all her replies. It is only when Chisa answers Lain(not even directly mind you) that it becomes evident that this is a conversation.(It's not hard to assume that Lain's Navi converts her words into messages because her Navi was shown to be voice operated to some extent earlier.) Most of what Chisa says is pretty self explanatory, not much to analyse there except for her reply to Lain's question. "God is here." Now I have a pretty good idea of who she is talking about. After all there really are only two people she could be talking about, Eiri Masami or Lain 0. Here is my current hypothesis: Chisa is referring to Lain 0 when she says God. First evidence for this is that it makes sense as a reply to Lain's question "Why? Why did you die?" If Lain 0 is the one who convinced Chisa to kill herself, saying that Lain 0 is here(God) makes perfect sense. There are other reasons as to why I think that Lain 0 is the God Chisa is speaking of but I'll cover this later when I analyse the relevant episodes.
So this is where Lain speaks to her father about getting a better Navi.([7A]) What can we learn from this interaction? Well most obviously Lain's dad is a big Navi(computer) enthusiast. However, I'm not sure how much significance any of his dialog actually holds. If nothing else I'd say it's a kind of foreshadowing for the themes the show will be exploring. Actually given Lain's father's true identity his words may have more weight than I'm giving them credit for. However, I think it's still a bit too early to discus this. As for Lain we can see that this scene shows a bit of a turning point for her, because up till now she has had no interest in technology. So finally her father asks her why she has taken a sudden interest in Navi's and Lain simply replies "There's a friend I want to see."(Obviously Chisa) But before she says that, we see her mouth move silently forming only one syllable. This could be anything from Lain wanting to say something else or a mystery word that the audience isn't supposed to know yet. Regardless there's really not much we can do to figure this out right now. So what happens next I honestly have no words for.([7B]) This crazy ass laugh is weird as fuck and out of nowhere. But it's actually not the strangest thing in this scene. If you look at Lain's father's computer while he is talking to her, you'll find that he is clicking through moving images of headless people. yeah... weird right. The scene doesn't seem to put much emphasis on this but it's just far too bizarre to just mean nothing. So I looked closely at what he was entering on his Navi and this is what I found. He types into a bar under 'application
cya_iiization(illegible word) system' and he types "Think Blue Count One To".(probably a password) I'm not really sure if this means anything but I'll record it just in case. There is also some writing in Japanese next to the headless people so I will see if I can get my friend to translate it. I'm not really confident that it means anything significant but better safe than sorry.Honestly ([8A]) and ([8B]) don't really need much analysis. The bleeding power-lines are cool visuals for sure but other than representing someones death I don't think its alluding to anything else. Speaking of this person I'm not sure we ever find out who it is that gets hit by the train. We find out in Lain's dream sequence([8C]) that it is a high school girl but other than that i don't remember the show ever bringing this up again. But I suppose we will have to wait and see.
So Lain wakes up in class after her dream to find herself having problems with her vision.([9]) With this I think we can understand the meaning behind its previous occurrences as well. Lain's loss of vision is likely a result of someone trying to bring her into the Wired. Although at this point in the story there's only one person we know to be contacting Lain from the Wired, in the grand scheme of things this could actually be quite a few different people. For now though I think it's still a question between Yomoda Chisa and Eiri Masami. That is one thing that has been bothering me actually. Both my main theories about Lain 0 contacting Chisa and Chisa contacting Lain could just be replaced by Masami and still make sense.
FINALLY WE MADE IT. In this last scene we see Chisa finally confront lain([10]) in person(sort of). This encounter is nothing if not weird and all we get from it is Lain asking questions and Chisa just staring at her weirdly. It doesn't help much.
Analysis Summary
So the only unique idea I really got out of this episode was my Lain 0 theory wherein Lain's Wired personality was the one who convinced Chisa to kill herself and is the one Chisa refers to as god. Other than that I think my interpretations were pretty standard. Lain's recurring loss of vision is likely Chisa's doing. To be honest there are far more lose ends then I would have liked there to be but It's really not surprising.
Loose ends:
- Lain's colorful shadow
- That "everybody hurry" text frame.([4C])
- Steam erupting from Lain's fingers.([5B])
- Who is asking Chisa what death is like?([6])
- Why Is Lain's dad interested in headless people and why does he laugh like a maniac.([7A]) and ([7B])
- Who gets hit by the train?([8C])
Alright I'm done. This is about all I can get from this first episode. Hopefully we can see this loose end list diminish as time goes on and I analyse more episodes. Or it will just go up in which case the haters are right. I think either way Serial Experiments Lain is predominantly an aesthetic show. It's not about what you know is true, it's about what you think you know is true. Regardless I've always wanted to know if SEL's Narrative actually holds up and you know what they always say, if you want something done right do it yourself.
Thanks for reading if you got this far and if you have anything to say you know what to do.
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Why I've Been Away (And Cats!)
I've been away for quite awhile, mostly because I don't know what to do with the state of my health. I'm used to being chronically ill, but ever since December I've had acute illness after illness, as soon as one leaves I get another. My lungs still have not fully recovered from the bronchitis I developed before Christmas, even. Just this past week I had a stomach virus, and the very day the virus started to improve I came down with a sinus infection which resulted in my face swelling as if a golf ball had grown in it and I was completely unable to chew food. I decided to stop waiting until I "feel better" to get online, because I no longer have any idea of if or when that will be.
Along with my health there have been a couple other factors that have kept me from getting online, one being that we've started having frequent power outages due to storms, where the power will go out sometimes multiple times a week for 20-36 hours. And, because one of my hedgehogs, Wendy, passed away three weeks ago. It's been really hard. She passed away much younger than expected, most likely due to some hidden health complications due to an infection she had as a baby. I am a person who gets majorly attached to animals, especially my own pets, so it's hit me hard. For the first week and a half I just completely isolated myself while I dealt with the grief. But, I'm trying to push myself to get back out there, because I know it's not good for my depression to stay like that.
However, there is some good news! Five weeks ago my family adopted three cats:
Pooka is goofball who always wants to either cuddle, play, or find some trouble to get into. He's my younger sister's cat and he will wake her up by biting her face, she has taught him to sit on command, he doesn't quite know how to meow but chirps instead, get stuck behind the dryer, tries to jump into the spinning ceiling fan, and enjoys scaring me by running up and wrapping himself around my legs to hear me scream.
Hunk is a sweet big boy, who is largely bonded to my older sister and parents. He's 15lbs and a healthy weight, but on a strict diet because he is obsessed with food and will gorge himself if you let him. After finishing his own serving of food he will search the house for more, often trying to steal the hedgehog's food. While he doesn't like to be held, and doesn't like to be petted too much he does enjoy chin and face scratches. He also loves to sit beside people on the couch while they read or watch TV. He gets scared easily, and if an object is reflecting the least bit of light he will bop it with his paw, sometimes jumping away before bopping it again, until he is satisfied it won't attack him.
Izuku is my baby and I am absolutely in love with him. He is the sweetest darling who would never hurt or scratch anyone. He loves to talk, he's always having a conversation loudly meowing. Most mornings he is my alarm clock. He is happiest cuddled up in bed sleeping with his head resting on my legs, but he also loves looking out the window, sleeping under the bed, or on top of the piano or bookcase. He will come running if I shake the treat bag. He loves to play, especially with his brothers. He will try to coax them to play by bopping or wrestling with them. He has the loudest purr, and getting attention makes him beyond happy. He's such a darling!
Anyways, guys, that's all for now! I hope I can catch up on the forums tomorrow, goodnight!
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Dattebayo! -8
Dattebayo!
Hi guys! I have been watching anime more so, here it comes!
ANIME
STEINS GATE
Genre: Time Travel, Romance
Recommend it? YES
Guys, this anime was fabulous, if you are interested in time travel, this anime is something outstanding. It's basically about a group of people who want to look beyond the time using D - mails and primitive time leaping machine. It's also very psychological and I should also mention that it is also has many funny moments.
ANIME MOVIES
DOUKYUUSEI
GENRE: Yc, HS
Recommend it? YES
A cute love story about two HS boys. The story is very sweet a adorable. It has also a very unique art!
MANGA
I have read so many mangas I will write them some other time
Sorry.
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Latest Entry
No I'm Not Dead
I'm back,
& this time I will try not to forget about this blog. I do apologize on behalf of my absence for last 2 months, long story short I procrastinated.
So no need to worry I'm still alive, I just want to update you guys on the last two months I've been gone. First, I quit my job, I got a new job as a server at a restaurant. And I'm in summer school for math, I just suck at math in general. And most importantly, I plan on coming back and posting more.
Trust and believe I will be back, Peace.
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DREAM ENTRY
Yooo Minna~SAN!!
Current Anime being watched: Steins;Gate
Genre: Sci-Fi, Romance, Mystery (from what I've seen)
Recommend it? OF COURSE!
It tells the story of Okabe Rintarou a self-proclaimed mad scientist along with his fellow "Lab Members" as they fight an organization in the future (terminator vibes eh), well anyways.. this is a must watch for everyone, though some may not understand it then watch it and you'll understand why I'm saying that this anime is outstanding (you could already understand what I'm saying just by looking at the show's ratings.) There's also some romance, that's pretty awesome if you ask me, though I've already watched the movie and have not watched the series full yet (which is pretty much one of the most stupid things that could happen) but I guess I have a Spoiler Paradox if that's what it's called, or maybe it was just my stupidity cause actually I thought the I was watching the first thing and I really thought that it was a movie, and the thing is I discovered that it was really the last of the franchise.
Rating: 9/10 (I wanna stay true to the MAL Rating, though what I wanted was 10/10, but see for yourself. .
GO WATCH IT!!
[mal type=anime id=9253]
THAT'S IT FOR TODAY, SEE YA LATER!
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Worst Luck Ever
So, lately bad luck just seems to be stalking me...like a yandere nipping at my heels. Well, now my car won't start. I suppose the silver lining is that I wasn't 400 miles away. Doesn't make the cost to fix it any easier to swallow. This seems to be one thing after another for me. What could happen next?
Guess I am home bound until my husband is done teaching class. At least the kittens are loving this turn of events.
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A Silent Voice
I mean, watching an anime about something with no intense and powerful battles in it is not really my style but I'll give is an exception for this. The art is phenomena, the characters have distinct, original personalities and the story is extremely well written. Saying this was just another anime would be a huge understatement from all of the obvious work that went into this and it's art. I rated it a 5⭐️ on Rotten Tomatoes, and one of the highest ratings you can give on most rating systems there are, just wanting to let the people who worked on this know that our changed my life goes the better.
My depression cure length? I'd say that this movie cured my depression and some of my anxiety as well for about two weeks with only one dose needed
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Latest Entry
Why Continue?
When I watch curtain anime I start to question my life based off of what is going on, like in a anime an MC is portrayed to come out on top in Romance, Action or Fantasy.... But What about in the real world? In the real world everyone is the MC so who comes out on top.... When I think about it I feel to small to make a wave in the ocean of people.... But not being able to does not mean I don't want to but it does mean I think I can't... I wonder why do we continue with our lives when ultimately we don't have any real goals, for instance... You say your goal is to get a medal what do you do after you get your medal nothing changed from you getting it... You say your gonna start to workout to get in shape. Why, whats the point when if you didn't you can indulge yourself more with little affect... Why, is there a reason to continue when a goal you set leads to nothing more... When you feel like your life doesn't mean anything... Anyway just got done watching a bunch of sad anime and these where what came to mind afterwords nothing to serious, right?
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Latest Entry
Relationships are Rough
Hey, so as people may know, if they've read my last (and first post) I have a girlfriend. As such, we have problems that come up and to make it worse, we are a long distance couple and we can't see each other in person much because of transportation issues as of now. For a while, it has kind of been causing both of us stress... and i'm not to sure how to go about this. For me, I want to continue this relationship and all, but it just makes me... stressed. I just don't know how to go about this and such. For whoever reads this shit storm i just typed up, thanks for reading.
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Latest Entry
Sometimes i feel like i am INVISIBLE!
Ok so maybe we all had been ignored by someone or at least once. Or maybe some people never got ignored ( those who are luck). Sometimes it feels like i am the only person on earth. Sometimes It seems like no one can't even see you!! Or they just don't know you. The reason why i am writing this to tell you all how a person feels when someone ignores him or her. So there a girl who writes about me in her diary. My read her diary before so they told what was going on.... she Wrote that i am weird..ok so maybe i am little bit weird and she wrote that i i have a wicked plan. People just think that i am just annoying! Well sometimes people play jokes and that goes a bit too far. Ok so Once i went to one of my friend and said, "hi whaat are you doing?" She just ignored, then i waved my hand in front of her face but it seemed couldn't see me...
I FEEL LIKE I AM JUST INVISIBLE NO ONE CAN SEE ME! people who are having the same problem i want to say that if someone ignores you should ignore them too! Cause someone doesn't give you credit! You are you no one has to tell who you are!
Love yourself and others who are kind hearted!
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Who will win?
Choose which one you think would win a fight against Goku!
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Underated anime
There are great animes out their like 91 days and twin tails and others but their underated.
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The Corona-Crap
Just had a meeting at work last Thursday mainly on the updates of the Corona Virus and at that specific time only the schools had the potential to be affected. However, steadily it's been getting worse and worse and the U.S. Government is now creating more restrictions and bans making it extremely difficult for most people to even continue working. Apparently the Governor in my state changed our restrictions and bans 15 times within a few short hours today. So far it hasn't effected my job to where I won't be able to work but most of those around me are now without work because everything is closing down. Supposedly there aren't any plans with my job shutting down but honestly, who knows anymore?? Could be tonight, could be tomorrow or it could be next week. So far though we aren't shut down which is a good thing but like I said, now we are all waiting for the when.
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My rollercoaster lifè
So what I am going to talk about in this blog I think we can all learn something from it. And I don’t really tell people this story but I thought why not as it might be useful for some people. Also this is my first blog so mind the grammar
My life up to midway through high school has just spiralled down to darkness. Yeah high school was very dark times for me. So how did I end up down there I will tell you now. I am not there now so relax
Firstly when I was about 8 I came to England with my family only because most of my Mumzy’s relatives were here also that I could experience better education. I left my country my dad left his parents there and I left my friends there. Of course over time my dad started to loose his temper because he felt bad leaving his parents. But the only reason they allowed us to go so I can get good grades. Yeah that was a lot of pressure I felt throughout my school life. Everyone had high hopes for me.
During my primary school I was the smartest in the class so education didn’t concern me. What really concerned me was I started realising we don’t have much money. Everyone in my school had cool stuff and I felt left out as I didn’t have any. My parents used to say it’s waste of money but I had realised we were on a budget. Towards the end of primary school I realised we live in a council house my dad had troubles with Work and it was low paying. He couldn’t get a good job as they didn’t ‘want to’ accept his foreign degree.
We were pretty poor as our house was squat we didn’t have anything good and etc. This got worse when my Mumzy gave up on Work. There was a time when we were homeless for one day then were given a house.
All this being poor being treated differently and the pressure of getting good grades is what made me switch to the dark side as I started to crave for money. Now I am in first year of high school. This high school was a bad place to be as they were bad people here. This is where I heard about making money through drug dealing. I manage to make friends but not the good ones. They were loyal but they also talk about gangs and drug deal but we were all still ignorant then. This made me peak my interest in gang culture. Overtime us friends started to get our hands on some drugs. Some of my friends were already dealing as they’re brothers was a big shot.
It was year nine when my arrogance was at its peak. Before year nine my parents used to think I was a good boy as I did everything behind their backs. My dad still working hard so I have a comfortable life for good education. But In year nine I started living the thug life. Making Money, looking tough and fame was all I was. Bunking school so I can deal some drugs, smoking in schools field with some of my friends bringing thoes sort of things to school. And one day I went so far to bring a pocket knife to school (don’t ask why). I got caught with the knife and several other things like a vape and liquids and a roll up tobacco. My parents got called into school and this is where I started to realise the things I was doing was bad for me and my parents. In that meeting my Mumzy cried and my dad was dissapointed and upset. I could tell It was in my parents mind that what was my child doing all this time (as they did constantly ask me if I was okay). Also asking themselves How ignorant could we have been. This made me realise the actions I took had a big effect on my parents as they love me enough to give up their own well-being for mine
After that I stoped smoking and dealing and tried to get my grades up as they had fallen below 0. I still hanged out with some of my friends who didn’t smoke or deal but they still were very bad people as they liked to fight and do gang things but they we’re still loyal friends. I still acted like a thug but slowly I had started to mature. I started hanging out with my friends less and less because my uncle gave me soo much knowledge and wisdom I had grown soo mature. I started to see the world differently.
However, The event that completly changed me into a good warm person was in year 10. I was hanging out with my friends In the evening. We were walking in the highstreet and one of my friend saw a homeless guy just smiling at him. Forsome reason that smile of the homeless guy pissed my friend off so he went up to him and started to throw food at him then skittles and encourage the guy to fight him. All the homeless guy did was just smile whilst food and skittles were getting thrown at his face.
I looked at that homeless man and realised how privileged I am. He looked like someone’s dad and he was homeless. This showed me people are in a worse situation then me. I can’t imagine to feel the amount of pain he feels and he shouldn’t get treated like this. I was once homeless for a day and didn’t feel good at all he is homeless for a long time. He is also all alone in the street side not bothering anyone he has nothing nobody he is nothing to the society and he’s just smiling after all that. His face gave a hint of peace something I was not in I have been soo irritated for all my life but I shouldnt have I shouldn’t have hated everything. He is homeless but he is in a better overall mood than me. He does not want to deal drugs make money do other very bad things to smile he is just smiling.
Then my mind had shifted and realised the homeless man was getting treated like an animal by my friend. Is this how we humans behave. Was I really friends with this parasite. That time so much anger and sadness was boiling up within me I just wanted to beat up my friend but i just resisted and just waited for him to leave so after that I sat down next to the homeless man. And we just talked and he was a very nice person. He had more knowledge of everything than me. His life story and his ideals made me cry a little. This also had shifted my perspective of the world dramatically.
After that I was always nice. Giving money to homeless and not in greed with money. I start saying money comes and goes. My dad got a very high paying job though some links and we got a new house. Life In general has improved soo much especially my dark side which, infact I didn’t got into much detail, to a nice person. This also had made me very social. I Made new friends But I don’t think I could ever make as loyal friends as those ones I had. They have also changed a lot but still no to them as they still kind of get in trouble with minor things.
And now I am just trying to keep my parents happy as I have caused them soo much pain in the past. Acctualy everyday I tell my Mumzy sorry and how much i love her. This is because she showed the most sadness and me and my dad don’t talk much.
There was a lot of things I missed out. If this was useful or interesting to you then I might re write it with everything in it and making more sense.
And again sorry for the grammar because I was writing as I was thinking. Soo I don’t forget things.
And yeah this is a conclusion of part of my life. Now I am just living life to the fullest.
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Reading Rainbow
So I like to take the time to talk about reading manga/comics. This entry isn't so much about something specific I am currently reading but more about reading apps on my phone. I'll be quite honest I have a few (10 to be exact). That might be excessive or for some not enough. I started with one from an ad on facebook or instagram not sure and it spiraled out. I will divulge i mostly read romance and bl on the sites. I have the following: webcomics, mangatoon, tapas, patreon, torycomics, tappytoon, manga renta, webtoon, coolmic(XXX), webnovel(not a good one but i can't find the comic im currently reading anywhere else).
Webcomics, mangatoon have a point system along with buying coins to read. Some comics need money to read I'll be honest but the free coins do help
Patreon is really good if you want to help artist in my opinion by directly funding and in doing so you do get perks. Also to can also read uncensored versions.
My 3 favorites though thus far are tapas, tappytoon, and webtoon all are which are paying types. Though I have to say its worth it especially tappytoon. The stories and graphics are on point. There really isn't bad translations that you get from other sites. They don't have a big collection but what they do have is great well in my opinion.
One of my favorites on Tappytoon is Light and Shadow was such a good story so much I would really love a hard copy. The Knight and Her Emperor is also quite excellent.
That's all I have to say for now. As I am intrupted by a nasty thunderstorm so I'm going to get going if you have any questions about today's blog please feel free to ask.
The pics attached are screen shots of app icons on my phone, the 2 in the middle are tappytoon, and the last one is webtoon
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Black Desert Online Remastered
Hi to all! Ever heard of the game Black Desert Online? It's one of the most visually stunning MMOs that came out. Recently the remastered update was released wherein the game has been improved on once again.
This MMO is a buy to play game; it means you need to buy one of their "packages" so you can have full access. I had bought the most affordable (read cheapest lol) package they have and so far I am enjoying myself. I hope you get to try it too. I encourage you to give it a try. It's free to access right now until the 5th of September.
Now while I am gushing about this game, like all else, there is no perfect game and there are also flaws that I would be discussing on. If you have some insight, please feel free to share it to me, too.
So here we go. I'll keep it short and sweet.
Graphics: 3.5 out of 5 stars
As I said above, it is visually stunning, especially now that the remastered update was released. The world (and Black Desert Online is an open world game so you can expect it to be quite wide) is lovingly rendered that you can waste time just admiring the scenery. The characters and costumes are well detailed too. In fact, you can design your character to look like a famous character. This may eat up your time when you're designing your ideal husbando or waifu. Lol
With that said, the remastered graphics will only work with high-end PCs. So if you're using a potato PC (I find that expression cute
) then you might want to think twice about upgrading. The graphics can be intense at times too and I find my eyes watering from time to time. 
Audio: 4 out of 5
The soundtrack is simply amazing; sometimes I just close my eyes and listen. Depending on the situation it can be relaxing (during peacetime) or adrenaline-pumping (during battles).
Gameplay: 3 out of 5
Battles are dynamic; skills can be done by pressing a combination of keys (shift + right click for example) or you can be assigned to a skill slot (press 1 to throw a bolt of lightning).
Grinding exists here too! Yes, there is no escaping the grind, no matter what MMO you are playing. The good thing about Black Desert is there are a lot of things to do: I go AFK fishing while reading a manga or watching an anime at times. I can go on a joyride on my horse or boat, I can stay at home and cook food.
Quick warning: in-game currency has weight. So your character cannot be a walking storage with a hundred or more silver coins inside the pocket. You have to store everything in the warehouse which is available in every town.
Cash shop: 3 out of 5
Yes, there is a cash shop too. Games need to generate revenue too or else it will close. While Black Desert Online is not blatantly "pay to win" (there is no uber powerful weapon in the cash shop that I can buy with a swipe of the card) there are items, pets, and costumes that can make life easier. Not necessary as you can go by without it (like I do) but yeah who wants to tough it out?
Enhancement system: 2.5 out of 5
Like every MMO game, you need to enhance your equipment. While Black Desert Online is forgiving (your armor and weapons won't go bye-bye if you fail to enhance, but the durability drops) it's still a pain to enhance your gear to the level that you want. Like all games, you have to farm for the materials. Keep a pad of Stresstabs near you.
Story: 3 out of 5
Very linear, rarely any plot twists, can be skipped if you just want to grind but not recommended as completing a certain storyline or mission will give good rewards.
Overall: 4 out of 5
While not flawless, I would still recommend this to all my friends. You can get satisfaction just about everywhere, whether if you like battling against monsters, engage other players in duels, or just admiring the overall scenery and ambiance.
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Panic! at the Disco: High Hopes
So here we are, Panic! at the disco's High hopes MV. Lets get into it, shall we?
Okay, so the video starts off with Brendon stepping out of a car (0:07), well-dressed as usual. His exit from the car is timed perfectly with the music and is the perfect time for his reveal. When first the words "High, high hopes" are sung we can see the camera moves upward and focuses on the sky-scrapers; this makes us think of how high sky-scraper's are immediately and prepares us for the rest of the MV very well, a great start.
The on-screen text fades but not before we see it pass behind Brendon (0:23), this serves better for the camera angle chosen seeing as otherwise we would merely see the tree behind Brendon; simply, it is more aesthetically pleasing. While Brendon sings "High, high hopes" we can see that he is looking upward, again, its the small things that make all the difference, this was very well choreographed.
As Brendon sing the line "I was gonna be that one in a million" (0:32) the shot is just perfect, with the people passing him by right in front of him and the cars and numerous people in the background it really shows how many people their are, yet he is still the main focus of the shot standing precisely in the middle of the shot; perfect.
As Brendon walks down the side-walk we can see him getting shouldered by many people (0:37); we can attribute this to the many hard-ships he has faced (many of which we can see in "Hey look ma, I made it") such as losing his other band members and many more hardships. We can see he is distressed as he turns around because it is written all over his face yet as he continues walking he takes yet another shoulder, this time however he does not look back at all and yet continues walking forward confidently; this shows us that he has taken control, he doesn't care what people say or what hard-ships get in the way, he is doing this. As the lyrics state in "Emperor's new clothes", "I see it, I want it, I take it" and as Brendon said in an interview on said song: "I wanted a song that says, 'this is mine. I do what I do because I feel that its my right. I own this, and I've earned it, and I deserve every bit that I put into this work". This is the kind of transformation I feel like we are witnessing in the music video for High hopes.
At 1:03 when Brendon sings the words, "Momma said, don't give up" he looks upward at the towering building before him, obviously symbolizing the challenges he would have to face in his career; Brendon looks intimidated at first but immediately gets down to it and begins scaling the building just as the Chorus breaks in again, simply fantastic!
The entire scene of Brendon's walk up the building is fantastic, this MV fits perfectly with the Lyrics and is just really beautiful to watch. As Brendon nears the end of the climb he slips and nearly falls (2:13) just as he start's singing "They say its all been done but they haven't seen the best of me", he then conquers the climb and makes it to the top of the building, solidifying his victory and new beginning. Again, just wanted to point out how wonderfully choreographed and performed this MV was, Brendon could honestly be an actor.
After he has reached the top of the tall building till the end of the video (just as the whole video was) is perfect. We can see his logo stapled atop the building, I believe this tells us he was always destined to make it to the top, like his momma said "Fulfill the prophecy" he has done it and accomplished his destiny.
Okay guys, so that was a rather quick and to the point review, I hope you liked it! Feel free to comment below and be sure to appreciate the beauty around you so you will realize just how beautiful your day truly is! ~♥
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1 Super Power?
1. What if one day an accident happens and suddenly had an awesome superpower?!
2. What role would you play with this newfound power?1. I'd want the ability to heal. The healing power would work on others and me.
2. I'd play the slightly mischievous heroine! I'm not a saint, but I have a warm loving soul.
I'll be best support gal! Kidding. I'd make sure to build strength, stay healthy, learn martial arts and whatever else. - 7
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Favorite Anime OP!
Hello wonderful users! Post your favorite anime OP. ❤
Favorite one will get a free doodle made.
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The Hiatus Ends
Greetings and Salutations lovelies,
After hibernating in the hyperbolic time chamber, I have returned! There is so much going with anime, that I am dumbfounded as to where to start! Tell me what's going on in the anime world, what's new? What's back? What do you like so far? What should I look into?
Your friendly neighborhood Weeb Witch,
Yanu
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Black Mirror: Bandersnatch Review
Oh boy. This is going to be hard to talk about...
...or that's what I thought at the beginning, before I watched the first five seconds of this episode. It pretty much spoiled the main gimmick of what made this episode 'special'. In short: it's an interactive movie.
That being said, it's a nice gimmick that's sure to get thousands, perhaps millions of people to finally subscribe to Netflix, right?
Right?
Whoopsie! One month free trial. Whoopsie! Cancelled immediately after finishing watching the episode. Whoopsie! So much for the piracy-aversion countermeasure, AKA PAC(man) [an acronym that's surely going to be important during the interactive episode]. Whoopsie!
But jokes aside, it's not a bad story. However, you could definitely feel that Black Mirror has lost its shine ever since season 3, especially when they had to incorporate such a "socially relevant" gimmick to get with the times, when games with choices are all the rage. Being an interactive movie, its central theme is naturally... can anyone guess? That's right - fate and destiny! Definitely wouldn't have seen that coming!
But to be fair, aside from one ending focusing on such a theme (and feeling like something outta that mediocre "Butterfly Effect" movie, a guilty pleasure of mine), it's also mixed with a few other themes as well. Because of our ability to control the actions of the protagonist, the story even goes meta a little bit and delve into parallel realities, and even delusion and insanity. So there's quite a bit of a mash-up of themes here that can feel oddly unsatisfying depending on the ending you reach. Personally, the most satisfying "ending" I reached was the aforementioned one that deals with fate. In the terms of a visual novel, you could even call it "the true ending" since it feels like it's the one that bears the most "closure". Furthermore, it's also the ending that feels the most like an ordinary Black Mirror cynical ending.
So what's my verdict on this? 7/10. Nice gimmick, and a good attempt to improve on the future of streaming services. I do feel tempted to encourage more interactive movies like this in the future, but at the same time, I can also see that it's a very problematic way of writing a story, and can leave the viewer unsatisfied depending on the kind of ending they reached, or the amount of time they spent to reach it. I spent at least four hours just rewinding the episode, hoping to get a happier ending.
Alas, such is not the nature of the twisted world that is Black Mirror.
Footnote: Hype for season 5 regardless! I'm still excited for the new episodes!
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New Year, New You?
As the new year begins, what do people tend to say as they strive to accomplish their resolutions?
"New year, new me!"
But in reality, does that ever happen?
Most people give up after a month or two. Or sometimes, people quit within a week. But who can blame them?
Besides, you have to work for the 'new you'. It doesn't happen as soon as the new year starts.
So really, why is there such a saying if no one ever accomplishes it?
People may accomplish their goals/resolutions, but it seems that no one ever actually becomes the way they want to.
Let's say this year you want to improve your attitude or personality. It will take some time, but it's not impossible.
Let's say you accomplish this. Congrats! But do you feel like a new you? Or do you just feel better about yourself?
Maybe it's just me, but the whole "new year, new me" thing is ridiculous.
Let me know what you guys think about the whole thing.
Do you guys believe in the "new year, new me" saying?
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Anime, More then Just... Part 6
We have seen that anime can take us on a journey through our imaginations. That our hearts and minds gets engaged as we live through the lives of the characters. Every once and a while we come across issues of morality (right and wrong). I was watching episode 8 of Saga of Tanya the Evil "Trial by Fire". In the episode the soldiers from the empire was ordered to fire upon and kill civilians. This brought up the issue of right and wrong and morality in warefare. Tanya's troops were ordered to kill the civilians that stayed behind in the city. However Tanya first anounced that anyone staying in the city would be considered enemy soldiers of the empire. I am reminded of a true story of Seargant Alvin York. He was drafted into the army during WWI. Also he was a conscientious objector becuase of his religion. He did not want to kill. In October 1918, as a newly-promoted corporal, York was one of a group of seventeen soldiers assigned to infiltrate German lines and silence a machine gun position. After the American patrol had captured a large group of enemy soldiers, German small arms fire killed six Americans and wounded three. York was the highest ranking of those still able to fight, so he took charge. While his men guarded the prisoners, York attacked the machine gun position, killing several German soldiers with his rifle before running out of ammunition. Six German soldiers charged him with bayonets, and York drew his pistol and killed all of them. The German officer responsible for the machine gun position had emptied his pistol while firing at York but failed to hit him. This officer then offered to surrender and York accepted. York and his men marched back to their unit's command post with more than 130 prisoners. York was immediately promoted to sergeant and was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross; an investigation resulted in the upgrading of the award to the Medal of Honor. York's feat made him a national hero and international celebrity among allied nations. When asked why he killed, his response was, " I killed to save lives. I will continue later...
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The way it was.
I remember the days when all you had to do was worry about going to school and watching cartoons. Your elementary teachers who gave out hugs as much as they gave out candy and good advice. Maybe you had some homework that you threw off for awhile or it was easy and you got it done right away. Your teen celebrities that you had a crush on growing up. That summer camp you went to as a kid. When the only real issues you had to deal with was offline bullies and chores that you didn't really want to do but you did anyway. Friends you'd make. Or didn't make. Authentic people who truly cared about you and you them.
Now everything has changed so much. The teen idols you grew with are either on drugs, considered obsolete, or dead. Rent and Bills are your indefinite companions. Bullies are now cyber as well as tangible. People seem either fake or unconcerned. Cartoons you grew up with as a child are considered old school. Music now sounds the same with no variety. Losing so much now than you ever have as a child. And now using nostalgia as a way of coping with a horrid future.
I miss the way it was.
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